Tag Archives: life

Living Alone Again and Middle Age in Summer 2026

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After over nine months of living in my own place and getting healthier than I have been in several years, I feel like the second half of my life has officially begun. So far I’m liking what I’m seeing.

It feels great that 90 percent of the aches and pains I was experiencing a year ago are now gone. I credit it to weight loss, healthier eating habits, giving up most sugar, and getting out of constant stress. That stress, it’s a killer. And I’m convinced it makes people make bad decisions.

I’ve always enjoyed living on my own. After two and a half years in the suburbs I am on my own again. Feels good to have some privacy again. Sure, I may need around the clock health care. But at least I can, for the most part, write, read, watch documentaries, run simulations in my computer games, etc. without someone hanging over my shoulder all day every day. Feels great to not have to listen to a blaring tv or people just walking in at random several times a day.

I have a pretty sweat deal set up where the aides only bother me a few times a day and usually at scheduled times. I despise surprises and unannounced changes to my routines. It took some convincing and explaining, but I have pretty much convinced most of the regular staff to allow me to have some alone time every day. It feels great that I’m not even guilt tripped into not wanting to go to social activities anymore.

This is the 2020s. Why do I need to socialize in person several times day, especially with people who don’t share the same interest? No, I’m not interested in talking about politics or the weather. I can discuss the Thunder, the Huskers, and the Rockies but only for a few minutes per day. And I imagine some people get annoyed when I try to discuss history, economics, or philosophy. So let that sleeping dog stay asleep.

I’ve also found that some people seem to really have a tough time following my train of thought or even understanding my voice. I do have a pretty low and deep voice that actually carries well. But even after three years of high school speech, some people still can’t understand what I’m saying. I find myself having to repeat myself quite often. It’s kind of annoying. Kind of tough to have a meaningful conversation when even your own family can’t understand your voice. It’s why I don’t do a YouTube channel, even with voiceovers.

It’s good to be left alone by most of the outside world. I totally understand why some people joined monasteries and temples miles away from civilization. A life of study, prayer, relatively simple meals, not much money, celibacy (which doesn’t bother me as much as it would most men), and isolation is the perfect life for me. It’s a pity I didn’t figure this out until I was well into my thirties.

Currently my life is pretty good. Took a long time to make my peace with life without a wife, children, a career, or my own house or land. But I survived and adapted. And that is why, in spite of all the chaos that is the world of 2026, I’m doing better now than at any point in my life. I do love being middle aged. I’m actually comfortable with myself. I’m actually comfortable telling people ‘No’ and sticking to my guns at this point. Pity this wasn’t a thing for me even 10 years ago. But better late than never.

Building Self Confidence

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Daily writing prompt
What’s the best way to build self-confidence?
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From my own personal experience, lasting self confidence is never built quickly. I suppose that isn’t the answer many people in our same day delivery society want to hear. But it’s true. Please let me go into detail.

I will be turning 46 years old this summer. And I have more self confidence than I did at age 25 or even age 40. One of the things that built my confidence is surviving tough situations and realizing that ‘Even though it sucked going through, I came out better, wiser, some extra skills, and an interesting story or two.’

During the pandemic I didn’t go out much, had groceries and medications delivered to my apartment, kept in contact with friends and family. Sure it was a long two years, but I survived. Not only survived, but wrote a lot of material, read books I never had time to previously, binge watched documentaries on youtube, lost weight, and even improved my finances. It wasn’t very fun going thorough, but I’m glad I did. Made more less fragile. Taught me I could handle prolonged adversity even with a mental illness. It taught me how to think and act during a time of crisis.

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in September 2021 in addition to the schizophrenia diagnosis I’d had for over twenty years. It was touch and go for a while. Spent several days in the hospital with really bad blood pressure that required in IV nitro drip for a few days.

In May 2022, I moved out of my low-income apartment and into the first long term care facility in Nebraska that would take me until my parents could arrange for me to move to Oklahoma. After several months of treatment, physical therapy, getting a wheelchair, and losing even more weight, I was physically able to make the move from Nebraska to Oklahoma in my dad’s pickup truck. February 2023. Surviving heart failure, going through physical therapy, and getting to accomplish one of my ‘bucket list’ entries of moving to the suburbs at least once added to my slowly but steadily growing reserves of confidence.

