College Summer Road Trip in the Deep South

The summer I turned twenty, I decided I was tired of red dirt roads and wheat fields. Tired of calf roping on weekends and the same two cafés in town swapping out the pie flavors like it was big news. Tired of being known by everyone before I even opened my mouth. So when finals ended at my small college in rural Oklahoma, I loaded my old Honda Civic with a cooler full of Dr Pepper, a duffel bag of clothes, and a Rand McNally atlas that still smelled like my dad’s shop. I didn’t have a plan beyond “head south.” I figured if I got lost enough times, I might find something worth keeping.

The day I left, the morning heat had already started its slow chokehold on the plains. I rolled down the windows, let the wind slap me awake, and pointed the car toward Texas. The highway stretched out like a dare. I took it.

Four hours later, I crossed the bridge over the Sabine River into Louisiana. The air turned thicker, as if someone had soaked it in motor oil and humidity. By Shreveport, my shirt clung to me like a nervous kid. I wasn’t used to air that pressed back.

South of town, I stopped for gas at a truck stop where the sign read “Boudin & Biscuits.” I bought both. The biscuit was dry, the boudin was perfect, and the woman behind the counter called me “baby” without even looking up. It felt like a welcome.

My plan that day was to make it across Louisiana and into Mississippi by sundown, but the swamps had other ideas. The road dipped between cypress trees hung heavy with Spanish moss, the sky deepening into a purple bruise. I pulled off at a scenic overlook—though it wasn’t clear what was scenic about a stretch of murky water dotted with the occasional alligator—but I stood there anyway, listening to the chorus of insects warming up for their nighttime performance.

A pickup truck rolled in behind me, and two men climbed out—thick accents, sunburned skin, baseball caps with fishing brands. One of them nodded at me.

“You lost, cher?” he asked.

“Maybe,” I said. “Depends what counts as lost.”

They laughed like I had told a joke. One of them pulled a couple beers from their cooler and offered me one without ceremony. I took it. The swamp hummed around us, thick and alive.

We talked about fishing and storms and how Oklahoma wasn’t the same as Texas no matter how many tourists thought it was. They told me they were from down near Houma, Cajuns from generations back. They talked fast, half in English, half in a musical blend of French and something else entirely. I nodded when I could; mostly I listened.

“You gon’ melt out here,” the taller one said. “You stick around too long, the skeeters’ll make a meal outta you.”

“Probably already did,” I said.

He grinned. “Then you fit in just fine.”

I finished my beer, thanked them for the hospitality, and hit the road again as the last light died. The swamps breathed darkness. Somewhere far off, thunder grumbled like an old man shifting in a recliner.

By the time I crossed the Mississippi state line, the night was so heavy it felt like driving through ink. I rolled the dial on the radio, trying to find anything not static. A preacher’s voice burst in, loud and urgent: “AND THE FIRES OF JUDGMENT SHALL LICK AT THE HEELS OF THE WICKED!” I kept it on for a while, partly because it kept me awake and partly because it felt right for a lonely drive over the Delta’s flatlands.

I reached the Delta proper just past midnight and decided I needed to stop before I fell asleep at the wheel. The first sign I saw was for a place called Eddie Mae’s Juke Joint, a flickering neon sign on the side of a sagging building with a gravel lot and a porch crowded with people smoking. A hand-painted sign said: “Live Blues Tonight.” That was enough.

Inside, the air vibrated. A man on stage with a steel guitar was bending notes that sounded like the floor of the earth cracking open. His voice was a gravel road soaked in whiskey. People swayed, stomped, leaned over their beers like they were confessing sins to them.

I took a seat at the bar. The bartender was a woman in her fifties with hair piled high and gold hoops the size of bracelets. She poured me a cheap bourbon without being asked.

“You look like a boy who ain’t seen a real juke joint before,” she said.

“Am I that obvious?”

“Baby, you practically shining. Folks around here don’t walk in smiling unless they lost.”

“Is being lost a bad thing?”

She shrugged. “Depends why.”

The man on stage slid into a slow, aching melody, something raw enough to make my throat tighten. The bartender sighed.

