Been quite rainy and overcast the last few days. I do enjoy this kind of weather, especially as a break from the dry heat that is typical of late August and early September. This kind of weather seems to a good excuse to pull up a blanket while sitting in my recliner and reading a book.
Still sleeping more than usual. But this time it’s not that I’m awake all night and then I sleep all day like I had in the past. As it is now, I’ll usually sleep five hours in the night, wake at sunrise, fall asleep after being awake for a couple hours and sleep until noon, be awake for a few hours, nap a little in the late afternoon, and then start the cycle all over again. It does make it tougher to accomplish errands and daytime tasks, but I still feel pretty good over all.
Not only have I been sleeping more, I’ve been sleeping deeper. I sometimes wake up disoriented and not even aware I fell asleep. I dream more too. Fortunately most of my dreams are either halfway pleasant or just make no sense but aren’t scary. I used to get real bad nightmares in my early and twenties where I’d wake up in a startled panic. Haven’t had one of those in years. It’s a gradual process enacting positive changes. But I’m glad that problems can changes and that we can adapt. I used to consider naps a punishment, but sometimes a good nap can be the highlight of my afternoon.
I’ve been having changes in my sleep patterns again, this time probably for the better overall. I’m usually wanting to go to bed around 10pm and I’ll sleep for three hours. Then I’ll wake up and be up for an hour or two. Then I’ll go back to sleep until 8am. Now I spend most of my waking time in daylight hours. Earlier this summer I spent most of my waking life in the overnight hours. But I do think it’s for the better.
I was feeling a little more short tempered and easily irritated for a few days earlier this month. I think the changes of sleep may be a way to ward off bigger problems in the future. But I’m starting to feel better again even if I am sleeping more. But at least I sleep when most of the world sleeps now.
It’s almost Independence Day in my country. And of course people are shooting off fireworks and making plans for cookouts already. I don’t have any real plans besides grill some bratwurst on my electric grill and watch fireworks from my apartment window. As it has been quite hot and humid the last several days, I have avoided going outside unless necessary. Of course I’m not getting much sunlight by staying indoors most of the time.
I’m a week into my new medications plan. I found out the hard way if I take them all at once like I have traditionally done, then I will want to do nothing but sleep for the next twelve hours. After a couple nights of that, I found out I had to break my medications into at minimum twice a day. So I usually take some of my medications when I eat breakfast and I take the ones that help me sleep at night before bed. After a week on these new meds I have found my self eating less than usual. And I have recently had an odd craving for cheese and milk. Maybe I haven’t been getting enough calcium the last several months. I’m also looking out for more non meat sources of proteins like beans. I now actually want to eat certain fruits like strawberries and blueberries. Too bad they are kind of pricey. It’s also too bad that most inexpensive foods aren’t very healthy. That could explain why so many poor people, at least the poor in the USA, are overweight.
As far as blood pressure goes, I knew for years it was only a matter of time before I ended up on blood pressure pills as that runs in my family. My father has taken blood pressure medications for years and he’s now in his early 70s. He also hasn’t had any heart attack or stroke problems. Hopefully I can make it to my 70s inspite mental illness and being overweight.
I’ve noticed a few changes already in this new treatment. It takes more to make me irritated. I’m less paranoid. I actually want to leave my apartment and interact with my fellow tennants. I’m better able to stay on top of household chores. I eat less than normal. I feel less tense. I have fewer unexplained aches and pains. About the only true drawbacks I noticed so far are that I want to sleep more if I’m not careful about when I take my meds and I have to use the rest room more often. I don’t know if that’s the meds or the fact I drink more water. I easily drink almost a gallon a water every day. But there are worse things than water to be consuming. For a few years I’ve been having nerve problems in my thigh that sometimes felt like burning electrical shocks. But those problems have all but gone away by now.
I still have to get some new furniture for my apartment. Most of the things I had were quite old and had to be replaced. I’m thinking of sweet talking my parents into letting me have one of their sofas. I also think I need a heavy duty recliner that I could sleep in if my back ever started hurting again. My living room is looking kind of bare with only a couple kitchen table chairs and my tv and a “coffee table” decorated to look like an old style travel trunk with all the stickers of places and resorts from around the world. That was my mother’s idea. I’m glad she talked me into putting those stickers on.
Overall things are going well. I’m gradually being cured of wanting to sleep all the time. And I’m also slowly being cured of my desire for sugared soda pop. Anymore if I want caffeine, I’ll have coffee or tea. I can hardly wait to see what the next few weeks bring.
