Been getting out a little more the last few days in spite the cold. Saw my psych doctor on a cancelation appointment the other day. We made some adjustments in the psych medications. I added a third med. I also saw a general practice doctor yesterday. We decided to add a blood pressure medication. I’m not really surprised as high blood pressure runs in my family. So it looks like I’m getting out and about more and starting to get back on top of my health. I let a lot of that slide over the last several months when I was sleeping a lot and had no energy.
I haven’t been reading as much as I would like lately. I’ve also been kind of lazy about writing. Mentally I have felt quite stable. Haven’t had any real bouts of depression or anxiety for a long time. The delusions and hallucinations are at a minimum. I still don’t socialize much in person, but I just don’t isolate as much anymore either. I hope I can make more progress with the holidays coming up. It’s been too long since I last had real good socializing.
The weather is turning colder again indicating that winter won’t be too far away. The leaves on the trees have completely turned. Since I have lots of trees in view of my apartment windows, I can enjoy the autumn foliage and not even put on a coat. I am still a little guarded about whom I socialize with, but at least I socialize a little everyday now. Somedays I’ll stay home most of the time, but I am not as afraid of traveling as I was even a few weeks ago. I try to get outside at least once a day and I’ve been lifting weights for a week now.
I’m also attempting to readjust my sleep patterns to more regular times. For weeks I have been sleeping in the mornings after staying awake most nights. Naturally this messed up my social life and sleep patterns. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been drinking more coffee and hot tea to try to warm up during these colder days. I imagine that this could take several days as I am used to sleeping in the mornings and then being up in the afternoons and overnight hours.
I haven’t seen any family in person since the summer. That will probably change in a few weeks as Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. I have usually been stressed during the holidays in years past. Anymore I avoid going to the stores and malls from Halloween to Christmas just to avoid crowds and the sensory overload. I don’t enjoy Christmas shopping or Christmas music. The only truly Christmas movies I like are It’s A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story. I like the supernatural thrillers of Halloween better. I can’t get into those slasher killer movies. So I’ve been watching more supernatural thrillers lately in the spirit of Halloween. I also enjoyed the old ‘War of the Worlds’ radio broadcast. Youtube has a few recordings of that. So I’ll be binge watching Halloween movies for the next couple days.
Been getting more regular sleep the last few days. So I’m returning to some of my old routines. Started lifting weights again. No doubt it’ll take a few weeks to get back into the routine of lifting weights three times a week. I’m eating healthier again. I used to eat fast food about once a day. Haven’t had the stuff for two weeks now. Been getting up around eight a.m. the last several days. Still napping for a couple hours in the afternoons. But I am no longer staying awake most of the nights.
Been going outside a couple times a day for the last few days. Starting to socialize again too. Found out that some of our more problematic residents have moved out. One of the reasons I isolated so much over the last year or so was to avoid these people. I can freely socialize again without fear of running into negative and angry people all the time. Too bad this didn’t happen a few months ago. Some of these individuals were really taxing my sanity and well being.
Had some changes in my medications. So far they seem to be working. As it is I have a several week supply of meds built up in case of emergencies. I think that after several months of less than optimal times, things are starting to look good again.
Since I’m starting to sleep less and more regular hours again, I’m finding myself with more free time. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with this new found freedom and energy. I have pretty much been withdrawn and homebound for awhile. I imagine I need to start contacting friends and family again. I haven’t been a regular on Facebook for over a month. I want to get back in touch with people again. I’m even starting to look forward to the holidays for the first time in a long time. I’m glad to be back on the mend and more active again.
I want to start losing weight again. I’ve been real lazy about diet and exercise since my car accident two years ago. As a result I gained back all the weight I had lost previously. I haven’t been drinking sugared sodas for a couple weeks and I’m cutting back in other places too. I’m eating more vegetables too. Started lifting weights again. Been lazy about that for a long time. So glad I kept my old hand weights during my minimalist purges. Overall things are looking better than usual. Even during my exiles I stayed positive for the most part. But now I am more social and outgoing, it can get even better.
Been having weird sleep patterns the last couple weeks. Most nights I’m up really late, sometimes until sunrise. Then I’ll often sleep until noon and then again nap a couple hours in the late afternoons. Even though this odd sleep pattern is hurting my social life, I still feel mentally stable. It could be these sleep pattern changes are helping me cope with a traditionally tough time of year for myself. As it is I now usually do my grocery shopping and errands after sunset but no longer in the overnight hours like I used to. I prefer to stay home most nights and weekends anymore. I do most of my socializing by phone or Facebook. But I still feel like some things are missing by not meeting people in person.
