Saw my psych doctor today. Mentally I’m quite stable and feeling less anxiety. Haven’t had problems with anxiety or irritability for months now. Physically I feel better overall. I don’t need as much sleep and I exercise a little every morning. I’ve also started stretching every morning too. That seems to help with the minor and annoying aches and pains in addition to starting my day off right.
Been socializing more than previously. Even though I sometimes went entire days without leaving my apartment early this winter, I still socialized some. Granted, socializing online and over the phone isn’t quite the same as connecting to someone in person. But I do live in a place where not many people share my interests, so I have to make do or fake like I have a serious interest in things I really don’t. I’m missing my old friends quite a bit these days. As much as I loved college, I didn’t realize just how special those days were until I was out in the adult world for several years and without much for an in person social network. Fortunately, thanks to facebook and twitter, it is easier for me to keep in contact with college and even high school friends then even fifteen years ago.
I guess that winter is now half over. It has been a long time since I spent hours on end outdoors getting lots of sunshine and fresh air. Even though this has been a long winter, it hasn’t been an unbearable one. I think it helps that I have learned to manage stress better and keep myself occupied, even if it is as mundane as playing Civilization or Skyrim for a few hours at a time.
I am also listening to audiobooks again. I’m currently almost done with The Future of Humanity by Michio Kaku. I recently started Life 3.0 by Max Tegmark. The last ones I finished were Foundation by Issac Asimov and Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Hurrari.
Continuing my self directed study too. I enjoy those ‘What If’ channels on youtube that present alternate histories of what could have happened had even slight changes happened. Interesting thought exercises to be sure. Still reading online articles though not as much as I had in previous months. I guess I’m taking some time to allow my mind to digest and process what I had previously learned. I imagine the human mind, even as powerful as it is, can only absorb so much over a given period of time before it needs a round or two of rest, recuperation and relaxation.
After a warmup over the weekend, we are back into more winter like weather. Granted I didn’t get the several feet of snow or the 50 below wind chills that much of the eastern U.S. received. It was cold enough for me and I avoided most of the cold spell. An old college friend of mine was telling me that it got almost 30 below zero in her town.
Don’t know much else I suppose. I haven’t written much the last several days simply because I didn’t have much to report as I was just riding out the cold spell and not doing much. Sometimes I also don’t write much if I’m feeling more stable. But I imagine when I am stable is exactly when I should be reflecting on the problems I had in past years. I look forward to the second half of winter. I’ll keep everyone posted.
I weathered yet another snow storm this winter. Fortunately this one is starting to melt off already after only a couple days. If I wait long enough, maybe I won’t have to shovel the snow off my car 🙂 Been staying close to home and generally getting less than I would like accomplished. If I haven’t written as much the last month it’s only because I have less to report than usual. We’ve had a couple new people move into our complex. So far they seem to be working out. I haven’t been outside of my hometown since before Christmas and I haven’t had house guests since our family’s Christmas party.
My back seems to be doing better. I can walk further distances but not as far as I would like. I’m still lifting arm weights to make up the difference. I’ve been sleeping more. I am convinced this is due to cutting out caffeine for the last few days. I haven’t gotten jittery and irritable from withdraw, at least not yet. I’m probably going to get out and buy some coffee within the next day or two once all the ice is melted. We’ve had snow cover for over a month now. And usually here in Nebraska winters are bitterly cold but dry.
One month of winter has come and gone. And I really don’t feel like I got much accomplished from all of my indoor time. I do go see my psych doctor early in February. I guess I really don’t have much to report to him besides being more or less stable though a little paranoid around people. But even that paranoia has been lessening within the last few days. I don’t foresee any medication changes coming in the near future.
It’s been a quiet and uneventful winter for me so far. But I am beginning to look forward to spring. Just another two months to go.
With the really cold weather I have had for the last several days, I rarely left my apartment between Christmas and New Year’s. I started my car a few times and shoveled out the snow so I can now get out if necessary. I’m going to have to get out within the next few days as I am running low on supplies and groceries. Being shut up inside has made me a little restless and bored. But it’s supposed to start warming up within a day or two. Maybe I can get out more often now. But it has been a lonely and tedious several days just staying home, watching football, and playing computer games. I hope to have a new routine started soon.
Haven’t gotten to talk to anyone besides my parents and a couple close friends since Christmas. I haven’t been on facebook much the last few months. Seems to me even my friends are starting to avoid social media. So much for reconnecting people. It has been kind of a lonely go the last several days. I did host Christmas but haven’t had guests since.