It’s been a while since I last wrote. I couldn’t do much online after my computer crashed over a week ago. I managed to recover my mac and I now have a new PC too. Being offline more or less for over a week made me realize just how much I use my computer. I managed to recover my mac by watching several how to vids on youtube. I’m glad I found some advice that worked for my problems. It saved me from going to the shop. Now that I have both my mac and PC back, I feel like I can move on.
During my forced hiatus from my online activity, I did some reading and more sleeping than was probably healthy. Sometimes I just slept out of boredom. I still had my phone so I kept in contact with family and friends. But it was kind of lonely at times as many of my friends I keep in contact with via social media sites. And of course I couldn’t post blogs without a keyboard. I tried to post via my smart phone, but my fat fingers make typing on the phone almost impossible. I’ll never complain about people using shortcuts in their text messages anymore after that.
Overall I’ve felt good. It’s been quite cold with snow for the last couple weeks. Haven’t gotten out as much as I should because of that. I just can’t endure cold weather as well as I could even a few years ago. Been stable overall even if a little lonely and kind of unmotivated. It doesn’t really bother me anymore that I don’t want to go out much. I know, that should bother me. But I have been an introvert my entire life. And sometimes I don’t mind going entire days without talking to anyone anymore. I couldn’t make it a permanent thing, but I can isolate for a few days and be content if needed.
I don’t have any plans for any major changes or shakeups for the next few weeks. Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time as we go through winter. I really don’t like driving on ice and snow anymore. And we’ve had continuous snow cover since before Christmas. But we have another four to six weeks of this left. I should feel guilty for isolating and not socializing this winter but I really don’t this winter. And I’m not exactly sure why I isolate so much. Maybe the depression is creeping back in. Or maybe I’m more selective about whom I spend my finite time with as I age.
Been going through changes the last several days. I finally broke my habit of staying up all night and then sleeping much of the day. Took a few months to break that habit. Now I’m usually up around 6 am and in bed by 10pm. And yet my routines don’t feel that different. I’ve been getting out of the apartment more and spending time outdoors. It helps that the weather has turned cooler.
Even though I leave my apartment several times a day, I still haven’t been outside of my hometown for several weeks. While I still have a little phobia about driving, I do drive more than I used to. It’s just that it’s all in town and stop and go driving. I really don’t have much choice but to overcome my fear of driving as my hometown doesn’t have good public transit. Fortunately I can everything I need within city limits. That’s one of the advantages of living in a college town that the farm village I grew up in never had. As it is, I have to buy fuel for my car only once a month anymore. Used to be I had to buy every week when I lived with my parents when I was in high school and college.
Didn’t go out for Halloween. I stayed home and watched a few supernatural thrillers and listened to the old ‘War of the Worlds’ radio broadcast on youtube. Spent most of my nights in October watching playoff baseball. So I guess I have to find a new way to spend my evenings.
Overall I feel pretty calm and content. I still have auditory hallucinations a couple times a day, usually hearing footsteps that aren’t there or my phone ringing when no one is calling. The real odd thing is that most of my hallucinations now come shortly after I wake up and before I get out of bed. I still get enough sleep. I think the consistent sleep helps keep me stable. I still avoid rude, obnoxious, and irritable people as much as I can. That definitely helps keep me stable even if it does hurt my social life.
At this point of my life, I have come to the conclusion that small talk and casual acquaintances are overrated. Most people simply don’t have deep and connecting conversations with very many people. I would rather bond to some family members and a few close friends as opposed to have lots of meaningless casual conversations with legions of fair weather friends. I love being an introvert. Most of my friends are deep thinking introverts. Being a people person is something that does not come natural to me. On top of that, I think it’s overrated. It doesn’t bother me that I sometimes spend entire days alone without talking to anyone at all. I rather enjoy my privacy and freedom to think and explore different ideas. I really don’t enjoy socializing that much. Most times, people won’t talk about anything beyond the weather, sports, or how much they hate their job. To me, it gets boring and mind numbing really quick. I wouldn’t be much fun at a cocktail party. Even though I’m not sure I could qualify, I think it’s too bad my hometown doesn’t have a MENSA chapter or some social group similar. I really crave intelligent conversation and mental exercise. Learning new things actually gives me joy and makes me feel good physically. Unfortunately I don’t get this much when socializing with most people. I have painfully found out that many smart people have lousy social lives. I am no exception.
