Tag Archives: mental health

A Fresh Start: Overcoming Challenges and Building Connections

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I’m doing well after eight months in my new home. First time since the pandemic that my living situation has stabilized. I’m now down to only one blood pressure medication per day. My water retention swelling is gone.

I’ve lost over 100 pounds in the last eight months. I’ve gotten much closer to my brother and his family since moving to Oklahoma in 2023. I probably would have moved a few years sooner if not for the pandemic.

Reading a lot of audiobooks again. I started on The Old Testament of the King James Bible around last Christmas. I’m halfway through. I’m listening to lots of history and economics books too. Recently finished one about the Oil Shortages of the 1970s. Currently working on post-Soviet Union Russia in the 1990s.

Been following sports a lot since last Christmas. Became an Oklahoma City Thunder fan when I moved to Oklahoma in 2023. It’s fun watching them making another deep push in the playoffs.

I became a Colorado Avalanche fan in 1995 after Denver got that team. Looks like they too could make a deep run in the Stanley Cup. The Rockies are not horrible this year in baseball.

Nebraska Husker men’s basketball had its best season ever this year making the third round of the NCAA tournament. And it’s looking like Nebraska football could potentially have a better team this autumn.

I have made lots of friends with the staff members here at my complex. I avoid most of the other residents. Some are too negative. Some are not with it enough to hold a real conversation. I do well here, in part, because I have no roommates. I love not having a roomie. My freshman year in college roommate was a character. After that I decided I would never voluntarily share a sleeping quarters with anyone again.

My arthritis is mostly gone after a few months of Tylenol twice a day. My goodness it was an ordeal convincing the doctor to get me on it the first four months I was here. It was like they couldn’t realize just how bad my arthritis was.

I see my family twice a month. My brother calls me once a week or so. I hear from my best friend from college usually once a week. We talk more often now that baseball season is going. We’re both huge Colorado Rockies fans. We went to one of their World Series games back in 2007. Took several months to pay off that weekend. But it was worth every last penny.

Even though I no longer actively invest, I still pay attention to the stock market and the world of investing. I see that SpaceX and Starlink will probably go public by the end of summer. I have the same feelings about those companies that I had about Facebook in 2009 and Nvidia back in 2021. Pity social security’s rules only allow a small amount in savings to still qualify for Medicaid. Such is I suppose.

I think one of the reasons I’m losing weight faster than expected is due to not eating fast food or sugar very often. Mom and Dad usually bring some Chic fil A when they come to visit a couple times a month. Ordered delivery pizza only a few times since I moved here in August 2025.

My two nephews are done with college for the summer. One is going to work for an engineering firm here in the metro. The other is looking for something in a hospital as he eventually wants to become a physician’s assistant.

My parents are enjoying the retired life. They see their grandkids often. They are quite active in their church. Dad usually has some DIY or hobby projects, like ham radio or model trains, going. Mom is busy with her gardening.

So far 2026 has been better than most years the last seven or eight years. It feels good that my living arrangements are finally settled.

Finding Joy in Oklahoma: A New Chapter in Life

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Yesterday was Mother’s Day here in the US. Had a good, long chat with my mom. She’s enjoying retirement and getting to be grandma to my brother’s kids. I don’t talk to her as often as I used to, but our conversations are still good.

Here in Oklahoma, the Thunder are the talk of the entire state. I started following them after moving here in early 2023. It’s fun to have a strong team to follow again. Reminds me of following Nebraska Husker football when I was a teenager back in the 90s.

Lost 20 pounds since April 1. Been eating mostly protein lately, namely eggs and pork for breakfast. Even though a good portion of my freedom is gone, it’s good to have three hot meals a day, easy access to healthcare, and more stability than I have had at any point in my life.

I am now cured of sleep apnea and anemia. First time in several years I haven’t had either one. I am also down to only one blood pressure medication per day. I’m doing well enough mentally that I take only two psychiatric medications per night.

Most of my arthritis has cleared up. I still take Tylenol twice a day, but I think the weight loss has taken some of the stress off my joints. I still have backbone pain from a football injury in high school.

