Spent a few days in my childhood home over Thanksgiving weekend. It went better than expected. I was worried that things wouldn’t go well with so many people in one house. Fortunately things went with no problems and I got to see my brother’s family for the first time in months. I had been avoiding socializing in person for months just because it seemed that most people were always in foul moods. That is all I had seen on social media for the previous two years at least. Finally I quit checking my facebook and twitter accounts. I don’t use either one except to promote my blog now. It saddens me that I had to lose contact with some of my oldest and dearest friends because some people insist on being blowhards and jerks to other people online. I always wondered what people like that were like in person. It would be an interesting experiment.
Returned home over the weekend. I have pretty much avoided going shopping or even on the roads to avoid the holiday crowds. I never did enjoy crowds, even before I became mentally ill. I pretty much do most of my shopping online anymore. I found out that there is a grocery store in my town that will allow online orders and home deliveries. I have used that a few times lately. And I’ll be using it even more now that the holidays are here.
As far as celebrating Christmas is concerned, I’m not as excited about getting gifts as I was when I was growing up. Anymore I just care about spending time with family, having good food, and watching my brother’s kids have a good time. I also enjoy going around my town and looking at the decorations, especially after dark. And since we usually have snow on Christmas were I live, it adds even more beauty to the season.
All and all I am ready for winter. Summer was hotter than usual and autumn seemed to last longer than usual. I am not as worried about being in closed quarters with my neighbors as I was in years past as several of my problem neighbors moved out this autumn. It has been quiet and peaceful ever since. I leave my apartment more often and I’m more apt to make a point of socializing with neighbors. Used to be I would sometimes go entire days without leaving my apartment. But those problems are over. It seems the older I get, the less tolerance I have for rude people and stupidity. And I am noticing my friends in my age bracket are becoming the same way. Thank God I haven’t gotten to the point were I’m complaining about the “lousy kids” yet. If I get to that point, I hope somebody knocks some sense into me. I spent my entire childhood and my twenties listening to my elders gripe and moan about people in my age bracket. Going through that, I promised I would never do that to anyone.
Overall my life is rather no thrills. I spend a lot of my days playing computer games, reading online articles, talking to friends and family over the phone or online, and chatting up my neighbors. I am still slogging through the Star Trek spinoffs on Netflix. I would eventually love to have watched every episode of Star Trek. I still have a long way to go. It will probably take a few years. On the bright side, I’m no longer sleeping twelve hours a day anymore. And the hallucinations I have now are no longer frightening, they are just annoying. Maybe mental illness does get less severe as a patient ages. I think it has in my case.
It’s the middle of the night as I write this. Yet it feels like middle of the afternoon for me. My biologic clock is backwards compared to the rest of my neighbors. So I try to keep quiet at nights. I’m glad I don’t have any really loud hobbies.
Since my sense of time has been backwards for the last few weeks, I really haven’t been able to keep up much with news and friends. I haven’t even really been keeping up with the blog as much lately. But that is mainly because I haven’t had much to report lately. I’ve been feeling stable for months and besides being awake most of the night and sleeping until noon most days, I don’t have much to report. I haven’t gone this long without hallucinations or depression since I was in high school. I am still kind of anxious about driving, so I try to avoid high traffic times and areas. Unfortunately I still spend a lot of time indoors and not enough time outside. The weather will be turning cooler any day now as summer is all but over. I’m looking forward to cooler weather.
Mentally I am stable. Been stable for a real long time. Overall things are going alright. The only true complaint I have is that I’m up most of the night and sleep mainly when everyone else is awake. This would be a major problem if I still had a regular job or really had to be anywhere during the days. I’m going to try to get this reversed. I’ve been missing out on daylight hours for too long.
Haven’t been up to much lately. Still sleeping mostly during the days and spending most of my nights wide awake. So far it seems to be working. I’ll have to make a point to be up earlier as the exterminator is coming to spray apartments tomorrow morning. So I have been spending much of this evening cleaning up my place. Even though I have been stable mental health wise, I did allow some clutter like dirty clothes and books pile up around the house. Still have a little more to do. But I’ll be up much of the night and it’s things I can do without waking the neighbors.