“That there’s Clarence ‘Catfish’ Porter,” she said. “Been playing longer’n you been alive. Man’s fingers talk better than most folks’ mouths.”

I listened. She was right.

Two hours slipped by. Time didn’t work the same in that place. It stretched and curled like smoke. When Catfish finished, the crowd hollered, and he nodded like it was his birthright.

I left with the sound of his guitar still buzzing in my ribs.

At 2 a.m., hungry and bone tired, I found the only place open for miles: a Waffle House glowing bright as a UFO in the Mississippi dark. I parked beside two pickup trucks and a sedan with stickers for every local church.

Inside, the cook and waitress were arguing about whether the Elvis impersonator who came in on Sundays was actually good or just enthusiastic.

I took a seat at the bar. Two older women sat at the booth nearest me—both in floral dresses, both wearing church hats despite the hour. They had purses big enough to hide spellbooks in. They eyed me like they’d been expecting me.

“You traveling, sugar?” one of them asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Heading where?” the other asked.

“Not sure yet.”

They exchanged a knowing look.

The first leaned in. “Everybody who comes in here lost at this hour ends up exactly where they supposed to.”

I wasn’t sure if that was comforting.

They told me they were “Mojo Ladies,” which I assumed meant fortune tellers or something similar. They didn’t explain. They didn’t need to. One of them reached across the table, took my hand, and squeezed it.

“You carrying something heavy,” she said. “But you ain’t ready to set it down yet.”

“I didn’t say anything about—”

“You ain’t gotta. It’s in your eyes.”

The other nodded. “Whatever you looking for, baby, you gon’ find a piece of it in Georgia. Mark my words.”

The cook slid my waffle onto the counter. The Mojo Ladies sipped their black coffee like prophets in polyester. When they left, they pressed a peppermint into my hand like it was a talisman.

“This’ll keep the road kind,” one of them said.

I didn’t believe them. But I kept the peppermint.

I slept a few hours in my car outside the Waffle House, waking to the sunrise stretching over endless fields. Mississippi bled into Alabama, and suddenly I was driving past cotton fields that rolled out like white oceans. The plants rustled in the wind, soft and restless.

I pulled over and walked to the edge of a field. The cotton was thick, fluffy, deceptively gentle-looking. I’d read enough history books to feel a weight in my chest staring at it. The past wasn’t past here. It stuck to the air, to the ground, to the way the fields seemed too quiet.

I stood there a long time before driving on.

A few hours later, just outside Tuscaloosa, I stopped at a barbecue joint where a young trucker in a red Ole Miss cap sat next to me at the counter. He had a grin like he’d been born laughing.

“You ain’t from around here,” he said.

“Nope,” I said.

“Oklahoma? Arkansas? I’m guessing Oklahoma.”

I blinked. “How’d you—”

“You got that panhandle twang. I hear it all the time at the truck stops.”

We talked over pulled pork sandwiches. He told me he’d been driving long hauls since he turned nineteen, and that fall Saturdays belonged to one thing only.

“Ole Miss football,” he said. “That’s church, brother.”

I said something about how Oklahoma folks felt the same way about the Sooners, and he waved me off.

“Yeah, but y’all got actual expectations. We mostly got hope. Both’ll kill you, but hope’s slower.”

When we parted ways, he slapped my shoulder.

“You keep drivin’ till something feels right,” he said. “That’s what my daddy always told me.”

I wasn’t sure if it was good advice, but I wrote it down later anyway.

Georgia rose up with red clay shoulders and thick forests. By dusk I was deep in the rural stretches, following roads so empty I wondered if I was the last person alive. The radio crackled again with a preacher proclaiming the end times. I switched stations and found a conspiracy theorist rambling about UFOs above Atlanta and lizard people running Congress. I switched again and found another preacher, even louder. Mississippi stations traveled farther than they had any right to.

At one point, the sky lit up with silent lightning behind a cloud line. It looked like God taking photos of the earth.

I pulled into a clearing outside a small town whose name I never saw. A group of old men sat around a fire pit beside a weathered barn, laughing and passing around a mason jar. They waved me over like I was late.

