Spring is here though I wouldn’t know it by the weather. Got a few inches of snow on Easter Sunday. Even though much of it has melted by now, it’s supposed to stay colder than normal early spring for the next few days. It’s a pity as I was looking forward to warmer weather and fewer excuses for staying indoors most of the time. As it is I probably won’t go anywhere until the weather finally warms up.
Been adjusting to new sleeping patterns. I’m going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. I still sleep only five to seven hours a night so I’m usually awake around sunrise anymore. During much of the winter I would sleep almost until noon. But the sleep patterns are changing with the seasons. So I must adapt accordingly. I still feel mentally stable even though I still have little desire to socialize much outside of friends and family. I still call my parents a couple times a week. Haven’t talked to my college friends much the last couple weeks. One old friend just had his first child a couple weeks ago, so I’ve been giving him his space as he adapts to fatherhood. Other friends I have lost contact with over the last few years, I want to reestablish contact with these. I also lost contact with some family members over the last few years I want to reconnect with. I just got busy with my life and my mental illness got such in some cases I just didn’t want to contact even friends. I lost many of my old interests over the last couple years. I haven’t gone fishing in almost two years. My back can flare up bad enough anymore that I don’t do much outdoors anymore. I can understand why people with chronic pain can sometimes be short tempered, especially if they were in good health in their younger years.
I’ve been fighting weight problems since puberty. Yet for the longest time in spite being over weight I didn’t have problems with mobility, pain, etc. When I was in college I could easily walk over five miles a day in spite weighing over three hundred pounds. Yet I think the chronic pain is catching up to me. I can use the car accident I had messing up my back as an excuse, but after the accident I got really depressed and quit doing most physical activities. I stopped going to the park regularly. I stopped walking around the old downtown. I stopped going to the library, preferring to read online articles and audio books instead. I stopped going fishing. I even stopped road tripping. I hate to admit it, but the car accident really took a lot of fire out of me. At least, I allowed it to take a lot of fire out of me. To this end I decided I want to get back on top of my health. I’m giving up on the sugary foods and soda pops. I’m going to cut the bread out. I’m cutting out most carbs. And I started lifting arm weights again. Oddly I got this idea from a pizza delivery lady who said she lost over fifty pounds just giving up sugar, bread, rice, and pasta. I am going to do the same thing. Started this over the weekend.
First I decided to track what I was eating. Took only a couple days to see I was eating mostly bread, pasta, canned soups, and meat. Explains why I’m not losing weight. While I’ll probably end up spending more money on groceries buying healthier and fresher food, if I lose weight it will be worth it. I’ve lost weight before. I once lost over seventy pounds in less than a year. Unfortunately I gained it all back over the course of three years. One of my blessings is I can usually lose weight pretty fast when I commit to it. Of course I also have the opposite curse, I can gain weight pretty fast when I am not careful about what I eat. I tend to be undisciplined about my diet when I go through bouts of depression and anxiety. But I’m going back to what worked in the past. Been eating mostly meat and fresh fruit the last few days. I’ve noticed I have a little more energy even after a few days. And since I kicked my fast food habit over the winter, I don’t think that will be much of a problem now. It’s just a matter of giving the time and effort to making the plans work.
I’m glad that spring is finally back. I’ve been getting outside a little more often, I’m keeping my place a little cleaner, I’m watching baseball most nights, and I’m even eating less too. I’m still not as physically active as I would like but I think it’s starting to come back. After my car accident in October 2015 I gained back most of the weight I had lost in the previous two years. I think I’m finally back on the right track. Since I still don’t have a great deal of stamina yet, I’m cutting back on calories as much as I can. This means I’m giving up most sugar and eating meat only once a day. I am also doing my best to avoid fried foods. After several weeks of eating less than usual, I think I’m in a new routine. I can’t even eat as much as I could last summer. One of my problems was, after my accident, I got depressed and lost much of my confidence. From there I just got lazy and ate a lot. I have made efforts over the last several weeks to break out of this vicious cycle. And I think I’m starting to see results.
I’ve also noticed my habits are getting better too. During the winter I had gotten kind of lazy about shaving and cleaning up as there were entire days I didn’t leave my apartment complex. I’m back into good habits like these again. I would hate to think I let my personal appearance slide just because I was depressed by lousy weather. But mental illness can do odd things to a person.