Haven’t been reading as much as I would like to lately. Maybe the mind needs some time to absorb and process all the new information I’ve been taking in the last several months. I haven’t even read that many online articles the last few weeks. But I have always done my best reading in the winters.
I can tell the days are starting to get shorter and cooler. And I enjoy it. Won’t be too long until winter is here. From Christmas until it gets really hot in early July have always been my favorite times of year. Spring is usually my favorite season. I even like winter, especially since it’s more socially acceptable to spend a lot of time at home and sleep more during the cold weather. If I ever leave Nebraska, one thing I will miss is the distinct changes in the seasons.
Haven’t watched that much for TV this week. I still try to avoid cable news channels as they usually report only bad news and nothing on what’s going well. But good news doesn’t sell like bad news and mass media certainly isn’t a public service. I guess what news and TV I do get is mostly internet based anymore. Like many people I’d feel naked without good internet connections. Maybe avoiding bad news and rude people are making me more stable than usual. Sure it kills my social life, but if a person is going to be in a foul mood most of the time then I’m going to avoid that person as much as possible. I’ve quit jobs in the past because of coworkers and bosses always being negative and angry. I mean, we’re stuck doing a job together, make the most of it already.
Haven’t heard much from friends either. But I have been largely avoiding Facebook for over two weeks now. And I feel quite a bit more calm and relaxed because of it. It just makes me sad and irritated both to see my friends and family in foul moods in things they really can’t do anything about. Yes, it is possible to feel sad for someone and irritated with them at the same time.
It’s just been really quiet on my end for the last several weeks. The insect spray man coming tomorrow is essentially the highlight of my day tomorrow and he’ll be here for only a minute or two. But I should get the rest of my cleaning finished. So long.
Been a few days since I last wrote. But then again, I haven’t had very much drama to write about. It’s been quite quiet for the last several weeks for me. About the only thing I really do have to report is that I am getting a little more active with each passing day. I spend more and more time outdoors too. I plan on spending a lot of time outside on Monday as the eclipse is coming right through the town I live in. I am just going to watch it from my front yard. I probably won’t be able to go much of anywhere tomorrow as my town is expecting several thousand out of town visitors for Monday. I’m just going to stay home tomorrow.
I’m sleeping alright. But my best sleep still comes in the morning anymore. Most nights I’ll be up quite late. While this puts a damper on my social life, it doesn’t seem to be effecting my mental stability any. I’m usually up and going by noon no matter how late I stay awake. I am so glad I can do this blog from home and I’m not constrained by office hours.
So far I have made it through the summer with no real issues. This would be a first for me in several years. And I am enjoying it. I know I still have the potential for a few rough weeks before the weather cools off for good. Sometimes no news is good news.
Been feeling better physically the last few days. I’m getting out of the apartment several times a day, I spend a little time outside everyday, I’m walking more again, and I’m eating less junk food too. As a result I’m feeling fewer aches and pains and sleeping better. I still sleep in my recliner as my back still acts up if I sleep in a bed more than a few hours at a time. I’ll probably spend the rest of the summer in my recliner and just let my back heal.
I’ve been feeling well mentally all summer. That’s a welcome relief as summers have traditionally been a rough time of year for me. My best times tend to be springs and winters. I do feel better in autumn than summer usually but I have had problems in autumn in the past. So far this summer has gone along rather uneventful. It has been quite hot this month so I usually won’t go outside in the middle of the day. I do my shopping usually in the evenings or early mornings. I don’t go out in the overnight like I used to but I am still an incurable night person.
Haven’t had any problems with depression for weeks. Haven’t had issues with anxiety or delusions either. The only real hallucinations I have experienced this summer are occasionally hearing footsteps in the hallway when no one is there and I’ll still have unexplainable itching on my arms like ants walking but nothing is there. Overall I’m doing alright. I think I have even managed to lose a few pounds in the last couple weeks.
Don’t really have much to report. Mentally I’ve been feeling stable. Physically I’m feeling better with each passing day and getting more and more active all the time. Sometimes no news is good news.