Tag Archives: changes

June 30, 2026: Thoughts on Early Summer and The World Cup

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I’m doing well overall. Most days I’m asleep by 10pm and usually wake up around 3:30 am. I play computer games for a few hours and then catch a few more hours of sleep after breakfast. We are now into summer and officially halfway through 2026.

Made a few new friends among the staff members. A couple of the staff members I was really close with moved on to other things. Many of the staff members I am friends with are immigrants.

One of the reasons I’m glad I moved to the downtown area is to get more exposure to different cultures. It’s paying off so far. In addition to immigrants, I made a friend originally from Indiana, another from Texas, a couple from Oklahoma, and one from Kentucky. Pretty good considering I haven’t travelled since I moved to the downtown.

My parents are doing well. They are enjoying retirement and spending time with the grandchildren. I usually see them a couple times a month. In addition to church activities, they enjoy binge watching series on Netflix and going to the movies at least once a week. A couple of years back they went to see Barry Manilow when he was playing in town. They also got to see the Husker basketball team when they played in the first round of March Madness and OKC was one of the host cities.

Been following the World Cup since it started three weeks ago. I love all the fan festivals and cultural activities. It was fun to see peoples’ impressions of my homeland. Made me remember that we humans have a lot more in common than we often acknowledge. The last few weeks made me remember that maybe peace on earth and goodwill to humanity is possible if we ignore the politicians and leadership caste. Maybe the path to world peace is cultural events like World Cup, music, art, and even things as mundane as international trade. It would be fun to see all three host countries make it to the round of sixteen. Canada has already made it and Mexico is currently playing right now. I really don’t care who wins the whole competition. I think the World Cup has accomplished one goal in bringing people together during these stressful times of crisis.

The World Cup has allowed me, at least for a few hours a day this summer, to forget about all the jobs being lost to automation, trade wars, real wars, stagnant wages, and general all-around uncertainty. It was the break from all the bad news I was desperately needing. I didn’t realize how bad I needed it until the fan festivals started right before the tournament. I guess only God knows how many friendships and potential romances were started in the last few weeks because soccer (or football to the 96 percent of the world not living in USA) allowed us as peoples of various nations and religions to forget about our current troubles and renew ourselves to face the ongoing challenges. Maybe our ‘elites’ are the real problem. Maybe that is the real benefit of the modern day ‘bread and circus.’ Not necessarily to permanently distract us from our problems, but to keep up from burning out over the long haul.

Reflections on Changes since 2015

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Final weekend in June 2026. Summer has returned with a vengeance. Fortunately, the air conditioning was fixed a while back. Looking like it will be a long summer.

One good thing about the heat and humidity is that my joints don’t hurt nearly as much now as they did in the winter. At least until the thunderstorms arrive.

I’m thinking a lot about my grandmother. She was born on June 28, 1918. She died in 2015. I’m thinking of all the changes she saw in her lifetime. I wrote a blog entry about this on this date in 2018. I’m now starting to think of the changes I’ve seen just since my grandma passed in 2015.

We had the world where Donald Trump was a real estate man and not a politician. Britian has had several prime ministers come and go. Brexit happened. We had a pandemic that killed millions of people all over the world. AI has become as common as smart phones. In 2015, AI was still mostly in the lab and not very good. Search engines were still a big deal before they branched into AI. Nvidia was known mainly by serious computer gamers. SpaceX and Tesla weren’t household names. Open AI wasn’t around. Drugs to treat obesity weren’t available to mass market. Podcasts were still niche. Self-driving cars were still experimental and not really available. EVs were mostly a niche luxury market. AI friends and lovers were science fiction. I liked Scarlett Johansen in the movie ‘Her.’ Turns out that is now science fact and not the science fiction it was a dozen years ago. Crypto currency was mostly limited to bitcoin and still very niche. Everyone (me included) thought 3D printers would be in every home the same way desktop computers were before the development of smart phones. Some predictions didn’t pan out.

As far as I know, I think more people in the world own smart phones than have easy access to safe drinking water. The level of AI we have today, well in 2015, was considered several decades away by most people. Hardly a day goes by where at least one company isn’t announcing layoffs (driven in part by automation and AI). China’s economy is probably bigger than even the U.S. economy. Most developed countries had birth rates decline below replacement level, whereas fifty years ago most people were worried about people having too many children. Turns out that prosperity and mass education reduced population growth to the point that many people are now worried that we won’t have enough people to keep civilization functioning at our current levels. Who can even guess what people of the 2070s will be worrying about in those regards?

