Tag Archives: apartment living and schizophrenia

Six Months in A New Home: Updates and Observations

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Updates, March 2026
We are turning the calendar from February to March. It feels like spring a few weeks early. And things are going alright for me. I have lived in my current home for six months now.

Most of my pain is gone. I have been in my current apartment for six months. Made friends with a significant number of staff members. I often avoid other residents because too many of them are in foul moods most of the time or are too sick to do much of anything with. I’m still following a regimented diet but it isn’t so bad. At least three hot meals a day every day is my new normal.

Physical Therapy is on temporary hold
Decided to take a break from physical therapy around Christmas. I was doing it twice a day five days a week and ended up in severe knee, back, and hand pain. For a couple weeks my hand hurt bad enough I couldn’t even use a fork or knife with my dominant hand. So, I had to give up on therapy, at least for the time being.

Neighborhood Drama
There was a dementia patient living across the hall from me for a few weeks. He yelled and screamed continually whenever he was awake. It was keeping me awake most nights. Finally, I filed a complaint with management. After several days of back and forth, the dementia patient was moved to a different facility. After a few stressful and hectic weeks, things are starting to return to normal in my neighborhood.

New Friends Among the Staff
I have three nurse’s aides I’m really close with. One works mostly weekends, is a couple years older than I am, and has a heart of gold. She’s really nice, likes to listen to my stories, and is very good at her job. She always moves swiftly and with a sense of purpose.

A second nurse’s aide usually worked the night shift so she and I would often talk win the middle of the night when all of her work was caught up and I couldn’t sleep. Haven’t seen her for a few weeks. Last I heard she was transferred to another wing in the facility. A third nurse’s aide usually works the afternoon shift and is really nice to me. She was the one who let me know I could actually get Door Dash delivered to my room here in the complex. She’s fluent in Spanish (I took some Spanish classes in high school) so I get to work on bringing my Spanish back up to snuff with her when she’s between assignments.

Like every home or workplace, there are a few people who rub me wrong. I try to avoid them as much as possible. Some arguments aren’t worth the while. But I get along with probably 90 percent of the staff.

New Glasses
Recently got glasses. Had laser eye surgery back in 2007. I went over 18 years without glasses. I use my new glasses mostly for reading. Made a huge difference. Got me interested in reading and writing again.

I’m Reading Books Again
Started reading the Old Testament again, namely the old King James Version. Picking that back up after several years without my nose in books very often.

Finding Permanence After Several Years of Chaos
After several years of my living arraignments being anything but permanent, I have finally found a for life home here in Oklahoma City. Had to live with my parents for almost two and a half years before I got into a wheelchair accessible home. It was a rough two and a half years.

I love my parents and have made my peace with the past, but their house was not handicap accessible. Even the front door and sidewalk wasn’t wide enough for my wheelchair. But I’m in a much better situation now. My parents still come to visit a couple times a month, for which I am thankful for. Got a visit from an aunt and a cousin from Nebraska I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic shortly before Thanksgiving. It was fun catching up with extended family.

Weight Loss Updates
I’m still losing weight. Not exactly sure how much I have lost but I know I lost at least 100 pounds between Labor Day and Christmas. My goal is to eventually get to my old high school weight. I definitely feel a difference both physically and mentally.

Hallucinations And Paranoia With Schizophrenia

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One of the primary symptoms of schizophrenia is hallucinations. In my case I have auditory hallucinations. I often hear people walking and talking in the hallways who aren’t there. I often hear my phone ring when it isn’t. It’s especially bad when I’m away from my phone in the bathroom or in the bedroom trying to take a nap. I often hear my Facebook Messenger ap chime only to find it was only hallucinations. I often have voices criticizing me when I’m trying to do even mundane tasks like cooking supper, doing laundry, getting dressed, and even when playing computer games and watching Amazon Prime. And it’s always the voices of people I know and they are always very critical and nasty.

As far as paranoia goes, it’s often bad. I always feel like I’m being watched when I am in public. I always feel like when something goes wrong when I have company (things like my internet going down, my computer being slower than usual, neighbors knocking on my door, having too much clutter on my desk and bedroom floor, or even having to get up to go to the bathroom) I’m being silently condemned and criticized. I’ve called my family out on this a few times. Even though they try their best to tell me that they mean no harm, I usually think they are lying and just get even more paranoid. I’m also paranoid that my call box that opens the security door to let delivery men isn’t going to work. I’m usually ready to go to my neighbor’s and have them open the security door. This has been especially bad for over two years as I’m completely reliant on grocery and UPS delivery.

I rarely leave my apartment for I fear that I’m being watched and condemned. I often lose my breath after walking long distances. And people making comments about me breathing hard makes me not want to leave my home. Then I get people telling me I wouldn’t be so short of breath if I got out of the house more often. I catch hell either way anymore.

I’m also really self conscious about my appearance. But, I’m also paranoid enough to think that no matter how good I am dressed up and presentable, it won’t be good enough for anybody. What’s the point of doing anything beyond minimum if it’s never going to be good enough for anyone? People were really critical of my appearance even back in grade school no matter how dressed up and cleaned up I was. I had one general practice doctor who wanted to take me off all of my psych meds because he thought the psych meds were preventing me from losing weight and that I’d be doing so much better mentally if I lost weight. Never mind that I’ve had mental health issues since high school and was physically strong well into my late 30s. Until my car accident in 2015 I’d walk three miles a day, five days a week. Can’t do that anymore. Another doctor flat out told me, and I quote, “Lose the damn weight.” First, last, and only time I saw him.

The whole, get tough, man up, scream in my face, Alpha Male, Marine Corp, hell fire and brimstone, cowboy nonsense never worked with me. It also never impressed me. I guess that makes me less manly, depending on who you ask. I suppose that after twenty plus years of schizophrenia I just no longer want to be bothered with it. Some days I feel a lot older than 41. I have no clue how I made it even this far. I really no longer care if I impress anyone, even friends and family. I’ll do the minimum to keep my neighbors, my landlord, social security, etc. happy and off my case. But I’m no longer going out of my way to impress anyone. It’s not like I was impressing anyone when I was in my teens and twenties anyway. I’m glad I’m not young anymore and can more or less do my own thing as long as I’m not being a jerk to my neighbors or breaking the law. I’m enjoying my 40s far more than I did my teens. As bad as the hallucinations and paranoias are now, they were far worse in my twenties. There are far worse things in life than being on disability and living in low income housing in rural America. Even the last couple years with the pandemic, I have a legit excuse to not leave my house and not get hassled.