“You look thirsty,” the oldest one said. His beard was pure white except for a streak of brown under his lip from tobacco.

“What’s in the jar?” I asked.

“Confidence,” another said.

It burned like the surface of the sun. I coughed so hard they laughed until they cried.

“You ain’t from anywhere near here,” the bearded one said.

“Oklahoma,” I said.

“That far enough.”

We talked about fishing, baseball, the way the South had changed and not changed. They told stories of moonshining in the 70s, stories involving revenue agents and narrow escapes and more than one dog named Blue.

When I left, they slapped my back like a nephew going off to war.

“Atlanta’s that way,” one said, pointing down the road. “Get yourself a ball game. Braves are home this week.”

I hadn’t planned on it. But maybe the road had.

I reached Atlanta the next afternoon. The skyline rose like a jagged promise. I parked near the stadium and bought a last-minute ticket from a guy holding a cardboard sign. It was overpriced. I didn’t care.

Inside, the crowd buzzed with energy. The Braves were playing the Phillies, and the stadium lights made everything look sharper than real life. I found my seat between a father and his teenage son on one side and an elderly woman with a scorecard on the other.

As the game started, I felt something settle in me. Maybe it was the rhythm of the game, the crack of the bat, the rise and fall of the crowd’s voices. Maybe it was the way the sunset painted the sky above the stadium in bands of orange and pink. Or maybe it was simply the feeling of having come from somewhere and gone somewhere else, collecting pieces of strangers along the way.

The father next to me cheered so loud he startled the kid. The elderly woman muttered about missed calls like she could curse an umpire into reason. The team hit a home run in the sixth inning, and the stadium roared. I roared with it.

For the first time in months—maybe years—I felt part of something bigger than myself, something moving, alive, full of possibility.

When the game ended and the crowd flowed out into the humid Georgia night, I walked slowly to my car. I didn’t know where I was headed next. I didn’t need to.

The road had been right so far. That was enough.

I dug into my pocket and found the peppermint the Mojo Lady had given me at the Waffle House. I unwrapped it, popped it into my mouth, and let it dissolve as I drove into the night, windows down, the city lights fading behind me.

Wherever I was going, the road would know before I did.

And I trusted it now.

Thoughts On Daily Routines, Autumn 2020, Emergency Preparations, etc.

I’m still sleeping more than usual. But I feel quite stable. I usually go to bed around 9 or 10pm and wake up for good around 9am. I wake up at least once in the night to visit the restroom and sometimes it takes about an hour or two to fall back asleep. I’m still limiting myself on caffeine. I usually have no more than one cup of coffee every day, usually with breakfast. I contact my parents several times a week. My mother is keeping a daily “pandemic journal.” She usually records what’s happening in the news as well as locally and her own thoughts. My nephews and niece have been back in school since mid August. I can’t imagine how tough it is for those kids. The two oldest are teenagers and those years are rugged enough even in good times. My brother and his family are moved in to their new house. They have more space now and have a couple gardens. My mother and one of my nephews have planted some vegetables that are starting to grow.

The corn harvest is going right now here in Nebraska. It does feel odd to not be watching my Huskers play football on Saturday afternoons. Our season is supposed to start on October 24, barring any major outbreaks of the virus. I sometimes watched European soccer and playoff basketball to have some resemblance of normal. Baseball playoffs start this week in the USA.

The election is coming up in only a few weeks. For me, there is some added anxiety just from the unknown. I think the concern over the unknown is probably worse than the outcomes. I just hope there aren’t more bad riots. Regardless the outcomes, there were be millions of angry people in my country. It’s sad to see this happen. But, if we survived a civil war, two world wars, and several economic collapses, I believe we can survive our current mess. I won’t comment on my political beliefs except to say they are my own and I refuse to try to force them on anyone else.

