Had maintenance in my apartment yesterday fixing some things. I think I’m finally caught up on maintenance issues. I haven’t left my apartment for a few days. Just not in much of a mood to socialize these days. Seems like most of my friends are the same way.
Had to cancel my netflix service. Rates are going up again. My internet connection rates went up the first of the year. Looks like they’ll be going up even more in a few months. I get sticker shock every time I go grocery shopping. I’ve started eating more inexpensive things like rice and canned meat. I rarely order from amazon anymore. Price increases have certainly affected my life.
Been feeling more irritable and anxious the last few days. I’m also getting chronic aches and pains again. Some days my knees are bad enough I can barely walk even in my own apartment. I sit with blankets over my legs all the time no matter how hot it gets outside.
Don’t hear much from my friends these days. I think they are stressed and anxious too. Most people seem to be these days. In cases like these, it’s good that I can spend days at a time alone and not really be bothered by it.
Last weekend of summer is officially here. I turned on my furnace for the first time a few days ago. It get chilly at night now. Corn harvest is beginning. It will be in full effect in a week or two.
Been having more aches and pains these last few days. Probably the constant change in weather. I’ve noticed I’ve been eating less the last few weeks. My clothes are looser now and I am a lot more flexible than even last spring. I’ve been having issues with bad sleep. I’ll fall asleep but won’t stay asleep for long. I usually get my best sleep now after 5 am. For most of the summer I woke at sunrise. I no longer keep a clock in my home as I have my phone, computer, and game console for that.
I like fall. It’s my second favorite season behind spring. I love being able to climb out of bed on Saturdays and catch college football games all day. Baseball playoffs will be starting in a couple weeks. Basketball and Hockey will be starting soon. I’m glad baseball season was able to go with fewer problems from covid than I thought. I still remember last year when most games were played in empty arenas. It not only wasn’t the same, it was eerie. So glad I got vaccinated a few months ago. I got the Johnson and Johnson one shot and done deal.
Been having issues with congestion in my lungs and throat. The throat congestion clears with a sip or two of apple cider vinegar. I usually mix it with a cup of water as it has a very strong bad taste and can be rough on my stomach. I think apple cider vinegar helps with lots of things, but I certainly don’t recommend it without a cup of water or tea. I still have my senses of taste and smell. When I do cough, I cough up gunk and not dry coughs. So I doubt it’s covid. Besides, the congestion, aches, and insomnia are the only issues I’ve had lately.
When I do have guests, I wear a face mask. The only regular guest I have is my cleaning lady once a week. It feels good to get my place scrubbed down and she doesn’t mind my conversation. While she works, I usually read science and news journals. I’m particularly fond of the free versions of the Washington Post, Financial Times, and FutureTimeline.net
Looks like another summer has come and passed. I’m ready for some autumn again..
Doing well overall. Started lifting weights again. I’m taking vitamin D supplements and I think it helps with the depression and anxiety. Met my new landlady a couple days ago while I was waiting for a delivery man. I think she will make a good manager.
I’m thinking about signing up for a home health service to see if I can a covid vaccine at home. Without a car I’m essentially home bound unless I want to hire an Uber driver. I’ve heard that many places are starting to have spikes in case numbers again. For as many problems as my country had in the first several months, we have gotten vaccines out faster than I thought we would. I’m thinking where was this level of focused action one year ago? Many people died that didn’t have to.
While I don’t socialize much in person, I leave my door unlocked during daylight hours in case anyone wants to drop by. My neighbors and I check in on each other a couple times a week. I’m having fewer aches and pains the last few days. Maybe I’m doing something right.
Still stable mentally. Had one flare up in early January but it was short lived. Haven’t had any since. It does get lonely sometimes spending most of my time at home and by myself. But I am still prime target for covid and there are still lots of vaccinations to go. This thing isn’t over by any means just yet.
I’m still staying close to home most of the time. I still spend a good chunk of my time listening to audiobooks. Saw the first two seasons of Black Mirror over the last week. Quite chilling about how bad people can abuse some of these newer techs.
I have been more aches and pains the last couple weeks. But they are usually worse in cold weather anyway. We’re supposed to get a real bad cold spell in a couple days that could last a week. So I won’t be going anywhere unless I have to.
Mentally been having minor flare ups again. Fortunately they don’t last long. I can weather them better when I am alone. Sometimes takes several minutes to get through them. But I make a point to avoid people during these episodes. I won’t even answer the phone or the door if they are bad enough.
I still keep in contact with friends and family several times a week. They are ready for this pandemic to be over too. My friend in Denver is planning on moving out of the city as soon as she can afford some rural property. Says things have gotten real bad in the cities, especially in the last year.