In 2015 we weren’t spending trillions of dollars on building data centers and upgrading the power grid to power AI. In 2015, global trade was still relatively easy. Russia and Ukraine hadn’t gone to war. The US at war with Iran and Venezuela was unthinkable. Groceries were probably less than half the price they are now. Housing was still somewhat affordable. Gig work was mostly for younger people and retirees looking for extra income and not the necessity it is now. The idea of a person having a net worth of over one trillion dollars was the stuff of dystopic science fiction. Multi generational housing wasn’t common. Now it’s a necessity for many people. Heck, even I lived with my parents for two and a half years looking for a permanent home I initially thought would come open in only a few months.

I think the biggest change most people, me included, didn’t expect by 2026 was that white collar office jobs would be easily automated by AI. I figured it would happen eventually, I didn’t think it would happen by 2026. So now we have people who have tens of thousands in student loans because they were told that office jobs were safe from automation as recently as five years ago. The kids who would have never thought about the trades in 2015 are seriously looking at them now. The idea of Universal Basic Income was radical. Now it’s starting to look like might be needed if we don’t want millions of people in the streets starving and rioting.

Even though millions of jobs have been displaced and millions of people died during the pandemic, the stock market is doing better than ever. I imagine some people made more playing the stock and crypto markets than they ever did in a regular forty hour a week job. The stock market has gone from a rich person’s activity to almost a necessity for anyone wanting to manage money. Heaven knows banks won’t pay enough interest on savings accounts to even keep up with inflation. So much for the internet revolution making life cheaper. That was definitely the big prediction I personally got wrong.

A heck of a lot has changed since my grandma died in 2015. It seems like almost a lifetime of change was forced into barely over a decade. No wonder people are withdrawing and discouraged. I understand why many fear we are already living in a cyberpunk dystopia in 2026. We literally have near Star Trek like technology with the political and social leadership that hasn’t updated since at least the 1990s. Too many of our politicians, at least here in the west, still think like it’s 1996 and not 2026. In fact, many of the politicians we had in 1996 are still in power.

Improved Health and Longer-Term Thinking

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It’s kind of odd that the older I have gotten the longer term in my thinking has become. I did not expect this ten years ago.

I think one of the reasons I’m more of a long-term thinker is because my health has dramatically improved in the last few years. I’ve been at this long-term care facility for almost ten months. The biggest goal I haven’t accomplished yet is being able to walk again. I want to lose some more weight before I try physical therapy again.

I’ve lost around 120 pounds in the last ten months overall. I’m almost the same weight now as I was at my grandmother’s funeral in 2015. And I was in good enough shape then to serve as a pallbearer for my grandmother and a groomsman at a friend’s wedding that same summer.

I sit on the side of the bed every day for at least a couple hours. It helps rebuild my balance and I think it helps my back muscles. The only thing really limiting how long I can sit without back support is my bad tailbone. I injured my tailbone in a high school football game when I was a teenager, and it never completely healed. At least I don’t have nerve pain anymore, thank goodness. I suppose the tailbone is one of those chronic aches and pains from the misadventures of my younger years.

Thankfully my ankles, knees, and feet don’t hurt anymore. For a while I occasionally got cases of gout that wouldn’t allow me to walk much except to go to the bathroom. It started in my early thirties. But I haven’t had a case of gout since I moved to the downtown.

My knee pain cleared up over the winter. Even the weather changes don’t effect my knees as much as they did a year ago. I still have some stiffness and limited range of motion, but I can easily lift my legs and knees and hold for several seconds. Sometimes when the nurses’ aides are helping me clean up, I’ll lift both legs and hold them for as long as twenty seconds just to show off. I almost brought one kind hearted aide to tears of joy with how much I have improved over the last several months a few days ago.

I no longer have swelling in my lower legs. In fact, my calves are kind of skinny now. My feet haven’t been swollen for a long time. I can even cut my own toe nails again. I don’t need to keep the call button on my bed. I can reach it on the wall now. I don’t need the extended cord for the call button or even the regular length one anymore.

Most days the meals are pretty good. Just today we had biscuits and gravy for breakfast, roast beef for lunch, and jalapeno cheeseburger for supper. I eat three hot meals a day and I still lose weight most months. Whoever designed my diet is doing an incredible job. I eat home cooked meals three times a day and I still lose weight most months. I think it helps that I hardly ever eat sugary snacks and never ask for second helpings. First few weeks were kind of rough. But I eventually adapted.

