Category Archives: mental illness

July 4 2026

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It’s Independence Day in my homeland. Currently got a baseball game on the tv and listening to fireworks go off as the sun sets on downtown Oklahoma City.

As part of my celebration, I played Railroad Tycoon and rebuilt the first Transcontinental Railway. Also listened to some old marches and Ray Charles sing ‘America the Beautiful.’ Saw some of the old ‘The Men That Built America’ series from the History Channel.

Had chicken fried steak for dinner tonight. Why not have a dish from the old days during the holiday weekend? Slept most of the morning as I’m trying to be awake mainly during the cooler part of the night until this heatwave lifts.

Daily Writing Prompt: July 3 2026

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Daily writing prompt
What do you do to improve your sleep?
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There are a few things that I’m doing to improve my sleep. I’ll get right into it.

For starters, I turn off all lights in my bedroom. This includes lights of my phone and laptop computer. I close my computer and put my phone face down so the blue light doesn’t disturb me.

Sometimes I will sleep with a fan running in the background. The white noise calms me and muffles the noise outside the window of my apartment.

I don’t usually watch the news at least an hour before bed. It’s too overwhelming to have the world’s problems on my mind when trying to sleep.

I now drink only one cup of coffee after breakfast. Most days I have only two cups of coffee, always one of them before breakfast. Don’t need the caffeine jitters keeping me awake.

I almost never eat anything a few hours before bedtime. Lunch is usually my biggest meal of the day and I usually try to go kind of light during dinner.

I try to keep my bedroom a little cooler than normal. This is tougher during the summer heatwaves. But it is worth it for better sleeping.

If I feel tired during the afternoon, I will nap. I don’t drink much caffeine anymore, especially after lunch. The only times I drink caffeine with dinner are when I want to be up late.

There are times when I want to stay up most of the night. I limit those to no more than once a week. Usually if I want to be up in the middle of the night, I will go to bed early and set an alarm for like 2 or 3 am. I still get decent sleep for a few hours and the quiet solitude of the middle of the night.

Most mornings I’m up by 5am regardless of when I go to bed. But if I am tired in the afternoon, I will nap rather than take caffeine. I think these things have helped me with my sleep routine as much as anything.

Watching The World Cup

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The US World Cup team is playing as I write this. I’m thankful the US (along with Mexico and Canada) got to host the tournament this summer.

For myself, I was needing a reminder of what was going right in the current day and age. And it turns out that quite a lot is going well. It’s just that the politicians and the media aren’t going to report it. Maybe good news, after years of hearing mainly the bad, does sell after all.

After a few weeks of watching the fan festivals and watching reaction videos on YouTube and TikTok, I’m more convinced now than ever that it’s not the ordinary citizens of the various nations of the world that are the biggest problems. I’m convinced the big problem is that our rulers and self-proclaimed elites benefit off keeping people afraid and divided. The last few weeks have helped renew my faith in my fellow people. I’m reminded of why I quit watching the traditional news channels years ago. Most of what they peddle is fear and prattle. It’s no longer the ‘who, what, where, when, why, and how.’ Hasn’t been for a long time.

June 17 2026

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We are now almost officially into summer. The hot and humid weather has been easier on my sore joints. After three years of living in Oklahoma, I’ve adapted to the hotter weather.

Still working on my Spanish a little every day. Been working on my simulation games like Civilization and Railroad Tycoon. Enjoying watching the World Cup matches. I enjoy the reaction videos on YouTube from the foreign visitors experiencing the US for the first time. It is interesting to see how the Japanese respond to Texas barbecue or watching Scotland’s fans watching baseball at Fenway Park in Boston. I still can’t believe that little Cape Verde tied Spain. The only reason I know Cape Verde is off the western coast of Africa is I had a few readers from there over the years. The US plays again on Friday against Australia. Should be interesting.

The food here in the complex is pretty good. As good as the winter menu was, the summer menu is even better. Quite a bit of barbecue, chicken fried steak, and picnic food setups. We even had barbecue ribs on Memorial Day.

Been three months since I last needed my CPAP machine. I need to take only one blood pressure medication these days. My joint pains are more manageable than even a few months ago. I’d like to lose some more weight before I start back into physical therapy. Weight wise, I haven’t been this low since 2015. It feels odd to be in better health at age 46 than I was at age 36. But I’ll take it.

Living Alone Again and Middle Age in Summer 2026

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After over nine months of living in my own place and getting healthier than I have been in several years, I feel like the second half of my life has officially begun. So far I’m liking what I’m seeing.

It feels great that 90 percent of the aches and pains I was experiencing a year ago are now gone. I credit it to weight loss, healthier eating habits, giving up most sugar, and getting out of constant stress. That stress, it’s a killer. And I’m convinced it makes people make bad decisions.

I’ve always enjoyed living on my own. After two and a half years in the suburbs I am on my own again. Feels good to have some privacy again. Sure, I may need around the clock health care. But at least I can, for the most part, write, read, watch documentaries, run simulations in my computer games, etc. without someone hanging over my shoulder all day every day. Feels great to not have to listen to a blaring tv or people just walking in at random several times a day.

