It’s raining and overcast in my home town. On the surface it looks like a typical early spring day. Not much traffic on the highway outside my place. Bought some cleaning supplies yesterday. Been doing more reading these days. Contacted a few family members I hadn’t talked to in a while.
Still holding on alright mentally. I haven’t left my apartment except to pick up deliveries in almost two weeks. Been watching a lot of comedy and history channels on youtube the last few days. I try to check the news only a couple times per day. I’ll have to drop off my rent check in a few days.
Still sleeping a lot. But sleep is good for the immune system. And having to avoid people doesn’t bother me as much as it would most people. Overall things are still going alright.
Stayed up later than usual last night. I was chatting with an old friend via facebook. Woke up to a foggy and damp morning. Had my cleaning lady arrive yesterday. So I’m set for a few days. Had to order some cleaning supplies and those should be coming this afternoon.
I’m making a point of reading the news only once or twice daily. I saw that the Prime Minister of England has now tested positive for covid 19. Other than that I haven’t read much. I haven’t been feeling sick or anything like that. Maybe the self isolating is helping.
I have been reading more. I guess I’m getting burned out on looking at a computer or tv screen much of the time. I make it a point to do meditation and breathing exercises at least twice a day.
At this point I’m still holding up well. Just waiting and taking everything one day at a time like most of the world at this time.
Overall I’m feeling pretty decent. I usually make a point of leaving my apartment at least once a day or host guests. Whenever I have delivery people come, I usually meet them on the ground floor lobby instead of wait in my apartment. Been doing this for a week. It gets me out of the apartment and forces me to socialize more.
Started reading more again. Had been lazy about that for almost two weeks. I usually go to bed around 9pm and wake in the middle of the night. I stay up for usually two to three hours and then go back to sleep, usually until 7am.
I have been fighting a minor cold for a few days. Just taking vitamin C pills and drinking hot fluids until this clears. Second cold I’ve had this winter as I had one around New Year’s.
Spring is a few weeks away. This winter hasn’t seemed as long as some previous winters. I’m looking forward to warmer weather again and not having to sit under a blanket most of the time.
Mentally I feel pretty decent for the most part. I sometimes have moments of anxiousness and irritability. Fortunately I can break out of it usually after a few minutes. I’m glad I haven’t had problems in front of neighbors or family lately. Sometimes breathing exercises and just disconnecting for several minutes is enough to let it pass by.
I still talk to my parents two to three times per week. I call my brother two to three times a month. He’s usually pretty busy with work and taking kids to sports practices or school activities. My oldest nephew is a freshman in high school.
Talk to my friends more often. I have a couple I try to reach out to at least once a day on facebook. I don’t do much with my groups other than just read posted articles. I just no longer have the energy or desire to engage in long discussions online except with friends and family. I see my neighbors a few times a week. They were kind enough to make dinner for me earlier in the week.
Don’t have much planned for the weekend. Probably just go outdoors for awhile if the weather isn’t too bad. Might sleep in too.
Been sleeping more the last few days. I think I’m trying to fight off a cold, again. Been hitting the fluids and vitamin C. Hopefully this passes quickly. I haven’t been socializing as much the last few days either. I have been to tired to be much for decent conversation. I have gone easier on reading the last few days too. I essentially want to sleep as often as possible.
I getting to where I’m ready for spring. Spring is usually my happiest time of year, especially in May and June. For some reason I just don’t well in the heat of late summer. August is traditionally a tough time for me. I think I’ve gotten my fill of winter. Fortunately it hasn’t been as tough of a winter this year as last. We haven’t had much snow in my town since the first of the year. The air hasn’t felt dry, it just hasn’t snowed or rained much in my town the last several weeks.
A lot of sickness has been going around my complex and my town this winter. Other than a bad cold around the first of the year, I have avoided it. Even though I still don’t socialize much in person, I’ve been making a point of leaving my apartment at least once a day the last few days. I think I’m just wanting to be out and about more. Even when I have deliveries to my place, I now meet them in the lobby rather than wait for them at home. I usually have a decent idea of what time my delivery guys will arrive, so I usually go to the lobby a few minutes before they arrive. It gives me an extra reason to move around more and gets me out of the apartment, at least for several minutes.
My mother’s birthday was yesterday. She’s now in her seventies. I was talking to her yesterday and she said her age doesn’t get her as much as having her youngest son (me) going to be forty this summer. I guess being forty doesn’t traumatize me as much as I thought it would. I do regularly shave now as I was noticing a few gray hairs in my beard. That I spent much of my thirties with a beard. I haven’t been losing hair but I’ve noticed my hair doesn’t grow as fast as it once did. The only real part of being middle aged that bothers me is that I just don’t have the endurance I did even a few years ago. I used to walk 3 miles a day all the way until my mid 30s with no problems. Most of the jobs I ever had required me to be on my feet most of the time. I now understand why people look for desk jobs once they hit their late 30s. My mind is as strong as ever, but the body just isn’t keeping up anymore. I’m still adapting to this.