I’m starting to socialize some again. Not so much with my neighbors as I am family and old friends. I still don’t enjoy the fact that many of my neighbors are grumpy and irritable most of the time. I have been around that kind of negativity for years and I don’t want it dragging me down. I spent enough of my life being depressed, irritable, and a pessimist. I just don’t want that anymore.
I have been experiencing changes in my sleep patterns the last several weeks. I now usually stay up quite late and sleep in the mornings until usually noon. But I still get my sleep and am still able to do this blog two to three times per week. I am still able to socialize with friends and family in spite of my mornings being when I now sleep. I have adjusted to this new routine by doing my shopping and errands at night and scheduling my medical appointments for late afternoons. I look at it as no different than working a nigh shift job. My mother worked night shifts for years so I think it runs in the family.
Oddly I actually have felt more stable and calm during the last few weeks. Because of my overnight schedules I have been able to avoid problem neighbors whom have been causing me grief and irritation. The fact that I rarely hear from irritable and angry neighbors has made my stress levels go way down. I haven’t felt this calm and relaxed in a real long time.
Even though I’m not getting a great deal of physical activity as it’s still winter, I have found myself eating less. Most days I eat only two meals, drink a lot of water, and have a couple cups of coffee. I have found that caffeine can be an appetite suppressant for me. But if I have more than two cups of coffee at a time it can make me jittery and irritable. And I think I’ve even started to lose weight again because I’m eating much less.
I haven’t had problems with hallucinations and delusional thoughts lately. I think it helps that I still get good sleep, avoid stressful people and situations, and just pretty much have settled into a routine that has been helpful for the course of the winter.
My sleep patterns do vary throughout the year. During the summers I am often awake shortly after dawn and usually don’t sleep as much as the winters. I sleep the most and stay up the latest in the winters. But it evens out as winters are usually slow and uneventful times for me. I usually have my worst problems with schizophrenia in late summers and early autumns. I don’t know if it’s common for someone with my diagnosis to have seasonal aspects to the illness.
As of right now I am happy with my patterns and routines. I can still get things done and I don’t get bothered by irritable people as much as I normally do. I imagine as the days get warmer and longer I probably will start waking up earlier and hibernate less.
Weather has been nicer the last few days so I’ve been getting out a little more. Got restocked in time for the next round of snow to come through. I’ve been kind of lazy about writing more recently. But that’s really because I haven’t had much to report. I’ve been quite stable for a long time now. This is the longest unbroken period of stability I’ve had in almost two years. My mental health loves it but my writing routine is suffering because of the stability.
I’ve been eating less the last few weeks than usual. But that is by design. Even though I’m still not exercising very much, I am noticing small differences from the last few weeks. I make it a point to leave my apartment and drive my car a little each day. I used to go two to three days in a row without driving, especially early in the winter when it was so cold.
About the only real complaint I have is I sleep more than I would like. I usually stay up quite late and then sleep most of the morning. Some days I even sleep past noon. Needless to say this messes with my routines and my socializing. Since it still gets dark early I usually don’t get much sunlight. Sure I can read and get a lot done in the overnight hours, but I don’t get to socialize much because of my odd sleep patterns. I still get enough sleep and I keep mentally stable. It’s too bad I have no one to share this stability with outside of the internet.
Weathered the last winter storm alright. We didn’t get much snow but we had a lot of ice that made travel impossible for over two days. I spent those days indoors listening to free audiobooks on youtube. Between audiobooks and my regular books I’ve kept quite occupied this winter.
I decided that I want to get more serious about improving my physical health. I’m starting to lift arm weights again. I’m going to get a Fitbit in a couple days. And I’m going to schedule a checkup soon. My previous practitioner has retired so I have to find a new doctor. I haven’t been to a regular doctor for a couple years so I don’t exactly know where I stand physical health wise. I haven’t been physically sick other than an occasional cold for several years, so I think I might be doing something right on that end. I know I have gained a bunch of weight since my auto accident. After my back went out I got real lazy about exercise and dieting. I have been eating healthier since the weather turned colder. But I definitely want to get serious about my physical health again. I think I have the mental health pretty well set, at least for now. It’s been months since I had a breakdown and weeks since I’ve had any real depression or anxiety.
