January 21 2020

Been an uneventful week so far.  Too cold to really go outside for long.  So I’ve been staying home and catching up on reading.  I’m now a third of the way through ‘Wealth of Nations’ and halfway through ‘The Prince.’  I’ve also watched some educational videos on youtube the last few days.

I’ve found myself being a little more easily irritable for a couple days.  So I cut back on caffeine and forced myself to nap a little more during the day.  It’s beginning to work.  Talked to my parents for over an hour last night.  Watched some football on Sunday.  As far as the Super Bowl goes, I guess it really doesn’t matter to me who wins.  I just want to see an exciting game. And I talk with friends on facebook a little every day.  I sometimes forget it wasn’t always this easy to keep in touch with friends and family.  I don’t participate much in my groups these days as I mostly use facebook to talk to old friends and extended family.  I don’t watch news anymore.  I guess I don’t know many people under age 50 who do watch news on a regular basis anymore.

As far as tv watching goes, I watch mostly youtube anymore.  I did watch a couple superhero movies on my amazon account over the last several days.  I saw the first Iron Man and Man of Steel over the last few weeks.  Saw Black Panther a couple months ago.  Saw Avatar a few weeks ago.

Haven’t talked to my neighbors for a few days.  I am probably going to call them this afternoon and see how they are doing.  One of my neighbors had surgery a month ago and has been more or less house bound since.  His wife occasionally makes dinner for me, usually a couple times a week.  Haven’t been outside the complex for awhile.  Just too cold to be out.  Even though I live within walking distance of a couple restaurants, I don’t eat much fast food anymore.  I haven’t even eaten at McDonald’s in over a year.

I still lift weights three to four times a week.  As I get stronger, I add new exercises and more reps.  While I may not be losing weight, I know I am getting stronger.  I still get winded sometimes but I recover much faster now than a year ago.  I may not leave my apartment every day, but I do make a point of getting up and walking around at least once an hour.  About the only time I have aches and pains anymore is when I wake up or have eaten too much sugar and caffeine.

I guess I’ve fully entered my winter routines.  I don’t mind the cold weather, especially since I no longer have to drive in ice and snow anymore.  And sleeping under fleece blankets feels so good.

Winter Routines and Stability

I haven’t written in a few days.  I have been staying home for the last few days.  My neighbors drop by usually once or twice a day.  They were kind enough to cook dinner for me last night.  Having good neighbors can dramatically improve an apartment complex or neighborhood.  I’m fortunate I have good neighbors now.  It makes living in low income housing more bearable.

Still reading quite a bit.  I’m probably a quarter of the way through Wealth of Nations.  I haven’t done much on audiobooks but have been listening to more music.  Been listening to a lot of jazz and blues lately.  Haven’t been playing computer games as much the last couple weeks.  I still do a little every day, but I tend to read and listen to music more.

Been keeping in contact with old friends more.  Granted talking to friends over facebook just isn’t the same as meeting people in person, it does help keep people in touch when used properly.  I haven’t been on my tech and futurist groups much other than to read articles.  I don’t usually join in discussions and I never leave comments unless I have something positive or funny to say.  It’s keep me out of online arguments for months now.

Been sleeping in my new bed for two weeks now.  It sleeps better than my old one.  I have fewer aches and pains in the morning.  I’ve even had several days when I don’t take pain pills.  Besides my psych medication, the only thing I take every day anymore is a multi vitamin pill with breakfast.  It turns out I don’t need as much sleep now.  I usually sleep six to seven hours at night and maybe an hour in the afternoon.  I used to sleep twelve hours a day in the fall.

I guess I don’t have much planned for the next few days.  I haven’t gone anywhere off the complex property for a few weeks.  Too cold and I really have nowhere within walking distance I want to go.  I am having groceries and cleaning supplies delivered tomorrow morning and my cleaning lady will be here tomorrow afternoon.  Got several loads of laundry done earlier this week.  I’m pretty much set for awhile after tomorrow.

Been feeling quite stable the last several days.  I imagine more consistent sleep, avoiding negative people and places, and staying in touch with friends and family at least once a day helps.  It also helps that I don’t watch the news or visit news sites.  No reason to get worked up over things that I can’t do anything about.  Winter has always been a calming time for me.

 

Winter, Socializing, and Reading

I’m now in winter mode.  Been reading a couple hours a day most days.  Still lifting weights three times a week.  Ever since I got my new bed I’ve been getting better quality sleep.  I don’t wake up with as many aches and pains.  When I do take pain pills, it is usually only once a day.  I am starting to eat less, I usually cook once a day, have a large lunch, and then have some left overs for dinner.  Mentally I am more stable.  Haven’t had any true problems since right before Christmas.  Been more social this last week too.  Talked with friends over facebook every day for the last seven days.  I feel like I have gotten some much neglected socializing.

