After several days of colder than average weather, it finally warmed up a little today. At least it warmed enough for me to run some errands. It feels good to be able to leave my apartment again without worrying about frostbite. I had spent several days staying at home, watching college football, playing computer games, but doing little of anything else. I need to get back into some regular routines. To that end I started lifting weights again today. I had been lazy about lifting this summer and fall. I had been quite lazy about exercise ever since I hurt my back. Sadly I gained back the weight I had lost a few years ago. I’m starting over in this regard. I know I can lose the weight again, it’s just a matter of doing so.
Still not sleeping as much as I used to. Which is alright with me as I used to sleep twelve hours a day during the summer. Now I’m getting like six hours a sleep every night. Yet I still feel quite rested. And I usually try to take an hour nap in the afternoon. Even with my reduced sleep, I rarely stay up all night now. Used to be I stayed up all night three nights per week and then sleep in the mornings. My sleep is returning to more normal patterns.
Been spending a little more time on social media the last few days, mainly to find out about people’s holidays’ plans. I don’t know if I’ll be back on facebook and twitter more from now on. It seems to me that many of my friends have just gotten burnt out on all the drama and fighting that has been so prevalent for the last few years. I wound up unfollowing many people because of the drama, including family members. So much for making people more connected. I think the older I get, the less use I have for drama and nonsense and the more uses I have for logic and intelligence.
Now that the weather is starting to break out of the cold spell and the holidays are over, I am at a crossroads. I realize I now have more freedom than I used to. During the holidays I avoid the stores because of the crowds and loud Christmas music and too bright displays. I’m also at a loss now that I won’t have much going on until spring. January through April has always been a slow but stable time of year for me. Mentally I am usually my most stable during the winters. And I usually get a lot of reading and writing done during the colder parts of year. I admit I love to read for my own enlightenment more than I do my entertainment. I consider learning entertainment. I know I am weird in that regard. But learning new things gives me joy, I don’t care if being an intellectual makes me a social outcast.
Since the holidays are now over, I can get back to some resemblance of normal routines. I plan on doing many audiobooks on youtube this winter. I’m thinking about using my Khan Academy account to learn some subjects I wish I had taken when in school. And I plan on doing more outside my apartment so I can have more material to write about. Overall I plan on making 2018 an excellent year.
Another Christmas has come and gone. I hosted Christmas at my apartment again this year and I got to celebrate with my parents. We had a big dinner and exchanged a few gifts. I got some clothes. As a child I wouldn’t have been excited about getting clothes, but clothes were what I was needing this year. Now the gathering of family and friends means more to me than getting and giving gifts. I guess since I live alone, if I need something I’ll usually buy it myself. And since I am a minimalist by nature and necessity, I usually don’t need very much most of the time.
In other news, one of my computers crashed on me recently. It depends on what’s wrong with it whether I’ll get it fixed or buy a new one. I’ve had that computer for two years and it’s crashed on me twice already. My Mac had issues at the same time. Fortunately I was able to save it without going to the shop because it was a fairly minor problem that took only a couple hours to solve.
Winter has officially arrived in my town. It’s been quite cold for several days and we had several inches of snow the weekend before Christmas. It looks like it will stay very cold for the next several days. Probably be staying home until this cold spell is over. It’s alright as I have some reading to catch up on. I usually do a lot of reading and writing when it’s too cold and snowy to be outside for long.
I have been quite stable for the last couple weeks in spite the changes in my sleep patterns. I’m sleeping less and waking up earlier. I’m now usually awake at sunrise, sleep for a couple hours in the afternoon, and stay awake until midnight. I haven’t noticed any changes in my moods or mental states yet. I’m glad things have been quiet in that regard.
Overall, I’m ready for winter. I won’t feel guilty about wanting to stay home for the next three to four months. Winter and spring are my favorite times of year.
It’s the middle of the night as I write this. Yet it feels like middle of the afternoon for me. My biologic clock is backwards compared to the rest of my neighbors. So I try to keep quiet at nights. I’m glad I don’t have any really loud hobbies.
