Now that the holidays have come and passed, I am settling into my winter routines. I find that I am spending much of my day reading online articles and reading books. I don’t play as many computer games as I used to. I’m finding myself dining out less as I’ve had fast food only once in the last week. I’ve been eating less than normal the last week. I can tell I feel less sluggish because I’m not eating so much unhealthy fast food. I do sleep more than I did during the summer. But it does help pass the time when so much of the day is dark and cold. I don’t just go out and drive my car much anymore. While I have conquered my fear of driving I just see no need to do much of it anymore. I fuel my car probably only once a month now. I just see no need to really go anywhere unless it’s necessary. I can do most of my socializing online and via cell phone now.
I’ve been reading on some of the books I bought over the last couple months. I’m reading a lot of online articles too. Just because I don’t have many guests in my apartment doesn’t mean that I don’t socialize. I’m slowly starting to socialize more over Facebook and even in the hallways of my apartment complex. It has been a slow process getting over my paranoia and fear of socializing. And it’s one that’s not completed by any means.
I haven’t seen any regular tv in the last several weeks besides live sports. For a couple weeks around Christmas there were college football bowl games on every night it seemed. I would have a game on in the background most days while I was working online but I wasn’t really paying attention to the games. I guess I just feel guilty about watching young men maim themselves for my enjoyment the older I get. I probably should watch more soccer or basketball until baseball starts again. I just don’t watch a lot of tv. I avoid the news channels as they are mostly negative news that doesn’t effect me. Bad things have been happening all over the world throughout history, it’s just now that we know about it instantly with our communication tech. The world isn’t more violent than in the past, it’s just better informed.
I’m starting to settle into winter routines. Been reading a lot of online articles, been reading my amazon books, been listening to free podcasts through youtube, and I’m generally feeling stable and content since the weather started turning colder. I’m ready to face the winter.
The weather is turning colder and the days are really short now. As a result I haven’t been leaving my apartment complex much the last several days. And I don’t feel guilty at all about it. I never did well around the crowds of shoppers during the holidays. I just don’t like fighting crowds and waiting in long lines just so I can buy a few items. I think one of these days I’m going to do most of my shopping online and see if I can just get things delivered to my door.
As a result of my quasi hibernation for the last week and a half, I am spending more time reading. I have plenty of books I bought months ago that I’m only now getting into. I have found that I am eating much less too. Most days anymore I eat two meals a day and that’s really about it. I also rarely drink coffee and I used to have a solid four to six cup a day habit. When I do drink soda pop it’s mostly diet anymore and only with meals. I find that in spite the longer nights I’m staying up later and waking up later. I usually experience only a few hours of sunlight a day. It doesn’t really bother me. I really don’t like getting out and fighting traffic and crowds during Christmas.
Christmas really doesn’t mean that much to me as I don’t have kids. I rarely go to Christmas programs and I haven’t decorated for years. I just usually go spend a couple days at my parents’ place and that’s about it anymore. My brother and his kids have their own traditions so they rarely come to Nebraska for the holiday. But Christmas really hasn’t meant much to me other than a few days of vacation and weeks of faux cheery music, too many lights, and too many bells. Now I do like a few Christmas movies like ‘A Christmas Story’ and ‘It’s A Wonderful Life.’ I can’t imagine how tough Christmas is for autistic children who have problems with sensory overload problems. It’s tough for me as an adult with schizophrenia who can voluntarily withdraw when needed.
I really don’t send out Christmas cards as I keep in regular contact with most of my old friends via Facebook. I won’t go to the complex Christmas party again this year. Seems like most people have been in a more foul mood than usual this year. And I just don’t want to experience that during the holidays. Sure it’s tough essentially spending the holidays in self imposed exile because of sensory overload and fear of crowds. But I just don’t see any other options. 2016 has been a more rough than usual year and I’m sure the holidays this year will be worse than normal. I’m just ready for things to go back to some sense of normal. I haven’t experienced normal and prolonged periods of calm for a long time.
I don’t normally post information about my views to alifeofmentalillness.wordpress.com. With this being the end of my first full year of posting about mental illness and mental health issues, I felt it appropriate to give appreciation to everyone who visited during the last twelve months. It was a good year. I hope we can make 2015 even better. Thanks. Zach
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 42 trips to carry that many people.