I get paid again in a couple days. While I am short on cash (like many people right before payday) I am not short on food or supplies. Anytime I get paid, I make a point to buy extra non perishable food in case of shortages. I have done this for years. I guess growing up in a rural farming village of less than 500 people with the nearest supermarkets being a fifteen minute drive away and the nearest Wal Mart being an hour and a half away, it was drilled into our heads at a very early age to be prepared in case a winter snow storm shut down the highways or any other natural disaster. Since most people I grew up around either worked in farming or supported the farmers, our very lives depended on the weather and the seasons, even in modern times. I guess most people I grew up knowing always maintained some of the self reliant and make do beliefs of our pioneer ancestors. I suppose you could say we were emergency preppers before there was a term for it. I consider myself a bit of a prepper even if I don’t believe most conspiracy theories. I fear most people don’t get involved in emergency prepping exactly because of some of these theories. It makes sense to have several days worth of food, emergency water, supplies, and getting on good terms with your neighbors and community just in case. I mean, most people have home owners insurance but still don’t want their house to burn down. It’s just a back up, no different than having emergency supplies or a football team having backups in case the team’s star gets injured.

It is autumn in my part of the world. The trees are turning and the nights are getting kind of chilly. I usually run my furnace at night and sleep under a fleece blanket. While spring is my favorite time of year for physical well being, I do get a lot of writing and reading done in the fall and winter. Even as a child I did my best in school in the spring semesters. But I am feeling calm overall in spite of everything going on. I’ll be glad when a vaccine becomes widely available and this pandemic comes to an end.

Missing Sports During Quarantine

Been under volunteer quarantine for over a month.  I sometimes lose track of days at this point.  Many of the things I love about spring I haven’t gotten to take part in this year.  One of my spring traditions is watching the college basketball tournaments.  It’s always interesting to see what small schools pull off upsets and then make deep runs into the playoffs.  I’m also missing baseball.  It’s been a tradition of mine to have a game playing on my tv while I was working on my computer or reading a book.  I miss not following games I wouldn’t normally care much about because of my fantasy baseball league.  I’ve been part of a league for over a dozen years with a couple college friends and some of their coworkers and friends.  Only within the last few years did we start charging league dues.  But even those are only twenty dollars a year. I’ve never won our league, but I mainly do it to make watching baseball even more interesting.

I’m going to miss the Olympics this summer.  I have no doubt that Japan would have done a great job as host nation.  My favorite sports to watch are gymnastics and track.  I make a point to always watch the gymnastics finals and the sprints finals.  Even as a teenager I was never flexible or a fast runner.  Maybe that is why I pay so much attention to running and gymnastics.  Hopefully this pandemic burns out enough that we can have the Olympics in 2021.

I’m missing soccer too.  I have a niece and two nephews who are big soccer players in youth leagues.  So I started watching soccer games a few years ago to try to understand their sport more.  I have a subscription to ESPN Plus so I can get out of country soccer games.  I sometimes watch MLS during the summers.  And I make a point of watching the US national teams are playing.  But that is on hold for the time being.

I’m missing spring football practice.  This Saturday would have been many colleges annual Spring Game.  It’s essentially a glorified practice.  And here in Nebraska, that game normally draws capacity crowds of 90,000.  90,000 attendees for essentially a practice.  Yes, we Nebraska fans are crazy like that.

NBA playoffs would have been going by now.  I’m missing those too.  I’m even going to miss hearing about The Masters golf tournament and the Triple Crown horse races.

It still feels odd not having a ballgame on tv most nights.  I’m going to be glad once those get up and going again.  The NFL Draft is next week.  Of course, it’s going to be done remotely.  I may watch that.  I’m a bigger fan of college football than the pro game, but it is interesting to see what pro teams college stars sign with.

Late Winter Updates

Been doing alright the last few days.  Staying close to home except to meet delivery people on ground floor of my complex.  It gives me a reason to leave the house.  I usually get a few deliveries per week, whether it’s groceries, items I order through Amazon, or the pizza guy.

I’m getting new flooring next week.  My parents are visiting for the weekend too.  I’m also getting my walls repainted and having some work done in my bathroom.  I’m actually happy about getting a new toilet.  Yes I am middle aged.  I’m looking forward to having my place remodeled, but I am not really looking forward to having be out of my nest for a few days.  But I can put up with it to have the problem solved for 15 years.

