Tag Archives: depression

March 8, 2026, Health Updates

Posted on by
1

Updates are due. Another season is starting. Health Updates are in order.

Weight Update
Even though the scale says I haven’t lost or gained weight in the last two months, all of the nurses, doctors, and even my family say I look like I am losing fat. Most of my gut is gone. My facial features have gotten sharper and better defined. My arms are almost skinny. My calves are no longer swollen. The swelling in my crotch is down enough to wear pants again easily.

Endurance
I can stand up regularly. Pivoting is still a chore. I sit up on the side of my bed several times a day because, well, I can now. Putting my bare feet on a cool tile floor feels good.

Blood Pressure Update
My blood pressure is under control enough now that I am now prescribed only one blood pressure medication on an “as needed” basis. I still have my blood pressure checked every morning. But half of the days I don’t need blood pressure medication anymore.

Mental Health Update
Mentally I am fairly stable. One of the doses of my psychiatric meds was cut shortly after I moved here six months ago. Over the course of six months, that original dose has been cut in half. I’m feeling better most days now than I did when I was on the full dose and living with my parents. I take only psych medications now. Nothing for anxiety or sleep. Considering how serious a diagnosis schizophrenia is, taking only two medications and having more good days than bad is pretty phenomenal.

Quality of Life Update
As far as help from the nurses’ aides, I need that only a few times a day now. I still take my meals in my apartment. What is the point of socializing while eating when the residents are either too hard of hearing to understand, too senile to follow a conversation, or always in foul moods. There is no reason for me to put up with irritable people anymore. Been putting up with them for long enough.

My pain is manageable now. I take Tylenol twice a day. My hands no longer hurt anymore; certainly not like they did at Christmas. I was having bad headaches for a couple days last week. They went away as mysteriously as they appeared.

Changes in Physical Appearance and Health
Decided to grow out my hair and beard. Haven’t had a haircut since last July. Trimmed my beard only twice since I moved into my new place. My hair is long enough to cover my ears but not long enough to touch my shoulders. Even with a few gray spots in my beard people tell me I still look at least ten to fifteen years younger than I really am. Some of my family say I look better than I did even ten years ago. Other than the fact I still have pain when I stand up, I feel better than I did back in 2015.

Social Life Health Update
Even though I don’t socialize with residents, I still socialize with the help every day. Made some friends among the aides, the nurses, and volunteers. My complex is in Oklahoma City, so it has an urban feel to it with lots of different people and cultures among the workers and volunteers. One of the items on my “Bucket List” I made in my twenties was to live in an urban area at least once in my life. Another item was to live in the suburbs at least once. I’ve accomplished both in the 37 months I have lived in Oklahoma.

Spring Has Sprung
Feels like spring here in Oklahoma City. I can hear birds singing every morning. We are getting rain again. We had bad thunderstorms in this state a couple days last week. But Oklahoma and bad spring storms go hand in hand.

Book Review: Surviving Schizophrenia: A Family Manual by Dr. E. Fuller Torrey

Posted on by
1

Dr. E. Fuller Torrey’s Surviving Schizophrenia is widely regarded as a foundational text for families, caregivers, and professionals navigating the complexities of schizophrenia. Now in its seventh edition, this book has stood the test of time as one of the most accessible and comprehensive guides on the subject.

A Compassionate and Practical Resource
Torrey, a psychiatrist with decades of experience in both research and clinical practice, approaches schizophrenia with deep empathy and clarity. He recognizes the confusion, fear, and emotional toll the illness can take on patients and families alike. His tone is reassuring yet candid, never sugarcoating the severity of the disorder, but always grounding his insights in hope and realism.

Structure and Content
The book is well-organized, covering a wide range of topics: definitions and diagnosis, symptoms, causes, treatments, navigating the mental health system, and tips for coping day-to-day. Torrey writes in plain language, making complex psychiatric concepts accessible without being simplistic. He intersperses scientific explanation with anecdotes and case studies, which humanize the condition and illuminate the real-life challenges of those affected.