I have found that dealing with mental illness, at least for me, has gotten easier now that I don’t deal with the public anymore. Most of the people I deal with I know pretty well. Overall things are going much better than I could have imagined when I first moved to Oklahoma three years ago.

Been in My New Home for Eight Months. May 6th, 2026, Updates

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It’s been a minute since I last wrote about my personal life. I lost 20 pounds in the last month after holding steady for over three months. I’ve lost 100 pounds in the last eight months. I’m now down 180 pounds since summer 2024. That was when my water retention was at its worst.

Lost enough weight that I no longer have sleep apnea. Haven’t used a CPAP machine for two months. My blood pressure has stabilized enough that I only take one blood pressure medication. The water retention problems are gone too.

I still deal with arthritis. Mainly in my knees but it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as six months ago. Over the winter I had bad arthritis in both hands and both elbows. I have since gotten that taken care of. I still have a lot of pain in my tailbone from an old high school football injury that never completely healed.

Made a few friends in here. All of them are staff members. I’m especially close to this Hispanic lady who works the afternoons, a Philippine immigrant nurse who works afternoons, a chatty red head who works mostly weekends, and a grandmotherly like lady who works mornings.

Don’t have friends among the patients. Most patients are either mostly negative or have dementia. I just don’t want to be affected by that kind of negativity anymore. Spent too much of my life around irritable and rude people. I refuse to put up with it anymore.

Got glasses during the winter. I can read and see much better now. Don’t have much for physical books other than an old Bible, but I do have lots of audio files on youtube and amazon.

Been watching a lot of documentaries on YouTube. Mostly for economics, history, and geopolitics. Think I’m going to get back into science and futurism. I also listen to a lot of suspense voice over stories on YouTube. Some are actually pretty good at falling asleep to. And I often dream about the stories when I do sleep with the audio playing.

March 9, 2026

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First Monday after time change. It’s feeling more like late spring here in Oklahoma than late winter. Already had several thunderstorms and some tornadoes in this state.

I now transferred my permanent mailing address to my facility. I can get amazon delivery to the facility, at least as long as the front desk person signing for my packages actually does their job and brings it to me. I had a package delivered today that was supposedly signed for by a sectary early today. It still hasn’t made it to my room. All of the staff is acting clueless even though amazon clearly stated who signed for my delivery. I do hate it when people treat me like I’m stupid.

Haven’t been sleeping well at nights the last week or so. We have a dementia patient on our wing who screams all night, every night. Management has been made aware of the situation but still refuses to do anything about it. This is the second time I had to deal with a screaming dementia patient since early February.

I don’t have much planned for St. Patrick’s Day. I will wear green and I do have some alcohol free Guiness coming. I guess that’s about as crazy as I’m going to get this year.

Thanksgiving 2025

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Been in my new home for almost three months now. Updates are in order. For starters, I have lost over 50 pounds since Labor Day. My blood pressure is stable enough that I need pills only once a day. I sleep mostly in the afternoons as it’s quieter in the overnight. I’m on good terms with most of the staff.

I’m probably going to start physical therapy to get to walking again in December. I’m kind of upset that they haven’t started me sooner. My pain is manageable with one dose of Tylenol per day. Most of my swelling is gone. The pain in my ankles and feet is gone.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I’m guessing the home will serve traditional Thanksgiving dinner. My brother is hosting Thanksgiving at his house this year. My mobility is still limited enough that I won’t be attending. I plan on being there next year.

I’m proud of the fact that I lost over 50 pounds in less than three months. At the rate I am going I probably will be able to walk again and even get in a car this time next year. Now that I know what I am capable of, my long-term goals are to get back to my old college weight. It will take a couple more years. It can be done.

I do miss home cooking like bratwursts and cheese soup. I miss Pizza Hut pizza too. I don’t miss being stuck in my own filth. For about a year between October 2024 and August 2025 I couldn’t walk well enough to get to the bathroom in my mom’s house. I’m going to be upset if all I had to do to regain my mobility was manage the swelling, manage the blood pressure, and lose a bunch of weight. All three I have done in the last three months.