I have now accepted that there isn’t any embarrassment in asking for help, especially with physical tasks. It took me awhile to adapt to this. For as long as I can remember until a couple years ago, I was the one who was doing physical tasks for others on a daily basis. When I worked retail, I didn’t mind lifting heavy items or stocking shelves. I didn’t mind the lifting and walking involved in factory work. I enjoyed being on my feet when I worked as a janitor for a few years. But that kind of endurance has faded over the last few years. I was so used to helping others I didn’t bother to keep track of what I did to help others. I didn’t mind living on the top floor of an apartment complex and parking as far away as possible from the front door just because I was quite mobile. Not anymore, at least the mobility part. I still try to help people, even if it’s as simple as keeping clutter off the floor so my cleaning lady can get her work done quicker. For years I helped others and didn’t think of doing otherwise. But I guess now I can ask for help as needed. See, it does pay to help others.
I haven’t written in a few days. I have been staying home for the last few days. My neighbors drop by usually once or twice a day. They were kind enough to cook dinner for me last night. Having good neighbors can dramatically improve an apartment complex or neighborhood. I’m fortunate I have good neighbors now. It makes living in low income housing more bearable.
Still reading quite a bit. I’m probably a quarter of the way through Wealth of Nations. I haven’t done much on audiobooks but have been listening to more music. Been listening to a lot of jazz and blues lately. Haven’t been playing computer games as much the last couple weeks. I still do a little every day, but I tend to read and listen to music more.
Been keeping in contact with old friends more. Granted talking to friends over facebook just isn’t the same as meeting people in person, it does help keep people in touch when used properly. I haven’t been on my tech and futurist groups much other than to read articles. I don’t usually join in discussions and I never leave comments unless I have something positive or funny to say. It’s keep me out of online arguments for months now.
Been sleeping in my new bed for two weeks now. It sleeps better than my old one. I have fewer aches and pains in the morning. I’ve even had several days when I don’t take pain pills. Besides my psych medication, the only thing I take every day anymore is a multi vitamin pill with breakfast. It turns out I don’t need as much sleep now. I usually sleep six to seven hours at night and maybe an hour in the afternoon. I used to sleep twelve hours a day in the fall.
I guess I don’t have much planned for the next few days. I haven’t gone anywhere off the complex property for a few weeks. Too cold and I really have nowhere within walking distance I want to go. I am having groceries and cleaning supplies delivered tomorrow morning and my cleaning lady will be here tomorrow afternoon. Got several loads of laundry done earlier this week. I’m pretty much set for awhile after tomorrow.
Been feeling quite stable the last several days. I imagine more consistent sleep, avoiding negative people and places, and staying in touch with friends and family at least once a day helps. It also helps that I don’t watch the news or visit news sites. No reason to get worked up over things that I can’t do anything about. Winter has always been a calming time for me.
Been on my new meds routine for almost a week now. I’m beginning to notice some positive differences. I need less sleep, it takes more to become irritated, I move about more, and I even have better concentration.
My lab results came back too. I am not diabetic (thank goodness), and all my other vitals checked out within normal ranges. My cholesterol was in the 220s, so I will have to watch that closer. I picked up replacement parts for my cpap machine. I also started the paper work to try to get a home health aide to drop in on me every few days. Overall, things are beginning to look brighter.
2019 has been both a good and a tough year for me. I gave up most fast food and sugary foods. I lift weights three times a week. I’m less tolerant of people who try to mistreat me. But I’ve also had some tough times too. I isolate a lot more. I no longer want to socialize with most people. I go through bouts of hopelessness and depression more. Somedays all I want to do is sleep. I sold my car. I gave up driving, just too much sensory overload and too stressful. I guess I have gotten to a point in my life where I have almost zero tolerance for stupidity and rudeness. And I have a lot of these the last few years, more so than usual.
2019 was a tough year in some respects. I fear 2020 won’t be any better, at least not as far as socializing goes.
Pretty good day today. My neighbors came over to visit a little. They also helped me with my laundry. They were kind enough to make supper for me too. I don’t have any immediate way to repay them other then buy them a few supplies and maybe some groceries the next time I’m shopping.
I’ve seen my neighbors almost every day for the last two weeks. I’m starting to adjust to having visitors more often. And I quite enjoy it. It’s a pleasant feeling to know that someone out of blood relations and old friends care about me. I’m slowly getting less and less anxiety prone by the day. I even don’t nap as often. I used to nap twice a day. That has dropped to only once a day, usually in late afternoon, within the last week. I’m even experiencing less severe aches and pains. The mornings are still the worst, but even those are getting more bearable by the day. Usually after a stretch, a hot bath, and a couple cups of water with my breakfast, I’m ready to go.
I don’t even play computer games as much anymore. I spend more time reading online articles, listening to audiobooks and podcasts, and writing in my journals. I usually write a couple times a day. I my journals are the domain for my thoughts that would be too off subject and inappropriate for this blog. It’s too early to tell, but hopefully I can eventually get back into writing poetry and drafts for stories. I haven’t written poetry on a regular basis in probably six years. Same goes for stories and novel drafts.
Been getting back into writing emails again. They are much better for writing in depth and detailed correspondence. Social media is good for short snippets, photos, and links to articles. No such thing as an all purpose tool, at least not for socializing online.
Been staying up later too. Went to bed around 11pm last night. Got up at 5am. I still haven’t pulled an all nighter in months. I may try to do that before too long.