Strengths

  • Comprehensive Scope: Whether you are just starting to learn about schizophrenia or are dealing with it firsthand, the book provides an in-depth overview of everything from medications and side effects to hospitalization and legal rights.
  • Family-Focused: As the subtitle suggests, it’s a manual for families. Torrey consistently centers the experiences of loved ones, validating their concerns while empowering them with tools and knowledge.
  • Historical and Political Context: Torrey doesn’t shy away from discussing the failures of the mental health care system, particularly in the U.S. He offers critical insights into deinstitutionalization, housing, and the legal system that add valuable context.

Criticisms and Limitations
Some critics have found Torrey’s views on involuntary treatment and the use of medication to be somewhat rigid or overly reliant on traditional psychiatric models. While he supports the use of antipsychotic medications as essential, alternative viewpoints (such as more psychosocial or recovery-oriented models) receive less attention. Additionally, the book’s medical tone and length may be overwhelming for readers in the midst of a crisis.

Conclusion
Surviving Schizophrenia remains one of the most important and enduring resources on this difficult and often misunderstood condition. Dr. Torrey’s combination of clinical rigor and personal compassion makes the book not only informative but deeply humane. While it may not fully reflect newer perspectives in psychiatric care, it is nonetheless indispensable for families seeking to understand and support a loved one with schizophrenia.

Recommended for: Family members, caregivers, social workers, students of psychology/psychiatry, and anyone seeking a comprehensive introduction to schizophrenia.

How Someone with Schizophrenia and No Job Can Prepare for the AI Revolution

Posted on by
1

The rapid rise of artificial intelligence (AI) is transforming every aspect of life—from how we work and learn to how we communicate and get healthcare. For someone living with schizophrenia and currently unemployed, the idea of keeping up with these changes might feel overwhelming. But the truth is, there are small, realistic steps anyone can take to prepare for the AI revolution—and they don’t require perfect mental health, a job, or a tech degree.

Here’s a five-minute guide to help you start preparing in a way that respects your pace and your well-being.

1. Understand That You’re Not Alone

First, know this: many people—whether or not they have mental health challenges—feel uncertain about the future of AI. You are not behind. You are not excluded. The AI revolution isn’t just for tech experts or people with jobs. In fact, AI could improve access to mental health care, education, and even new kinds of flexible, remote work that are better suited for people dealing with conditions like schizophrenia.

2. Start Learning, One Step at a Time

You don’t need to understand how AI works to benefit from it. But learning the basics can help reduce fear and build confidence. Consider watching short YouTube videos or listening to podcasts that explain AI in simple terms. Focus on questions like:

  • What is AI?
  • How is it used in everyday life?
  • How could it change the job market?

Some platforms, like Khan Academy or Coursera, offer free courses you can take at your own pace—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.

3. Focus on Skills That AI Can’t Replace

While AI can do many things, it struggles with emotional intelligence, empathy, and human connection. These are areas where you can shine. If you’re able, consider building soft skills such as communication, problem-solving, or even peer support for others with mental illness.

Many communities have support groups that offer basic job-readiness training or volunteer opportunities. These experiences can help you build structure and confidence without the pressure of a traditional job.

4. Use AI to Help You, Not Replace You

AI tools like ChatGPT can help with job preparation, scheduling, writing, and even emotional support. For example:

  • Need help writing a resume? AI can draft it.
  • Want to practice job interviews? AI can simulate them.
  • Struggling to organize your day? AI can suggest a routine.

Using AI as an assistant—rather than seeing it as competition—can empower you to take small steps toward employment, education, or creative projects.

5. Protect Your Mental Health First

Schizophrenia is a serious condition that often requires consistent care. Preparing for the AI revolution doesn’t mean pushing yourself beyond your limits. Prioritize stability and wellness. Make sure you’re keeping up with your treatment plan and staying connected to your care team.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, pause. AI will still be here tomorrow. Progress can be slow and nonlinear. That’s okay.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to become an expert in AI. You just need to be open to learning, a little at a time. With the right tools, mindset, and support, even someone facing the challenges of schizophrenia and unemployment can find their place in a changing world.

The future isn’t about competing with machines—it’s about being more human than ever. And that’s something you’re already doing.