Sleeping most of the night anymore. I usually wake up for good around 5am. That’s usually when the night shift makes their last check in for the night. Breakfast usually arrives around 730am or so. After breakfast, I usually fall asleep for another couple hours. Anymore I sleep through the morning cleaning staff cleaning my apartment.

I am doing well. Five years ago, I wasn’t sure I would make it to 2026. But here I am and, other than not being able to walk without assistance yet, I am in better shape now than I was ten years ago. I keep as active and positive as I can. I want to lose more weight before I try physical therapy again, ideally in a few more months. But now that a lot of my health has stabilized and improved, I can see that I probably will be able to walk again someday.

June 17 2026

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We are now almost officially into summer. The hot and humid weather has been easier on my sore joints. After three years of living in Oklahoma, I’ve adapted to the hotter weather.

Still working on my Spanish a little every day. Been working on my simulation games like Civilization and Railroad Tycoon. Enjoying watching the World Cup matches. I enjoy the reaction videos on YouTube from the foreign visitors experiencing the US for the first time. It is interesting to see how the Japanese respond to Texas barbecue or watching Scotland’s fans watching baseball at Fenway Park in Boston. I still can’t believe that little Cape Verde tied Spain. The only reason I know Cape Verde is off the western coast of Africa is I had a few readers from there over the years. The US plays again on Friday against Australia. Should be interesting.

The food here in the complex is pretty good. As good as the winter menu was, the summer menu is even better. Quite a bit of barbecue, chicken fried steak, and picnic food setups. We even had barbecue ribs on Memorial Day.

Been three months since I last needed my CPAP machine. I need to take only one blood pressure medication these days. My joint pains are more manageable than even a few months ago. I’d like to lose some more weight before I start back into physical therapy. Weight wise, I haven’t been this low since 2015. It feels odd to be in better health at age 46 than I was at age 36. But I’ll take it.

Relearning Spanish and Getting Ready for World Cup 2026

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Middle of the week in early summer. It’s hot outside but at least the air conditioning is working again.

One of my summer projects is relearning Spanish. I took some classes in high school. To aide in this I watch some Spanish language tv every day, usually in the afternoons and evenings. I’m pleasantly surprised at how much is starting to comeback after watching Spanish language tv for less than two weeks. I have found watching evening news and even Spanish language commercials are helping my Spanish the most. I almost never hear a sentence without being able to pick out at least one or two Spanish words I remember.

World Cup tournament starts in two days. I plan on watching as many games as possible, at least the knock out stage games. I’m thinking of seeing if the Spanish language cable channels I can pick up here in Oklahoma cover games played by Mexico, Spain, Argentina, etc. Would be cool to see how much of the Spanish I can pick up from watching soccer. That and this is probably Lionel Messi’s last World Cup tourney for Argentina. I imagine for soccer fans that will be like watching Michael Jordan play in his last playoff series was for basketball fans here in the US.

Speaking of World Cup soccer, I got a cool message from a reader saying he was watching the construction of a fan forum pavilion tied in with the World Cup in his city. Small world isn’t it?

Reduced Stress In Middle Age with A Mental Illness

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Mentally I have been very stable all spring. The last nine months I have been here in my facility have been the most stable part of my life since I was diagnosed back in 2000. I don’t feel nearly as much stress as I did living in low income housing or even the two and a half years I lived with family until this facility came open.

After nine months of less stress, I realize the auditory hallucinations are quite rare now. I no longer hear footsteps outside my door that aren’t there. I no longer hear being critical of everything I do. I don’t have bad dreams very often anymore.

I had to come to a long-term care facility to live the least stressful life I have ever had. It doesn’t bother me that a significant amount of my disability pension goes to room and board and round the clock care. I get three hot meals every day, most of the time pretty good meals too. And I still lose weight most months.

I started doing some exercises a few days ago. Namely leg lifts, leg kicks, and things to loosen up my knees, legs, ankles, and hips. I can stand for longer periods of time. I still haven’t tried to walk across the room without assistance. I’m thinking if I keep losing weight I’ll start physical therapy again in a few months.

I did physical therapy for a while in December. But I was getting sent twice a day five days a week. Eventually I got injured and had to give it up. It was an injury to my dominant arm that took three weeks to heal. Probably never should have been doing therapy twice a day five days a week in the first place.

It has been really hot and humid here in OKC. But after a few summers down here I have adapted to the summer heat. At least my arthritis isn’t as bad in summer as it is in winter.