We didn’t get much snow with this last cold snap.  But it did feel good to curl up under my fleece blanket and read some on my e-reader.  I’m currently working on a couple classics I read in my early twenties.  Currently working on Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith and The Republic by Plato.  Haven’t been doing the audiobooks for several days.

For awhile I was worried about the fact I haven’t been as diligent about reading books for the last two years.  I still read a great deal, even if it was online articles, short stories, and audiobooks.  But for the last several days I’ve been reading like I never left off.  I’m still adapting to reading on an e-reader I guess.  It still doesn’t feel the same as reading a traditional book, especially an older book with the old library aroma.  I enjoy that smell, it reminds me of the old library in my childhood hometown that was my second home as a child.  While I haven’t been to a traditional library for a few years, I still love to read.  I’m now working on my e-reader.  I downloaded a few hundred free classics through the Apple online store.  I would have spent years and a small fortune tracking these books down in the years before the internet.  Sure there are many I’ll probably never get to read, but it still feels good to have them.  Thanks to my e-reader I have read some books I probably never would have.  It’s amazing what a person can find anymore.

Return To Normal

Had maintenance come to my apartment yesterday.  Had to spend a few hours out of my place.  I just spent the afternoon in my complex’s library.  I met a couple of my newer neighbors.  I think both of them were younger than I.  I suppose after living in the same place for over thirteen years it was only a matter of time when I would be older than some residents.  I was twenty six when I moved to my current place.  I was one of the youngest renters here.  Now I’m beginning middle age and one of the longer tenured residents in here.  I admit I am guilty of not noticing new tenants in here until they’ve been here for a few weeks.  I don’t get out as much as I used to as I tend to keep to myself and a few of my immediate neighbors.  My neighbor made some chili and French fries yesterday and brought me a plate.  Chili and potatoes are among my favorite cold weather foods.

I am now staying up later and sleeping less.  Most days I am not in bed until 11pm or midnight.  But I am usually awake for good right before sunrise.  I still nap for an hour in the afternoon, but usually only three times a week instead of every day.  I still have moments of anxiety and irritability, but those usually last only a few minutes.  I can usually do well if I can just take a step back and just let it pass.  Mornings are usually the toughest for me.  I still have a cup of coffee, usually at noon instead of first thing in the morning now.  I usually eat one large meal a day, usually lunch, and have something small for dinner.

I don’t have much planned for the next few days.  My cleaner is scheduled to arrive this afternoon and I’m expecting a package over the weekend.  It’s a late Christmas gift to myself I bought with my Christmas money.  I got a few cheap games for my PlayStation.  They should be here either Saturday or Monday as most places don’t make Sunday deliveries, at least not here in USA.  There are some playoff football games this weekend I may drop in on.  And I have my books on my e-reader I’m working on.  I’m now a few hundred pages into ‘Wealth of Nations’ by Adam Smith.  I’m also working on Plato’s ‘Republic’ and Machivelli’s ‘The Prince.’  I read all three in my twenties.  I figure after about fifteen years I could stand rereads.

Overall things are going alright.  I feel like I’ve returned to normal after the holidays.

January 7 2020

It’s been a good day overall.  Got a bunch of house hold chores done ahead of maintenance coming to my apartment tomorrow afternoon.  Took a nap and am generally ready to face the night.  We’re supposed to have two warmer than normal days before things start getting cold again right in time for the weekend.  Had a good chat with my best friend last night and my neighbor this morning.  She hadn’t been spending as much time here the last couple weeks due to the craziness of the holidays.  But she came over and we had a good chat.

My new bed sleeps well.  I have now gotten used to the bed being taller than my previous beds.  It is the right combination of soft and firm for me.  It isn’t so soft I sink in and it isn’t so firm it feels like I’m sleeping on the floor.

When my parents came to visit a few days ago, we got all my old flags hung on the walls.  I now have a pirate flag hanging behind my recliner and a British flag hanging behind my dresser.  My 13 colonies American flag is hanging right behind my tv.  I’m glad I didn’t buy more flags.  They, in addition to the artwork my best friend made, take up most of my wall space now.  My house now feels like a home again.  For a few years after I went minimalist I didn’t have much on the walls.  It’s amazing how much one year and weekly maintenance and cleaning can do to improve the surroundings and my morale.

I find myself sleeping less at night and even staying up later.  Yet I don’t feel tired.  I may be getting less sleep than I did during the summer and early fall, but I think it’s better quality sleep.  I changed out the parts on my cpap machine and I think that has made a big difference in my sleep quality.  Some days I don’t even need to nap anymore.