The weather is starting to warm up.  The last few days it hasn’t been below freezing except at night.  The snow we had over the winter is melted.  The tree outside my window is starting to bud.  And the migratory birds are coming back.  I often hear geese flying overhead and my town is a big spot for cranes returning this time of year.  When I still had a car, I’d drive around out on the county roads near the river and just look for cranes.  They would just be sitting in the fields and be so thick you couldn’t see the grass.

Baseball season starts in a few weeks.  My fantasy league draft is in a week and a half.  I haven’t done very well the last couple years.  My best finish was a second place finish in a league of twelve a couple years ago.  Hopefully the Rockies can do better this year.  Regardless, I am ready for some spring.

It has been a long winter for me even though I haven’t had breakdowns since before Christmas.  I did a lot of reading over the last few months.  I usually pass my days with reading, computer games, staying in contact with family and friends, and keeping up with my neighbors.  I usually see my neighbors once or twice a day.  They usually make dinner for me once a week.  They make some excellent Mexican dishes.

I usually do most of my own cooking.  I think it’s been two years since I ate at McDonalds.  I just don’t really like fast food that much anymore.  Makes my stomach unsettled.  And I’m a pretty decent cook, at least for myself.  I can make some pretty good bratwursts and barbecue chicken on my electric grill.  I don’t do much baking as I don’t eat much bread or carbs anymore.  I eat a lot of grilled meats, vegetables, and soups.  Pretty simple tastes I suppose.

I don’t drink as much caffeine anymore.  I usually have a cup of coffee with breakfast and that is often it.  I sometimes get jittery and irritable on days I have too much coffee.  Plus I am convinced it makes my muscles tight and makes me breathe harder.  An uncle of mine rarely drank anything with caffeine because he said it “cuts your wind”, meaning it made him breathe hard.

Don’t use social media much except to keep in contact with close friends and family.  I had to cut down my friends list and change some of the settings because it was getting too overwhelming to manage.  It’s not that I am upset with people, it’s that I can still contact them if needed.  The good thing about facebook is that it’s easy to drop in on old classmates.  I do my best to avoid being part of arguments.  I already have too much chaos running around my mind to intentionally add to it.  Sadly, mental illness has put limits on my ability to socialize.

August 28 2019

Things have been improving with each passing day since my breakdown last week.  My sleeping habits have changed though.  I now usually sleep a few hours in the afternoon, stay awake until the early morning hours, sleep a few more hours, and am awake by 9am.  I think I’m getting back into my being a night owl routine.  I usually get like this in late summer or early fall.  For some odd reason I usually do my best sleeping in the afternoon and early a.m. hours, especially when the weather starts turning cooler.  Some years during the winter, I wouldn’t see the sun much because I usually slept in the daylight hours.

This has been a pretty long and stressful summer for me.  The spring was more stressful than usual too.  I was usually too stressed and paranoid to leave the apartment some days.  So I stayed home, rode my exercise bike, lifted weights, and caught up on sleep.  I think I have lost weight over the last five months.  I’ve also cut back on how much I eat yet I don’t feel like I’m starving myself.  I usually eat one large meal at lunch, always protein rich.  And then I have a small dinner, usually left overs from lunch.  I usually cook only once a day.  I’ve had fast food only a few times in the last year.  Now I have gone a week without coffee, I’m starting to cut down on caffeine.  Next time I shop, I’m buying tea instead of coffee.  Coffee just makes me to jittery and irritable anymore.

I’m still reading quite a bit, granted it’s still mostly online articles in science journals.  When I do read online newspapers, it’s usually something like New York Times, The Guardian, or Wall Street Journal.

As stressed as I was this summer, I wasn’t in much of a mood to watch a lot of baseball.  But with the Rockies having one of the lousiest records in the league, I wouldn’t have had much to cheer about anyway.  I spent much of my summer playing computer games, chatting with friends online and over the phone, and reading online articles.  I broke down and decided to renew my cable so I could get football games and the baseball playoffs.  The Huskers first game is this Saturday. We haven’t had much to celebrate the last few years.  But things are starting to look up.  When they hired Scott Frost to be the coach after 2017, it gave people real reason to hope for the first time in several years.  Hope things do turn around.