Updates, June 2026. Getting Better with Age

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Recently celebrated nine months in my current home here in OKC. A lot has changed for me. Updates are in order.

I am now cured of sleep apnea. Stopped using the CPAP machine in March. In my case my sleep apnea was cured by losing weight and fat. Been sleeping so well without the CPAP machine that I almost forgot what sleeping with it was like.

I’m cured of anemia too. It’s a good feeling to not feel weak and sleepy all the time. I sleep probably only half of what I slept even a year ago. Back to being a night owl and regularly writing. It’s a great feeling.

Even my mental illness isn’t as severe now as it was even one year ago. I still take two anti-psychotic medications, which I have been on since a DNA test revealed they would be good for me back in 2015. On top of that, I take only half of the dose I was with one of my medications that I was eight months ago. I haven’t even taken anxiety medications in over a year.

Much of my arthritis pain is gone, especially in my hands and feet. I still have some in my knees. But that will probably get better as I continue to lose weight.

Even my bladder isn’t as weak as it was a few years ago. I forgot how good it feels to hold in taking a pee simply because I can. Sure, my bladder isn’t as strong as it was in my late twenties when I went on road trips with my friends and we stop only for gas and food. At least I can hold in a piss for a longer time than I could a year ago.

Most of the water retention is gone. I can easily wear tight shorts and sweatpants again. As much as I appreciate a good pair of shorts or pants, I can totally understand why the Greeks and Romans liked togas with as much as I’ve worn hospital gowns while my swelling was going down.

I don’t need as much sleep anymore. I sleep like three hours in the night and then three hours in the morning after breakfast. It’s kind of odd to have more free time than I had the last few years because I’m not spending ten to fourteen hours a day sleeping. It’s a great feeling though.

I still don’t socialize much with other patients. I do socialize with the nurses’ aides, nurses, etc. several times a day. So, I’m not totally anti-social.

I usually get weighed the first week of every month. I’m due to be weighed again in a few days. If my body is any indication, I have lost weight in the last 30 days. I’ve lost weight most months I’ve been here in OKC. And I still eat three hot, home cooked meals every day. Heck, because I now eat three home cooked meals every day is probably why I’m losing weight most months.

I haven’t had any real crisis in several months. Sure, I have had annoyances. Most of those clear up within a few days or with a conversation or two with someone else. Even my mail getting lost for a few days isn’t a crisis anymore. Annoyance? Yes. Crisis? No.

I do love being in my forties. The gray hairs and the receding hair line don’t bother me any. Stuff that used to set me off even ten years ago I can laugh at now. I guess it helps that I had most of my crisis in my twenties and early thirties. Being 45 is a heck of a lot more fun than being 35.

I have gotten more respect since turning 40 years old than I did at any previous point in my life. Being a middle-aged man is far better than I could have ever imagined when I first went on disability pension.

Summer 2026: Thoughts on Current Events and the State of the Economy

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It’s feeling like summer here in OKC. I see that Europe has gotten really bad heat waves already. Looking like it could be a long summer. The air conditioning broke down on my wing a couple of days ago. At least I have good fans and access to lots of ice water. But the HVAC crew is currently working on the AC system even on a weekend. I love those guys.

In other summer news, my fantasy league baseball team is in last place in my league. Had lots of injuries early on and never recovered. But I play mainly for fun and make the ballgames more interesting. My team is named The Barn Stormers. It’s my first year back after taking two years off. Have done fantasy league baseball since like 2007. But I don’t obsess over it. And I have never gotten into sports gambling or predictions gambling sites like Draft Kings. If I have extra money to play with, I usually prefer the stock market. Just as well put my bachelor’s in business degree to work even while disabled.

Saw on Bloomberg that some of the big oil companies are warning about $160 a barrel crude oil by the end of summer. Crap like that happens when my country decided to go to war and shut down one of the most important sea trade lanes in the world. It’s like my leaders didn’t learn from the mistakes Russia made when invading Ukraine. I was afraid this war with Iran would be a lot longer than people thought. Too bad I was right. I guess some people in power just can’t let others be.

In addition to the high gas prices, another concern is the shortage of fertilizers for farming. So expect higher food prices than we already have. We may end up having to do like our great grandparents did in the 1930s and turn our backyards into gardens and chicken houses. Everyone I personally know who owns a house or rents a house already has a garden. Most of these people started serious gardening during the pandemic.

