It’s been a few days since I saw my psych doctor. We decided to add a third medication. I think it’s starting to work. I’m getting a little more active with each passing day, I’m starting to wake up earlier, I’m feeling less depressed, I’m feeling less paranoid, and I’m getting out of my apartment more often. So I think the psych appointment was a good idea. I see him again in a week.
I’m surprised at how fast I’m improving. I haven’t felt this decent in a while. I hope things keep improving.
Been making some changes in my routines since Christmas. I am getting more physical activity, been eating less meat and more vegetables and rice. I have eaten in restaurants only twice since New Year’s Day. I have changed up my diet quite a bit. I no longer cook a lot of grilled and baked chicken and beef. Instead I pretty much eat mostly rice, vegetables, potatoes, and soup. I still don’t eat much bread. I get most of my carbs anymore through rice and potatoes. Neither potatoes nor rice make me feel as lethargic or bloated as large amounts of bread. Now I absolutely love sub sandwiches, but if I have more than one every couple days I’ll be feeling slow and sluggish.
I have been cleaning my apartment more often. I had been kind of lazy about this for a few months. But since I’m feeling much better and more stable I have found it easier to keep my place cleaner. My place may not make Good Housekeeping, but it’s still better than most college dorm rooms.
I am getting more social activity via Facebook. I had been kind of a ghost on social media besides promoting the blog for months because I didn’t want to be part of political discussions. While it feels good to be back in contact with extending family and college friends, it is unnerving that friendships can be strained by things as petty as political opinions. But I am glad I don’t have to hear about it for another few years.
Haven’t dealt with hallucinations for weeks. Haven’t had problems with delusions for awhile. Haven’t had issues with depression for almost two months. I am getting consistent sleep even though I tend to sleep in until late morning most days. My medications don’t make me sleepy and I think I am more effected by caffeine than I was a few years ago. Finding out the hard way that I just can’t drink as much caffeine as much as I used to. That is another new reality I have to learn to adapt to.
I’m still not venturing out of the complex as much. But it has been quite cold the last few weeks. But I am definitely saving money on gas by not driving as much. I drive only half of what I used to, so I buy gas only once a month anymore. I don’t mind as gas prices are going back up and I can do so much online anymore. I admit I spend a lot of time online anymore, far more than I did even five years ago.
Been reading much more lately. I still like reading about science and technology advances. I am finding that as fast as the advances are coming anymore, the science books I have are starting to become out of date even if they are only a few years old. I am finding out that Bill Gates was right when he said that people overestimate tech advances short term but underestimate them long term. Books I bought that were written even four years ago underestimated some of the advances we are seeing now. So to meet my desire for science and tech news I have to read more online periodicals and science blogs. I always liked science and wanted to make it my career since grade school. I have gotten to where I like reading science sites more than I do watching sports. I know I’m weird.
These are just a few of my new routines now that it’s winter and I’m feeling stability for the first time in months. I’m just enjoying it right now and I’m going to ride this hot streak for all it’s worth.
The holidays have come and gone. I’m glad for it. The too loud Christmas music and fireworks on New Year’s Eve were getting to cause me sensory overload. I’m glad that things are going to start to return to normal. I haven’t experienced any normal for a long time. 2016 was indeed an odd year. Many of the heroes of my childhood, namely John Glenn, David Bowie, Muhammed Ali, etc. died that year. I guess the older I get the more I’ll see the heroes of my childhood die off. But as old heroes die off, new heroes will step up and take their place.
I spoke to my counselor right before New Year’s. He and I agreed that I’m doing well enough that I only need to see him only once a month. As tough as 2016 was for me I did escape the year without having to go to the mental hospital. I’ve now avoided that place for three years. I think the older I get the more I am able to deal with the ups and downs of my mental illness. The last breakdown I had was before Halloween and the last one I had before that was back in July 2016. And both of these breakdowns were less intense and less long lived than breakdowns in previous years. Maybe I am getting on top of this mess.
Talked to my landlord the other day. She said I’ll be getting my new paint for my walls and new carpet by the end of January. I have been anxiously waiting for new carpet and a new paint job for months. I have lived in my current apartment for over ten years. I haven’t have much done to the place since I moved in. And the carpet and paint on the walls are probably over twenty years old. They are due. I haven’t complained about them in the past simply because I knew whatever complaints I made would be ignored and not taken seriously. I have had legitimate complaints over the years not taken seriously by my bosses, coworkers, teachers, classmates, and even family members. So I am now to where I don’t complain unless it’s a major crisis because, from past experience, I know I won’t be taken seriously. I never understood way complaints of subordinates and renters were never taken seriously by those in authority. I may be in my mid thirties but I still don’t trust authority figures because for years my complaints were always ignored. That could be one of the reasons I isolate and don’t socialize. I just know from past experience that my opinions are just not valued. They never have been. I don’t expect them to ever be valued really. I have just been burned too many times.
I am glad the madness of the holidays and the insanity of the election are over. Both have made my life very difficult for many months. I am tired of having to hold my tongue for fear of offending a friend who doesn’t think exactly as I do. I am tired of always fighting crowds and traffic every time I want to leave my apartment. I am tired of always feeling like I have to hole up and hide out just to protect my sanity. I am ready for some things to return to normal. I won’t miss 2016. I only hope 2017 is a better and more hopeful year. I got tired of seeing angry and hopeless people every time I turned on the tv, logged on to Facebook, or left my apartment.
My exercise times are gradually increasing. My stamina is slowing coming back. I can now sleep in a bed every night with no problems. Went to the park yesterday to exercise. I exercised indoors today because of the heat and humidity. I am still tracking everything I eat and I think that is helping. I can tell I’m already eating less. I get to see my nephews and niece tomorrow. So I will get to do some socializing after weeks of primarily isolation. I feel like things are starting to get better after months of stagnation and problems. I think it’s starting to look good for the first time in a real long time.