I have a pretty sweat deal set up where the aides only bother me a few times a day and usually at scheduled times. I despise surprises and unannounced changes to my routines. It took some convincing and explaining, but I have pretty much convinced most of the regular staff to allow me to have some alone time every day. It feels great that I’m not even guilt tripped into not wanting to go to social activities anymore.

This is the 2020s. Why do I need to socialize in person several times day, especially with people who don’t share the same interest? No, I’m not interested in talking about politics or the weather. I can discuss the Thunder, the Huskers, and the Rockies but only for a few minutes per day. And I imagine some people get annoyed when I try to discuss history, economics, or philosophy. So let that sleeping dog stay asleep.

I’ve also found that some people seem to really have a tough time following my train of thought or even understanding my voice. I do have a pretty low and deep voice that actually carries well. But even after three years of high school speech, some people still can’t understand what I’m saying. I find myself having to repeat myself quite often. It’s kind of annoying. Kind of tough to have a meaningful conversation when even your own family can’t understand your voice. It’s why I don’t do a YouTube channel, even with voiceovers.

It’s good to be left alone by most of the outside world. I totally understand why some people joined monasteries and temples miles away from civilization. A life of study, prayer, relatively simple meals, not much money, celibacy (which doesn’t bother me as much as it would most men), and isolation is the perfect life for me. It’s a pity I didn’t figure this out until I was well into my thirties.

Currently my life is pretty good. Took a long time to make my peace with life without a wife, children, a career, or my own house or land. But I survived and adapted. And that is why, in spite of all the chaos that is the world of 2026, I’m doing better now than at any point in my life. I do love being middle aged. I’m actually comfortable with myself. I’m actually comfortable telling people ‘No’ and sticking to my guns at this point. Pity this wasn’t a thing for me even 10 years ago. But better late than never.

Songs That Put Me in Good Moods (Part II)

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a song that always puts you in a good mood?
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Now for the songs with words

Even Flow by Pearl Jam

About A Girl by Nirvana (especially the Unplugged Album)

Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Desert Rose by Sting

Songs of The Heartland by George Strait

Man on The Silver Mountain (Ronnie James Dio version)

Working Man by Rush

Ride On by AC/DC (how can you not like Bon Scott’s vocals?)

Anything from the Metallica ‘Black’ album

Anything from the 311 ‘Blue’ album

Money by Pink Floyd

Americano by Lady Gaga (she’s one of my guilty pleasures)

The works of Deadmau5 (especially ‘Animal Rights’ and ‘Some Chords’)

Still Dre by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog

Anything by DMX

Anything of the Rocky soundtracks

Songs That Put Me in Good Moods (Part One)

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a song that always puts you in a good mood?
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For today’s entry I’m going to do a list of songs that put me in a good mood. This is by no means a complete list, just something to get conversation started. I’m doing only instrumental pieces today. I will branch out and include songs with words in another post.

Four Seasons by Vivaldi (look it up on Spotify and Youtube. Insanely brilliant Italian violinist from I think the 1700s).

A Fifth of Beethoven.

Grand Funk 49.

First Breath After Coma by Explosions in the Sky (from the ‘Friday Night Lights’ soundtrack).

Theme Song to ‘Hell on Wheels’

Theme Song to ‘Hoosiers’

Call of Ktulu by Metallica (both the Ride the Lightning and S&M albums)

Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra (a must for Christmas)]

Exodus by Henri Mancini

Theme Song to The Dark Knight

The Cloud Atlas Sextet (I so want this played at my funeral, hopefully very far in the future)

Time by Hans Zimmer

Askeaton Farewell (theme song to Ken Burns’ Civil War documentary)

Relearning Spanish and Getting Ready for World Cup 2026

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Middle of the week in early summer. It’s hot outside but at least the air conditioning is working again.

One of my summer projects is relearning Spanish. I took some classes in high school. To aide in this I watch some Spanish language tv every day, usually in the afternoons and evenings. I’m pleasantly surprised at how much is starting to comeback after watching Spanish language tv for less than two weeks. I have found watching evening news and even Spanish language commercials are helping my Spanish the most. I almost never hear a sentence without being able to pick out at least one or two Spanish words I remember.

World Cup tournament starts in two days. I plan on watching as many games as possible, at least the knock out stage games. I’m thinking of seeing if the Spanish language cable channels I can pick up here in Oklahoma cover games played by Mexico, Spain, Argentina, etc. Would be cool to see how much of the Spanish I can pick up from watching soccer. That and this is probably Lionel Messi’s last World Cup tourney for Argentina. I imagine for soccer fans that will be like watching Michael Jordan play in his last playoff series was for basketball fans here in the US.

Speaking of World Cup soccer, I got a cool message from a reader saying he was watching the construction of a fan forum pavilion tied in with the World Cup in his city. Small world isn’t it?

Building Self Confidence

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Daily writing prompt
What’s the best way to build self-confidence?
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From my own personal experience, lasting self confidence is never built quickly. I suppose that isn’t the answer many people in our same day delivery society want to hear. But it’s true. Please let me go into detail.