Since my sense of time has been backwards for the last few weeks, I really haven’t been able to keep up much with news and friends. I haven’t even really been keeping up with the blog as much lately. But that is mainly because I haven’t had much to report lately. I’ve been feeling stable for months and besides being awake most of the night and sleeping until noon most days, I don’t have much to report. I haven’t gone this long without hallucinations or depression since I was in high school. I am still kind of anxious about driving, so I try to avoid high traffic times and areas. Unfortunately I still spend a lot of time indoors and not enough time outside. The weather will be turning cooler any day now as summer is all but over. I’m looking forward to cooler weather.
Mentally I am stable. Been stable for a real long time. Overall things are going alright. The only true complaint I have is that I’m up most of the night and sleep mainly when everyone else is awake. This would be a major problem if I still had a regular job or really had to be anywhere during the days. I’m going to try to get this reversed. I’ve been missing out on daylight hours for too long.
Been having weird sleep patterns the last couple weeks. Most nights I’m up really late, sometimes until sunrise. Then I’ll often sleep until noon and then again nap a couple hours in the late afternoons. Even though this odd sleep pattern is hurting my social life, I still feel mentally stable. It could be these sleep pattern changes are helping me cope with a traditionally tough time of year for myself. As it is I now usually do my grocery shopping and errands after sunset but no longer in the overnight hours like I used to. I prefer to stay home most nights and weekends anymore. I do most of my socializing by phone or Facebook. But I still feel like some things are missing by not meeting people in person.
Watched some baseball and opening weekend college football this weekend. Found out that my old high school live streams it’s football games on it’s Twitter account. So I got to see my old team play and I didn’t even have to leave my house. I wonder how many other high schools do that. So this was my first decent sports fix after weeks of living mainly off baseball.
I sleep well, but it’s when I sleep well that’s a problem. Anymore I tend to be my most awake when the rest of my apartment complex is asleep. I stay quiet, so much so that sometimes my neighbors never know when I’m home. But mentally I’m still stable. Physically I think I’ve lost a few pounds. This is a pleasant surprise because I haven’t been as physically active as previous summers. So I just cut back on what I eat. I usually eat two large meals a day that are rich in proteins and green vegetables like peas or green beans. I drink lots of water too. Sometimes if I’m feeling hungry I’ll have a large glass of water and wait. If I’m still hungry after about thirty minutes I’ll find a snack. But I don’t eat much sugar or bread. I do eat rice occasionally as it’s cheap, goes good with almost anything, and easy to make.
It’s been a long summer for me, but at least not a bad one. Fall is only a few weeks away and school is starting again. I’ve been feeling well this summer even if I have been real careful about what I do and who I interact with. Only a few more weeks and the nights will be longer and the weather will be cooling. I can hardly wait.
For most of the winter I had the problem of sleeping too much. I’d sometimes sleep until noon or even later and still be wanting to sleep by midnight. Now my problem is that I just have a real hard time staying asleep, especially in the overnight hours. Of course I’m concerned about this. Sometimes major problems follow large changes in sleep patterns for me. Getting good sleep is important for controlling mental illness problems.
This has been going on for several days. One of the changes I made in an attempt to get more consistent sleep is taking my medications earlier in the night. Sometimes my meds can make me sleepy. Another thing I have done is cutting back on caffeine after 4pm. I admit I love my caffeine, especially coffee and soda pop. But perhaps I’m getting more sensitive to caffeine as I age. But the cutbacks on caffeine make me less jittery but they aren’t helping me sleep much.
One advantage to sleeping less is I’m getting more done. I’m spending more time outside. I’m able to do laundry more often. I’m keeping less clutter around my apartment. Some of my habits have improved as I’m drinking more water and bathing twice a day now. I have always liked taking a hot bath right before bed. It helps me relax. And I think I’ve lost a few pounds in the last couple weeks because I’m more active.
I still sleep some in the overnight hours. I just usually don’t stay asleep for more than two hours at a time. Since I keep my windows open most of the time anymore, I can hear the birds singing in the early morning hours when I would have been sound asleep in the winter months.