I lived with my parents in a good suburb of OKC while I was waiting for a permanent place to come open. It took a few months just for all the social security and Medicaid paperwork to stabilize after the out of state move. It was a pain to not know what was happening from one month to the next. Found the case workers not very helpful in transferring my accounts from Nebraska to Oklahoma. Took a few months, but eventually got everything transferred across state lines. Navigating that mess of paperwork and conflicting agencies and advice was a major headache. But it was one I survived and learned from. Taught me how to navigate agencies and conflicting systems that, in reality, no one person has all the answers to and never will.

Between February 2023 and August 2025, I anxiously waited for a new home to come open. Naive me thought that it shouldn’t have taken more than a few months in a metroplex the size of OKC for a home with handicap accessibility to come open. Oh my God in Heaven, was I completely wrong. Instead of a few months, it took almost exactly two and a half years. And we were looking all over Oklahoma.

In August 2025, the place I’m currently in came open. It is a facility in urban OKC and a huge one at that. We even have on site eye doctors and an onsite dentist. Since it was in a city, I got to cross off another item on my bucket list, live in the downtown of a big city. Sure, it’s not New York or Shanghai, but it was what I was looking for my entire life without even realizing it.

I did gain some weight during the time I was at my parents’ house. What I gained in two and a half years was lost in only eight months. Currently I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in 15 years. I also got cured of sleep apnea and anemia. It was a long and painful process. But it was more than worth it. Oh my God the payoff was more than worth it.

I’ll be turning 46 later this month. In September 2021 I wasn’t sure I would make it to age 46. I’m thankful and grateful to have made it through several crisis over the years. That’s what taught me self-confidence. Took a long time, but the lessons and confidence will help me no matter what I face in the years ahead. My life didn’t turn out as I expected. But after surviving struggles and crisis, I now realize it turned out better than had my twenties and thirties been smooth sailing. Here’s to struggle, survival, rebirth, and the second half of life.

Question of the Day: Soulmates

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Do you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?
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No, I do not believe in the idea of soulmates. At least not in the sense that popular culture often understands the idea. Granted that is just my personal opinion. I’ll go into the further detail.

The idea of soulmates, at least in a lot of people’s minds, is that there is only one person on an entire planet of over 8 billion people that is perfect for another. In reality, humans are not perfect. Even at that individuals change over time.

For example, a person at age 60 is probably not the same person they were at age 18. If they were, that would mean that forty-two years of life experience didn’t change them in one way or another. What a waste of a significant portion of life to have not grown, changed, matured, and let go. We accept that we as individuals are free to grow, evolve, and change over the course of years. Why not apply the same logic to partnering, let alone to a world population of 8 billion in a world that has changed more in the last 25 years than most entire centuries?

In my mind, if the idea of soulmates existed, the divorce rates would be much lower than they are. I totally agree with someone getting out a marriage where the other spouse is abusive, unfaithful, really bad with finances, or a really bad influence on the children.

Speaking of the idea of soulmates, it doesn’t seem to take into account that most marriages eventually produce children. The idea of children in context of much of what is relationship advice in our current era completely ignores that children often result from marriages and sexual relationships. That’s basic biology.

Traditionally, in many societies, marriages were often arranged years in advance. This was to combine family finances, power, prestige, alliances, land, and even with consideration to what kind of traits the children resulting from said marriage would possess after they grew up. Sure, many of those marriages were more stable than many marriages are now. But they may not have been happier than couples today in stable relationships. In those societies, people married more for survival then they did for happiness.

As far as marrying for survival or happiness, neither approach is 100 percent right or wrong. Just because a marriage might last well over 70 years does not mean it was a happy union or the best-case scenario considering the number of choices the two spouses involved before they committed to each other.

At the same time, just because a marriage ends in divorce does not necessarily mean the relationship was pointless and never should have happened. Many divorces involve unions that produced children. Seems kind of heartless to suggest the children resulting from a union should have never happened. Leonardo da Vinchi was born from an out of wedlock pregnancy. Many of us, me included, have lots of friends that were from unions that ended in divorce or from out of wedlock relationships. Really heartless to suggest that those people should have never happened.

