With the really cold weather I have had for the last several days, I rarely left my apartment between Christmas and New Year’s. I started my car a few times and shoveled out the snow so I can now get out if necessary. I’m going to have to get out within the next few days as I am running low on supplies and groceries. Being shut up inside has made me a little restless and bored. But it’s supposed to start warming up within a day or two. Maybe I can get out more often now. But it has been a lonely and tedious several days just staying home, watching football, and playing computer games. I hope to have a new routine started soon.
Haven’t gotten to talk to anyone besides my parents and a couple close friends since Christmas. I haven’t been on facebook much the last few months. Seems to me even my friends are starting to avoid social media. So much for reconnecting people. It has been kind of a lonely go the last several days. I did host Christmas but haven’t had guests since.
Even though mentally I have been stable for months, I don’t have much for enthusiasm in anything anymore. I used to be able to spend hours on end reading online articles or wikipedia in addition to educational programs on youtube and curiosity stream. I haven’t found much joy in these activities for a few weeks now. Not sure what the issues are. For all I know the reduction in doses of some of my psych meds could be the culprit. I may not have the ups and downs, but I am also losing many of my interests. I have also become quite lazy now, I’m embarrassed to admit. I imagine it’s just a matter of readjusting and adapting in order to get my old interests back. At least I haven’t lost my interests in writing. I may not post as often as I used to but that is because I have less to report. Most of this is from lack of flare ups and a lack of socializing.
Fortunately socializing doesn’t make me annoyed anymore. Now I have the problem of being scared to socialize. I guess the hostility is being edged out by the old paranoia issues. I am scared to socialize in most instances anymore besides with close friends and family members. I am not as afraid to drive my car anymore. I just don’t want to anymore. Driving just seems kind of pointless anymore. I haven’t really had much reason to laugh much lately. I just don’t make a point to watch comedy shows as much as I should. I just don’t make a point to watch much of anything anymore. Been a few weeks since I watched anything on netflix and I haven’t done an audiobook for almost a month. If it wasn’t for football for the last two weeks I wouldn’t have watched much of anything this winter. And since I need less sleep than I used to, the days and nights seem to stretch out forever. I hope the rest of winter isn’t this long or bleak. I hope it warms up a little soon. I’ve about hit my breaking point with having to stay inside all day because of the snow and cold.