More Mobile, Losing Weight, Spring Storms, and New Books by Zach Foster

Posted on by
2

Updates are in order. I can now transfer from my recliner to the bed to the wheelchair on a daily basis. I no longer have knee pain, but I do have some ankle pain. I have to stand up and sit down a few times over the span of several minutes before I can easily get rolling, especially if I have been laying down all night in bed.

In short, the knee pain that has been the bane of my existence for the past seven years is gone. Now I have to work on my ankle strength. To this end I’m starting an exercise routine I learned from a physical therapist to rebuild my ankles.

I haven’t weighed myself for a few months, but I think I’ve lost weight. I’m carrying less fat, especially around my stomach and thighs. My arms no longer jiggle. My shirts fit a lot better. The swelling in my crotch has gone down considerably. I know my apatite is smaller than it used to be.

One of the reasons for the fat loss in spite of the little physical activity, is for the strict diet I have. I limit when I eat and how much I eat. I still occasionally eat pizza, burgers, and friend fish. But I have cut back on portions. I large pizza can make at minimum two meals for me, more often three. I do like Long John Silver’s for their fish and corn balls. But it’s only a once-a-month tradition when my dad brings it home after he visits his doctor at the VA.

The weather is warming up and definitely feels like spring. We are having wildfires here in Oklahoma. Won’t be too long before we have thunderstorms and tornadoes every few days. The storms down here are really bad, especially the spring storms. Winter storms are more bearable even if they bring more ice than what I’m used to growing up in Nebraska. Whatever snow and ice we get in Oklahoma is gone within a couple of days. But 500 miles north in Nebraska, the snow can stay around all winter and it’s usually too cold for just rain turning to ice most of the times. Snowstorms dumping over a foot of snow are an annual occurrence back in Nebraska.

I recently uploaded an e-book to Amazon in addition to the Hillbilly Scholar one I already have. It’s called Blasting Mental Illness Myths by Zach Foster. It’s not up just yet as I loaded it only a few days ago.

This is the link to the Hillbilly Scholar e-book

https://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Hillbilly-Scholar-Zach-Foster-ebook/dp/B005ESFWNI/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3BR1YVX065QOH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.uACjiqLKg7iYywHEerIRWw.oEkfijpANSjGwxPnP5W80vUEWYv8vkD3FHYTL6VTGsg&dib_tag=se&keywords=wisdom+of+a+hillbilly+scholar&qid=1742162715&sprefix=%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1

The Future of Home Care: Robots and Independence

Posted on by
1

My caseworker and my parents are trying to get me into a long-term care facility. I really don’t want to go back to one of those. I despise the idea of losing my freedom and finances. I just as well be sent to prison as far as I’m concerned.

I live in a house with no stairs. But the doors aren’t wide enough for a wheelchair. Any suggestions I make to widen the doors fall on deaf ears. It burns me that I still have all of my intelligence but might still have to go to a long-term care facility because of lack of handicap access.

I would like to get a home health aide that comes in once a day to help with things. I had to fire my cleaning lady a few months because she wanted me to sign off on her billing her company for time she didn’t work. Can you say disability fraud? Glad I got rid of her.

I watch a lot of videos and news programs talking about the possibility of humanoid robot assistants becoming available to the public within a few years. Yet about the only people who don’t think I’m totally full of crap when I talk about this are some friends online and my older brother.

My thinking is that I hold on for a few more years and get a home health robot to help around the house since none seem to be available for me. Hell, it took a miracle for me to get onto a service where a doctor comes to see me in my house every six weeks. We found out about this, not through my case workers, but from a friend in my mom’s church.

I’m afraid that I will get sent off to a nursing home due to lack of mobility, lose my freedom, lose my money, and lose the family house just right before EVERYTHING changes with home robots, automation, AI, improved personalized healthcare, and possibly even Medicare for All.

One thing I despise about being on disability is that my earnings are limited before I’m totally thrown out of the system. And since the USA refuses to act like a civilized nation and institute Universal Healthcare, I’m stuck in poverty just so I can get my treatments. And I’m damn sick of it.