For the first time in months I feel really hopeful most of the time.  I spent most of this spring and summer at home, working out, eating healthier, taking vitamin supplements, and trying to get my physical health in order.  For years I had been tending to my mental and psychological health only to let my physical health slide, at least after my car accident back in 2015.  The last few years have been overly lonely and depressing.  And I felt I couldn’t really talk to anyone because of how angry and stressed most people seemed to be, especially online.  This truly bothered me as it is easier for me to socialize online than to just call someone up on the phone or go to their house.  That and most of my friends and family live out of town.  I hope after a few years of upheaval and distress, people by and large are learning how to tactfully interact online.  I lost some friends over the last few years because of everything that has gone on.  Hopefully, the madness is burning itself out.

Being A Sports Fan With Mental Illness

Things have settled down a great deal the last couple weeks.  So I guess I haven’t had much to report.  Been staying close to my complex and avoiding the mid summer heat wave.  And the days are starting to get shorter.  School will be starting in about three weeks in my home state.  Fall sports practices start in a few days.  Pro football’s training camps are already going.

Football is probably my favorite overall sport to watch, followed by baseball, soccer, and basketball.  I love the strategy involved in football.  I like baseball in that it is played almost everyday and is more relaxed than football and basketball.  I always did enjoy going to baseball games.  When I was in college, I used to go to my college’s home baseball games all the time, at least when I didn’t have classes those afternoons.  It helped that I had a few friends on the team and my best friend played baseball in high school.  My college didn’t have a football team, but the local high school played their home games near our campus.  So a few of us who were football players in high school would go to a few games a year.  We did have a soccer team.  I didn’t start following soccer until a few years ago when the U.S. women’s team won the World Cup.  If the U.S. men’s or women’s team is on, I’ll make it a point to watch.  But I really don’t have a favorite pro team.

I do like watching football.  For several years it was the only reason I kept my cable hook up.  But now I can get most of the live games I want to watch online.  For a few years I would have the Nebraska Huskers game on my tv and another game going on my computer.  October is always a favorite time of year for watching sports for me.  Football season is going, baseball playoffs are starting, the European soccer leagues are going, basketball practice is starting, and hockey is going too.

I bring all of this up to mention that even mentally ill people can like sports.  One of my old friends from one of my support groups was a living football almanac even though I don’t he ever played outside of youth leagues.  Huge Kansas City Chiefs fan.  And we had a lady who was the exact same way but a huge Denver Broncos fan.  Naturally the group leader occasionally had to redirect the discussions to include everyone else.  And we had a third man who was a huge baseball fan.

Granted sometimes the ribbing between fans online and in person can wear on me, especially if I have been having a rough time with the mental illness.  I admit I take things more personal than is healthy.  But this is the nature of the illness.  I usually excuse myself from such discussions.  At least sports fans aren’t as hostile to each other as people are about politics, not from my experience anyway.  Because of the ribbing some fans give each other, and sometimes I get kind of jittery during close games, I usually don’t watch ballgames with anyone besides close friends and family.  I’ve been to sports bars and restaurants with friends, but usually not when my Huskers or Rockies were playing.  I know some people really love how a sports team can bring a diverse community together, but I guess it is a solo intellectual pursuit for me (as are most things).

I do love watching a good sporting event.  But I guess I can do with less heckling and trolling from other fans.  But since I can’t control everyone else, I just don’t engage in that kind of activity to start with.

Mid Winter and Push For Spring

It’s been a good weekend and I’m looking forward to the start of this new week.  Got most of the issues from my last post resolved.  Had to focus more than usual and just spend more time than usual resolving things.  Being free to fit and fume helped too. Sometimes I just have to get a good rant off my mind and out of my system.  I’ve been having as many rants as previously but, fortunately, they have turned into breakdowns only once in the last year.  I don’t know if I’m getting calmer in my middle age years or if I’m just getting better at coping with the hang ups of schizophrenia.  Either way it feels much better than even five years ago, certainly more than fifteen years ago when I was still figuring out what limitations the illness placed on me.