As much as I enjoy being able to get more done and having more energy, I am concerned about the changes in my sleep patterns. I have traditionally had problems after major changes in sleep patterns. This concerns me as springs and early summers have traditionally been my happiest times of year. Spring has always been a favorite season of mine. I just hope that if any problems do come up because of this insomnia I’ll be able to handle them without having a blow up on my family or friends.
In addition to a change in the seasons, my routines have been changing too. I now stay up well into the night but I am sleeping less. I normally buy groceries in the early morning hours to avoid crowds but I have switched to shopping in the overnight hours. I have also found good deals on perfectly good but day old deli items this way. I think people would be sick if we truly knew how much food we in the developed world let go to waste.
Since I’m staying awake later I’m now reading more online articles and getting my youtube fix in the overnight hours too. I don’t mind the solitude of the overnight hours. Sometimes, thanks to Facebook, I can strike up short conversations with people from other parts of the world due to groups I’m involved with. While we in the U.S. are asleep, much of the world is wide awake. When my cousin lived in Japan, there was a fourteen hour difference between us. I’d chat with her at 10pm my time and she’d be at noon over in Japan.
I don’t mind the overnight hours. It gives me more time to read and write. I sometimes get interrupted during the day hours by phone calls and people knocking on my door. I normally don’t welcome interruptions, at least not initially. If it turns out the interruption is a good one, like a phone call from my parents or college friends, I’ll be glad it happened. I had one such interruption yesterday. I was taking a nap over the noon hour and my dad called. Had a good conversation with him. I welcome such interruptions. But if it’s someone trying to sell me something, I’ll usually either not answer or just hang up. I feel bad about just hanging up on people but it’s more polite than yelling at them.
I’m still getting used to being up much of the night and sleeping during the morning hours. But as backwards as keeping night hours is, it is better than when I was sleeping twelve hours a day during the winter months. Overall, I have felt quite stable the last several months. I still have my moments of anxiety and paranoia induced anger, but fortunately I haven’t acted on such impulses for a long time. I did have a flare up in early February and one last October. As intense as those were, they lasted only a couple hours. I just hope I never have problems like those in public. Most people still don’t understand mental illness or have empathy for it. Seems to me that mentally ill people are among the last groups of people in society it’s socially acceptable to discriminate against. But if other groups of people can break down barriers and be more socially accepted, then so can the mentally ill.
Even though it’s been a little more winter like the last few days, I can tell that spring is on the way. I’m starting to sleep less and even wake up earlier. I haven’t pulled an all nighter in over a week. I’m starting to do grocery shopping at night like I did in the past instead of at like 3 am. I’m chatting with friends more and starting to sort out my apartment. I had gotten lazy about cleaning since Christmas, so that was needing to change.
Mentally I’m as stable as I have been in a long time. I still don’t socialize much in person even if I make it a point to leave my apartment several times a day. Sometimes I leave for something as simple as getting soda pop at the convenience store just to get out of my apartment. I haven’t had any real bad flare ups for weeks. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t socialize that much or if I’m settling into a calm period. Late winters and springs are usually the most stable times of year for me. Late summers and early falls are always tough.
In other news, my niece and three nephews are coming to Nebraska for a few days over spring break. I haven’t seen those kids since last summer. It’ll be fun to touch base with them. I don’t get to see them very often. I do wish I lived closer to my brother and his family. Even though my brother and I weren’t close when we were growing up, I still think it’s important to keep touch with family members. Besides my parents are in their late 60s and they aren’t getting any younger. After a friend of mine told me her mom had cancer, it made me realize that easily could be my parents struggling with their health. And it got me thinking about my own health. Working against a chronic mental illness for twenty years has taken a toll on my physical health. I don’t get sick with viruses or infections very often, but I can tell I don’t have the physical strength I had even ten years ago. And people with schizophrenia tend to have shorter life spans to begin with. I can tell the stress of the mental illness is starting to wear me down. There is a connection between mental health and physical health I am convinced.
The winter is essentially over. We will probably have a couple more snows but they won’t be the type that stay around for weeks. I’m already starting to make plans for spring. And I’ll probably start spring cleaning and maintenance next week. I have a couple projects I need to get done that I’ve been putting off for weeks. It’s time to come out of my hibernation and winter exile.