Mentally I’m still stable for the most part. I sometimes have moments of irritability and anxiety. They usually last for only a few minutes. I’m glad I haven’t lashed out at anyone because of these bouts. I fear with as on edge as most people are these days, my lashing out at even family wouldn’t go over well. So far I’ve been able to fit and fume to myself and keep these flare ups from blowing up into breakdowns.
My cleaning lady is back on the job. She comes back in a couple days. I miss my neighbors. I was sad to see them leave. But I am coping alright.
The college football season is all but cancelled in the US. I’m sad to see this happen but I hope it can come back next fall and we have a mass produced vaccine before long. I have heard that Russia already has one that they are trying to mass produce. Reports like this give me hope that the rest of the world can have vaccines soon. Several other countries, including the US, already have vaccines in human trials. A hospital in my state was looking for volunteers to test out a possible vaccine. If I didn’t have a mental illness, I probably would have signed up.
Been sleeping well lately. I usually sleep four or five hours at a time in the night. I usually wake at least once to visit the restroom. If I pace myself and stretch before I get out of bed, I can avoid the worst of the morning aches and pains. It does take a few minutes, but if I stretch my legs and back before I get out of bed I can get around alright in the mornings. I still take some advil with breakfast every morning. I usually take it only once a day. The daily aches and pains are about the only part of being middle age I don’t care for. I do miss my easy mobility but I do like the idea of becoming a wise elder. Maybe I can put my knowledge to work afterall.
Got some groceries this weekend. I was able to get the frozen meat I needed. I picked up some more cleaning supplies. I have an order of facemasks coming in a few days. Those have been tough getting.
Still spending all of my time at home. It’s starting to get to me a little. I find myself easily irritated and a little paranoid occasionally. Glad it doesn’t last long. I still sleep a great deal. I usually sleep ten hours a day now. I have started taking naps in the afternoon again.
Mornings are my toughest time for aches and pains. I don’t move as quickly as I used to. My aches are primarily in my knees. A few minutes of moving around seem to help as much as anything.
Haven’t been to a doctor since December. I imagine most doctors aren’t seeing anyone for anything unless it’s an emergency. I can’t imagine how tough this pandemic has been on mentally ill people without regular treatment. It’s tough enough for me and I take meds every day.
Been a good day so far. Bought some groceries. So I’m set food wise for a while. I was up pretty late last night. I’m still staying home all the time. I haven’t been off my complex’s property in a month. I haven’t had problems with boredom yet. I do have even more aches and pains the last few days, especially in my knees. The best thing for that seems to be stand up and walk around more often.
I am so grateful for home delivery right now. I’ve been getting my groceries and medications delivered to my home for a few years now. It worked so well that I quit driving my car. Having a phobia of driving made the decision to sell my car made the decision more easy. I haven’t driven a car in over six months. And I don’t miss it. My budget is thanking me now that I don’t have to buy gas two to three times per month. I haven’t even shopped in a Wal Mart or a mall for almost three years. Most of my house supplies I get either from Amazon or through my supermarket home delivery.
Been having bad knee pains the last few days. My mobility is more limited than usual. So I’ve been putting ice on my knee and taking it easy since this weekend. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have to work a regular job and not just because of my mental illness.
Getting ready for winter, at least I was until my knee started acting up. Stocking up on canned food and peanut butter. So glad I don’t have food allergies as peanut butter is good and cheap emergency food that can keep for quite awhile. Bought a fleece blanket in addition to the blankets I already have. Been spending most of my evenings under a blanket and reading. I’m still lifting weights three times a week. Been doing this since the spring. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost weight but I don’t know how much. I know I’m down one size in clothing all around since the spring and I recover from aches and pains faster. The worst time for aches is right after I wake up in the mornings. Fortunately hot baths usually cure those.
My sleep patterns have changed, again. I usually go to bed around 11pm, wake up at 3 am and rattle around for a couple hours. Then I go back to sleep around 5 am and sleep until about 8 am. I don’t nap as much in the afternoons, usually only a couple times a week. My sleep patterns change with how my illness affects me. I usually sleep more when I’m distressed and having more frequent flare ups.
Fortunately haven’t had much for serious long lasting flare ups since this summer. I still get some a few times a week. Lots of caffeine can make these worse. So can socializing with rude and irritable people. Been avoiding people in person as much as possible lately. It just seems like people are more irritable and on edge than usual lately. I even avoid talking with some friends because it seems like they just want to do nothing but complain anymore. I’m sorry, but I have enough problems of my own and I’m not always stable. I avoid friends sometimes because I’m fearful of having flare ups and melt downs on them. I fear jeopardizing the friendship because I can’t process stress and negative vibes very well anymore. I’ve already lost a few friendships over the last few years because I can’t process negativity well. I don’t want to lose anymore.
