Tag Archives: parenting

July 25, 2025

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I’m getting my mobility back after my near fall scare of last month. I can easily walk from my recliner to the bed, at least when my knee and ankle pain isn’t flaring up. Some days my pain is very manageable. Some days I hurt enough that I don’t stand up.

I have proven I can get in and out of a wheelchair relatively easily. Unfortunately, none of the doors in my house are wide enough for wheelchair access. At least we don’t have any steps in here. Because the doors aren’t wide enough for my wheelchair I can’t get out to the garage to get into may parents’ car. I no longer have a drivers’ license. Thanks to self driving becoming quite common in newer cars, I’m not sure I will ever need one again.

Sadly my parents are slipping and in decline. My dad is almost deaf and can only watch tv with closed captioning even with hearing aides. My mom can’t see very well but refuses to get glasses. She’s also getting forgetful. Sometimes she forgets when I have appointments or to pick up medications from the pharmacy or even turn her phone back on after she gets home from church or doctor’s appointments.

My mom doesn’t cook much anymore. I usually have wraps, soups, or fast food. Gets kind of old not having home cooked meals more often. My dad has become a huge pessimist. But he spends much of his free time watching Fox News, complaining about how everything is expensive (even though he can easily afford most things), and is often sick.

I have gotten to where I don’t like visiting with my parents. Dad can’t hear me when I talk and he often talks down to me like I’m five years old again. So annoying. And my parents flat out refuse to make the house handicap accessible. They gave me something about how we can’t widen the doors without doing serious damage. I think they are too old and sick to even try anymore. I think they have given up and are just waiting to die.

My brother doesn’t see anything wrong with mom and dad. Then again, he hasn’t been over to visit in over two months and he lives only a fifteen minute drive away. He’s essentially to busy with his career, his house, his wife, and his kids to care one bit about his parents and me.

Personally I don’t need anything from him. If he wants to be too busy for me, let him. I still reach out to him weekly even if he is too busy to visit us. I think that that someday, after his kids have moved out and he’s old, he may regret not getting to know his parents or me better. I can claim I haven’t made the mistake of taking my parents for granted. Can most people?

I’m heart broken over my parents. I’m heart broken that I can’t talk to my dad anymore without having to repeat myself every sentence or speak long sentences to him because of his bad hearing. Mom is getting forgetful. They refuse to widen the doors in the house even though we certainly got the money too. I think they have given up on themselves, and unfortunately me.

The Impact of Change: Christmas Musings on Life and Health

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I’m having a good Christmas season so far. Got to talk with some old friends over the phone for over an hour today. She found a new job a few weeks ago that pays more than any job she ever had. Her husband (also a friend of mine) is still working 60+ hours a week as a delivery driver. They think he will try to find something in academics soon now that they aren’t living paycheck to paycheck anymore.

Our conversation covered mostly history and geopolitics. I don’t have many friends I can talk about those things with anymore. Most of my friends are having tough times with mid life crisis kind of things. I miss those conversations about history and current events. It was like being back in college, if just for only one hour.

I sleep most of the daylight hours anymore. I think part of it is depression and part of it is anemia. I’m not looking forward to probably having to go back to a long term care facility. But my mobility isn’t coming back and my house isn’t handicap accessible. My parents aren’t in good health and probably have only a few years, at best, left. Part of me all three of us won’t make it to see 2030.

It really breaks my heart to be in decline just right as things are really changing science and tech wise. I am convinced that we as a society will make more scientific progress in the next 20 years than we made in the previous 300. That is, if the politicians and voters quit screwing up.

Adapting to Change: Mental Health and the Future of Work

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Even though I don’t go out or socialize in person much anymore, I still keep busy. I was recently demonetized on Medium. No explanation and no way to appeal. Really irritated me as I was making some decent money.

In some ways, they did me a favor forcing me back into Word Press on a regular basis. Even though I haven’t been posting much over the past year or so, I was still getting a decent amount of audience. Some days I would check, and I would have 40 or so views on a single day even though I hadn’t posted in weeks. Maybe the word is getting out there.

Sure, I made more money on Medium. But I got better audiences on Word Press. But I guess nothing lasts forever. There were also a lot of complainers and whiners on Medium. I don’t miss them. First World problems in most cases. I swear people like that never had to deal with bullies and setbacks as kids.

I was bullied a lot as a kid. Ended up in several fights, most of which I lost. But I’m glad I went through it. Made me confident in my ability to survive and adapt, especially as I got older. No I didn’t enjoy it at the time. But I thank God every day I dealt with some hardship as a kid during prosperous times.

I was born in 1980 and spent most of my formative years in the 1990s. We still had the latch key kind of things. I had my freedom, like most small-town kids. And the grownups usually let the kids solve their own problems unless we got too destructive or violent. Much of that behavior would be considered child abuse these days.

Personally, I think real abuse is sheltering kids from the consequences of their actions, not teaching them how to cook or do basic repairs to household items or never letting them solve their own problems. Hitting your kids isn’t the only form of child abuse out there. I think not preparing them for adulthood and its ups and downs is every bit as abusive as punching them in the face.