Tomorrow, February 12, is the birthday of one of my cousins and one of my best friends.  My father had a birthday earlier in the month and my mother’s is in a few days.  For being the shortest month of the year, I sure know lots of people with February birthdays. I guess birthdays are a good reason to celebrate during the otherwise cold and drawn out days of middle winter.  Baseball spring training games start in a couple weeks, so I look forward to that.  My Rockies made the playoffs the last two years, but lost out early on both times.  Hopefully they can put together something special this year.  I attending one of their World Series games in Denver with a college friend in 2007.  Even though the Rockies lost the Series, seeing that game in person and experiencing that type of atmosphere is one of the highlights of my twenties.

In other reasons to look forward to spring, my best friend is a huge Game of Thrones fan.  The new season will be starting on April 14, ironically the day before tax deadline here in USA.  I don’t watch the series only because I’d rather not pay to get HBO, but I have seen enough highlights on youtube that I do know some of the characters and story lines.  Sometimes I like to give her a little ribbing about GoT fans being as crazy as some of us football and baseball fans, but I mean it all in good fun.  Just from watching highlights on youtube I can understand how people can follow the series like they do.  I play Skyrim a great deal and joke it’s similar to an interactive version of GoT.  I intentionally tried to design the character I’m currently using to look like Jon Snow.  While it kind of does, my character does bare a striking resemblance to Daniel Day-Lewis in the old Last of The Mohicans movie, which is one of my all time favorite movies.

It’s been a long and cold winter it seems.  Have been lucky to avoid the snow amounts most of the country has gotten so far.  But I’m looking forward to warmer and sunny weather again.  I forced myself outside into prolonged sunlight at least once a week no matter how cold it is just to get some Vitamin D.  It seems to help alleviate the boredom of winter.  But spring officially starts in only five weeks.  We’re more than halfway through winter, or summer for my Southern Hemisphere readers.

August 7, 2018

Been uneventful for a few days.  I’m no longer staying awake all night and sleeping most of the day.  Most of my waking time anymore is during daylight hours.  Mentally I feel stable.  I am starting to get a few more aches and pains I can’t really explain.  But I have been more active than usual.  I’m reading more books again.  For awhile most of what I was reading was online articles and audio books.  I’m currently reading ‘The Inevitable’ by Kevin Kelly.  It’s a future tech trends book.

I watch more live tv now, mostly baseball and soccer.  I still don’t watch most news as most of it is just bad news meant to catch our attention.  All the news that fit to be print, right?  I don’t have any regular shows I watch besides some Star Trek reruns on Netflix.  I do watch a lot of history shows on youtube.  I recently watched Crash Course’s entire world history series.  I always did get a kick out of John Green.

While I do get out more often, I still don’t stray too far from my neighborhood.  Haven’t really been outside of my hometown for almost six weeks.  But I am just comfortable and content to stay close to home and did most of my business here.

I think I’m losing weight again.  I notice my clothes fit looser and I can walk a little farther than I could even a few weeks ago.  I think my aches and pains are from more physical activity than usual.  I can also lift more weight than usual.  Weight lifting does make a difference even after a month.

Rebirth of Spring and Readjusting Accordingly

Now that spring has started and the days are longer than the nights, I’m going to attempt to readjust my sleep schedule.  I’m in the second day of this so I think it will be kind of a bumpy ride for the next few days.  I just woke up and got out of the bath tub and it’s right at 3 am as I write this.  I went to bed around 12 am but decided to get up once I could no longer sleep.  Usually taking my medications earlier in the night helps me to fall asleep sooner.  I did fall asleep at midnight instead of the usual 6 am.  But of course I didn’t sleep the night through.  But I have always had problems sleeping an entire night even as a child.  So my mom gave me a reading light so I could read and stay quiet while everyone else in the house slept.  By the time I got to high school I didn’t have a traditional bed time, I just had to be up by 7 am every morning so I didn’t miss school.  But I am starting to adjust to sleeping at night rather than in the day.

Yesterday I spent much of the day with unexplainable aches and pains, namely in my back.  First time in weeks I had such problems.  But after a couple hot baths and a few advil pills I was back to normal.  I have also noticed I feel fewer aches and pains on days when I don’t eat sugar or lots of processed foods.  Usually if I stick to water, vegetables, and fresh cooked meat I can do quite alright.