Even though mentally I have been stable for months, I don’t have much for enthusiasm in anything anymore. I used to be able to spend hours on end reading online articles or wikipedia in addition to educational programs on youtube and curiosity stream. I haven’t found much joy in these activities for a few weeks now. Not sure what the issues are. For all I know the reduction in doses of some of my psych meds could be the culprit. I may not have the ups and downs, but I am also losing many of my interests. I have also become quite lazy now, I’m embarrassed to admit. I imagine it’s just a matter of readjusting and adapting in order to get my old interests back. At least I haven’t lost my interests in writing. I may not post as often as I used to but that is because I have less to report. Most of this is from lack of flare ups and a lack of socializing.
Fortunately socializing doesn’t make me annoyed anymore. Now I have the problem of being scared to socialize. I guess the hostility is being edged out by the old paranoia issues. I am scared to socialize in most instances anymore besides with close friends and family members. I am not as afraid to drive my car anymore. I just don’t want to anymore. Driving just seems kind of pointless anymore. I haven’t really had much reason to laugh much lately. I just don’t make a point to watch comedy shows as much as I should. I just don’t make a point to watch much of anything anymore. Been a few weeks since I watched anything on netflix and I haven’t done an audiobook for almost a month. If it wasn’t for football for the last two weeks I wouldn’t have watched much of anything this winter. And since I need less sleep than I used to, the days and nights seem to stretch out forever. I hope the rest of winter isn’t this long or bleak. I hope it warms up a little soon. I’ve about hit my breaking point with having to stay inside all day because of the snow and cold.
Well, our civilization survived another trip around the mother star. It was an interesting year to say the least, at least news wise. For me, it was kind of a quiet year. Other than one breakdown in the early fall, I have been very stable. After twenty years of working with schizophrenia, some of the things I have to do to keep stable have become routine. I have to be more careful than most people about who I associate with and what conversations I take part in. I have been fortunate to have not had psychotic breakdowns in public. I’m scared that if I ever did, I’d at very least end up in jail. So I find myself isolating for much of the time. It has to be a special occasion before I have guests in my apartment and even then it has to be a small and informal gathering. Otherwise I couldn’t handle it.
It’s been very cold for the last week and a half. I haven’t gone out much during this span. So I have been content to stay home, watch some football, play some computer games, etc. I have no plans for New Year’s Eve as it’s going to be too cold to go anywhere. I am starting to get a little tired of always staying home because of the weather. But it’s supposed to warm up some by the end of this week.
One problem I have faced the last several days is a lack of enthusiasm for much of anything. It’s not that I am bored, it’s that I really don’t want to do much of anything. I also now have the problem of not needing much sleep. I’ve needed only five to six hours of sleep a day for the last two weeks. I usually sleep from one a.m. to seven a.m. anymore. But I have been stable enough for the last several months I’ve had some of my medications’ doses reduced. Maybe that is why I don’t need as much sleep. But I still can’t explain my lack of enthusiasm or lack of engagement. I’m feeling unenthusiastic enough that I’m not doing a science and tech year in review post this year. Besides, it isn’t like I got much of a response from those posts anyway.
I’m ending 2017 alone in my apartment simply because of the weather. I just don’t want to go anywhere when it’s this cold. It’s a good day to stay home and stay under the blankets with a cup of hot coffee.
Been spending more time at home since the weather is turning cold. Haven’t had any real snow yet, but that probably won’t last long. Avoiding the stores and crowds of holiday shoppers. I have never done well in crowds and it seems to get worse as I age. Found out that one of my local grocery stores offers home delivery. I have used this a few times as I really don’t like driving on crowded streets anymore. Found out I do just fine on rural highways when I went to my parents’ place for Thanksgiving.
Overall I’m feeling pretty stable. Haven’t done much since cleaning my apartment over the weekend. Haven’t really been in the mood to talk to many people, so I keep to myself most of the time. Besides talking to a few friends and my parents, I haven’t had much for a social life for the last week. Now that I have winter supplies stocked again, I really don’t have to leave my complex for at least a few days if I don’t want to.
Between getting out my winter coat and stocking up on cold weather food, I think I’m ready for the next three to four months of winter. Even though spring is my favorite time of year, I’ve also enjoyed winter in years past. I usually get a lot of reading and writing done on cold days. I don’t feel guilty for not wanting to go outside in the cold. I am ready for winter.
My life has been essentially quiet and uneventful since Christmas. We had a pretty cold January and early February so I didn’t really go anywhere except to pick up groceries and house supplies for the last two months. We had our traditional mid winter thaw the last week or so. So I’ve been spending some time outside watching the squirrels and birds. I see the cranes and Canadian geese are starting to migrate back. They are usually quite thick near my town from the last week in February until middle March. I’m going to take a few hours sometime next week and just watch the birds along the Platte River just outside my town like I do every March.