And I have pretty much done it all on my own. My home wouldn’t even use the lift to get me out of the hospital bed the first six weeks I was here. My nurses never listened when I complained about pain. No one would let me do therapy. Of course, can’t do therapy if you are in pain all the time and the nurses won’t give me anything for pain no matter what. The call button is on a cord that is too short for me to reach from bed on my own, at least until I lost enough weight to get flexible again. About the only dam thing this new home has done for me is allowed me to have controlled portions and help me clean bowel movements. I got none of that at home. Mom and Dad are too sick and elderly to help me in that regard.

In short, it looks like all I had to do was get my swelling down, manage my pain, and lose a bunch of weight. I’m now kicking myself thinking I could have done all of this back home had the house been even a small bit handicap accessible.

The home didn’t believe I could recover. Neither did my parents. For a short while I had my own doubts. But I can accomplish almost anything if I have the right tools and enough time. I didn’t have the right tools at my parents’ house. Now I do.

Summer 2025 and Mental Illness

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I’ve been spending more time alone than usual this summer. My mom is done with physical therapy on her knee surgery. She’s getting around as good as ever after a couple months of regular therapy. I’m happy my mom is more mobile. But I am concerned about my desire to be more isolated than usual.

Summers are usually a tough time for me, tougher than normal. Haven’t had any major meltdowns this summer, but have had a couple sessions where I was alright after several minutes of ranting and raving. I see my psychiatrist this week. I plan on telling her I isolate more than normal and it concerns me. While I have never been Mr. Social Hour, it is concerning when I had days I flat out said I don’t care if I ever make any new friends or acquaintances. 45 years old is too young to give up on new people, schizophrenia or not.

Even though I make less than 1000 dollars a month, I still manage to have a decent time on such low wages. I pay rent every month, buy some groceries (I usually buy the non perishable food while mom and dad by vegetables, fresh meat, etc.), and manage to put a little into savings every month.

Splurging for me involves zero alcohol beer, chicken wings (I’m a sucker for garlic parmesan and medium hot wings from Pizza Hut), and Husker football games. The new season starts in a few weeks. Nebraska is expected to have a pretty decent team as most of our starters from last year’s team are coming back. I hope they are right.

I’ve also been losing fat all summer. My arms no longer jiggle, most of the fat around my lower stomach is gone. I’ve lost all the fat around my thighs. My calf muscles are huge even though I don’t walk much. I am able to walk from my recliner to my bed or my wheelchair. But I really don’t have much of a desire to leave my room.

I still socialize even though I don’t have much desire to leave my room. I have college friends I talk to a couple times a month. I talk to my brother usually once a week. I see my parents a few times a day.

I still get most of my sleep during the day. It’s been really hot here in Oklahoma lately. Typical August. Should start cooling off in a month or so. First football game is last weekend in August. First games are notorious for high temperatures.

I dream more these days. And I remember them better too. Most dreams involve me being back in childhood home town or in college. I sometimes dream about being back in Kearney and unable to find my apartment. I sometimes dream about floods and even modern ice ages. When I fall asleep during podcasts, which I do a couple times per week, I can hear the dialog in my dreams. I sometimes dream about being able to walk long distances again and even navigate stairs.

My pains have also changed. Some days I have no pain in my knees at all. Other days I hurt enough to know getting up would not be a good idea. I have more good days than I did even six months ago.

I think one of the reasons I spend so much time alone is because I want to be alone most of the time. Living in the suburbs, there are always people nearby. But in the small towns I used to live in, I couldn’t go anywhere without my neighbors knowing or commenting. It got real annoying. One thing I love about suburban living is the opportunity to be unseen and unnoticed when I want to be alone. I love the variety in restaurants too. I’m thankful my parents like trying new restaurants and bringing me some food when they get home.

I spend so much time alone because I can get most of my socializing done online or on the phone. Most of my groceries can be delivered via Kroger, Wal Mart, or even Door Dash. I can get almost everything from Amazon within two days as Oklahoma City has at least one huge Amazon facility.

