Had an odd incident over the weekend. One of our tenants accidentally dropped his house keys down the crack in the elevator floor. The keys fell into the elevator shaft. And he cursed me out when I asked him what happened. This was an elderly tenant who doesn’t believe in things like mental illness or even disability insurance. I was taken aback at first by the viciousness of this tenant. But I stayed clam and didn’t respond to his verbal attack. I’m glad that I didn’t yell back at him. But I do wonder why he was mad at me for his gaffe.
Over the years, whether at work, school, or in public, the vast majority of the verbal abuse and threats I have received have been from people over fifty years old. I never could understand why elder people hate younger people. Yeah I’m getting older myself and having unexplainable aches and pains. But I refuse, flat out refuse, to take out my problems on young people or anybody else for that matter. I don’t understand people in general, but I especially don’t understand elderly people or people in places of authority. From what I have seen, it seems the older a person gets, the less empathy they have and the more impatient they become.
When I was working retail and fast food, the vast majority of the verbal abuse I got for not working fast enough came from elderly people. Sure I met some really cool elderly people who treated me well. But I just don’t understand why some people become mean and uncaring when they become older. I mean, older people are more apt to be serious about religion than younger people. Common sense would say those people would be more forgiving, loving, and charitable. Not always the case. I for one will not pull the same abuse on young people like what was pulled on me. I refuse to complain about how they dress. I refuse to complain about their music or movies or media. I’ve had my elders complain about me and my peers since I was in grade school. As if nine year olds are responsible for my country having such low test scores compared to most other developed countries. I just want to show more compassion and understanding to all people, younger and older alike, than what has been shown to me over the years. Humans must be the only species on the planet that actively seek to sabotage their offspring.
I just get tired of all the arguing and fighting all the time. I just want to live in peace with everyone as much as possible. I’m tired of always feeling like I have to look over my shoulder and be on guard at all times. Civilized people aren’t supposed look for arguments or fights. But that isn’t what I’ve seen for a long time.
Been feeling quite stable the last several days. I still have my flare ups of anxiety and irritability but fortunately they are not as intense as they once were. I’m beginning to reduce some of the doses of my medications as I tend to do well mentally in the late fall and winter months. I’m even not as irritable about Christmas this year. I see people are already putting up their decorations. I haven’t decorated for holidays in years. I just don’t see the need to. I will no doubt continue to avoid the mall and the big box stores during the holidays as I can now do all my shopping online. Thank God for amazon and the postal service.
I did a little Christmas shopping for myself already in the way of a couple new books and a couple computer games. I don’t usually go all out for the holidays being on a limited budget. I don’t buy a lot of gifts for people for Christmas simply because I usually don’t have that much money. But then again, even Jesus hasn’t gotten Christmas gifts in 2000 years. Must be rough that everybody but you gets gifts on your designated birthday. No wonder practitioners of other faiths think Christians are odd 🙂
I have found myself eating less over the last week or so. I usually eat two meals a day and drink lots of water and caffeine between meals. Even though caffeine can make me irritable in large doses, it does act as an appetite reducer for me. It’s not necessarily a bad deal as I haven’t had to buy groceries in three weeks. I’m eating less, sleeping less than usual (but I don’t feel tired or sluggish), getting outside more often in spite the colder weather, and genuinely feeling better than I did this summer and early fall.
As of right now I don’t have any plans for Thanksgiving. My cousins already had theirs and my aunts are going to their kids’ places. It may be just myself this year again. I opted out of Thanksgiving last year as I wasn’t feeling mentally stable and didn’t want to have problems around my brother’s kids. I probably should volunteer at one of the community Thanksgiving dinners that groups like the Knights of Columbus or the local food pantry puts on. One year my entire extended family and I volunteered at a community dinner in my hometown. Found out there were more shut ins and family less people than I thought. But if it is just me I just may go to the KFC and buy one of their large family meals the night before and live off that for a day or two. A friend of mine traditionally has lobster instead of turkey.
Even though I may not be doing anything really special for the holidays I can always call or video conference with family and friends. Thanks to the internet and social media platforms if you don’t stay in contact with friends and family it’s your own doing. I’ve been getting back on Facebook more now that the hoopla of the election has finally died down. Regardless of whether I go to my mother’s place or not I’ll definitely make a point of keeping in touch with my parents. I talk to my parents usually twice a week even though I’m in my mid thirties. I talk to them more now than when I was in my late teens and twenties. I don’t know what it is but they seem more interesting now and less domineering now then when I was in high school. But I suppose since I don’t live in the same town and have proven I can be on my own for a dozen years it’s like they’re more old and wise friends rather than the authority figures they were when they were when I still lived in their house.
I just hope I never catch myself complaining about the younger generations when I get older. I’m seeing my friends in my age bracket complaining about teenagers and college students and I’m thinking “Dude, that was us twenty years ago. We didn’t know anything back then and we still turned out alright. Ease off.” If I ever find myself complaining about the “kids” and/or talking about how much better it was in the past, I hope someone comes along and slaps some sense back into me. I remember what it was like being a kid and listening to the elders complain about me and my cohorts. And back then I promised myself I would never voluntarily put anyone younger than I am through that. It sucks not being taken serious because of your youth. It sucks not being taken serious because of my mental illness. But that is a topic for another place and time.