In some ways I’m glad I didn’t have kids or get married. But that is mostly because of the schizophrenia. While I don’t particularly enjoy living with my elderly parents, I know I would enjoy living in a nursing home (been there, done that) or being homeless would be even worse. It’s a blow to my pride that I live with my parents after being on my own for seventeen years. But I try not to complain, at least publicly, because I know it could a lot worse.

I’ve always taken mental health seriously. Even more so now with everything changing so rapidly. I’m under no delusion that I’ll ever make enough money to support myself off writing. Vast majority of even paid writers don’t make above poverty level wages off writing alone.

I’m kind of burned out on computer games. And almost every time I try to socialize with anyone outside of immediate family, these people are in awful moods all the time. Nothing can make most people happy.

These people are going to be really unhappy in a few years when AI and automation take more and more jobs, especially since we have almost nothing for social safety nets. Rest assured; it will happen. A lot of people will eventually lose their jobs to AI and automation. I’ve been trying to tell people this for over a dozen years. About the only people who listened are my retired elderly parents and my best friend. She’s always grumpy and grouchy now, it’ll only get worse when she loses her good paying job she’s complains about almost daily.

I know it sounds like I don’t sympathize with these people whose jobs are on the robot chopping block. But you would be wrong. I lost my career and everything I worked for many years ago due to my mental illness. I did everything right; worked hard in school, stayed away from drugs, stayed away from credit cards, stayed out of trouble, etc. And I still lost everything.

Millions of people will find themselves in the same boat within several years. Not their fault a machine can probably do their jobs better than they ever could. Soon they will be cheaper too. In my case I lost my career in my twenties rather than my forties when I would have had a mortgage, a couple kids to send to college, and a retirement to save for.

In spite being surrounded by grouches, I’m looking forward to Christmas. I didn’t ask for any special gifts. I think a large dinner of spiral ham, stuffing, green bean casserole, etc. is enough of a gift. Don’t know how many Christmases I have left, but I intend to really enjoy this one. It’s just too bad that it doesn’t snow much down here in Oklahoma City.

Ready to be On My Own Again

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When the wounded bird has been nursed back to health and is ready to fly once more.

Logo of my personal blog, www.alifeofmentalillness.com. Designed by Fiverr

Here in Oklahoma, it’s feeling like spring again. Had our first thunderstorm a few days ago. Went out for ice cream with my elderly parents this afternoon. Did some people watching from my porch in my neighborhood today. Met my across the street neighbors. They are a younger married couple with three small children. It’s cool to be living in a place that young families actually want to come to. First time in my entire life I’m living in a place that isn’t stagnating or dying. I like it.

It’s also one of the reasons I want to get my own place again. I think it would be better if I in a complex that is handicap accessible. As much as I like the suburbs, I do want to get back out in my own place. I had been on my own for almost 18 years. I didn’t spend 18 years living alone to be under my family’s shadow again.

I already buy my own groceries, pay rent, and pretty much keep to myself for the most part. The first few months I was here I had some heated arguments with my family about different ways of doing things. So I make it a point to keep to myself and avoid my family except for maybe a couple times a day. Helps keep my sanity.

I think it would be easier to make IRL friends if I were back in an apartment complex as opposed to a stand-alone house in the burbs. Sure, I love the low crime rates of the burbs, but I do miss the diversity of living in an apartment complex. Hell, I even miss my old college dormitory.

I loved the fact that, in communal living, there was always something going on somewhere, often within walking distance or a short bus ride. It’s one of the reasons I would love to live in a handicap accessible apartment in a culturally diverse area of Oklahoma City.

That way I could have my freedom, my culture, and still be close to my family. I found I get along with my brother a lot better than my elderly parents. He’s far less judgemental and actually likes many of the geek things I do.

I miss having a social life outside of my home and online. Since the burbs aren’t conducive to wheelchairs, I pretty much stay home whether I want to or not. I’d definitely would love to live in an area that has street fairs, parades I could watch from either an apartment or from the sidewalks. I miss going to weekend concerts at the college town dive bars when I was in my twenties and early thirties.

I also think my parents and I get on each others’ nerves. I get annoyed that they spend most of their time watching tv in the living room and complaining about the world falling apart. Seems like the only real times they leave the house are for doctors’ appointments and church service. And they never leave me alone when I go to the living room even though I’m in my 40s and have on my own for many years.

Gets tiresome and irritating being that I can’t go to the backyard or even cook my own meals without my parents making some stupid comments about something. It is true, elderly people really don’t have filters. It’s annoying. I mean I had to filter myself all the time when I was growing up. My life is half over and I have to do it again? Irritating. And most of everything they talk about I’ve already heard or could hear just by listening to Tucker Carlson or ESPN.

I’ve been really looking for my own place for over a year. Thank God I have family. Otherwise I’d be on the damn street. But I really don’t want to spend the rest of my living in a place that isn’t handicap accessible. Even the front door and bathrooms aren’t handicap friendly. The only thing qualifying the place as handicap friendly is that there are no stairs. It’s gets so old having to settle in my life for things that don’t work well for me.