Now that I have a home health care nurse who sees me once a week and a doctor come in every four to six weeks, I don’t even have to leave home for health care really. Haven’t been to a hospital in almost a year. I actually prefer doctors and nurses who make house calls. House calls were normal for generations. I’m glad they are an option again.

I haven’t driven a car in six years. I don’t miss it. I can get everything delivered. If I need a ride, I can hire an Uber or Lyft. My parents still have a car. My brother has a Tesla with self driving capabilities. I don’t need a car anymore, not even in the suburbs. I always thought the idea that everyone needed a car was ridiculous. I’m glad I now live in a time and place where I don’t need a car. Heck, the only time I really need to leave home is for medical emergency. I guess if I have to be chronic mentally ill and have bad mobility, most times and places are worse than 2025 Oklahoma City.

One of the things I am saving up for is a home humanoid robot. Sure it is several years off, but I am saving up for home humanoid help robot to help around the house, especially if my mobility never comes back. I don’t think most people realize how big robotics are going to be. Wouldn’t surprise me if robotics are bigger than even automotive in 10 years. I’m still amazed at how fast people adopted smart phones and Chatbots.

Updates: June 19, 2025

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Updates are in order as I haven’t about my personal life in a couple of months. I’m still wheelchair bound. I almost fell getting from my recliner to the wheelchair five days ago. My knees started hurting really bad and my legs just locked up. It was a scary morning. It took a lot of effort to get back into my recliner in my bedroom. Been there ever since.

Saw a case worker this afternoon. They offered to get me more services. I’m not getting much of anything right now other than a home health nurse coming in once a week, a psych doctor doing telemedicine every three months, and a home health doctor coming in every six weeks. I can’t even get help with moping the floor or taking out the trash. Mom and Dad still do that, but both are disabled themselves and in their late seventies.

My mom had knee surgery last month. Her mobility is still limited. She has to do physical therapy twice a week until the end of summer.

I used to be in physical therapy. Three times actually since I moved to Oklahoma in February 2023. All three times they gave up on me. I was even in a therapy hospital last September. My knee pain is bad enough I need Tylenol and iboprophen three times a day. In the hospital, they stopped giving it to me even though it was in my notes that I took Tylenol and iboprophen at home. The pain, without the meds, was bad enough I couldn’t even stand up without help. Two other times I tried therapy at home only for the company to give up on me when I wasn’t making fast enough progress. Hell, one ghosted me after only one session. Haven’t heard from him in over two months.

Needless to say, I’m not high on therapy at all. I don’t mind doing the work. I do mind people giving up on me without notice. It’s like they quit on me because I don’t fit into a nice, neat box.

The thing I really need help with is cleaning. Since I can’t get to the bathroom on my own (no handicap access in my house), I have to go into the bathroom in a bucket and have my parents dump it. Beyond disgusting. I can’t even get help with moping the stains off the floor in my bedroom. Needless to say, my room smells like a barnyard, and no one wants to help clean it. Both of my parents are elderly and disabled. They can only do so much. But, damn, I am tired of living around my own pee and poop. People in prison get better services than I do. In short, my life isn’t much better than being in prison.

Book Review: Surviving Schizophrenia: A Family Manual by Dr. E. Fuller Torrey

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Dr. E. Fuller Torrey’s Surviving Schizophrenia is widely regarded as a foundational text for families, caregivers, and professionals navigating the complexities of schizophrenia. Now in its seventh edition, this book has stood the test of time as one of the most accessible and comprehensive guides on the subject.

A Compassionate and Practical Resource
Torrey, a psychiatrist with decades of experience in both research and clinical practice, approaches schizophrenia with deep empathy and clarity. He recognizes the confusion, fear, and emotional toll the illness can take on patients and families alike. His tone is reassuring yet candid, never sugarcoating the severity of the disorder, but always grounding his insights in hope and realism.

