Finding Stability: Overcoming Mental and Physical Challenges

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The heat wave drags on here in Oklahoma. It’s to where it doesn’t even really cool off at night anymore. From the look of the forecast, supposed to be this way until at least the end of next week.

Mentally I’m stable. Been stable for months. Taking only two psych meds now. Both are on minimum doses. I haven’t felt this hopeful and stable ever. Following the news feeds, I see the world outside the walls of my home is falling apart but my inner life is stronger than ever. This is in spite me not seeing a psych doctor since the winter.

Lost enough weight now the entire staff is giving me complements. My extra-large bed is almost too big for me now. My weight hasn’t been this low since 2012. I told my advanced practice nurse that I want to learn how to walk again. My pain is manageable enough now I think I can start therapy sometime in the fall.

I wanted to lose a lot of weight before I started therapy. I did pt a few years ago when I still lived in Nebraska. It was really tough and painful at first. It got easier over the course of a few weeks as I was losing weight and rebuilding the muscles. By the start of the second month of therapy, I was showing up a few minutes early. By the start of month three, I was doing exercises on my own during the weekends.

Weight wise I am now where I was in 2012. Even though I haven’t relearned to walk yet, I am in better health now than I was in 2016. I have less chronic pain, my sleep apnea is gone, and I need only one blood pressure pill. Most of the arthritis in my hands is gone. Most of the arthritis in my knees is gone. They still don’t have much for range of motion. But that is the point of therapy.

I can dress myself now that the pain is managed. But it did take me over five months to convince the staff to get me Tylenol twice a day every day. I had asked numerous times. It is frustrating to repeat myself and still get ignored. For a while I was worried that I simply wasn’t speaking clearly or I had developed an odd accent. Nope, I was just being ignored by staff and my own family for a while.

Back to getting good sleep again. Most nights I’m asleep at 10pm and awake for good by 4am. Shortly after I wake, night shift aide comes in brings fresh bedding and gets everything set up for day shift to take over at 6am. I sometimes sleep a little after breakfast.

My Spanish has come back nicely. Watching Spanish language soap operas and Mexican Soccer League on cable helped it come back. The lady who helps me clean my apartment is an immigrant from Mexico and she doesn’t seem to mind when I occasionally ask her to make sure I get words and pronunciations and sayings right.

Been playing a lot of NCAA Football 26 since the end of the World Cup. In addition to actually playing games, I like to run simulations on that game. I’ll pick a team, custom make the playbook, custom set up recruiting priorities, custom make myself as a coach and simulate through entire coaching careers within a few days. I also custom set the conferences.

I still can’t figure out why several west coast schools joined the Big Ten Conference (which is mostly Midwest, Great Lakes, and East Coast universities). The travel costs have to be a nightmare, especially for sports that play more than once a week. The map makes no sense. And the logistics will make even less sense when travel expenses keep increasing.

Still playing some Railroad Tycoon 2 once every few days. Built at least four successful Cape Town, South Africa to Cairo, Egypt routes in one of the maps. The Orient Express map is fun. The geopolitics of 19th century Europe can be brutal.

I like playing 19th century America maps often. Not so much geopolitical madness, but the competition can be brutal. Many times, I have gone bankrupt in unsuccessful attempts of corporate mergers over the years. That’s why you don’t buy stocks (or crypto) with borrowed money kids. That greed will get you killed if you aren’t careful.

I can roll in bed and sit on the side of the bed with very little pain most days. The first sit up of every morning after several hours of sleep is by far the worst. But once the muscles are warmed up and the joints stretched the first couple of times, I’m good for the rest of the day.

Good news! It’s Been a Good Winning Streak this Summer. Plan to Keep It Up Going into Fall

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Good news! It’s been a good stretch the last several days. The window AC is working really well; I’m sleeping most of the night and still up by 430 am most days. Now down to taking only one blood pressure medication as needed. Half of the days I don’t need it at all. Down to taking minimum doses for only two psych medications. And I have been stable for months.

Even though I gained a few pounds over the last couple months (which is essentially maintaining because a good trip to the bathroom would change that calculus entirely). Meals are good most days. Breakfasts are always good. Had coffee cake, eggs, and sausage and oatmeal for breakfast today. A hearty breakfast even in the middle of a long stretch of 100 plus degree days here in Oklahoma. Welcome to the South, I guess.

