After two weeks of a medication change, I’m beginning to notice differences already. Normally with psych medication, it’ll take a month at least to see any real effects. I’ve noticed that I’m sleeping less, I’m listening to more audiobooks, I’m less quick to anger and anxiety, I’m less depressed, I’m a little more active, and I think I’m eating less. For months I would eat two really large protein rich meals a day. I’m now eating three smaller meals per day. I’m also taking probiotics and multivitamins. I’m noticing fewer unexplainable aches and pains. I still sleep in my recliner because I’m just used to it now. My father slept in his recliner for years because of back problems.
I don’t have any plans for Independence Day at the moment. But I’ll probably stay near my apartment and watch the night fireworks from my apartment window. I’m probably going to keep my windows closed and my fans running during the days to block out the sounds of firecrackers. I no longer like the booming fireworks or the ones that sound like gunfire. There are a few Vietnam war veterans living in my complex who do the same things to try to block out the fireworks that sound too much like gunfire. My father is a Vietnam veteran himself and he tries to avoid loud fireworks too. I feel bad for these guys being spooked by fireworks that remind them too much of war. I imagine there are many people of my generation and younger now coming back from the Middle East who are starting to feel the same way too. It’s sad that in celebration of my nation’s beginnings that we often stress the ones who were in the military in the process.
I’m thinking about grilling some steaks on my electric grill that day too. I’ve gotten to where I dine out only once a week. I’m a decent cook and have come to the point where I prefer my own cooking over fast food. But it’s not like I can afford to eat in restaurants every day anyway. But I am eating my own cooking more and I think I feel better because of it. At least my diet now is a little more balanced. I still eat a lot of grilled meats, but I’ve also added some more vegetables and far more water.
I feel quite decent overall. I hope that by changing my medication routine that I am able to avoid the summer problems I have had in the past. August is usually the roughest time of year for me. But after twenty years of mental illness, I have figured out what to avoid and what to look for. I hope this summer goes better than previous summers. So far it is.
I’ve been on this new medication routines for two weeks. I’m noticing improvements. I don’t feel very depressed or paranoid anymore. In addition to a new medication routine, I’m also taking multivitamins and probiotics. I’m noticing that I have less unexplainable aches and pains. I am sleeping less than I was previously. I now average 8 to 9 hours a night whereas during the winter and spring I got almost 12 hours a night. Mentally I’m feeling more stable. Physically I’m feeling more energetic and getting a little more active with each passing day. I get out and socialize a little every day, even if it’s just when I go check my mail or go to the vending machine. Overall I’m feeling better than my usual summer fare.
Summer came a little early this year as it got real hot in early June and stayed that way for two weeks. Unfortunately my air conditioner broke down on me. So I’ve been using lots of fans and a window air conditioner unit for two weeks now. The repair man said I needed a new unit as the old one was over thirty years old. That’s supposed to be getting done within the next day or two.
Have dined out only once in the last week. For awhile when I was really depressed and paranoid, I didn’t do much grocery shopping and ate fast food at least once a day. It’s no wonder I was feeling sluggish and lethargic. Since I quit eating out every day, I’ve noticed I don’t have nearly as many aches and pains and I have more energy and actually want to be active. I’m also severely cutting back on sugar. I no longer drink sugared soda pop and I haven’t had candy bars or ice cream in months. I may not be losing weight as fast I would like, but I definitely feel better overall. And it’s all because of a few minor changes in medication routine and diet.
Been staying near the complex and avoiding the early summer heat the last few days. Bought groceries early this week so, in theory, I don’t have to leave the house for the next several days. I’ll probably have to stay at home tomorrow as I’ll be getting a new air conditioner and thermostat. My old air conditioner was almost forty years old and it broke down two weeks ago. So I’ve been using lots of fans and a portable air conditioner since. I’m glad that this problem will be solved soon.