I lived in a long-term care facility once for eight months. Hated damn near every second of it. Had no freedom. Had no privacy. I was chastised for not socializing with the other residents even though most were senile and or nearly deaf. The only thing worse would have being in prison.

I don’t really tell my parents how much I despise the idea of going to a home. In the first damn place, I don’t think I would need one if the house was more wheelchair accessible. But they won’t entertain the thoughts of making the house more wheelchair accessible. All they would have to do is widen the doors to my bedroom, the bathroom, the front door, and the back door.

As far as transportation goes, that is being solved already in spite of the run around I get from social services. My brother bought a Tesla with self-driving capabilities back in the spring. Just the other day he and my niece had to go to Kansas City (which is about six hours from our town). During the trip up and trip back, the car did over 98 percent of the driving on autopilot. I was calling this almost ten years ago. Now it’s pretty well mainstream.

I had a car accident in late 2015 that really screwed up my back and knees. I was talking about how nice self-driving cars would be when they become available. I remember one of my Facebook “friends” said, and I quote, “It will be a cold day in Hell before self-driving becomes a thing.” That was less than 10 years ago. Bust out the parka and long johns, because it’s getting awful damn chilly these days.

I’m seeing the same attitude towards robotics that I saw against driverless cars about 7 to 9 years ago. I have given up on trying to convince people that humanoid robot assistants will be a bigger game changer than even smart phones, military drones, or even the internet itself. Most people don’t want to listen, let alone people of my parents’ generation.

Once during the pandemic, I joked in one of my futurists’ groups on Facebook about having a goal of riding in a self-driving electric car with a robot friend, smoking a marijuana cigar, while driving past a police station before June 14, 2030 (my 50th birthday). If I can hold out for long enough to get a home help robot and I don’t get sent to a home before then, I’m going to make that dream come true, so help me God.

Even if my parents go get too impatient and send me to a nursing home before I can make my dream of robot assisted independence come true, I’m going to do everything within my power to get well enough that I can leave. If my parents don’t want to make our house wheelchair accessible, well that’s their hangups. Sucks to be elderly and not see the possibilities that probably will come by the end of the decade.

Hell, I want them to fight me on this. I want people to tell me what can and can’t be done/ I want people to throw up roadblocks. I want to be told I’m a liar and I’m full of shit. I have made an entire life of coming back from setbacks and proving people wrong. Their hatred and nay saying will just make my story telling even more interesting than it already is.

After surviving 25 years of schizophrenia, 16 years of Section 8 Housing, 3 years of congestive heart failure and being wheelchair bound, I’ve lost most of my fears. I don’t want things to be fair or easy for me. Life isn’t fair. I figured that out when that I was six years old. I figured out that life isn’t fair before I figured out Santa Claus was fake. I’ve been fighting my entire life. Why should the next few years before some major breakthroughs be any different? I have nowhere to go but up. And I’ll be damned to let even family stand in the way of my freedom and independence.

The Impact of Change: Christmas Musings on Life and Health

Posted on by
Reply

I’m having a good Christmas season so far. Got to talk with some old friends over the phone for over an hour today. She found a new job a few weeks ago that pays more than any job she ever had. Her husband (also a friend of mine) is still working 60+ hours a week as a delivery driver. They think he will try to find something in academics soon now that they aren’t living paycheck to paycheck anymore.

Our conversation covered mostly history and geopolitics. I don’t have many friends I can talk about those things with anymore. Most of my friends are having tough times with mid life crisis kind of things. I miss those conversations about history and current events. It was like being back in college, if just for only one hour.

I sleep most of the daylight hours anymore. I think part of it is depression and part of it is anemia. I’m not looking forward to probably having to go back to a long term care facility. But my mobility isn’t coming back and my house isn’t handicap accessible. My parents aren’t in good health and probably have only a few years, at best, left. Part of me all three of us won’t make it to see 2030.

It really breaks my heart to be in decline just right as things are really changing science and tech wise. I am convinced that we as a society will make more scientific progress in the next 20 years than we made in the previous 300. That is, if the politicians and voters quit screwing up.

