Been trying to adapt to new sleep patterns for the last several days. Mentally I’m still stable but I am not sleeping as much as I once was. For much of the winter I was sleeping 10 to 12 hours a day. I’m now down around 5 to 7 hours. Been this way for almost a week now. I don’t know if it’s due to longer days or warmer weather or what. As it is I am not sleeping as much as I was for most of the winter.
I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the newly found free time. Since at least Christmas, I had been used to getting everything I need done in the short amount of time I was awake. I have found over the course of the last several days I’m getting more done, leaving my apartment more often, diversifying my activities, contacting friends and family more, etc. But I also find myself with times of boredom and restlessness. I usually take my medications in the middle of the night as I like to be awake in the off hours. I’m now finding myself wanting to be awake during daylight and not so much just wanting to be nocturnal all the time. But as I am no longer sleeping 10 hours a day, I find myself being both a morning person and a night person. Traditionally rapid changes in sleep patterns have been precursors to mental health problems with increased anxiety and paranoia. But I hope to cut these off and try to get back to some more regular sleep.
Overall I’m glad that the winter is over. We do have a spring snow coming this weekend. But those never last long. Currently watching opening day of baseball on tv in the background. I’m glad winter is over. Mentally I stayed stable all winter but at the cost of hibernating much of the winter. I’m looking forward to doing more outside again.
I’m back to keeping odd hours again. I usually sleep in the late mornings and early afternoons while being awake often until sunrise. I still get enough sleep and I make it a point to get out of my apartment some everyday. But I have found that at this point in my life I feel less paranoid and irritated in the middle of the night than I do in the mornings. I never have been a morning person. Even as a kid I would often stay awake late and read books even on school nights. I’d be up all night sometimes during the summers and Christmas breaks just reading. While I don’t do as much serious book reading as I once did, I still do audiobooks and listen to science and history lectures. That is my form of entertainment. I have also gotten into learning do it yourself fixes around the house via youtube videos. I’ve recovered crashed computers, sped up my play station, and done various around the house hacks just by watching a few videos. I have to find something quiet to do when I’m awake in the overnight hours. I just as well be exercising my mind.
Winter is practically over in my hometown. Most of the snow is melted. Baseball preseason is in full swing and the regular season will be starting in a couple weeks. During the spring and summer I’ll often have a baseball game on the tv in the background while I’m reading a book or working on a computer. Live sports is about the extent of my traditional tv viewing anymore and even this I don’t watch as much as I did even five years ago. If cable didn’t come with my apartment I wouldn’t even have it.
I’m looking forward to spring. This winter has been harsher than usual. Other than a few days at my parents’ place in February, I haven’t been outside of my hometown this winter. But my town, while not a city by any stretch of the imagination, has almost everything I need within driving distance. What I can’t get in my hometown I can always get delivered via internet orders. In short I really have no real reason to travel much anymore besides seeing friends and family. And travel is more stressful for me than it was even a few years ago. I really no longer enjoy the long road trips like I did in my twenties and early thirties. I have no real plans to travel this summer. I guess I really have no immediate plans other than continuing to do the blog and stay stable. But sometimes staying stable with mental illness is a full time job by itself.
With the exception of my parents and a couple close friends, I have essentially put most of my social interactions on hold for the last several days. I have also avoided most social media. Anymore I essentially sleep during most of the daylight hours, do my grocery and outside shopping at night, and stay awake during most of the overnight hours reading online articles, watching youtube videos, and reading.
As odd as my schedule is, it seems to be working. I had some problems several days ago but fortunately they were short lived. Unfortunately with my schizophrenia it can sometimes be weeks of calm stability mixed in with minutes of anxious crisis. I am glad that my family and close friends can endure my breakdowns without taking them too personally. I do have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that someday I’m going to end up having a psychotic breakdown in public someday and win up in prison or shot. I hope this is just a symptom of the paranoia aspect of my illness and this never happens.
Been feeling pretty decent since the weekend overall. I don’t really socialize with anyone in my apartment complex or even really in person much. But as much as I’ve had to deal with rude, angry, and dumb people over the last several months, maybe a break from human interaction is in order. Dealing with dumb and rude people is tiresome and tedious. I don’t see how normal people can do it day after day, year after year.
As I’ll be up for the rest of the night, I’m going to make a trek to the all night deli and pick up some good Chinese. If I can’t sleep regularly I just as well keep up healthy eating.