Been kind of a quiet last few days. That’s why I haven’t written much; just no real news to report. I still sleep most mornings after being awake most nights. Last night was the first time in months I was asleep before midnight. It was strange to be waking up at sunrise instead of going to bed then. Even though my schedules are all backward compared to the rest of the world, I’m still feeling quite stable. I’m sure my friends and family are concerned about my backwards bio clock, but I have more or less been quite stable for months because of it. Even though my social life has taken a beating because of my schedule, I really don’t want to change it up too much because it has worked for so long.
I usually spend my overnight hours attending YouTube university and messing with computer games. I like playing strategy games as opposed to shooters or action games. I guess I like brain building activities even in leisure time. As far as youtube goes, the topics I watch on change every so often. For awhile I was researching near future tech we could be seeing in the next few years. Then I researched early civilizations like Sumeria. Now I’m currently interested in the old Chinese Silk Road. Unfortunately, I didn’t study that part of the world’s history much during my formal education. But then there is only so much time in school that most things I had to learn on my own out of necessity and my own curiousity. But just because I’m on disability doesn’t mean I have gotten lazy. Too many people have the idea that all disabled people spend their social security money on booze and drugs. For most of us, this simply isn’t true. Sure some people do stupid things with their money, but so do many people regardless their working status.
I usually spend my evenings alone and working on my computers and building my brains. But I enjoy learning. It is actually fun for me. I feel sad that intelligence is no longer valued among most people I know. But that is just the way things are. One good thing about the internet is that it is easier to find like minded people than in ages past. Most of my friends I interact with online. Many I haven’t met in real life and probably never will. But that’s going to be the new normal.
Been having weird sleep patterns the last couple weeks. Most nights I’m up really late, sometimes until sunrise. Then I’ll often sleep until noon and then again nap a couple hours in the late afternoons. Even though this odd sleep pattern is hurting my social life, I still feel mentally stable. It could be these sleep pattern changes are helping me cope with a traditionally tough time of year for myself. As it is I now usually do my grocery shopping and errands after sunset but no longer in the overnight hours like I used to. I prefer to stay home most nights and weekends anymore. I do most of my socializing by phone or Facebook. But I still feel like some things are missing by not meeting people in person.
Watched some baseball and opening weekend college football this weekend. Found out that my old high school live streams it’s football games on it’s Twitter account. So I got to see my old team play and I didn’t even have to leave my house. I wonder how many other high schools do that. So this was my first decent sports fix after weeks of living mainly off baseball.
I sleep well, but it’s when I sleep well that’s a problem. Anymore I tend to be my most awake when the rest of my apartment complex is asleep. I stay quiet, so much so that sometimes my neighbors never know when I’m home. But mentally I’m still stable. Physically I think I’ve lost a few pounds. This is a pleasant surprise because I haven’t been as physically active as previous summers. So I just cut back on what I eat. I usually eat two large meals a day that are rich in proteins and green vegetables like peas or green beans. I drink lots of water too. Sometimes if I’m feeling hungry I’ll have a large glass of water and wait. If I’m still hungry after about thirty minutes I’ll find a snack. But I don’t eat much sugar or bread. I do eat rice occasionally as it’s cheap, goes good with almost anything, and easy to make.
It’s been a long summer for me, but at least not a bad one. Fall is only a few weeks away and school is starting again. I’ve been feeling well this summer even if I have been real careful about what I do and who I interact with. Only a few more weeks and the nights will be longer and the weather will be cooling. I can hardly wait.
I have been experiencing changes in my sleep patterns the last several weeks. I now usually stay up quite late and sleep in the mornings until usually noon. But I still get my sleep and am still able to do this blog two to three times per week. I am still able to socialize with friends and family in spite of my mornings being when I now sleep. I have adjusted to this new routine by doing my shopping and errands at night and scheduling my medical appointments for late afternoons. I look at it as no different than working a nigh shift job. My mother worked night shifts for years so I think it runs in the family.
Oddly I actually have felt more stable and calm during the last few weeks. Because of my overnight schedules I have been able to avoid problem neighbors whom have been causing me grief and irritation. The fact that I rarely hear from irritable and angry neighbors has made my stress levels go way down. I haven’t felt this calm and relaxed in a real long time.
Even though I’m not getting a great deal of physical activity as it’s still winter, I have found myself eating less. Most days I eat only two meals, drink a lot of water, and have a couple cups of coffee. I have found that caffeine can be an appetite suppressant for me. But if I have more than two cups of coffee at a time it can make me jittery and irritable. And I think I’ve even started to lose weight again because I’m eating much less.
I haven’t had problems with hallucinations and delusional thoughts lately. I think it helps that I still get good sleep, avoid stressful people and situations, and just pretty much have settled into a routine that has been helpful for the course of the winter.
My sleep patterns do vary throughout the year. During the summers I am often awake shortly after dawn and usually don’t sleep as much as the winters. I sleep the most and stay up the latest in the winters. But it evens out as winters are usually slow and uneventful times for me. I usually have my worst problems with schizophrenia in late summers and early autumns. I don’t know if it’s common for someone with my diagnosis to have seasonal aspects to the illness.
As of right now I am happy with my patterns and routines. I can still get things done and I don’t get bothered by irritable people as much as I normally do. I imagine as the days get warmer and longer I probably will start waking up earlier and hibernate less.
TheCertifiablyTRUERavingsOfASectionedPhilosopher: Don't be afraid to think you might be a little 'crazy'. Who isn't? Check out some of my visualized poems here: https://www.instagram.com/maxismaddened/