I traditionally love to travel and see new places. But I haven’t been outside of Nebraska since my friend Matt’s wedding almost two years ago. And I can tell that the lack of travel and new experiences are making me stale and itchy. Believe it or not, I really don’t like the sedentary lifestyle. When I still held traditional jobs, I usually did my best at jobs where I was moving a lot and it didn’t matter if I got sweaty or dirty. I admit that since I had the sedentary lifestyle forced on me, first by my car accident and then spending a summer with a messed up back, I have gotten lazy. And by getting lazy I can tell I have lost much of my stamina and enjoyment of just doing simple things like walking around the park or going to the all night deli to pick up some Chinese food. I have recently started going back to the all night deli more often, especially if I’m going to be up late.
I am still not as active as I would like to be, but I can tell that it is beginning to come back. I am traditionally not very active during winters, at least not physically. I usually read a lot and have traditionally done some of my best writing work during the winter. Most of the books I read this winter were about future technology trends and popular science. I also listen to a lot of audiobooks and current events type lectures on youtube. I tend to utilize youtube and my books more in winter than the spring or fall. Traditionally during the summers I do most of my errands in the morning than spend the hottest parts of the afternoon reading and writing. But I still do the bulk of my brain work during the winter.
I can tell that the lack of physical activity and travel is making me easily bored. It is also tough in that I haven’t seen my close friends or family at all since Christmas. I fear that I’m losing my social skills. I don’t socialize much with my neighbors in my complex as I have little in common with them. Most of my neighbors are senior citizens or people with physical disabilities that can’t do much of anything. I don’t know many people in here with mental health issues who are still in reasonably good physical health. It is kind of lonely in here as far as socializing goes. I can also tell that the lack of socializing and physical activity has taken a toll on my physical health. I just hope that once spring sets in a few weeks from now, I’ll be able to get more active again.
Been making some changes in my routines since Christmas. I am getting more physical activity, been eating less meat and more vegetables and rice. I have eaten in restaurants only twice since New Year’s Day. I have changed up my diet quite a bit. I no longer cook a lot of grilled and baked chicken and beef. Instead I pretty much eat mostly rice, vegetables, potatoes, and soup. I still don’t eat much bread. I get most of my carbs anymore through rice and potatoes. Neither potatoes nor rice make me feel as lethargic or bloated as large amounts of bread. Now I absolutely love sub sandwiches, but if I have more than one every couple days I’ll be feeling slow and sluggish.
I have been cleaning my apartment more often. I had been kind of lazy about this for a few months. But since I’m feeling much better and more stable I have found it easier to keep my place cleaner. My place may not make Good Housekeeping, but it’s still better than most college dorm rooms.
I am getting more social activity via Facebook. I had been kind of a ghost on social media besides promoting the blog for months because I didn’t want to be part of political discussions. While it feels good to be back in contact with extending family and college friends, it is unnerving that friendships can be strained by things as petty as political opinions. But I am glad I don’t have to hear about it for another few years.
Haven’t dealt with hallucinations for weeks. Haven’t had problems with delusions for awhile. Haven’t had issues with depression for almost two months. I am getting consistent sleep even though I tend to sleep in until late morning most days. My medications don’t make me sleepy and I think I am more effected by caffeine than I was a few years ago. Finding out the hard way that I just can’t drink as much caffeine as much as I used to. That is another new reality I have to learn to adapt to.
I’m still not venturing out of the complex as much. But it has been quite cold the last few weeks. But I am definitely saving money on gas by not driving as much. I drive only half of what I used to, so I buy gas only once a month anymore. I don’t mind as gas prices are going back up and I can do so much online anymore. I admit I spend a lot of time online anymore, far more than I did even five years ago.
Been reading much more lately. I still like reading about science and technology advances. I am finding that as fast as the advances are coming anymore, the science books I have are starting to become out of date even if they are only a few years old. I am finding out that Bill Gates was right when he said that people overestimate tech advances short term but underestimate them long term. Books I bought that were written even four years ago underestimated some of the advances we are seeing now. So to meet my desire for science and tech news I have to read more online periodicals and science blogs. I always liked science and wanted to make it my career since grade school. I have gotten to where I like reading science sites more than I do watching sports. I know I’m weird.
These are just a few of my new routines now that it’s winter and I’m feeling stability for the first time in months. I’m just enjoying it right now and I’m going to ride this hot streak for all it’s worth.