I will be turning 46 years old this summer. And I have more self confidence than I did at age 25 or even age 40. One of the things that built my confidence is surviving tough situations and realizing that ‘Even though it sucked going through, I came out better, wiser, some extra skills, and an interesting story or two.’

During the pandemic I didn’t go out much, had groceries and medications delivered to my apartment, kept in contact with friends and family. Sure it was a long two years, but I survived. Not only survived, but wrote a lot of material, read books I never had time to previously, binge watched documentaries on youtube, lost weight, and even improved my finances. It wasn’t very fun going thorough, but I’m glad I did. Made more less fragile. Taught me I could handle prolonged adversity even with a mental illness. It taught me how to think and act during a time of crisis.

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in September 2021 in addition to the schizophrenia diagnosis I’d had for over twenty years. It was touch and go for a while. Spent several days in the hospital with really bad blood pressure that required in IV nitro drip for a few days.

In May 2022, I moved out of my low-income apartment and into the first long term care facility in Nebraska that would take me until my parents could arrange for me to move to Oklahoma. After several months of treatment, physical therapy, getting a wheelchair, and losing even more weight, I was physically able to make the move from Nebraska to Oklahoma in my dad’s pickup truck. February 2023. Surviving heart failure, going through physical therapy, and getting to accomplish one of my ‘bucket list’ entries of moving to the suburbs at least once added to my slowly but steadily growing reserves of confidence.

I lived with my parents in a good suburb of OKC while I was waiting for a permanent place to come open. It took a few months just for all the social security and Medicaid paperwork to stabilize after the out of state move. It was a pain to not know what was happening from one month to the next. Found the case workers not very helpful in transferring my accounts from Nebraska to Oklahoma. Took a few months, but eventually got everything transferred across state lines. Navigating that mess of paperwork and conflicting agencies and advice was a major headache. But it was one I survived and learned from. Taught me how to navigate agencies and conflicting systems that, in reality, no one person has all the answers to and never will.

Between February 2023 and August 2025, I anxiously waited for a new home to come open. Naive me thought that it shouldn’t have taken more than a few months in a metroplex the size of OKC for a home with handicap accessibility to come open. Oh my God in Heaven, was I completely wrong. Instead of a few months, it took almost exactly two and a half years. And we were looking all over Oklahoma.

In August 2025, the place I’m currently in came open. It is a facility in urban OKC and a huge one at that. We even have on site eye doctors and an onsite dentist. Since it was in a city, I got to cross off another item on my bucket list, live in the downtown of a big city. Sure, it’s not New York or Shanghai, but it was what I was looking for my entire life without even realizing it.

I did gain some weight during the time I was at my parents’ house. What I gained in two and a half years was lost in only eight months. Currently I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in 15 years. I also got cured of sleep apnea and anemia. It was a long and painful process. But it was more than worth it. Oh my God the payoff was more than worth it.

I’ll be turning 46 later this month. In September 2021 I wasn’t sure I would make it to age 46. I’m thankful and grateful to have made it through several crisis over the years. That’s what taught me self-confidence. Took a long time, but the lessons and confidence will help me no matter what I face in the years ahead. My life didn’t turn out as I expected. But after surviving struggles and crisis, I now realize it turned out better than had my twenties and thirties been smooth sailing. Here’s to struggle, survival, rebirth, and the second half of life.

June 4, 2026

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Daily writing prompt
What’s something you’d love to see in the future, but know you probably won’t live to witness?
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One thing I would love to see but probably not live long enough to see is humanity developing more empathy for other people. We have significantly cut rates of extreme poverty, famine, sexism, bigotry, religious prejudice, illiteracy, childhood mortality, etc., we still have a way to go before we can say ‘mission accomplished.’

With our current agricultural practices, we already grow enough food for every human in every nation to eat a healthy diet. Of course, distribution of food, political corruption, short sighted greed, etc. hasn’t decreased in the same amount that production has increased. At this point it’s no longer a science problem or an engineering problem. It’s now mainly a problem of priorites and misguided efforts.

Corruption is still around. But, thanks to the internet, 24 hour news cycles, significant portions of the world having freedom of the press and aware citizens, social media, etc., people are far more aware of what goes on behind the scenes than we were even in 1980. It does seem like corruption is worse now than in the past. But, could it be that is more easily exposed? Turn on the lights and watch the roaches and rats scatter. They were always there. Most people simply didn’t know about it.

Unchecked money and power corrupt. Our ancestors knew that but probably didn’t know how bad it can get. We are learning how awful some people can be to other humans. The Epstein Files, even though millions of those have been censored, have exposed how corrupt many in places of wealth and power are. Tragically, it has probably gone for all of civilized history. It was rarely exposed to the extent it is now in our age. One thing I have seen in the study of history is that human nature changes much slower than art or science. We may have near Star Trek like technology in many sectors but are still operating on Industrial Age economics and education, Renaissance era politics and philosophy, Bronze Age spirituality, and Stone Age psychology and physiology.

A second thing I would love to see in the future but won’t live long enough to see is humanity establish a colony in a nearby star system. I am filled with hope has humans are going back to the moon in a few years and are planning on building permanent space stations and research labs there.