Looking forward to the start of college football season. My Huskers, from what I’ve seen, will likely be quite improved though the final win loss records might not show much improvement, if any. They play three playoffs’ teams from last year and have at least three other games that are probably tossups.

Probably go to a second-tier bowl game for the third year in a row. But it’s still better than what we’ve had for the previous 10 to 12 years. Nebraska has got to be the only college football team in America who can win only 4 or 5 games a year for several years and still draw over 80,000 fans every Saturday afternoon. Not the Victory, But the Action, indeed. Of course, in Oklahoma, the Sooners are looking to build off last year and Oklahoma State has an entirely new coaching staff for the first time in a generation.

My fantasy baseball has become dominant the last three weeks since All Star Game break. And this is my first season back after taking a couple years off. Who knew all I needed was to completely start over with rookies and underrated free agents and favorable trades? Usually takes a few years for this to work in real life (see the Rangers, Brewers, White Sox, etc).

Meanwhile my Rockies look to finish dead last again for like the sixth year in a row or something. Now I know how the old Cleveland Indians (now Guardians) felt back in the 70s and 80s. Thank goodness the Rox have a decent ballpark and no stupid 70s era promotions like Ten Cent Per Beer night, without limits. That promo and the White Sox having Disco Demolition night in 1979. Only in America and only in the 1970s.

I’m still kind of glowing from how good the World Cup went. It was a really fun month long, transcontinental once in a generation party. Doesn’t matter to me the US lost in the Round of 16 even with the Red Card madness beforehand. Pity those in power always got to keep the peasants separated and fighting among ourselves. It’s like the small-town high school letting the bullies run amok while they slowly take away all the students’ benefits and blame the ‘lousy kids these days’ for problems they won’t address. And it never changes even with new teachers and principals.

Lost 80 pounds in the last eleven months. Down 160 pounds overall since mid 2024. Haven’t been this low since 2013. Last regular part-time job I worked at was in 2012. I was janitor and maintenance man on my feet four hours a night, five nights a week. At least I had weekends and federal holidays off and didn’t have to see my boss more than once a day.

And to think the hospital staff is still not wanting me to learn how to walk again. *groan* But haven’t been able to easily walk in two years. Even though I’ve lost a significant amount of weight they are still leery about me taking those first steps.

Thankfully the swelling is almost gone entirely. Recently bought new hospital gowns that fit better than any clothing I’ve had in like 10 years. And they cost me only 40 bucks through Amazon and I got them on two days delivery.

Things are looking up more than usual these days. Saw my doctor this morning, finally. He’s all shocked I lost 80 pounds without trying (I wanted to anyway). Amazing what one can accomplish when keeping sugar to a minimum and cutting artificial sweetener out entirely. I’m convinced that people fifty years from now will look back on sugar and artificial sweeteners in everything with the same horror people do now at leaded gasoline and doctors’ promoting cigarettes.

Starting to see some real results after years of planning and hard work. I have proven what I’m doing actually works even if I’m not running triathlons or have only 7 percent body fat. Never had to. Pity I didn’t get rid of the sugar and artificial sweeteners and excessive carbs back in 2012. Better news overall than most of the last fourteen years. Maybe years of chicken crap are turning into chicken salad.

Exploring Modern Thought Experiments: A Journey Through Ideas

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Been writing most of the last several days. Mostly thought experiments and trying to follow them to their conclusions and the branches of the ideas and the branches of the branches. Over the last few days I have been doing thought exercises ranging from the old Orient Express railway, the word of Futurama, the “Greed Is Good” slogan of the 1980s Wall Street, and the absurdity of the whole Social Security Disability system that often punishes the people who need the help the most, all the while contemplating members of Congress making stock trades based on early information of soon to be voted upon legislation and how it will effect the prices of things like oil from Saudi Arabia, the possibility of America having it’s worst wheat harvest in over 50 years, all the while being interrupted every 20 minutes by the morning shift asking me if I need ice water or snack sacks of pretzels or taking my blood pressure while I wait for morning medications. My gosh, there has to be at least one story in all that. And that’s a typical Thursday for me this summer.

Change Is Upon Me and the World at Large

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Personal Summary for Summer 2026 So Far. These are also my reflections on change throughout this period.