Watched some baseball and opening weekend college football this weekend. Found out that my old high school live streams it’s football games on it’s Twitter account. So I got to see my old team play and I didn’t even have to leave my house. I wonder how many other high schools do that. So this was my first decent sports fix after weeks of living mainly off baseball.
I sleep well, but it’s when I sleep well that’s a problem. Anymore I tend to be my most awake when the rest of my apartment complex is asleep. I stay quiet, so much so that sometimes my neighbors never know when I’m home. But mentally I’m still stable. Physically I think I’ve lost a few pounds. This is a pleasant surprise because I haven’t been as physically active as previous summers. So I just cut back on what I eat. I usually eat two large meals a day that are rich in proteins and green vegetables like peas or green beans. I drink lots of water too. Sometimes if I’m feeling hungry I’ll have a large glass of water and wait. If I’m still hungry after about thirty minutes I’ll find a snack. But I don’t eat much sugar or bread. I do eat rice occasionally as it’s cheap, goes good with almost anything, and easy to make.
It’s been a long summer for me, but at least not a bad one. Fall is only a few weeks away and school is starting again. I’ve been feeling well this summer even if I have been real careful about what I do and who I interact with. Only a few more weeks and the nights will be longer and the weather will be cooling. I can hardly wait.
Late summers have traditionally been a tough time for me dealing with mental illness. I usually have to be real careful from late July to early September. So far this year has been different. It could be due to reducing my stress levels and avoiding stressful people and places. It could be due to the medication changes I made a few months ago. And it could be due to changes in my diet. I now don’t eat much wheat or anything that’ll upset my stomach. I have found that I feel better on days I don’t eat bread than on days I do. I have had stomach problems in the past. Stomach issues aren’t uncommon in people with depression and mental health issues. I pretty much limit myself to lots of protein and vegetables anymore. About the only grains I eat on a regular basis anymore are rice based foods. Rice seems to be easier on me than wheat and other grains.
When I do go to restaurants I don’t order things like french fries or most other fried foods. I do occasionally treat myself to chicken strips at KFC. I have pretty much also cut out sugar too. When I do crave caffeine, I usually opt for green tea, coffee, or diet soda. I notice I’m less irritable on days I limit sugar consumption. Easing back on the caffeine was tough the first several days as I would occasionally sleep more than I would like and sometimes experience slight headaches once a day. But I think I have gotten past the worst of the caffeine withdrawal. I used to drink four to six cups of coffee a day, certainly not healthy when dealing with mental health problems.
I have found myself eating more vegetables than usual. Even when I order delivery pizza, I make it a point to get the mostly vegetable pizzas. I don’t feel as weighed down and bloated after a few slices of vegetable pizza as compared to the all meats or cheeses pizzas. Since I’m on a limited budget I have to be careful about buying fresh vegetables that won’t spoil within a couple days. So I usually eat a can of vegetables every days, usually green peas or green beans. I have had some good sweet corn, a Midwest late summer tradition. When I was growing up, it wasn’t uncommon to have sweet corn with dinner three nights a week during the month of August. Most of our meals during late summer involved locally grown sweet corn, tomatoes from our garden, and bacon sandwiches. My parents have introduced my nephews and niece to this August tradition too, even though it will be another few years before the kids develop a taste for tomatoes.
Overall I have felt really decent this summer. I don’t have much drama to report. I’m glad that the push for the playoffs in baseball is starting. I’m also looking forward to the start of football season here in the US in a few weeks. Fall practice has already begun and school will be starting again in a few days. I saw that many countries started their soccer seasons this weekend. I have made a habit of following the US national team since the last World Cup. I hope we make it to the next one coming up in 2018. Since the World Cup will be hosted by Russia next summer, I imagine I’ll be watching soccer at a lot of odd hours to adjust for the time differences. I have kind of gotten into soccer as I have two nephews and a niece who play the game. Even as a kid I was a slow runner but didn’t mind getting hit or hitting others. So that’s why I played football in high school. So that’s why I still watch football in the falls. But we have made it through the long stretch of summer and fall will be here soon. It helps that it has been cooler than usual the last several days in my part of the US. Makes me hopeful for fall and the return of cooler weather.