Dealing With My Physical Decline and My Friends Who Refuse to Acknowledge Decline

Posted on by
1

Saw my home health nurse today. My mobility isn’t coming back like I had hoped at all. I’m still angry about physical therapy giving up on me after only one month. I’m angry that no long term care facility had a place for me.

It’s pretty damn obvious at this point that I am wheelchair bound and need accommodations. My case worker sees it. My home health nurse sees it. My doctor sees it. My parents see it. Hell, I saw it long before anyone. About the only people who are still in denial are my friends about my age. People can be awful stupid about some things.

My friends are the type of people who believe anything is probable, not possible, through positive thought and hard work. Hell, the believe if I don’t achieve mobility and good health again, it’s all my doing. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

I think my friends are in denial because it would force them to reflect on their own mortality and that they aren’t young anymore. It would also force them to reflect on the fact that one can do everything right and still lose big. Sometimes things just happen for no reason. My life is a prime example of this.

Possible Uses for AI and Mental Illness Treatments

Posted on by
Reply

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is revolutionizing numerous fields, and mental health care is no exception. The application of AI in mental health treatment is an emerging frontier that holds promise for significantly enhancing the way mental illnesses are diagnosed, treated, and managed. AI-driven approaches offer innovative solutions that can lead to personalized, efficient, and accessible mental health care. This essay explores the potential treatments for mental illness made possible by AI research, focusing on diagnostic tools, personalized treatment plans, therapeutic interventions, and ongoing monitoring and support.

Diagnostic Tools

One of the most promising applications of AI in mental health is in the realm of diagnosis. Traditionally, diagnosing mental illnesses relies heavily on subjective assessments and self-reported symptoms, which can be influenced by various biases and may not always be accurate. AI can enhance diagnostic accuracy by analyzing vast amounts of data from various sources, including electronic health records, genetic information, and even social media activity.

Machine learning algorithms can identify patterns and correlations that may not be evident to human clinicians. For example, AI can analyze speech patterns, facial expressions, and other behavioral indicators to detect signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions. Natural language processing (NLP) techniques can be used to assess the content and sentiment of patients’ spoken or written communication, providing additional insights into their mental state. These AI-driven diagnostic tools can serve as early warning systems, flagging potential issues before they become severe and facilitating timely intervention.

Personalized Treatment Plans

AI has the potential to revolutionize the development of personalized treatment plans for individuals with mental health conditions. By leveraging data from diverse sources, including patient history, genetic information, and real-time monitoring data, AI can help tailor treatments to the specific needs and characteristics of each patient.

Machine learning models can predict how patients might respond to different treatments based on their unique profiles. This can include pharmacological treatments, such as selecting the most effective medication with the fewest side effects, as well as non-pharmacological interventions like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness practices. AI can also optimize treatment plans by continuously learning from patient outcomes and adjusting recommendations accordingly. This dynamic, data-driven approach can enhance the efficacy of treatments and reduce the trial-and-error process often associated with mental health care.

Therapeutic Interventions

AI-driven therapeutic interventions are another exciting development in the treatment of mental illnesses. Chatbots and virtual therapists, powered by AI, can provide immediate support and therapeutic guidance to individuals in need. These AI-based systems can engage in conversations with patients, offering cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques, stress reduction strategies, and other therapeutic interventions.

For instance, AI chatbots like Woebot and Wysa use NLP to interact with users, providing them with evidence-based techniques to manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. These tools can be especially beneficial for individuals who may not have easy access to traditional therapy due to geographic, financial, or time constraints. While AI-driven interventions are not a replacement for human therapists, they can serve as a valuable supplement, providing support between sessions and reaching underserved populations.

Ongoing Monitoring and Support

AI can also play a crucial role in the ongoing monitoring and support of individuals with mental health conditions. Wearable devices and mobile applications equipped with AI algorithms can continuously track physiological and behavioral data, such as sleep patterns, physical activity, heart rate, and social interactions. By analyzing this data, AI can detect early signs of relapse or deterioration in mental health and alert patients and their caregivers to take proactive measures.

Moreover, AI can facilitate continuous communication between patients and healthcare providers. For example, digital platforms can enable patients to log their symptoms, medication adherence, and mood changes, providing clinicians with real-time data to make informed decisions about treatment adjustments. This continuous feedback loop can enhance patient engagement, improve treatment adherence, and ultimately lead to better mental health outcomes.