Changes are upon me and the world at large here in Summer 2026. Definitely middle of summer here in Oklahoma. Really hot days like the last few when it hasn’t cooled off at night make me appreciate the cool of late fall and early spring. We get bad ice storms here in Oklahoma City most winters, which in some ways are worse than snow being on the ground most of the winter when I lived in Nebraska.

Mentally I have stable for months. Haven’t had a breakdown since I think early February. And that was a short lived one because it happened during a time of profound stress when I had a neighbor with really bad dementia. It was sad and scary both.

Haven’t had hallucinations in months. Have been quite calm all spring and summer. Some of the staff had told me I was the easiest resident to work with and the most interesting. I sometimes talk history and current events with the staff. I usually try to avoid politics as that seems to be a good topic to not bring up when meeting someone new.

Haven’t heard much from old friends. One friend is getting ready to take his family camping in the Pacific Northwest sometime soon. Be a good time to avoid the heat going on here in the plains right now. Another friend has resorted to running all errands after dark until the heat breaks.

Current Events, Summer 2026

I feel for the people in European countries who probably didn’t have air conditioning or well-ventilated homes until recently. Never realized how bad the heat was taking a toll on people across the Atlantic until I read that thousands of people have already died from heat related illnesses and it’s not even August yet. I guess bad heat in summers in something I always dealt with and learned how to adapt even as child in 1980s rural Nebraska.

Haven’t heard much on the forest fires up in Canada lately. I don’t know if those have been controlled or if the end of the ceasefires in the Persian Gulf has pushed those out of the newsfeeds. No wonder travel advisories and cancelled airline flights are common these days.

Don’t know what our leaders are thinking. Russia and Ukraine have been at war longer than Russia was at war with Germany in World War 2. The US vs. Iran war was avoidable and unnecessary as far as I’m concerned and is probably going to send the world into an energy crisis, depression, and food shortage all at the same time. Food and fuel prices are probably only going to get worse in the coming months. I haven’t trusted my leaders for a while. Really don’t think that our current leadership groups anywhere in the world care about the consequences of their actions on the vast majority of people. Hate to say this, but we are probably on our own to make our own lives better, leadership or not.

Easier to Be Change than Force Change on Others

I’m not calling for rebellions or riots or anything like that. What I do know is that protesting isn’t working. Writing your congress person or leaders don’t work either. Neither does boycotting big businesses when they already are monopolized. Maybe our only option at this point, and it’s hardly a complete solution or one that will happen quickly, is to get as independent from authority and power and self-sufficient as possible.

Now I know this isn’t really realistic in many places. Many countries without some sort of political and economic freedom probably will seriously crack down on anyone who is trying to grow much of their own food or do their own maintenance on homes and cars. In some places, people already know they can’t rely on a corrupted system to care for them. I think many people here in the US have already figured out that politics can be stagnant when trying to solve problems and have already acted on their own. Heck, Americans never have completely trusted our governments. Most of the first-generation immigrants are here because they trusted their old governments even less.

Advice on Personal Relationships

The biggest bit of advice I can give is get out to know some people. Maybe do some in person meet ups organized within your neighborhood. Perhaps start attending religious services and meeting people there. Do activities outside of home that don’t cost much if you don’t have much money. Maybe use social media to see who shares some of your interests in your area. Or something as simple as meeting and greeting your neighbors across the street or down the hall. Sure, it will be tough at first as some of our social skills have weakened due to mass social media and the pandemic of a few years ago.

I fear that more hard times are ahead in the days and years to come. The world seems to have cycles when more can happen in 30 days than could 10 years in other eras. From the societies that I have read about that have experienced crisis in the last generation or two, whether it’s war or pandemic or economic depression or natural disasters, the people that did the best were usually those who had neighbors, family members, or even friends with a wide variety of skills that were usual to weather the crisis and rebuild once the smoke cleared.

My personal plan

In my personal circumstance, I may not be very mobile or good at growing crops or fixing machines with hand tools. But I do know how to communicate with a wide variety of people, can write well, can type well, know how to manage money and resources, know how to find common ground between different groups of people who may not otherwise work together, and I can be persuasive without having to resort to manipulation or deceit. I also know a little Spanish again and am on good terms with everyone who works at my facility. Maybe I could have been a diplomat or a negotiator for a labor union had I lived in a different era and place.