Structure and Content
The book is well-organized, covering a wide range of topics: definitions and diagnosis, symptoms, causes, treatments, navigating the mental health system, and tips for coping day-to-day. Torrey writes in plain language, making complex psychiatric concepts accessible without being simplistic. He intersperses scientific explanation with anecdotes and case studies, which humanize the condition and illuminate the real-life challenges of those affected.

Strengths

  • Comprehensive Scope: Whether you are just starting to learn about schizophrenia or are dealing with it firsthand, the book provides an in-depth overview of everything from medications and side effects to hospitalization and legal rights.
  • Family-Focused: As the subtitle suggests, it’s a manual for families. Torrey consistently centers the experiences of loved ones, validating their concerns while empowering them with tools and knowledge.
  • Historical and Political Context: Torrey doesn’t shy away from discussing the failures of the mental health care system, particularly in the U.S. He offers critical insights into deinstitutionalization, housing, and the legal system that add valuable context.

Criticisms and Limitations
Some critics have found Torrey’s views on involuntary treatment and the use of medication to be somewhat rigid or overly reliant on traditional psychiatric models. While he supports the use of antipsychotic medications as essential, alternative viewpoints (such as more psychosocial or recovery-oriented models) receive less attention. Additionally, the book’s medical tone and length may be overwhelming for readers in the midst of a crisis.

Conclusion
Surviving Schizophrenia remains one of the most important and enduring resources on this difficult and often misunderstood condition. Dr. Torrey’s combination of clinical rigor and personal compassion makes the book not only informative but deeply humane. While it may not fully reflect newer perspectives in psychiatric care, it is nonetheless indispensable for families seeking to understand and support a loved one with schizophrenia.

Recommended for: Family members, caregivers, social workers, students of psychology/psychiatry, and anyone seeking a comprehensive introduction to schizophrenia.

How Someone with Schizophrenia and No Job Can Prepare for the AI Revolution

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The rapid rise of artificial intelligence (AI) is transforming every aspect of life—from how we work and learn to how we communicate and get healthcare. For someone living with schizophrenia and currently unemployed, the idea of keeping up with these changes might feel overwhelming. But the truth is, there are small, realistic steps anyone can take to prepare for the AI revolution—and they don’t require perfect mental health, a job, or a tech degree.

Here’s a five-minute guide to help you start preparing in a way that respects your pace and your well-being.

1. Understand That You’re Not Alone

First, know this: many people—whether or not they have mental health challenges—feel uncertain about the future of AI. You are not behind. You are not excluded. The AI revolution isn’t just for tech experts or people with jobs. In fact, AI could improve access to mental health care, education, and even new kinds of flexible, remote work that are better suited for people dealing with conditions like schizophrenia.

2. Start Learning, One Step at a Time

You don’t need to understand how AI works to benefit from it. But learning the basics can help reduce fear and build confidence. Consider watching short YouTube videos or listening to podcasts that explain AI in simple terms. Focus on questions like:

  • What is AI?
  • How is it used in everyday life?
  • How could it change the job market?

Some platforms, like Khan Academy or Coursera, offer free courses you can take at your own pace—even if it’s just 10 minutes a day.

3. Focus on Skills That AI Can’t Replace

While AI can do many things, it struggles with emotional intelligence, empathy, and human connection. These are areas where you can shine. If you’re able, consider building soft skills such as communication, problem-solving, or even peer support for others with mental illness.

Many communities have support groups that offer basic job-readiness training or volunteer opportunities. These experiences can help you build structure and confidence without the pressure of a traditional job.

4. Use AI to Help You, Not Replace You

AI tools like ChatGPT can help with job preparation, scheduling, writing, and even emotional support. For example:

  • Need help writing a resume? AI can draft it.
  • Want to practice job interviews? AI can simulate them.
  • Struggling to organize your day? AI can suggest a routine.

Using AI as an assistant—rather than seeing it as competition—can empower you to take small steps toward employment, education, or creative projects.