Between getting my cpap new parts, redecorating my house, getting a new doctor, having a regular cleaner come help me out, having regular contact with my neighbors even though I don’t leave my apartment some days, and having these lingering maintenance issues resolved, it feels good to be getting some tasks accomplished I had been neglecting.  I think much of this neglect was do to the paranoia aspect of my illness.  Sometimes all the tasks needing to be done were so numerous and overwhelming I didn’t know where to start.  I’m glad I got some outside help to help with my projects.  I’m starting to get over my fears of asking for help.

Christmas 2019 and Mental Illness

It’s only a few days until Christmas.  My parents are coming up to Nebraska for a couple days, weather permitting.  Unfortunately, weather is always a factor in winter travel in my part of the country.  But I’m actually enjoying Christmas more this year than most other years.  I think many of my friends are the same way.  It helps me that I no longer have to fight the crowds whenever I need to buy something from a store.  I get most of my purchases delivered to my home anymore.  My grocery store has next day delivery and, even though I live in a remote small town, Amazon usually has two day delivery.  I have been playing Christmas music via YouTube and Spotify the last couple weeks.  I haven’t seen any real Christmas movies yet besides a documentary on the Christmas Truce of World War I between German and British soldiers in the trenches.

Overall I am doing okay.  I hired a couple home health aides after my doctor’s appointment.  I have a nurse who drops in every week and a physical rehab specialist who drops in twice weekly.  I don’t have much physical stamina anymore, but fortunately I retained most of my muscle strength.  Odd deal I suppose.  But I am slowly rebuilding my heart and lung strength.

My blood pressure is better regulated now.  And I feel less stressed and anxious overall too.  I leave my apartment to walk in the hallways with my physical therapist.  But I still stay home a lot.  I no longer stay home because of stress and anxiety.  I do it mainly because I am used to keeping myself occupied at home.  I can easily keep in contact with friends and relatives via facebook and phone.  I talk to my parents at least a couple times per week.  I have reestablished contact with my brother.  I wasn’t angry at him or anything, we just don’t have much in common.  He has a high end career, a wife, four kids, a house in the suburbs, etc.  I guess I don’t know how to relate to much of that.  I am grateful to be on good terms with his kids.  I’ll probably never have kids of my own, but I am happy with being Uncle Zach to those kids.

I’ll be watching football most days for the next two weeks with the college football bowl game season and the end of the pro season.  Unfortunately my Huskers didn’t make a bowl game this year.  But they are a young team that shows potential.  Winters are often a slow time for me.  But they are a time when I get a lot of writing and reading done.  Haven’t decided what my reading project will be for this winter.  I may do some philosophy works as it’s been a few years since I read good philosophy.  Since I no longer own a car, I won’t be going anywhere unless I can get a ride.  But it is easier to spend time at home than even five years ago.

 

December 12 2019

Been on my new meds for over a week now.  I think I notice a difference already.  I don’t need as much sleep and I wake up with almost no aches and pains.  Even the aches in my knee are far more manageable now.  For a few weeks I would wake up in pain, especially in my knee.  It usually went away after a hot bath and a couple Tylenol pills.  But it seems like my mornings are starting faster now.  I still lift weights every other day.  I still don’t leave my apartment much.  But I usually leave my door unlocked when I’m awake.  My neighbors drop by a few times a week, usually to chat or drop off some food they made.  Yesterday they were here for a couple hours and brought pork chops and potatoes.  I provided the meat and they made dinner.  I’ll have to go grocery shopping again in a few days.

With today being a Thursday, my cleaner is scheduled to arrive today.  She’s usually here over the noon hour.  I buy her supplies and she gives the place a scrub down and vacuum once a week.  She has been here since last Christmas.  I notice a night and day difference in the way the place not only looks, but feels.  Since she started cleaning my house, I have put up more decorations like paintings, historical flags, and throw rugs.  A good throw rug not only brings more life to a bachelor pad, it feels so good on bare feet on cold mornings.  I am no longer paranoid about having guests in my apartment.  At this point, I prefer hosting guests as opposed to going to other people’s places.  When I was in high school and college, I preferred going to other people’s rooms and houses.  Kind of odd how one can change over the years.

Even though I don’t get out for long, I still keep in contact with my friends and family.  I have a few friends I talk to almost daily via facebook.  I chat with my family a couple times a week on the phone.  I am slowly reestablishing sidetracked friendships on facebook.  Over the last few years, I had cut my friends list down significantly because of, well, dumb reasons.  Some of these friends were worth letting go, but many are worth reestablishing contact with.