Both of my parents are retired medical professionals who still have a lot of that knowledge and can teach people. My brother is one of those who can stay calm no matter how bad things get and have learned to DIY home repairs in the years of raising children and being a homeowner. Several of our family’s friends from my parents’ church are farmers and ranchers and fishers and carpenters. Most of my cousins are farmers or ranchers. Those guys and gals can fix just about anything with duct tape, sheet metal, some wire, WD-40, Windex, and a little time and a little profanity.

Summary

In closing, while I do believe that the future can be good and more prosperous for most people, I also believe that we are not done with the hard times by any means. The celebrations of a North America hosting the World Cup in summer 2026 was maybe a preview of what we can be once we solve some of our current problems and peace returns. I’m convinced most of my problems (and most people’s problems) are not foreigners or automation or prices being unpredictable. I think most of our problems are from new systems being born while the old ones are still dying and being replaced. It’s been a rough go for much of the world the last ten to fifteen years or so. We have the potential for prosperity and peace once the transitions are completed. But the troubles haven’t ended and it will still be one hell of a crossing to get to where we can be.

Embracing Change: Insights from Recent Global Events

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Another World Cup tournament has come and gone. It was fun while it lasted. I think it was the exact worldwide get together and party the world was needing in the current world of the mid 2020s. Reminded the world that, for being a decade that has seen more change and upheaval and chaos than any since the 1940s, there is still a lot of positive change that can and will come from the struggles and tears of our current time. The tournament forced me to remember that many of the world’s problems are not due to ordinary people living their daily lives and just getting buy.

I’m convinced many of the world’s problems could be solved by different leadership than what we currently have. Not just political leaders but also business, media, literature, art, religion, culture, science, etc. Maybe our current time is one of those junctions in history when the old ways are dying off and the new ways haven’t been established just yet.

In time, the new establishment getting started will eventually become the old and decrypted that has served its purpose and will need to be forced out kicking and screaming. Only God knows what that new establishment will look like in 2080 to 2100. I probably won’t be around to witness it. But medical science is doing some really crazy advances these days. If AI and automation become even half as strong as they could potentially become, we are in for some insane changes in the years and decades ahead. Both good and bad and even some interesting and indifferent and trivial.

Here in the US, one of our prominent senators recently died and at least one other that I can think of right here and now is in the hospital. Definitely a sign of the old ways fading in real time. What we are currently reading on our news feeds isn’t merely clickbait, it’s the change of eras. We’re going from the era that started with 24-hour cable news to real time activities happening halfway around the world changing everything from social trends to the fates of billion-dollar businesses.

We are beginning an era when our tools can now problem solve and brainstorm better ways than people can. Humanity’s tools have augmented our muscles for thousands of years. For centuries, our tools have augmented our voices across distance and time. Now, for the first time in our species history, we actually built a tool that can, in some ways, create and collaborate better than most people.

Years ago, a computer scientist named Allan Turing proposed a test to see if a machine really could pass for a human. Now, the computers are not passing that test simply because they have, in many cases, gotten too smart and organized to pass for human. This is happening not even 90 years after this Dr. Turing was during his work. 25 years ago, I would have imagined this possible by the year 2100, not before the year 2030.

Any real wonder why time is seeming like it’s speeding up for even the young? Our worldwide civilization and culture have seen more changes and upheavals since the years I was in college in the early 2000s than most centuries or even previous millenniums. Most previous eras biggest changes would be a new generation of kings and queens and popes and maybe a few relatively minor policies change every few generations or so. Not anymore.

Sure, a lot can still go wrong. But a lot of good can come out of all this upheaval and chaotic creativity. People who can adapt and deal with rapid change can and will thrive in the years to come. Hell, if things do go completely wrong and civilization is thrown back hundreds of years, we at least have enough preserved knowledge to rebuild something more resilient. When the old die and give way, the new are born and grow out of the ashes and the springs that have always followed the death, drear, and chaos of every winter season. Not just in nature, but also human civilizations.

Episode 1

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Trips Down Memory Lane

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This summer has been passing quickly. Mentally I am the most stable I have ever been. I haven’t been this content and at peace ever. It feels kind of weird not having to deal with drama and hassles every day. It’s a kind of weird I am growing to love.