I’m going to go off subject for this post. But some major changes may be happing in my life soon. I might be moving to a larger city. Which excites me as most of my friends and family have already moved to larger areas. I’m pretty much the last person of my group of friends left in a rural area. My father has been saying since the 1980s that rural America’s greatest export isn’t crops but it’s most intelligent young people. I didn’t believe him when I was in school because even though I was around some troublemakers who didn’t want to be there, I could find smart people to hang out with whenever I wanted. It wasn’t until I got out of college and into the workforce did I realize just how right my father was. Finding intelligent people to have in depth and far flung intelligent conversations with is brutally tough. And it got tougher the older I became.
I should have known something was amiss when most of my friends left the rural area I lived in and went to major cities to find jobs requiring lots of brain power. Even most of my cousins moved to larger areas. One cousin of mine lived in a suburb of our state capital but still telecommuted from his home for several years. Even I telecommute with this blog. I wouldn’t have anywhere near the reach without the internet. Yet I think I could do even better if I was in a larger city with more in person contacts. I stayed in a rural area mainly because of my family and wanting to be close to family while I worked though life with a mental illness. Now my parents are talking about moving to Oklahoma City to be near my brother and his family. If they go, I’m going with them. It was always my plan that I would move to be near my brother after my parents died. But I might not have to wait that long. Besides, I like having my parents around.
It’s not that I am anti social or don’t like communicating with people. I love having intelligent conversations. A half hour intelligent conversation with family members or old friends is enough to recharge my batteries for a few days. Intelligent conversation and learning new things actually makes me feel physically good. It gives me a high that no drug, money, or woman can duplicate. Yet I don’t get that much in the low income housing complex or rural town I live in. I didn’t used to believe it, but I now really believe that there is a “brain drain” that is taking really smart people out of rural areas and sending those brains to urban and suburban areas where there are high paying jobs that require lots of brain power to accomplish. I have met some really sharp farm workers and factory workers over the years of living in rural areas. But I still think they could be doing much better had they gotten some high tech education and moved to a larger city.
Most of my friends in high school and college were really sharp people. As a result, all of them moved out of the rural area I grew up in. And most of them are making pretty decent money. My brother is an engineer for a large firm and so is his wife. He wouldn’t be doing nearly as well had he stayed in the rural areas. A friend of mine living in a Midwest city and her husband are considering moving to the coast because of better job opportunities. My parents are considering moving to Oklahoma City to be closer to the grandkids. If they move, then I won’t be far behind. Part of me has always wanted to see what life in a city was like. I do find it annoying that public transit doesn’t really exist in my town. If I had access to public transit, I’m not sure I’d even own a car. I don’t like driving. I never have. And I know many younger people don’t even want to own cars.
I have never lived in a city. Yet pretty much every one I know who lives in rural areas are trying to tell me how bad city living is and how unfriendly city people are. I have met plenty of unfriendly people in rural areas too. If you look hard enough, you can find whatever you want in people pretty much anywhere. I’m not scared of moving to a city. I am ready for a new chapter in my life. And I feel I have gone as far as I can go living in a rural area.
Been feeling better physically the last few days. I’m getting out of the apartment several times a day, I spend a little time outside everyday, I’m walking more again, and I’m eating less junk food too. As a result I’m feeling fewer aches and pains and sleeping better. I still sleep in my recliner as my back still acts up if I sleep in a bed more than a few hours at a time. I’ll probably spend the rest of the summer in my recliner and just let my back heal.
I’ve been feeling well mentally all summer. That’s a welcome relief as summers have traditionally been a rough time of year for me. My best times tend to be springs and winters. I do feel better in autumn than summer usually but I have had problems in autumn in the past. So far this summer has gone along rather uneventful. It has been quite hot this month so I usually won’t go outside in the middle of the day. I do my shopping usually in the evenings or early mornings. I don’t go out in the overnight like I used to but I am still an incurable night person.
Haven’t had any problems with depression for weeks. Haven’t had issues with anxiety or delusions either. The only real hallucinations I have experienced this summer are occasionally hearing footsteps in the hallway when no one is there and I’ll still have unexplainable itching on my arms like ants walking but nothing is there. Overall I’m doing alright. I think I have even managed to lose a few pounds in the last couple weeks.
Don’t really have much to report. Mentally I’ve been feeling stable. Physically I’m feeling better with each passing day and getting more and more active all the time. Sometimes no news is good news.