Ethical and Practical Considerations

While the potential of AI in mental health care is immense, it is essential to address ethical and practical considerations. Privacy and data security are paramount, given the sensitive nature of mental health information. Ensuring that AI systems are transparent, explainable, and free from biases is also crucial to maintain trust and efficacy.

Furthermore, the integration of AI into mental health care should be done in a way that complements, rather than replaces, human clinicians. The human touch remains indispensable in providing empathy, understanding, and personalized care that AI cannot fully replicate.

Conclusion

AI research holds the promise of transforming the treatment of mental illnesses, offering innovative solutions for diagnosis, personalized treatment, therapeutic interventions, and ongoing monitoring. By harnessing the power of AI, mental health care can become more accurate, efficient, and accessible, ultimately improving the lives of individuals struggling with mental health conditions. However, careful consideration of ethical and practical issues is necessary to ensure that these advancements are implemented in a responsible and beneficial manner. As AI continues to evolve, it will be exciting to see how it can further contribute to the field of mental health, providing hope and healing to millions around the world.

Labor Day 2023 and My Labor of Love

Posted on by
Reply

Today was Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer. I can tell the days are getting shorter and the sun sets earlier. I’ll be so glad once cooler weather starts up for good. Didn’t do much this Labor Day weekend besides reading and some writing. Been sharing some of my older posts from years ago. Some of those seem as relevant as ever. Shared some posts I wrote during the pandemic. Hard to believe that all started only three years ago. Feels like ten years ago some days.

Everything I have set out to accomplish since I moved to Oklahoma seven months ago is accomplished except for finding my own place. I have zero idea when a place will open up. Could be any day. Could be several years from now. Currently living in the guest room of my parents’ house. Yes, it is a blow to my pride being a 43-year-old man living with my elderly parents even if I buy my own food and pay my share of the utilities. But I know people who have it far worse. People sometimes tell me I’m lucky to be disabled and get cheap health care and a pension for not being able to work. Sadly, they are right. But I think my being lucky says far more about our current system than anything.

Believe it or not, I would love to be cured of schizophrenia and heart failure. I would love to work again, preferably be self-employed though. I have always worked long and hard. Always will. Even on disability I easily spend 60 to 80 hours a week on reading, writing, and researching. Have ever since I left my last “traditional” job back in 2012. If anything, I work harder and longer now than I ever did when I worked for someone else. I didn’t do nearly as much writing and research when I worked for other people, especially in my twenties. I do more reading and writing now than I ever did even in college. I just don’t get paid or credit for it.

I don’t really care if I don’t get paid for my writing and research. I don’t care if many people agree with me on anything. I write because that is what I am good at. I don’t care if it makes me even a cent. I will continue to write as long as I am mentally sharp enough to. Unlike most physical skills, mental skills don’t usually deteriorate until old age. It’s why even though I have physical health problems, I can still manage my life. I write because I have a mental and even physical need to. If I make money, it’s cool. If not, no big deal.

Looking Forward to Autumn, Friends and their Mid Life Crises, Dealing with Extreme Weather, and Refusing To Tolerate Stupid and Rude People Anymore

Posted on by
Reply

Saw my general practitioner a few days ago. My blood pressure is stable and good. Everything else seems to be going alright. School started here in Oklahoma City last week. My parents will probably be going to school activities again once the weather cools down. With as hot as it’s been the last several days, it’s hard to believe that autumn is only a few weeks away. First college football games start next week. I guess I’ve lost interest in most sports besides the Olympics and World Cup. My interests have changed as I aged.

Haven’t had much contact with most of my friends all summer. Seems like most of them are going through midlife crises and are very angry and upset all the time. I’m grateful I went through my worst trials in my twenties. I don’t think I could start over at this point in my life, certainly not while fighting schizophrenia and heart failure. I still get depressed and despondent a few times per week. I definitely don’t like socializing in person. Most people are too obnoxious, rude, and angry anymore. My parents went to visit my brother and his family a few days ago. I made the point of not going to see them. I just hate socializing with people who refuse to back down and try to make everything a battle. I have enough inner battles of my own.