In other news, AI is replacing office workers really fast. I feared this would happen eventually. I was telling people about this clear back in 2012. Turns out it’s happening faster than even I thought. A friend of mine lost her office job to an AI a couple months ago. Still hasn’t found anything except for some gig work once in a while. I was afraid these changes would happen before the social safety net and laws would be adapted to a world of mass AI. Sadly I was right. It’s like those in power actively want to make things worse for entry and mid level workers.

Before people say ‘go into the trades’, even those are going to experience an oversupply of workers in a few years. That alone will drive down cost of labor. Basic economics, my friends. And what is happening to office workers now, that will be trades people when AI gets good enough to go into robots. Heck, Amazon already ’employs’ robot employees. And automation of factories is happening right now in China. We just don’t hear much about it in the US. Too busy fighting among ourselves to notice how much the world has really changed in the last dozen years. Brushing up on my Mandarin Chinese to get ahead of the rush. Ni hao to my Chinese friends 🙂 I think that’s how they say ‘hi’ over there.

With the way things are now, I’m glad I moved to OKC three years ago. At least I am close to family now rather than hundreds of miles away stuck in the middle of rural Nebraska. I get along quite well with my brother and his kids. I still see my parents a couple of times a month. My life has gotten a lot less stressful since I moved out of their house in the suburbs. I enjoy being in the city. At least I don’t have to drive everywhere now.

My birthday is in June. My drivers’ license expires then. While I will get the state issued ID, I won’t be renewing my driving license. I don’t think I’m safe being a driver anymore. My reaction times aren’t as sharp as they were even eight years ago. I don’t enjoy driving and haven’t for several years. Besides, here in the city, I get almost anything delivered and can hire Uber or Lyft if I really don’t feel like going out. We have some public transit, but most American cities are not as easily walkable as most places in Europe or Asia.

And why should I have a drivers’ license? Self-driving EVs will be hitting the used car market by the time I get well enough I could potentially leave my facility. I used to joke that my niece and youngest nephew would never really need a drivers’ license. My brother owns a self-driving EV. So, I guess I was right even when I made that prediction back in 2017.

I totally understand why people are worried about tech unemployment. As much as people complain about their jobs, it does give them structure and meaning. It took me a long time to adapt to life after employment once my schizophrenia got bad enough to destroy my career. It was one hell of a blow to my pride to get crippling panic attacks every day before I went to even a minimum wage job. I’m thankful for disability pension and was able to escape that mess before it killed me. I suppose you could say doing this blog is my way of giving back even though I can no longer hold a minimum wage job.

Keeping Body and Mind Busy with A Mental Illness

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One of the keys to living with a mental illness or disability is one has to keep busy. It’s important to keep moving as much as possible, even if it’s only a short walk, daily stretching, or chores around the apartment. Physical activity doesn’t necessarily have break a serious sweat or cause muscle pain. Enough to get the blood flowing a little faster and make one breathe deeper, even for only a few minutes at a time, can add up if done every day.

Mental stimulation is just as important as physical activity. To this end, I read traditional books, read online articles about science advances and economics, listen to audio files on YouTube. It helps that I went ahead and subscribed to YouTube premium as I got tired of all the ads every few minutes. Before I signed up for YouTube premium, I even had to sit through an ad while listening to an audio file of the Bible. Nothing says redemption quite like listening to ads for Chipotle or Toyota.

For my mental stimulation, in addition to lots of reading and podcasts every day, I also play building and simulation games on my laptop. I love games like Railroad Tycoon, Civilization, Total War, Stellaris, and Sim City. The closest thing to first person shooters I ever really got into were Skyrim and Cyberpunk 2077. I do play some sports games on my PS to break up the routine. Even then I try to do more simulations and off field management than actual game day play.

To this end, for example NCAA Football 26. I experiment sometimes with different recruiting, play calling, and scheduling styles. I like to sometimes create a new coach, start him at a small school, let him build the small school into a winning program, and then see if I can get jobs at larger universities. Once I started at Wyoming, plugged the option offense and an aggressive 3-4 defense in and was able to win conference within three years. I tend took a job at Arkansas and won back-to-back national titles within 5 years running the same option offense, aggressive defense, and focusing my recruiting efforts primarily in Texas. One of these days I’m going to start a career at somewhere I don’t normally take, like Notre Dame or Ohio State and run a 40-year dynasty at those places. I’ve already done multiple scenarios like that in previous versions of NCAA Football.