Been going through a few changes the last couple weeks. I have finally gotten over the need for 10 to 12 hours a sleep every night. I now usually get 6 to 8 hours anymore. This has been going on for a little over a week. I’m still getting used to the new found extra time. I was so used to being rushed during the winter as I had only a few hours window of when I could run errands and schedule doctor appointments. So I think my sleep issues are cured. And I didn’t even have to take sleep pills for it. About the only thing I can think of I’m doing different is limiting my caffeine. When I do have caffeine it’s usually soda pop and only once or twice a day. I haven’t drank coffee in weeks. I’ve noticed I’m less jittery too since I reduced the caffeine.
I’m getting more active. I try to leave the apartment a few times a day just to get out and about. I’ll get out even for something as simple as going through the drive thru at McDonald’s for a couple cheeseburgers. I usually keep my windows open until noon. Since it’s almost summer now, it gets too hot to leave the windows open all day. We’ve had a nice and long enough spring I was used to leaving windows open most days. Started lifting arm weights a few days ago. Too soon to tell any real difference. Started taking multi vitamins again. I’ve noticed my aches and pains are not as pronounced now. I knew vitamin deficiency could lead to problems. I probably wasn’t getting enough as I tend to eat low carb and high protein diets.
But, not all the changes I’ve experienced have been positive. Found out my best friend’s mother is on hospice for cancer and isn’t expected to live much longer. Sad deal. So we’ve been chatting back and forth via Facebook quite a lot the last few weeks. She’s understandably sad and shaken by the whole deal. I wish I could do more for her. But she lives out of state and there’s only so much I can do over the internet.
As the seasons are changing, so are many aspects of my life. Besides my best friend soon to be losing her mother, most of these changes are welcomed. I wish my best friend nothing but the best as she works through the grief of losing her mom.
Knee pains have finally passed. Felt good enough to go out and buy groceries this morning. So I’m set for another couple weeks. I was getting tired of having to eat out and do drive thru because of my bad knee. I can tell that when I eat fast food regularly my physical and mental health suffer some. Also started taking some multi vitamin pills a few days ago. That seems to help with some lingering pain. Makes me feel a little more energetic.
I’m back to where I’m not sleeping as much as I did over the winter and spring. Maybe it’s the longer daylight hours. Maybe losing a few pounds has helped with my sleep patterns. I still can’t walk as far as I could even two years ago. But I think if I keep doing the two high protein meals a day, avoid sugar as much as possible, and keep drinking lots of water I can get back into better health.
Since I’m not experiencing knee pains anymore, my mood has improved. I’m not as depressed as I once was. I’m getting out of my apartment more. I’m breaking up some of my in home routines. I’m trying out some new computer games I bought a few months ago I only dabbled in. I guess I finally got burned out on Civilization, Sim City, and Skyrim. I still read a lot, granted mostly online articles, blogs, and science journals. I trying to get back into more contact with old friends. And I want to bring some old friends back into the fold I lost contact with over the last few years.
Next week is my birthday. I’ll be 37 years old. Mentally I’m more sharp than ever and the mental illness doesn’t have the ups and downs it used to. Physically I don’t have the endurance I did even a few years ago. I get unexplainable aches and pains more often. I wake up more in the middle of the night. I’m even more cold sensitive then I used to be. Being a fat man, I could easily go through much of a fall or even winter with just a light jacket unless it was blizzard conditions. Finding that I can’t do that as well anymore. I have found that I am sometimes more set in my ways than I would like. I tend to shop in the same stores, eat in the same four or five restaurants, eat the same things all the time, watch similar types of shows on youtube and netflix, etc. At least I haven’t yet gotten to where I’m complaining about the kids all the time. I remember what it was like being ragged on by my elders all the time when I was growing up. I hated it then and I still hate it when people in my age bracket rag on their kids. I just hope that as I age and my physical health starts to decline even more that I don’t become one of these bitter and angry old men I see too much of. I hope I can be an encouragement to people to all ages. I just want my little corner of the world to be a better place because I was alive.
I’m now a week into the changed medications routines. I’m starting to notice a difference already. I’m starting to wake up earlier. I’m sleeping less. I don’t want to sleep as much. I’m starting to get a little more active. I’m starting to have fewer aches and pains. I’m more stable mentally. I just don’t have the ups and downs like I used to. I recover quicker from down times. I’m beginning to get more active. And I’m socializing more.
I managed to slog through another winter. Spring is going on now. We’ve had rain every day for almost the last week. Things are really greening up now. It still gets kind of chilly at night. But I’m not running my heat during the days. I’m still not as active as I would care to be as I still have flare ups of pain every now and then. But even that is not as bad as it was a week ago.
I am hopeful that things are returning to normal again. I haven’t had a sense of normal for a long time until a few weeks ago. But things are looking better with each passing day.