5. Protect Your Mental Health First

Schizophrenia is a serious condition that often requires consistent care. Preparing for the AI revolution doesn’t mean pushing yourself beyond your limits. Prioritize stability and wellness. Make sure you’re keeping up with your treatment plan and staying connected to your care team.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, pause. AI will still be here tomorrow. Progress can be slow and nonlinear. That’s okay.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to become an expert in AI. You just need to be open to learning, a little at a time. With the right tools, mindset, and support, even someone facing the challenges of schizophrenia and unemployment can find their place in a changing world.

The future isn’t about competing with machines—it’s about being more human than ever. And that’s something you’re already doing.

Finding Strength: Managing Health and Family Doubts

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Took a couple of days off this weekend. Back to the grind. The last several days I have been up most of the night and gotten my best sleep in the afternoons. I still sleep like ten hours a day, but most of it is during daylight hours.

I’m back on the Turmeric. I think it’s helping with the bad knees and ankles. I started taking Vitamin B and Vitamin D supplements a couple of weeks ago. I think I have more energy and optimism overall now.

I think I am losing weight. If the way my clothes fit is any indication I really am. Most of my shirts are quite baggy now. Might have to drop down a shirt size. It also looks like I’m carrying less fat on my abdomen. My calves are less swollen than six months ago as are my thighs. I don’t eat much anymore besides protein and vegetables. I try to avoid sugar and carbs.

Got turned down for a long term care facility. I’m not shedding any tears over it. In reality I don’t want to go to long term care. Ideally I would just stay in my current house and just widen all the doors to be wheelchair accessible. My parents aren’t on the same page as I am. They aren’t enthusiastic about making such modifications to the house.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want things to be easy. I want to struggle to get my walking ability back. I want people to doubt me. I want to be fought every inch of the way. I want even my own family to actively work against me. They originally doubted I could graduate college with schizophrenia. Proved them wrong. They originally thought I couldn’t live alone with schizophrenia and on disability pension. Proved them wrong for over seventeen years.

Most people thought I made a mistake when I went to long term care to get better. I was flat out told I would die in that facility. Well, eight months later I walked out the front door on my own two feet. I went in that facility on a hospital stretcher. I walked out on my own two feet after only eight months.

I’m facing doubts again. After this third stay in the hospital, I lost all of my mobility. Physical therapy hospital didn’t help at all. Neither did the home therapist. They all gave up on me too soon. Sure, it took a few months. But I am back to walking short distances within the same room. I can transfer into the wheelchair. It is a foldable wheelchair so I can get it through doors. I could already get everywhere in the house if the family would just break down and pay for the modifications.

As far as modifications go, all they would need is to widen all the doors, put a railing in the bathroom, and get some of the clutter out of the house. My parents have a hard time throwing anything away. I swear if I outlive them, I’m going to rent a dumpster and throw tons of Knick knacks and crap in. I refuse to deal with it after they are gone. I won’t live the life of a hoarder. Was forced to do it as a kid. Forced to do it again after being on my own for seventeen years. After my parents are gone or moved to a nursing home, never again.

Oddly I’m not feeling hurt or betrayed by my family not believing in me. In some ways they have never believed in me. I’m going to get mobile again, at least for short distances. I am going to keep losing weight. My goal is to eventually get back to the same weight I was as a freshman in college. I could easily walk three to five miles a day back then.

I might never be able to walk that far again. But, dammit, I refuse to give up. Between being severely bullied by my school mates as a kid, twenty five years of schizophrenia, three years of congestive heart failure, surviving eight months in a long term care facility, moving two states away to be closer to my brother (at least he believes in me), and seeing crazy ass tech advances in terms of AI, automation, biotech, fintech, etc.; I’ve come too far to cash out now. Give up? Not happening as long as I got breath in my lungs.

I don’t know why my parents refuse to make the modifications to the house to make it handicap accessible. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to get better and mobile in spite all the road blocks people keep throwing at me. I want to be doubted. I want to be told I am a liar and full of shit. It just makes me more determined to keep beating the odds. Beating the smart money has been the mode of operation for my entire life. Personally, I think the “smart money” ain’t as smart as it’s cracked up to be. I just keep proving them wrong because that’s what I’ve done my entire life.