One of my favorite missions in Railroad Tycoon is to replay the building of The Orient Express in the 19th century. The Orient Express ran from Paris to Istanbul in real life and was considered a luxurious and exotic route, going through so many nations and cultures.

Those are some of my day to day routines in keeping my mind and body busy in my life with mental illness. I may never be well enough to regularly work again (at least not enough to support myself) but I am far from giving up on life.

Memorial Day Weekend 2026

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Memorial Day weekend starts today. Unofficial start of summer here in the US. The schools have let out for the summer here in the city. After several days of cool and rainy weather it’s starting to feel like early summer. And I am loving it.

Traditionally summers have been my toughest time of year. August is typically my worst month for mental health problems. Maybe this year will be different. This is going to be my first summer since 2021 I am effectively living by myself. In summer 2022 I had an awful roommate who was hard of hearing, watched his tv at full volume and always watched reality tv and Doomsday Preppers. He was often sit in his wheelchair in the middle of the room and always refused to move his chair out of the way whenever I had to use the bathroom. He finally got moved in September after he yelled at and kicked a nurse. Wasn’t sorry to see him leave. After he left, I did four months of physical therapy, got far more mentally stable, and lost a bunch of weight.

In February 2023 I got well enough to make the move from rural Nebraska to suburban Oklahoma City. I lived with my parents until something permanent came open. Originally, I was hoping to find something by the end of summer 2023. Turns out I didn’t find anything permanent until summer 2025. Two and a half years of little privacy and watching my parents age and decline messed with my head. It got bad enough that for several months I left my room only to use the bathroom, clean up, and make my own dinner. It was just too painful watching my parents decline. That, and the house wasn’t wheelchair accessible. Even the front door and sidewalk was too narrow for my wheelchair. In some ways, it wasn’t much better than being in jail.

Eventually the hard times ended. My hard times ended when I moved to a facility in the downtown area. I moved here on Labor Day weekend in 2025. I have been doing well and making improvements in the last nine months I have lived here.

Medication wise, I’m down to only one blood pressure medication per day. I take only two psych meds a day instead of the three I was on when I first moved here. And one of the two medications I am currently on is only half the dose I was a taking when I first moved here. Most of my arthritis is gone as long as I take Tylenol and ibophrophen once a day.

I’m on good enough terms with the aides and nurses now that they don’t bother me much and generally leave me alone unless I really need help. I can stand up but still can’t walk from the bed to the front door. I have lost over 100 pounds in the last eight months and lost over 170 pounds since March 2020. I have a new goal of eventually being below 200 pounds. Probably take another few years. But I have developed better habits, have a stable living arrangement for the first time since late 2021, and am not worried about irritable neighbors trying to get me evicted. I thrive in circumstances where I have enough money to eat healthy meals and am not worried about getting kicked out of my home on a landlord’s whim and neighbors’ lies. The cost of rent has gotten inhumane in most places in the US in the last several years.

In other news, my blog is starting to get some real attention. I think it helps that I have been writing an average of once or twice a week for the past 14 years. A few dollars a day worth of advertising really helps. No different than any business. No one is going to visit if they don’t know I’m out here.

I haven’t done this well for this long ever. It’s cool to finally have some privacy and autonomy that people actually respect. I enjoy living where people aren’t going to go through my personal things or look over my shoulder when I’m writing, reading, or doing computer simulation games.

It’s good to have neighbors who aren’t always spying on me or whispering behind my back whenever I run errands. I never had that until I moved to my current home. It’s good that it’s actually quiet here at night most nights. I don’t have to listen to neighbors blasting their tv or arguing with each other most nights.

It’s nice to live in a complex where the cops aren’t showing up every day to break up domestic disputes or investigate thefts or assaults. Goodness knows I never had that in 16 years of living in low-income housing even in a small town. The last three to four years were the worst. The pandemic made it unbearable to even leave my apartment. Thankful I’m no longer in that toxic hellhole mess. Only time I had privacy as a kid was when I went to the backyard. And sometimes the neighborhood kids would watch me as I paced and made up stories. It was like, ‘God, why can’t these people get a life.’

Thankfully my life is no longer like that. I am never voluntarily going back to that kind of life. I don’t care if I am loved by my neighbor. I just want him to leave me the hell alone. At least I get that here in the city. And I love it. My goodness I love it. First in my life I can truly be free to be myself without blowback and repercussions. Where was this the first 45 years of my life? Now I would love to make it another 45 years if I can live the way I currently go.