If soulmates, at least as the term is popularly understood, do exist, would that also mean that soul friendships or soul children or soul parents exist? Would spirit animals also exist? Would spirit plants also exist? Would spirit oceans and lands exist too? Many societies believe spirits are in everything.

In closing, I’m not convinced on the idea of soulmates, at least not in the sense that popular culture understands it. I fear the idea of soulmates as it’s currently understood is leading to unnecessary unhappiness and strife. Of course, as with all things spiritual, I’m willing to admit I very well could be wrong. My opinions and thoughts are not craved in granite. The ideas I had about how even basic things work at age 45 are not the same as at age 25 or even age 40.

June 4, 2026

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What’s something you’d love to see in the future, but know you probably won’t live to witness?
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One thing I would love to see but probably not live long enough to see is humanity developing more empathy for other people. We have significantly cut rates of extreme poverty, famine, sexism, bigotry, religious prejudice, illiteracy, childhood mortality, etc., we still have a way to go before we can say ‘mission accomplished.’

With our current agricultural practices, we already grow enough food for every human in every nation to eat a healthy diet. Of course, distribution of food, political corruption, short sighted greed, etc. hasn’t decreased in the same amount that production has increased. At this point it’s no longer a science problem or an engineering problem. It’s now mainly a problem of priorites and misguided efforts.

Corruption is still around. But, thanks to the internet, 24 hour news cycles, significant portions of the world having freedom of the press and aware citizens, social media, etc., people are far more aware of what goes on behind the scenes than we were even in 1980. It does seem like corruption is worse now than in the past. But, could it be that is more easily exposed? Turn on the lights and watch the roaches and rats scatter. They were always there. Most people simply didn’t know about it.

Unchecked money and power corrupt. Our ancestors knew that but probably didn’t know how bad it can get. We are learning how awful some people can be to other humans. The Epstein Files, even though millions of those have been censored, have exposed how corrupt many in places of wealth and power are. Tragically, it has probably gone for all of civilized history. It was rarely exposed to the extent it is now in our age. One thing I have seen in the study of history is that human nature changes much slower than art or science. We may have near Star Trek like technology in many sectors but are still operating on Industrial Age economics and education, Renaissance era politics and philosophy, Bronze Age spirituality, and Stone Age psychology and physiology.

A second thing I would love to see in the future but won’t live long enough to see is humanity establish a colony in a nearby star system. I am filled with hope has humans are going back to the moon in a few years and are planning on building permanent space stations and research labs there.

The World Cup, Reduced Joint Pains, Model Railroad Games on Computer, and Fantasy League Baseball

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Middle of the week in early summer here in Oklahoma. It’s supposed to rain on and off for the rest of the week. Going to be a change from the blazing heat we’ve already had. My joints do better in the warm and humid summers of Oklahoma than the cold and dry winters of Nebraska.

The World Cup starts on June 11th. I see that Fox is covering quite a few of the knockout round matches. I plan on watching at least a small part of all of them. The US plays Paraguay, I think, on June 12th out in Los Angeles. The international cultural enthusiast in me is wondering when China or Australia will host the tournaments. I hope I live to see that. I still remember how both countries went all out when they hosted the Summer Olympics back in the 2000s.

Feeling very stable mentally. My aches and pains are not nearly as intense as they were last fall or winter. In March the aches in my entire left arm were bad enough the doctors thought it was a dislocated shoulder even though I haven’t fallen the whole time I have been here. The X-rays confirmed it was just bad swelling. Heck I could have told them that and saved a half hour on the X-ray table. I do not appreciate how some medical professionals refuse to listen to patients. I enjoy it even less when a doctor or nurse treats me like I’m a 4-year-old child.

I no longer drink several cups of coffee per day. Most days I usually drink only one cup per day, usually in the early afternoon. Most of what I drink anymore is water or coffee or the occasional orange juice with breakfast.

I haven’t watched much tv since the Thunder lost to the Spurs in Game 7. Lots of people here in OKC are disappointed they didn’t make the Finals. Wait ’till next year, as the old Brooklyn Dodgers used to say when your great grandparents were growing up. Yes, kids, the Dodgers used to be in Brooklyn until about the late 50s.