My best friend is suffering really bad right now. She’s always depressed and irritated. Has been for a couple of years. But this is worse than normal. I reach out to her when she goes on about no one reaching out, but she goes almost silent when I do try to get her to open up. It’s depressing to watch my friend of 30 years on the downward spiral. I try to tell her family that this isn’t normal. Naturally, no one is listening. It has always angered me when people ignore obvious facts. I never understood the line of thinking that a problem will go away if it’s ignored long enough. I swear, no one learns from the mistakes of the past or even their own. It’s really aggravating. It’s like some people want to self-destruct.

I sleep a lot in the afternoons lately. Helps me to avoid the worst of this summer heat wave. We knew climate change was coming for decades. We didn’t do enough to prevent it, let alone adapt to it. I am encouraged that renewables and next generation nuclear is being rapidly adopted. It still angers me that my nation pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord.

It also angers me that many of my countrymen (including most of my family) actively fight against the rebuilding and reinforcing of our nation’s infrastructure. I get that maintaining water systems, power plants, and highways aren’t as sexy as spending taxpayer money on defense and advanced research, but seriously, who doesn’t need clean running water or highway bridges that won’t collapse. We in the US have known our roads, railways, power grids, etc. weren’t keeping up with demand for many years. Only now are we truly addressing it. We’re also starting to bring back much of our manufacturing (granted it’s primarily done by machines). Interest rates are finally going back up, which they were artificially low for at least 20 years. I heard people complain about low interest rates. And now those same people are complaining about rates going up. Make up your minds already.

This level of insanity and cognitive dissonance are two big reasons I refuse to attend social functions anymore. It’s absolutely painful to listen to people howl on about things they know nothing about. I know nothing about quantum physics or marathon running, but I won’t comment on either one. Neurotypical people are absolutely frustrating. They aren’t even worth the trouble anymore, at least not as far as I can tell.

It’s one of the reasons I’m actually kind of glad a new place hasn’t opened up for me. At least here in the suburbs I don’t have to socialize if I don’t want to. At least I have some privacy, even if I do live in my mom’s guest room. Yes, I am a 43-year-old schizophrenic man living with his mom and dad. Never mind that I lived on my own with this diagnosis for over 18 years. I should be ashamed to live with my parents because so many people tell me I should be. But I’m not. Most people have zero clue with mental illness means. It’s one of those things no one will understand until it affects them personally or someone they care about. But cases of mental health problems are increasing. And they will continue to increase until we stop shaming people for the so-called weakness. I am glad that mental illness is easier to talk about publicly now than 20 years ago. I just hope the younger people struggling with mental health problems don’t have to suffer alone like I did in my teens and twenties. It is not weak to talk about problems. Never has been.

In some ways I’m not really looking forward to moving out on my own again. It’s actually nice to have some help around the house now that my mobility is gone. Not having easy access to interpersonal assistance is the biggest regret I have about not getting married. Yet, the mental illness would probably have made me impossible to live with. That, and I think people give up on marriages, friendships, employees, jobs, etc. too easily anymore. I just didn’t trust anyone enough to believe they wouldn’t abandon me when things got bad. I never will trust anyone enough to believe they won’t abandon me when things get tough. Everything is conditional and negotiable as far as I’ve seen. That’s pretty much the story of civilization. Nothing lasts forever. Sadly, neither do friendships and marriages. And I certainly don’t trust my neighbors anymore. I’m really not looking forward to returning to public life.

If I had my way, I’d just stay in my parents’ house and take over after they die. I know social security disability will allow disabled people to own their own house. But I’m not sure I could afford the property taxes in the suburbs. There are lots of Uber drivers and public transit available even in the suburbs. My brother and his family probably aren’t moving, barring anything major. Electricity is quite cheap down here, probably be even more so if we got solar panels and backup batteries installed on the house. Some of my neighbors have those. Every time I go out on the town, I see at least one Tesla. It feels good to finally live somewhere that seems to actually want to be part of the 21st century. I’m loving it. Wished I would have moved here years ago.