Been staying up more of the night. Sometimes I’ll just lay in the dark for a couple hours at a time and just allow my mind to wander. I occasionally think about my childhood hometown and the kids I went to school with. I try to remember my teachers, my activities, the school activity trips, and the sleep overs I had with friends from childhood.

I think about my college years during these trips down Memory Lane. I remember my old dorm room, the campus student center, the bookstore, my various classrooms, some of the characters I knew back then, and even the old architecture. Even though I haven’t set foot on the old campus in over 15 years, I still remember vividly where all the academic buildings and dorms were located. I even remember dumpster diving on the last day of school before summer break and occasionally finding cool things like cool clothing and nick knacks. If I owned I pickup truck, I might have taken interesting furniture even. One time someone tried to give me and a few friends an old pool table. We had to turn them down once we realized we had no way to move it to our off-campus house.

My one-year anniversary in my current home will be Labor Day weekend. The two times I volunteer committed to a mental hospital were both on Labor Day weekends, once in 2006 and again in 2013. Late August and Early September have always been eventful for me.

Down to only one blood pressure medication per day now. Been wearing glasses since about last Christmas. The glasses have made an incredible difference in my vision.

July 4 2026

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It’s Independence Day in my homeland. Currently got a baseball game on the tv and listening to fireworks go off as the sun sets on downtown Oklahoma City.

As part of my celebration, I played Railroad Tycoon and rebuilt the first Transcontinental Railway. Also listened to some old marches and Ray Charles sing ‘America the Beautiful.’ Saw some of the old ‘The Men That Built America’ series from the History Channel.

Had chicken fried steak for dinner tonight. Why not have a dish from the old days during the holiday weekend? Slept most of the morning as I’m trying to be awake mainly during the cooler part of the night until this heatwave lifts.

Daily Writing Prompt: July 3 2026

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Daily writing prompt
What do you do to improve your sleep?
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There are a few things that I’m doing to improve my sleep. I’ll get right into it.

For starters, I turn off all lights in my bedroom. This includes lights of my phone and laptop computer. I close my computer and put my phone face down so the blue light doesn’t disturb me.

Sometimes I will sleep with a fan running in the background. The white noise calms me and muffles the noise outside the window of my apartment.

I don’t usually watch the news at least an hour before bed. It’s too overwhelming to have the world’s problems on my mind when trying to sleep.

I now drink only one cup of coffee after breakfast. Most days I have only two cups of coffee, always one of them before breakfast. Don’t need the caffeine jitters keeping me awake.

I almost never eat anything a few hours before bedtime. Lunch is usually my biggest meal of the day and I usually try to go kind of light during dinner.

I try to keep my bedroom a little cooler than normal. This is tougher during the summer heatwaves. But it is worth it for better sleeping.

If I feel tired during the afternoon, I will nap. I don’t drink much caffeine anymore, especially after lunch. The only times I drink caffeine with dinner are when I want to be up late.

There are times when I want to stay up most of the night. I limit those to no more than once a week. Usually if I want to be up in the middle of the night, I will go to bed early and set an alarm for like 2 or 3 am. I still get decent sleep for a few hours and the quiet solitude of the middle of the night.

Most mornings I’m up by 5am regardless of when I go to bed. But if I am tired in the afternoon, I will nap rather than take caffeine. I think these things have helped me with my sleep routine as much as anything.

Watching The World Cup

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The US World Cup team is playing as I write this. I’m thankful the US (along with Mexico and Canada) got to host the tournament this summer.

For myself, I was needing a reminder of what was going right in the current day and age. And it turns out that quite a lot is going well. It’s just that the politicians and the media aren’t going to report it. Maybe good news, after years of hearing mainly the bad, does sell after all.

After a few weeks of watching the fan festivals and watching reaction videos on YouTube and TikTok, I’m more convinced now than ever that it’s not the ordinary citizens of the various nations of the world that are the biggest problems. I’m convinced the big problem is that our rulers and self-proclaimed elites benefit off keeping people afraid and divided. The last few weeks have helped renew my faith in my fellow people. I’m reminded of why I quit watching the traditional news channels years ago. Most of what they peddle is fear and prattle. It’s no longer the ‘who, what, where, when, why, and how.’ Hasn’t been for a long time.