Monthly Archives: March 2024

Ready to be On My Own Again

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When the wounded bird has been nursed back to health and is ready to fly once more.

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Here in Oklahoma, it’s feeling like spring again. Had our first thunderstorm a few days ago. Went out for ice cream with my elderly parents this afternoon. Did some people watching from my porch in my neighborhood today. Met my across the street neighbors. They are a younger married couple with three small children. It’s cool to be living in a place that young families actually want to come to. First time in my entire life I’m living in a place that isn’t stagnating or dying. I like it.

It’s also one of the reasons I want to get my own place again. I think it would be better if I in a complex that is handicap accessible. As much as I like the suburbs, I do want to get back out in my own place. I had been on my own for almost 18 years. I didn’t spend 18 years living alone to be under my family’s shadow again.

I already buy my own groceries, pay rent, and pretty much keep to myself for the most part. The first few months I was here I had some heated arguments with my family about different ways of doing things. So I make it a point to keep to myself and avoid my family except for maybe a couple times a day. Helps keep my sanity.

I think it would be easier to make IRL friends if I were back in an apartment complex as opposed to a stand-alone house in the burbs. Sure, I love the low crime rates of the burbs, but I do miss the diversity of living in an apartment complex. Hell, I even miss my old college dormitory.

I loved the fact that, in communal living, there was always something going on somewhere, often within walking distance or a short bus ride. It’s one of the reasons I would love to live in a handicap accessible apartment in a culturally diverse area of Oklahoma City.

That way I could have my freedom, my culture, and still be close to my family. I found I get along with my brother a lot better than my elderly parents. He’s far less judgemental and actually likes many of the geek things I do.

I miss having a social life outside of my home and online. Since the burbs aren’t conducive to wheelchairs, I pretty much stay home whether I want to or not. I’d definitely would love to live in an area that has street fairs, parades I could watch from either an apartment or from the sidewalks. I miss going to weekend concerts at the college town dive bars when I was in my twenties and early thirties.

I also think my parents and I get on each others’ nerves. I get annoyed that they spend most of their time watching tv in the living room and complaining about the world falling apart. Seems like the only real times they leave the house are for doctors’ appointments and church service. And they never leave me alone when I go to the living room even though I’m in my 40s and have on my own for many years.

Gets tiresome and irritating being that I can’t go to the backyard or even cook my own meals without my parents making some stupid comments about something. It is true, elderly people really don’t have filters. It’s annoying. I mean I had to filter myself all the time when I was growing up. My life is half over and I have to do it again? Irritating. And most of everything they talk about I’ve already heard or could hear just by listening to Tucker Carlson or ESPN.

I’ve been really looking for my own place for over a year. Thank God I have family. Otherwise I’d be on the damn street. But I really don’t want to spend the rest of my living in a place that isn’t handicap accessible. Even the front door and bathrooms aren’t handicap friendly. The only thing qualifying the place as handicap friendly is that there are no stairs. It’s gets so old having to settle in my life for things that don’t work well for me.

The Trick to Staying Happy While in Retirement

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I’m in my 40s and am on disability pension due to a schizophrenia diagnosis and congestive heart failure that took most of my mobility. I guess you could say I was forced into early retirement.

I found the trick to staying happy for me was intentionally forcing myself to stay active. Even when I don’t want to be physically active, I force myself to be mentally active. It’s why I write almost every day.

It’s why I read books that challenge the world view I grew up with. Many of the classics of literature and philosophy and other religions outside my Christian upbringing? I read many of those just in the last 20 years.

Taught myself how the stock market and cryptos work. Wish Robinhood was a thing 15 years ago. Better late than never for sure. Still thinking about teaching myself Ancient Latin and Greek.

Yes, I am one of those history loving pricks who enjoys ancient history too much to be healthy. Yes, I think about Ancient Rome every day. But I sure wouldn’t want to build a time machine and move back to the First Century AD. Like I said, I read too much history to actually be nostalgic about everyday life back then.

I failed to teach myself calculus several years ago but will probably pick it back up in a few years. I probably spend 60 to 80 hours per week reading books, writing blogs and essays, watching educational channels on YouTube, corresponding with writer friends here on Medium, etc. Have been doing this every week without fail for over 12 years. Just because I’m on disability pension doesn’t mean I drink beer and watch porn every day.

Updates, March 1, 2024

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Here in Oklahoma, it’s starting to look and feel like spring. Spring is probably my favorite season. Ironically, I usually hate summers. I never did well in the heat, at least when I can’t be under a fan or an AC. I’m more heat sensitive than most people. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t commit to move to Oklahoma until a year ago.

Mentally, I’m still very stable. I think it helps that I avoid stressful people and overstimulating as much as possible. I don’t even like driving or people knocking on my office door. I haven’t owned a car for almost five years now. And I feel far less stress because of it. To hell with being forced to own a car. Pity grocery delivery wasn’t a thing ten years sooner.

Physically I’m doing much better. The only times I have bad joint pain are if I sit for several hours, sleep too long, or the weather is really changing. I still take the turmeric for my joints. Take hemp oil too. Still slowly rebuilding my heart strength.

My writings here on Medium are doing alright. Good enough to keep me some good side hustle money. But not good enough to get me kicked off social security disability. It’s a pity that universal health care will probably never be a thing here in the US.

My water retention swelling has gone down a lot. Granted it took two months on lasix, but that did the trick. I retain fluids sometimes due to my congestive heart failure. So I have to limit how much water I drink every day.

I’m also eating less. The last two times I ordered a pizza, I was able to get three meals out of it. Usually get only two. I just don’t need to eat as much anymore. Overeating actually is painful to me now.

Don’t know if I’m losing weight, but I know my clothes fit a lot better than they did six months ago. I gained some weight in the first few months here in Oklahoma. After that, I changed my diet.

Found out I tend to eat more when I am cooking for myself. If someone else cooks, I almost never ask for seconds. It may seem odd for a man who’s been on his own for over 18 years as a bachelor to defer cooking duties to his parents. But I do eat less, and my clothes fit better since I changed my habits.

Now that winter is almost over, I’m finding I have strong desires to socialize more. I spent much of the winter indoors, writing, reading, researching, doing my hobbies, etc. Now I’m ready to reconnect in person.

My investment picks are doing well. I might have to sell some off soon so as to not draw the ire of social security disability. They get kind of mad when people on disability have any real kind of savings. Really sucks that I find something I’m good at and then can’t really make a living off it because, well, the cost of insurance and meds. And I refuse to get married, not that I ever was marriage material in the first damn place. Aye, so much hate.

Been following develops in AI and automation for over ten years. Been following it real close for the last two years from when I first heard of ChatGPT. I don’t think most people realize just how good AI and automation is getting. And almost no one has any real clue how good it’s going to get. This is even before Quantum Computing becomes readily available. I’m convinced Quantum Computing will be as big as AI is now within 10 years, probably sooner.

In spite of all the doom porn and sky is falling type bullshit flying around out there, I’m glad to be alive and relatively young at our current point in history. As rapid as things have changed in the last 25 years, the next 10 years will see even more change. I feel privileged to have survived congestive heart failure to see it.

I didn’t give up during heart failure even though for a while I was in so much pain I couldn’t even get out of a hospital bed on my own. They literally had to use a lift to get me from the bed to the wheelchair for the first two weeks of my treatment. But I survived.

I didn’t want to die that way. Had too much I wanted to see before I finally do shuffle off into the Great Unknown that is death. That was two years ago this May. I like what I’ve seen just in these two years. I guess it’s all material for writing at this point.