Thankfully my air conditioner is fixed. At least I had a good fan and easy access to ice water. Now I’m really ready for summer.

Been playing a lot of old Railroad Tycoon II lately. Recently played a tough, but fun scenario of building a railway from Cape Town, South Africa to Cairo, Egypt back in the late 1800s and early 1900s. I think the Africa map is now my favorite map to play.

The America maps in the 1800s are really fun if you like playing against several computer opponents who are trying to pull hostile takeovers and take your customers and tank your stock prices.

The maps and dates are quite accurate to time and place. For example, you’re not going to find cotton farms in Canada, automobile plants in 1890, or diesel engines until the 1940s or steam engines after 1960.

I’m thinking about playing a map of building a high-speed electric route connecting all the major cities in China in the early 21st century. Heck, there are even maps that allow one to play Antarctica in the 2050s. Kind of disappointed that there isn’t a map that allows me to rebuild the Trans-Siberian Railway in Russia. That would be lots of fun.

Even though I’m not a huge fan of Atlas Shrugged, I’m thinking about trying to retrace the fictional Taggert Transcontal lines from information within the book. Read the book back in 2007, so I might have to get a Chatbot summary of the route from the book rather than slog through that long beast again. Took me a whole winter to read that book even when I was in my twenties. Took me an entire summer to read War and Peace when I was in college.

In my fantasy baseball league, my team is starting to win again. We were in dead last out of 12 teams in my yahoo league until a week ago. But the batters finally started hitting for the first real time all season. Going to have to play almost perfect to make the playoffs after Labor Day. In real life baseball, the Rockies are in last place for like the fourth or fifth year in a row. I think being a Rockies fan is kind of like the kids who fall in love with the ugly little stray dog in the neighborhood. You just love it no matter how awful it looks.

Reduced Stress In Middle Age with A Mental Illness

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Mentally I have been very stable all spring. The last nine months I have been here in my facility have been the most stable part of my life since I was diagnosed back in 2000. I don’t feel nearly as much stress as I did living in low income housing or even the two and a half years I lived with family until this facility came open.

After nine months of less stress, I realize the auditory hallucinations are quite rare now. I no longer hear footsteps outside my door that aren’t there. I no longer hear being critical of everything I do. I don’t have bad dreams very often anymore.

I had to come to a long-term care facility to live the least stressful life I have ever had. It doesn’t bother me that a significant amount of my disability pension goes to room and board and round the clock care. I get three hot meals every day, most of the time pretty good meals too. And I still lose weight most months.

I started doing some exercises a few days ago. Namely leg lifts, leg kicks, and things to loosen up my knees, legs, ankles, and hips. I can stand for longer periods of time. I still haven’t tried to walk across the room without assistance. I’m thinking if I keep losing weight I’ll start physical therapy again in a few months.

I did physical therapy for a while in December. But I was getting sent twice a day five days a week. Eventually I got injured and had to give it up. It was an injury to my dominant arm that took three weeks to heal. Probably never should have been doing therapy twice a day five days a week in the first place.

It has been really hot and humid here in OKC. But after a few summers down here I have adapted to the summer heat. At least my arthritis isn’t as bad in summer as it is in winter.

Updates, June 2026. Getting Better with Age

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Recently celebrated nine months in my current home here in OKC. A lot has changed for me. Updates are in order.

I am now cured of sleep apnea. Stopped using the CPAP machine in March. In my case my sleep apnea was cured by losing weight and fat. Been sleeping so well without the CPAP machine that I almost forgot what sleeping with it was like.

I’m cured of anemia too. It’s a good feeling to not feel weak and sleepy all the time. I sleep probably only half of what I slept even a year ago. Back to being a night owl and regularly writing. It’s a great feeling.

Even my mental illness isn’t as severe now as it was even one year ago. I still take two anti-psychotic medications, which I have been on since a DNA test revealed they would be good for me back in 2015. On top of that, I take only half of the dose I was with one of my medications that I was eight months ago. I haven’t even taken anxiety medications in over a year.

