Been kind of a quiet last few days. That’s why I haven’t written much; just no real news to report. I still sleep most mornings after being awake most nights. Last night was the first time in months I was asleep before midnight. It was strange to be waking up at sunrise instead of going to bed then. Even though my schedules are all backward compared to the rest of the world, I’m still feeling quite stable. I’m sure my friends and family are concerned about my backwards bio clock, but I have more or less been quite stable for months because of it. Even though my social life has taken a beating because of my schedule, I really don’t want to change it up too much because it has worked for so long.
I usually spend my overnight hours attending YouTube university and messing with computer games. I like playing strategy games as opposed to shooters or action games. I guess I like brain building activities even in leisure time. As far as youtube goes, the topics I watch on change every so often. For awhile I was researching near future tech we could be seeing in the next few years. Then I researched early civilizations like Sumeria. Now I’m currently interested in the old Chinese Silk Road. Unfortunately, I didn’t study that part of the world’s history much during my formal education. But then there is only so much time in school that most things I had to learn on my own out of necessity and my own curiousity. But just because I’m on disability doesn’t mean I have gotten lazy. Too many people have the idea that all disabled people spend their social security money on booze and drugs. For most of us, this simply isn’t true. Sure some people do stupid things with their money, but so do many people regardless their working status.
I usually spend my evenings alone and working on my computers and building my brains. But I enjoy learning. It is actually fun for me. I feel sad that intelligence is no longer valued among most people I know. But that is just the way things are. One good thing about the internet is that it is easier to find like minded people than in ages past. Most of my friends I interact with online. Many I haven’t met in real life and probably never will. But that’s going to be the new normal.
The weather is starting to warm up and the days are getting longer. Spring will be in full effect within a few weeks. I am enjoying the warmer weather. I’m getting out of my apartment a few times a day to enjoy the warmer weather. During the course of the winter I have gotten lazy about cleaning my apartment. So a few days worth of spring cleaning is in order. Unfortunately I let my house kind of slide for the colder winter months.
Baseball will also be starting in a few weeks. I still have several days to do some research before I have to pick my fantasy league baseball team. Been watching a few pre season games the last few days. First time I really watched regular tv since the Super Bowl. February has always been a slow time of year for me.
Been feeling pretty stable mentally overall. I have started to wake up earlier as I no longer sleep until noon every day. I don’t sleep as much and I think my body and mind are starting to reenter spring mode again. I’m not staying up as late either. Seems to me that my overnight mentality is strongest in the darker days of winter.
I can tell that spring is almost here and winter is all but done. The weather is warming up, the nights aren’t as long, daylight saving time will begin next weekend in my country, the trees are starting to bud, the grass is a little greener, and it seems that the people around me are getting in better moods as the weather warms and the days get longer. I had dealt with so many foul moods over the last few months I pretty much isolated for most of the winter. I just didn’t want to deal with angry people anymore. But even the people in my life are starting to act more cheerful and optimistic.
Even though I have been making a point to leave my apartment several times every day I still haven’t worked up to taking an extended road trip. I haven’t been outside of my town since last fall. I actually made it through the winter with having to fill my gas tank only once I drove so little this winter. But I think since the weather is starting to warm I may have to make a few trips. It has gotten old spending most of my time at home and having the bulk of my social interactions taking place over phone and internet.
I am looking forward to spring. I am glad that winter is all but over. Won’t be long now.
Now that the holidays have come and passed, I am settling into my winter routines. I find that I am spending much of my day reading online articles and reading books. I don’t play as many computer games as I used to. I’m finding myself dining out less as I’ve had fast food only once in the last week. I’ve been eating less than normal the last week. I can tell I feel less sluggish because I’m not eating so much unhealthy fast food. I do sleep more than I did during the summer. But it does help pass the time when so much of the day is dark and cold. I don’t just go out and drive my car much anymore. While I have conquered my fear of driving I just see no need to do much of it anymore. I fuel my car probably only once a month now. I just see no need to really go anywhere unless it’s necessary. I can do most of my socializing online and via cell phone now.
I’ve been reading on some of the books I bought over the last couple months. I’m reading a lot of online articles too. Just because I don’t have many guests in my apartment doesn’t mean that I don’t socialize. I’m slowly starting to socialize more over Facebook and even in the hallways of my apartment complex. It has been a slow process getting over my paranoia and fear of socializing. And it’s one that’s not completed by any means.
I haven’t seen any regular tv in the last several weeks besides live sports. For a couple weeks around Christmas there were college football bowl games on every night it seemed. I would have a game on in the background most days while I was working online but I wasn’t really paying attention to the games. I guess I just feel guilty about watching young men maim themselves for my enjoyment the older I get. I probably should watch more soccer or basketball until baseball starts again. I just don’t watch a lot of tv. I avoid the news channels as they are mostly negative news that doesn’t effect me. Bad things have been happening all over the world throughout history, it’s just now that we know about it instantly with our communication tech. The world isn’t more violent than in the past, it’s just better informed.
I’m starting to settle into winter routines. Been reading a lot of online articles, been reading my amazon books, been listening to free podcasts through youtube, and I’m generally feeling stable and content since the weather started turning colder. I’m ready to face the winter.
Hi there, thank you for checking out my blog page where I write about Bipolar, adhd,bpd and ptsd which I struggle with daily. This blog is to both educate and give others hope. I also write about my drug addiction in hopes of giving other people encouragment and hope for a brighter, annd better future.Thank you. sincerly, Emily Thorn.