Been going through changes the last several days. I finally broke my habit of staying up all night and then sleeping much of the day. Took a few months to break that habit. Now I’m usually up around 6 am and in bed by 10pm. And yet my routines don’t feel that different. I’ve been getting out of the apartment more and spending time outdoors. It helps that the weather has turned cooler.
Even though I leave my apartment several times a day, I still haven’t been outside of my hometown for several weeks. While I still have a little phobia about driving, I do drive more than I used to. It’s just that it’s all in town and stop and go driving. I really don’t have much choice but to overcome my fear of driving as my hometown doesn’t have good public transit. Fortunately I can everything I need within city limits. That’s one of the advantages of living in a college town that the farm village I grew up in never had. As it is, I have to buy fuel for my car only once a month anymore. Used to be I had to buy every week when I lived with my parents when I was in high school and college.
Didn’t go out for Halloween. I stayed home and watched a few supernatural thrillers and listened to the old ‘War of the Worlds’ radio broadcast on youtube. Spent most of my nights in October watching playoff baseball. So I guess I have to find a new way to spend my evenings.
Overall I feel pretty calm and content. I still have auditory hallucinations a couple times a day, usually hearing footsteps that aren’t there or my phone ringing when no one is calling. The real odd thing is that most of my hallucinations now come shortly after I wake up and before I get out of bed. I still get enough sleep. I think the consistent sleep helps keep me stable. I still avoid rude, obnoxious, and irritable people as much as I can. That definitely helps keep me stable even if it does hurt my social life.
At this point of my life, I have come to the conclusion that small talk and casual acquaintances are overrated. Most people simply don’t have deep and connecting conversations with very many people. I would rather bond to some family members and a few close friends as opposed to have lots of meaningless casual conversations with legions of fair weather friends. I love being an introvert. Most of my friends are deep thinking introverts. Being a people person is something that does not come natural to me. On top of that, I think it’s overrated. It doesn’t bother me that I sometimes spend entire days alone without talking to anyone at all. I rather enjoy my privacy and freedom to think and explore different ideas. I really don’t enjoy socializing that much. Most times, people won’t talk about anything beyond the weather, sports, or how much they hate their job. To me, it gets boring and mind numbing really quick. I wouldn’t be much fun at a cocktail party. Even though I’m not sure I could qualify, I think it’s too bad my hometown doesn’t have a MENSA chapter or some social group similar. I really crave intelligent conversation and mental exercise. Learning new things actually gives me joy and makes me feel good physically. Unfortunately I don’t get this much when socializing with most people. I have painfully found out that many smart people have lousy social lives. I am no exception.
Been going through a few changes the last couple weeks. I have finally gotten over the need for 10 to 12 hours a sleep every night. I now usually get 6 to 8 hours anymore. This has been going on for a little over a week. I’m still getting used to the new found extra time. I was so used to being rushed during the winter as I had only a few hours window of when I could run errands and schedule doctor appointments. So I think my sleep issues are cured. And I didn’t even have to take sleep pills for it. About the only thing I can think of I’m doing different is limiting my caffeine. When I do have caffeine it’s usually soda pop and only once or twice a day. I haven’t drank coffee in weeks. I’ve noticed I’m less jittery too since I reduced the caffeine.
I’m getting more active. I try to leave the apartment a few times a day just to get out and about. I’ll get out even for something as simple as going through the drive thru at McDonald’s for a couple cheeseburgers. I usually keep my windows open until noon. Since it’s almost summer now, it gets too hot to leave the windows open all day. We’ve had a nice and long enough spring I was used to leaving windows open most days. Started lifting arm weights a few days ago. Too soon to tell any real difference. Started taking multi vitamins again. I’ve noticed my aches and pains are not as pronounced now. I knew vitamin deficiency could lead to problems. I probably wasn’t getting enough as I tend to eat low carb and high protein diets.
But, not all the changes I’ve experienced have been positive. Found out my best friend’s mother is on hospice for cancer and isn’t expected to live much longer. Sad deal. So we’ve been chatting back and forth via Facebook quite a lot the last few weeks. She’s understandably sad and shaken by the whole deal. I wish I could do more for her. But she lives out of state and there’s only so much I can do over the internet.
As the seasons are changing, so are many aspects of my life. Besides my best friend soon to be losing her mother, most of these changes are welcomed. I wish my best friend nothing but the best as she works through the grief of losing her mom.
Knee pains have finally passed. Felt good enough to go out and buy groceries this morning. So I’m set for another couple weeks. I was getting tired of having to eat out and do drive thru because of my bad knee. I can tell that when I eat fast food regularly my physical and mental health suffer some. Also started taking some multi vitamin pills a few days ago. That seems to help with some lingering pain. Makes me feel a little more energetic.
I’m back to where I’m not sleeping as much as I did over the winter and spring. Maybe it’s the longer daylight hours. Maybe losing a few pounds has helped with my sleep patterns. I still can’t walk as far as I could even two years ago. But I think if I keep doing the two high protein meals a day, avoid sugar as much as possible, and keep drinking lots of water I can get back into better health.
Since I’m not experiencing knee pains anymore, my mood has improved. I’m not as depressed as I once was. I’m getting out of my apartment more. I’m breaking up some of my in home routines. I’m trying out some new computer games I bought a few months ago I only dabbled in. I guess I finally got burned out on Civilization, Sim City, and Skyrim. I still read a lot, granted mostly online articles, blogs, and science journals. I trying to get back into more contact with old friends. And I want to bring some old friends back into the fold I lost contact with over the last few years.
Next week is my birthday. I’ll be 37 years old. Mentally I’m more sharp than ever and the mental illness doesn’t have the ups and downs it used to. Physically I don’t have the endurance I did even a few years ago. I get unexplainable aches and pains more often. I wake up more in the middle of the night. I’m even more cold sensitive then I used to be. Being a fat man, I could easily go through much of a fall or even winter with just a light jacket unless it was blizzard conditions. Finding that I can’t do that as well anymore. I have found that I am sometimes more set in my ways than I would like. I tend to shop in the same stores, eat in the same four or five restaurants, eat the same things all the time, watch similar types of shows on youtube and netflix, etc. At least I haven’t yet gotten to where I’m complaining about the kids all the time. I remember what it was like being ragged on by my elders all the time when I was growing up. I hated it then and I still hate it when people in my age bracket rag on their kids. I just hope that as I age and my physical health starts to decline even more that I don’t become one of these bitter and angry old men I see too much of. I hope I can be an encouragement to people to all ages. I just want my little corner of the world to be a better place because I was alive.
I’m now a week into the changed medications routines. I’m starting to notice a difference already. I’m starting to wake up earlier. I’m sleeping less. I don’t want to sleep as much. I’m starting to get a little more active. I’m starting to have fewer aches and pains. I’m more stable mentally. I just don’t have the ups and downs like I used to. I recover quicker from down times. I’m beginning to get more active. And I’m socializing more.
I managed to slog through another winter. Spring is going on now. We’ve had rain every day for almost the last week. Things are really greening up now. It still gets kind of chilly at night. But I’m not running my heat during the days. I’m still not as active as I would care to be as I still have flare ups of pain every now and then. But even that is not as bad as it was a week ago.
I am hopeful that things are returning to normal again. I haven’t had a sense of normal for a long time until a few weeks ago. But things are looking better with each passing day.