I am so looking forward to the warm weather and long days of spring.  Baseball starts in a week so I’ll have games on in the background when I’m doing my evening activities.  My Rockies had a decent season last year and bigger things are expected this year.  I hope they don’t disappoint.

Now the weather is getting better, I usually keep my windows open during daylight hours.  Since I’m awake in the day light hours more than I was this winter, I had forgotten how much I enjoy the smell of fresh air and the feel of a light breeze.  There are a lot of trees on my property and in my hometown and they are starting to bud again.  I’m sure we will have at least one quick hitting April blizzard like we usually do.  But I am glad winter has passed.  It was a tough winter for me, at least in terms of socializing and moving around.  It was tough that I would sometimes go entire days without leaving my apartment.  Hopefully that nonsense is over.  I’m ready for warmer weather, flowers in the park, and the occasional sun burn.  No season is perfect but at least I won’t be seeing nothing but ice, snow, and gray sky for weeks on end anymore.

Late Summers, Changes in Diet, and Mental Stability

Late summers have traditionally been a tough time for me dealing with mental illness.  I usually have to be real careful from late July to early September.  So far this year has been different.  It could be due to reducing my stress levels and avoiding stressful people and places.  It could be due to the medication changes I made a few months ago.  And it could be due to changes in my diet.  I now don’t eat much wheat or anything that’ll upset my stomach.  I have found that I feel better on days I don’t eat bread than on days I do.  I have had stomach problems in the past.  Stomach issues aren’t uncommon in people with depression and mental health issues.  I pretty much limit myself to lots of protein and vegetables anymore.  About the only grains I eat on a regular basis anymore are rice based foods.  Rice seems to be easier on me than wheat and other grains.

When I do go to restaurants I don’t order things like french fries or most other fried foods.  I do occasionally treat myself to chicken strips at KFC.  I have pretty much also cut out sugar too.  When I do crave caffeine, I usually opt for green tea, coffee, or diet soda.  I notice I’m less irritable on days I limit sugar consumption.  Easing back on the caffeine was tough the first several days as I would occasionally sleep more than I would like and sometimes experience slight headaches once a day.  But I think I have gotten past the worst of the caffeine withdrawal.  I used to drink four to six cups of coffee a day, certainly not healthy when dealing with mental health problems.

I have found myself eating more vegetables than usual.  Even when I order delivery pizza, I make it a point to get the mostly vegetable pizzas.  I don’t feel as weighed down and bloated after a few slices of vegetable pizza as compared to the all meats or cheeses pizzas.  Since I’m on a limited budget I have to be careful about buying fresh vegetables that won’t spoil within a couple days.  So I usually eat a can of vegetables every days, usually green peas or green beans.  I have had some good sweet corn, a Midwest late summer tradition.  When I was growing up, it wasn’t uncommon to have sweet corn with dinner three nights  a week during the month of August.  Most of our meals during late summer involved locally grown sweet corn, tomatoes from our garden, and bacon sandwiches.  My parents have introduced my nephews and niece to this August tradition too, even though it will be another few years before the kids develop a taste for tomatoes.

Overall I have felt really decent this summer.  I don’t have much drama to report.  I’m glad that the push for the playoffs in baseball is starting.  I’m also looking forward to the start of football season here in the US in a few weeks.  Fall practice has already begun and school will be starting again in a few days.  I saw that many countries started their soccer seasons this weekend.  I have made a habit of following the US national team since the last World Cup.  I hope we make it to the next one coming up in 2018.  Since the World Cup will be hosted by Russia next summer, I imagine I’ll be watching soccer at a lot of odd hours to adjust for the time differences.  I have kind of gotten into soccer as I have two nephews and a niece who play the game.  Even as a kid I was a slow runner but  didn’t mind getting hit or hitting others.  So that’s why I played football in high school. So that’s why I still watch football in the falls.  But we have made it through the long stretch of summer and fall will be here soon.  It helps that it has been cooler than usual the last several days in my part of the US.  Makes me hopeful for fall and the return of cooler weather.