Much of my arthritis pain is gone, especially in my hands and feet. I still have some in my knees. But that will probably get better as I continue to lose weight.

Even my bladder isn’t as weak as it was a few years ago. I forgot how good it feels to hold in taking a pee simply because I can. Sure, my bladder isn’t as strong as it was in my late twenties when I went on road trips with my friends and we stop only for gas and food. At least I can hold in a piss for a longer time than I could a year ago.

Most of the water retention is gone. I can easily wear tight shorts and sweatpants again. As much as I appreciate a good pair of shorts or pants, I can totally understand why the Greeks and Romans liked togas with as much as I’ve worn hospital gowns while my swelling was going down.

I don’t need as much sleep anymore. I sleep like three hours in the night and then three hours in the morning after breakfast. It’s kind of odd to have more free time than I had the last few years because I’m not spending ten to fourteen hours a day sleeping. It’s a great feeling though.

I still don’t socialize much with other patients. I do socialize with the nurses’ aides, nurses, etc. several times a day. So, I’m not totally anti-social.

I usually get weighed the first week of every month. I’m due to be weighed again in a few days. If my body is any indication, I have lost weight in the last 30 days. I’ve lost weight most months I’ve been here in OKC. And I still eat three hot, home cooked meals every day. Heck, because I now eat three home cooked meals every day is probably why I’m losing weight most months.

I haven’t had any real crisis in several months. Sure, I have had annoyances. Most of those clear up within a few days or with a conversation or two with someone else. Even my mail getting lost for a few days isn’t a crisis anymore. Annoyance? Yes. Crisis? No.

I do love being in my forties. The gray hairs and the receding hair line don’t bother me any. Stuff that used to set me off even ten years ago I can laugh at now. I guess it helps that I had most of my crisis in my twenties and early thirties. Being 45 is a heck of a lot more fun than being 35.

I have gotten more respect since turning 40 years old than I did at any previous point in my life. Being a middle-aged man is far better than I could have ever imagined when I first went on disability pension.

Summer 2026: Thoughts on Current Events and the State of the Economy

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It’s feeling like summer here in OKC. I see that Europe has gotten really bad heat waves already. Looking like it could be a long summer. The air conditioning broke down on my wing a couple of days ago. At least I have good fans and access to lots of ice water. But the HVAC crew is currently working on the AC system even on a weekend. I love those guys.

In other summer news, my fantasy league baseball team is in last place in my league. Had lots of injuries early on and never recovered. But I play mainly for fun and make the ballgames more interesting. My team is named The Barn Stormers. It’s my first year back after taking two years off. Have done fantasy league baseball since like 2007. But I don’t obsess over it. And I have never gotten into sports gambling or predictions gambling sites like Draft Kings. If I have extra money to play with, I usually prefer the stock market. Just as well put my bachelor’s in business degree to work even while disabled.

Saw on Bloomberg that some of the big oil companies are warning about $160 a barrel crude oil by the end of summer. Crap like that happens when my country decided to go to war and shut down one of the most important sea trade lanes in the world. It’s like my leaders didn’t learn from the mistakes Russia made when invading Ukraine. I was afraid this war with Iran would be a lot longer than people thought. Too bad I was right. I guess some people in power just can’t let others be.

In addition to the high gas prices, another concern is the shortage of fertilizers for farming. So expect higher food prices than we already have. We may end up having to do like our great grandparents did in the 1930s and turn our backyards into gardens and chicken houses. Everyone I personally know who owns a house or rents a house already has a garden. Most of these people started serious gardening during the pandemic.

In other news, AI is replacing office workers really fast. I feared this would happen eventually. I was telling people about this clear back in 2012. Turns out it’s happening faster than even I thought. A friend of mine lost her office job to an AI a couple months ago. Still hasn’t found anything except for some gig work once in a while. I was afraid these changes would happen before the social safety net and laws would be adapted to a world of mass AI. Sadly I was right. It’s like those in power actively want to make things worse for entry and mid level workers.

