Been a couple weeks since I last wrote. I’m still waiting to hear from the city housing authority as to when I can move into my new place. I’ve already been approved for the program months ago. A place suitable for my needs just hasn’t come open yet. I imagine since I have mobility problems, they are looking for places with wheelchair access and ideally on ground floor. I hope the place I end up in has grocery delivery available and easier access to public transit. Uber and Lyft can get expensive and most of these drivers can’t handle even fold up wheelchairs easily. Last I heard from the city housing authority was one month ago. Could be another few months. Could be a couple weeks. I already have my new medicaid and food stamps. There are issues with my disability payments. I have those under review. Talked to social security about it several weeks ago. I’m not exactly sure when a decision will be made. But if the social security man is right I could easily get a 50 percent raise in my pension if they find in my favor. I just haven’t heard from him since early April.

I’m still living in the suburbs with my parents. Weather has been hot and humid here in Oklahoma the last several days. Typical early summer in Oklahoma. I did have a setback in my weight loss as I gained almost 20 pounds the first three months I was here. Changed up my diet a couple weeks ago. I’m eating mostly proteins and vegetables these days. I haven’t weighed myself in a few weeks. But I notice I’m getting around easier and my clothing is starting to feel looser. I usually stay up late most nights and sleep until late morning. It’s usually easier to get ahold of people in the afternoons and evenings than mornings anyway.

Had to replace a couple parts on my computer the other day. I was afraid I would have to buy an entirely new computer at first. But my natural paranoia kicked in and I ordered $15 worth of parts as a last resort. Sure enough, my $15 of new parts solved all of my problems. My dad offered to buy me a new laptop, which would have cost over $1000, but I solved the problem. He chuckled when he said it was appropriate that I solved the problem on my own and saved him $1000 on Fathers’ Day.

I don’t go out socially very often. But I make it a point to socialize online and over the phone at least once a day. Got back in touch with a few college friends in the last several weeks. Also more active in my interest groups on facebook and youtube. Gotten mostly positive and encouraging feedback. But I’ve probably written and read more in the four and a half months since I moved to Oklahoma City area than the previous two years back in Nebraska.

I’ll be turning 43 next week. That more than makes me middle aged. And it feels weird, but not bad weird in many ways. My mental illness is far more manageable now than in my 20s and 30s. I’ve gotten more respect for my brains and thoughts since I turned 40 than I ever did the previous 40 years of my life. I’m no longer governed by my hormones. One less thing to worry about I guess. Finally feel like I’m getting something done now that I’m no longer want to chase women. I also have a lot more confidence in my own abilities, especially as a writer and thinker.

I’m starting to see people my age complain about the ‘lousy kids.’ It honestly amuses and annoys me at the same time. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids of my own that I find it comically hypocritical and ironic. I find it odd that the parents who want to ban library books and complain about 2020s culture and music, these are the same people who grew up in broken homes on self made microwaved meals, R.L. Stine books, the X-Files, South Park, Kevin Smith movies, dystopic science fiction like Terminator and The Matrix, Chuck Palahniuk novels, softcore porn on cable most nights, massive amounts of drugs, insane quantities of premarital sex, and the music of NWA, 2 Live Crew, Madonna, and Marilyn Manson back in the 90s. We turned out alright, apparently, since the Latch Key kids of the 80s and 90s now dominate almost everything but politics. We didn’t leave high school at 18 and magically wake up as 40-year-olds the next day. I can see why the teenagers lump my age bracket in with the ‘ok boomer’ trope. I may be a jaded middle-aged Gen Xer, but I’ll be cursed before I start taking my frustrations out on young people.

Been over a month since I last heard from the city housing authority. I know I’ve been accepted into the program. Just a matter of time before a place comes open. It could be next week, it could be over a year from now. We just don’t know.

Had some rough days a couple weeks ago. Stayed pretty low profile and avoided people as much as possible for several days. I guess the fact that I’m in my 40s, living with my parents temporarily after being on my own for 18 years, and don’t have a lot of privacy finally got to me.

It’s now hot and humid here in Oklahoma. Still getting used to the hotter and longer summers. I moved here in the middle of winter. The winters here don’t appear very bad. Seemed like when we got snow and ice, it was usually gone within a few days. It’s a culture shock from spending the first 40 plus years of my life in Nebraska. In Nebraska, we usually got our first snow by early November. Most years, snow stayed around well into March. We often got bad blizzards and ice storms in April, but those were usually melted within a few days.

Part of me is worried how I will adapt to my new neighbors when I get my own place. I’ve never lived in an urban area in my entire life. I grew up on horror stories about the drugs, violence, crime, poverty, and lack of community in the big cities. Heard this my entire life. Yet I saw poverty, drugs, crime, and lack of community in every small farming town I ever lived in. For many years I never considered moving to an urban area because I feared it was even worse than rural areas. I was just convinced I would never fit in anywhere. Still am to a degree. I’m excited yet afraid at the same time.