Right now I’m a third of the way through winter. I’ve adapted to the shorter days and colder weather pretty well. I’m not experiencing the crippling bouts of depression and boredom like I have in previous winters. I still keep odd hours. I stay up quite late and then sleep in until late morning most days. I don’t socialize much around my apartment complex. I don’t really drive much anymore either. I haven’t been outside of my town for weeks. But during the winter there really aren’t many places to go and the weather is too unpredictable for much travel. I keep occupied by online research and keeping in contact with friends and family most days. I’m looking forward to spring and warmer weather.
Been making some changes in my routines since Christmas. I am getting more physical activity, been eating less meat and more vegetables and rice. I have eaten in restaurants only twice since New Year’s Day. I have changed up my diet quite a bit. I no longer cook a lot of grilled and baked chicken and beef. Instead I pretty much eat mostly rice, vegetables, potatoes, and soup. I still don’t eat much bread. I get most of my carbs anymore through rice and potatoes. Neither potatoes nor rice make me feel as lethargic or bloated as large amounts of bread. Now I absolutely love sub sandwiches, but if I have more than one every couple days I’ll be feeling slow and sluggish.
I have been cleaning my apartment more often. I had been kind of lazy about this for a few months. But since I’m feeling much better and more stable I have found it easier to keep my place cleaner. My place may not make Good Housekeeping, but it’s still better than most college dorm rooms.
I am getting more social activity via Facebook. I had been kind of a ghost on social media besides promoting the blog for months because I didn’t want to be part of political discussions. While it feels good to be back in contact with extending family and college friends, it is unnerving that friendships can be strained by things as petty as political opinions. But I am glad I don’t have to hear about it for another few years.
Haven’t dealt with hallucinations for weeks. Haven’t had problems with delusions for awhile. Haven’t had issues with depression for almost two months. I am getting consistent sleep even though I tend to sleep in until late morning most days. My medications don’t make me sleepy and I think I am more effected by caffeine than I was a few years ago. Finding out the hard way that I just can’t drink as much caffeine as much as I used to. That is another new reality I have to learn to adapt to.
I’m still not venturing out of the complex as much. But it has been quite cold the last few weeks. But I am definitely saving money on gas by not driving as much. I drive only half of what I used to, so I buy gas only once a month anymore. I don’t mind as gas prices are going back up and I can do so much online anymore. I admit I spend a lot of time online anymore, far more than I did even five years ago.
Been reading much more lately. I still like reading about science and technology advances. I am finding that as fast as the advances are coming anymore, the science books I have are starting to become out of date even if they are only a few years old. I am finding out that Bill Gates was right when he said that people overestimate tech advances short term but underestimate them long term. Books I bought that were written even four years ago underestimated some of the advances we are seeing now. So to meet my desire for science and tech news I have to read more online periodicals and science blogs. I always liked science and wanted to make it my career since grade school. I have gotten to where I like reading science sites more than I do watching sports. I know I’m weird.
These are just a few of my new routines now that it’s winter and I’m feeling stability for the first time in months. I’m just enjoying it right now and I’m going to ride this hot streak for all it’s worth.
Took some time today to take care of my physical health by going to the dentist for my annual check up. Had no cavities or problems besides one of my older fillings needing replaced. I’ll get that done in a couple weeks. Everything checked out fine at the dentist. I wasn’t expecting any problems as I don’t eat much for sugary food anymore. Anytime I drink soda pop it’s sugarless soda anymore. It does feel good to have that taken care of for another year.
I haven’t been eating nearly as much these last two months. I especially haven’t eaten much this month. I usually eat only two meals a day and it’s mainly because I’m just not that hungry. I’ve noticed my food cravings really went down once I started taking a daily multi vitamin.
Mentally I’m feeling pretty stable. I occasionally feel short periods of anxiety and irritability. These usually happen shortly after I wake up. I’ve traditionally done better at night than day. I don’t take my anti anxiety medication anymore. Just haven’t needed it lately.
I’m exercising and getting outside some everyday. It helps that the weather is cooling off. Hopefully I can get a few more weeks of outdoor activity in before the cold weather hits.