Before people say ‘go into the trades’, even those are going to experience an oversupply of workers in a few years. That alone will drive down cost of labor. Basic economics, my friends. And what is happening to office workers now, that will be trades people when AI gets good enough to go into robots. Heck, Amazon already ’employs’ robot employees. And automation of factories is happening right now in China. We just don’t hear much about it in the US. Too busy fighting among ourselves to notice how much the world has really changed in the last dozen years. Brushing up on my Mandarin Chinese to get ahead of the rush. Ni hao to my Chinese friends 🙂 I think that’s how they say ‘hi’ over there.

With the way things are now, I’m glad I moved to OKC three years ago. At least I am close to family now rather than hundreds of miles away stuck in the middle of rural Nebraska. I get along quite well with my brother and his kids. I still see my parents a couple of times a month. My life has gotten a lot less stressful since I moved out of their house in the suburbs. I enjoy being in the city. At least I don’t have to drive everywhere now.

My birthday is in June. My drivers’ license expires then. While I will get the state issued ID, I won’t be renewing my driving license. I don’t think I’m safe being a driver anymore. My reaction times aren’t as sharp as they were even eight years ago. I don’t enjoy driving and haven’t for several years. Besides, here in the city, I get almost anything delivered and can hire Uber or Lyft if I really don’t feel like going out. We have some public transit, but most American cities are not as easily walkable as most places in Europe or Asia.

And why should I have a drivers’ license? Self-driving EVs will be hitting the used car market by the time I get well enough I could potentially leave my facility. I used to joke that my niece and youngest nephew would never really need a drivers’ license. My brother owns a self-driving EV. So, I guess I was right even when I made that prediction back in 2017.

I totally understand why people are worried about tech unemployment. As much as people complain about their jobs, it does give them structure and meaning. It took me a long time to adapt to life after employment once my schizophrenia got bad enough to destroy my career. It was one hell of a blow to my pride to get crippling panic attacks every day before I went to even a minimum wage job. I’m thankful for disability pension and was able to escape that mess before it killed me. I suppose you could say doing this blog is my way of giving back even though I can no longer hold a minimum wage job.

Keeping Body and Mind Busy with A Mental Illness

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One of the keys to living with a mental illness or disability is one has to keep busy. It’s important to keep moving as much as possible, even if it’s only a short walk, daily stretching, or chores around the apartment. Physical activity doesn’t necessarily have break a serious sweat or cause muscle pain. Enough to get the blood flowing a little faster and make one breathe deeper, even for only a few minutes at a time, can add up if done every day.

Mental stimulation is just as important as physical activity. To this end, I read traditional books, read online articles about science advances and economics, listen to audio files on YouTube. It helps that I went ahead and subscribed to YouTube premium as I got tired of all the ads every few minutes. Before I signed up for YouTube premium, I even had to sit through an ad while listening to an audio file of the Bible. Nothing says redemption quite like listening to ads for Chipotle or Toyota.

For my mental stimulation, in addition to lots of reading and podcasts every day, I also play building and simulation games on my laptop. I love games like Railroad Tycoon, Civilization, Total War, Stellaris, and Sim City. The closest thing to first person shooters I ever really got into were Skyrim and Cyberpunk 2077. I do play some sports games on my PS to break up the routine. Even then I try to do more simulations and off field management than actual game day play.

To this end, for example NCAA Football 26. I experiment sometimes with different recruiting, play calling, and scheduling styles. I like to sometimes create a new coach, start him at a small school, let him build the small school into a winning program, and then see if I can get jobs at larger universities. Once I started at Wyoming, plugged the option offense and an aggressive 3-4 defense in and was able to win conference within three years. I tend took a job at Arkansas and won back-to-back national titles within 5 years running the same option offense, aggressive defense, and focusing my recruiting efforts primarily in Texas. One of these days I’m going to start a career at somewhere I don’t normally take, like Notre Dame or Ohio State and run a 40-year dynasty at those places. I’ve already done multiple scenarios like that in previous versions of NCAA Football.

One of my favorite missions in Railroad Tycoon is to replay the building of The Orient Express in the 19th century. The Orient Express ran from Paris to Istanbul in real life and was considered a luxurious and exotic route, going through so many nations and cultures.

Those are some of my day to day routines in keeping my mind and body busy in my life with mental illness. I may never be well enough to regularly work again (at least not enough to support myself) but I am far from giving up on life.