It’s almost Independence Day in my country. And of course people are shooting off fireworks and making plans for cookouts already. I don’t have any real plans besides grill some bratwurst on my electric grill and watch fireworks from my apartment window. As it has been quite hot and humid the last several days, I have avoided going outside unless necessary. Of course I’m not getting much sunlight by staying indoors most of the time.
I’m a week into my new medications plan. I found out the hard way if I take them all at once like I have traditionally done, then I will want to do nothing but sleep for the next twelve hours. After a couple nights of that, I found out I had to break my medications into at minimum twice a day. So I usually take some of my medications when I eat breakfast and I take the ones that help me sleep at night before bed. After a week on these new meds I have found my self eating less than usual. And I have recently had an odd craving for cheese and milk. Maybe I haven’t been getting enough calcium the last several months. I’m also looking out for more non meat sources of proteins like beans. I now actually want to eat certain fruits like strawberries and blueberries. Too bad they are kind of pricey. It’s also too bad that most inexpensive foods aren’t very healthy. That could explain why so many poor people, at least the poor in the USA, are overweight.
As far as blood pressure goes, I knew for years it was only a matter of time before I ended up on blood pressure pills as that runs in my family. My father has taken blood pressure medications for years and he’s now in his early 70s. He also hasn’t had any heart attack or stroke problems. Hopefully I can make it to my 70s inspite mental illness and being overweight.
I’ve noticed a few changes already in this new treatment. It takes more to make me irritated. I’m less paranoid. I actually want to leave my apartment and interact with my fellow tennants. I’m better able to stay on top of household chores. I eat less than normal. I feel less tense. I have fewer unexplained aches and pains. About the only true drawbacks I noticed so far are that I want to sleep more if I’m not careful about when I take my meds and I have to use the rest room more often. I don’t know if that’s the meds or the fact I drink more water. I easily drink almost a gallon a water every day. But there are worse things than water to be consuming. For a few years I’ve been having nerve problems in my thigh that sometimes felt like burning electrical shocks. But those problems have all but gone away by now.
I still have to get some new furniture for my apartment. Most of the things I had were quite old and had to be replaced. I’m thinking of sweet talking my parents into letting me have one of their sofas. I also think I need a heavy duty recliner that I could sleep in if my back ever started hurting again. My living room is looking kind of bare with only a couple kitchen table chairs and my tv and a “coffee table” decorated to look like an old style travel trunk with all the stickers of places and resorts from around the world. That was my mother’s idea. I’m glad she talked me into putting those stickers on.
Overall things are going well. I’m gradually being cured of wanting to sleep all the time. And I’m also slowly being cured of my desire for sugared soda pop. Anymore if I want caffeine, I’ll have coffee or tea. I can hardly wait to see what the next few weeks bring.
I am no longer sleeping ten to twelve hours a day. Instead I’m now averaging about six to eight hours of sleep. Even though I usually sleep only three hours at a stretch, I still feel pretty rested overall. I’m getting a little more active with each passing day now the days are long and the weather is getting warmer. I have noticed I have some aches and pains, namely in my back and thighs that make walking for more than several minutes at a time painful. Obviously the inactivity of a hard winter took it’s toll on me. I changed my diet a couple weeks ago. I think I’m starting to notice some difference. I’m not as lethargic, I don’t get irritable as easily, I need less sleep, and I’m getting to where I actually want to socialize a little every day. I still have days I want to just stay home, read books, watch youtube, and play computer games. But with the better weather, I actually want to get out of the house.
I’m currently in the middle of my spring cleaning. It’s kind of slow going as I still have the unexplainable aches and pains that don’t allow me to work as long as I once could. Even as recently as five years ago I could spend several hours on my feet without a break. Not so anymore. I now understand why older workers aspire to desk jobs once their careers get going strong. At this point I’m glad I can do a blog while sitting down. I just can’t be on my feet all day like I could even a few years ago. I’m sure a lot of this is due to weight gain. And I gained the weight through inactivity while depressed and anxious. Many of the psych meds out there do have weight gain as a side effect. But I guess I would rather have a sharp and stable mind with a weakened body as the other way around. It’s sad that mental illness often involves trade offs like this.
I am adjusting to the warmer weather and increased activity of spring. It is a slow and sometimes painful process as my body doesn’t recover from pain as fast as it once did. I knew this was going to come eventually, but I was hoping I could have put it off for a few more years. It’s kind of a pity that I start falling apart physically right at the time I am figuring out what I’m good at and where I fit in society. But I suppose every one goes though this as they transition into middle age. I miss the vitality I had in my early twenties but I certainly don’t miss most of the younger years drama. I’m ready to move into mid life.
Hi there, thank you for checking out my blog page where I write about Bipolar, adhd,bpd and ptsd which I struggle with daily. This blog is to both educate and give others hope. I also write about my drug addiction in hopes of giving other people encouragment and hope for a brighter, annd better future.Thank you. sincerly, Emily Thorn.