I’ve been having a lot of issues hanging over my head for weeks that just seem to take longer then they should to get resolved. My sink was fixed a couple weeks ago. I started a new medication a week ago. I’ve been sleeping in a recliner for a week now as my lower back has been giving me pain. But I’ve been feeling quite stable mentally for the last several days. I don’t want to sleep all the time anymore. I’m usually awake quite early instead of sleeping until noon. I’m taking better care of myself. And I’m making a point to get out of my apartment to socialize with my neighbors for at least a few minutes every day. The socializing is going kind of rough as there aren’t any people in my apartment complex who share my interests or likes. Looking back on it, having three friends in here die within six months a couple years ago really effected me. I lost a lot of good conversations after that. So it’s tough finding things to talk about with people anymore.
Had an odd incident over the weekend. One of our tenants accidentally dropped his house keys down the crack in the elevator floor. The keys fell into the elevator shaft. And he cursed me out when I asked him what happened. This was an elderly tenant who doesn’t believe in things like mental illness or even disability insurance. I was taken aback at first by the viciousness of this tenant. But I stayed clam and didn’t respond to his verbal attack. I’m glad that I didn’t yell back at him. But I do wonder why he was mad at me for his gaffe.
Over the years, whether at work, school, or in public, the vast majority of the verbal abuse and threats I have received have been from people over fifty years old. I never could understand why elder people hate younger people. Yeah I’m getting older myself and having unexplainable aches and pains. But I refuse, flat out refuse, to take out my problems on young people or anybody else for that matter. I don’t understand people in general, but I especially don’t understand elderly people or people in places of authority. From what I have seen, it seems the older a person gets, the less empathy they have and the more impatient they become.
When I was working retail and fast food, the vast majority of the verbal abuse I got for not working fast enough came from elderly people. Sure I met some really cool elderly people who treated me well. But I just don’t understand why some people become mean and uncaring when they become older. I mean, older people are more apt to be serious about religion than younger people. Common sense would say those people would be more forgiving, loving, and charitable. Not always the case. I for one will not pull the same abuse on young people like what was pulled on me. I refuse to complain about how they dress. I refuse to complain about their music or movies or media. I’ve had my elders complain about me and my peers since I was in grade school. As if nine year olds are responsible for my country having such low test scores compared to most other developed countries. I just want to show more compassion and understanding to all people, younger and older alike, than what has been shown to me over the years. Humans must be the only species on the planet that actively seek to sabotage their offspring.
I just get tired of all the arguing and fighting all the time. I just want to live in peace with everyone as much as possible. I’m tired of always feeling like I have to look over my shoulder and be on guard at all times. Civilized people aren’t supposed look for arguments or fights. But that isn’t what I’ve seen for a long time.
It’s been a few days since I saw my psych doctor. We decided to add a third medication. I think it’s starting to work. I’m getting a little more active with each passing day, I’m starting to wake up earlier, I’m feeling less depressed, I’m feeling less paranoid, and I’m getting out of my apartment more often. So I think the psych appointment was a good idea. I see him again in a week.
I’m surprised at how fast I’m improving. I haven’t felt this decent in a while. I hope things keep improving.
I’m taking a detour from my mental illness posts for this entry. I readily admit to being a nerd. I always have been and I always will be. Since I grew up in a farming village in Nebraska and live in a smaller college town surrounded by corn fields and cattle ranches, I also could qualify as somewhat of a hillbilly or redneck. Accordingly to Jeff Foxworthy a redneck is simply someone with an obvious absence of sophistication. I admit I am not as sophisticated as my college friends from California or big foreign cities. So I am often finding myself stradling the fence between unsophisticated country people and intellectual types. I have both brainy and country interests. I love reading. I love fishing. I have experimented with writing computer code. I have also fired rifles. I have watched the late summer meteor showers at my family’s acreage after days…
A few days ago my family came to visit me. We spent the day cleaning my apartment. Once that was done I went to see my psych doctor. We decided to add a third medication and I’m supposed to see him again in two weeks.
Other routines that have changed is I’m waking up earlier and not staying awake all night like I used to. Since I’ve been having pains in my lower back again I’ve been sleeping in my recliner more. I still spend the bulk of my days in my apartment and alone. I still don’t want to leave my place very often. Even though I’m sleeping less I find myself wanting to sleep at the oddest times. I want to sleep but fortunately I can’t fall asleep whenever I want.
I’m still keeping in contact with old friends and family. At least that hasn’t fallen apart. But other than that I still don’t socialize much. I guess I’m only now starting to realize how far I have declined in the last year and a half.