Memorial Day Weekend 2026

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Memorial Day weekend starts today. Unofficial start of summer here in the US. The schools have let out for the summer here in the city. After several days of cool and rainy weather it’s starting to feel like early summer. And I am loving it.

Traditionally summers have been my toughest time of year. August is typically my worst month for mental health problems. Maybe this year will be different. This is going to be my first summer since 2021 I am effectively living by myself. In summer 2022 I had an awful roommate who was hard of hearing, watched his tv at full volume and always watched reality tv and Doomsday Preppers. He was often sit in his wheelchair in the middle of the room and always refused to move his chair out of the way whenever I had to use the bathroom. He finally got moved in September after he yelled at and kicked a nurse. Wasn’t sorry to see him leave. After he left, I did four months of physical therapy, got far more mentally stable, and lost a bunch of weight.

In February 2023 I got well enough to make the move from rural Nebraska to suburban Oklahoma City. I lived with my parents until something permanent came open. Originally, I was hoping to find something by the end of summer 2023. Turns out I didn’t find anything permanent until summer 2025. Two and a half years of little privacy and watching my parents age and decline messed with my head. It got bad enough that for several months I left my room only to use the bathroom, clean up, and make my own dinner. It was just too painful watching my parents decline. That, and the house wasn’t wheelchair accessible. Even the front door and sidewalk was too narrow for my wheelchair. In some ways, it wasn’t much better than being in jail.

Eventually the hard times ended. My hard times ended when I moved to a facility in the downtown area. I moved here on Labor Day weekend in 2025. I have been doing well and making improvements in the last nine months I have lived here.

Medication wise, I’m down to only one blood pressure medication per day. I take only two psych meds a day instead of the three I was on when I first moved here. And one of the two medications I am currently on is only half the dose I was a taking when I first moved here. Most of my arthritis is gone as long as I take Tylenol and ibophrophen once a day.

I’m on good enough terms with the aides and nurses now that they don’t bother me much and generally leave me alone unless I really need help. I can stand up but still can’t walk from the bed to the front door. I have lost over 100 pounds in the last eight months and lost over 170 pounds since March 2020. I have a new goal of eventually being below 200 pounds. Probably take another few years. But I have developed better habits, have a stable living arrangement for the first time since late 2021, and am not worried about irritable neighbors trying to get me evicted. I thrive in circumstances where I have enough money to eat healthy meals and am not worried about getting kicked out of my home on a landlord’s whim and neighbors’ lies. The cost of rent has gotten inhumane in most places in the US in the last several years.

In other news, my blog is starting to get some real attention. I think it helps that I have been writing an average of once or twice a week for the past 14 years. A few dollars a day worth of advertising really helps. No different than any business. No one is going to visit if they don’t know I’m out here.

I haven’t done this well for this long ever. It’s cool to finally have some privacy and autonomy that people actually respect. I enjoy living where people aren’t going to go through my personal things or look over my shoulder when I’m writing, reading, or doing computer simulation games.

It’s good to have neighbors who aren’t always spying on me or whispering behind my back whenever I run errands. I never had that until I moved to my current home. It’s good that it’s actually quiet here at night most nights. I don’t have to listen to neighbors blasting their tv or arguing with each other most nights.

It’s nice to live in a complex where the cops aren’t showing up every day to break up domestic disputes or investigate thefts or assaults. Goodness knows I never had that in 16 years of living in low-income housing even in a small town. The last three to four years were the worst. The pandemic made it unbearable to even leave my apartment. Thankful I’m no longer in that toxic hellhole mess. Only time I had privacy as a kid was when I went to the backyard. And sometimes the neighborhood kids would watch me as I paced and made up stories. It was like, ‘God, why can’t these people get a life.’

Thankfully my life is no longer like that. I am never voluntarily going back to that kind of life. I don’t care if I am loved by my neighbor. I just want him to leave me the hell alone. At least I get that here in the city. And I love it. My goodness I love it. First in my life I can truly be free to be myself without blowback and repercussions. Where was this the first 45 years of my life? Now I would love to make it another 45 years if I can live the way I currently go.