August 28 2019

Things have been improving with each passing day since my breakdown last week.  My sleeping habits have changed though.  I now usually sleep a few hours in the afternoon, stay awake until the early morning hours, sleep a few more hours, and am awake by 9am.  I think I’m getting back into my being a night owl routine.  I usually get like this in late summer or early fall.  For some odd reason I usually do my best sleeping in the afternoon and early a.m. hours, especially when the weather starts turning cooler.  Some years during the winter, I wouldn’t see the sun much because I usually slept in the daylight hours.

This has been a pretty long and stressful summer for me.  The spring was more stressful than usual too.  I was usually too stressed and paranoid to leave the apartment some days.  So I stayed home, rode my exercise bike, lifted weights, and caught up on sleep.  I think I have lost weight over the last five months.  I’ve also cut back on how much I eat yet I don’t feel like I’m starving myself.  I usually eat one large meal at lunch, always protein rich.  And then I have a small dinner, usually left overs from lunch.  I usually cook only once a day.  I’ve had fast food only a few times in the last year.  Now I have gone a week without coffee, I’m starting to cut down on caffeine.  Next time I shop, I’m buying tea instead of coffee.  Coffee just makes me to jittery and irritable anymore.

I’m still reading quite a bit, granted it’s still mostly online articles in science journals.  When I do read online newspapers, it’s usually something like New York Times, The Guardian, or Wall Street Journal.

As stressed as I was this summer, I wasn’t in much of a mood to watch a lot of baseball.  But with the Rockies having one of the lousiest records in the league, I wouldn’t have had much to cheer about anyway.  I spent much of my summer playing computer games, chatting with friends online and over the phone, and reading online articles.  I broke down and decided to renew my cable so I could get football games and the baseball playoffs.  The Huskers first game is this Saturday. We haven’t had much to celebrate the last few years.  But things are starting to look up.  When they hired Scott Frost to be the coach after 2017, it gave people real reason to hope for the first time in several years.  Hope things do turn around.

For the first time in months I feel really hopeful most of the time.  I spent most of this spring and summer at home, working out, eating healthier, taking vitamin supplements, and trying to get my physical health in order.  For years I had been tending to my mental and psychological health only to let my physical health slide, at least after my car accident back in 2015.  The last few years have been overly lonely and depressing.  And I felt I couldn’t really talk to anyone because of how angry and stressed most people seemed to be, especially online.  This truly bothered me as it is easier for me to socialize online than to just call someone up on the phone or go to their house.  That and most of my friends and family live out of town.  I hope after a few years of upheaval and distress, people by and large are learning how to tactfully interact online.  I lost some friends over the last few years because of everything that has gone on.  Hopefully, the madness is burning itself out.


Update: Dealing With External Crisis With A Mental Illness


It’s been almost a week since my auto accident.  An update is in order.  I went to the hospital immediately after the accident because I told the EMTs I had some back pains.  I had x-rays taken and fortunately no breaks were found.  On Friday, the day after the accident, I received a copy of the accident report from the police.  With that report I went to the other driver’s insurance agency to get the paperwork started to see whether they would cover the costs of repairs.  The first estimate I had from an auto body shop said the cost of repairs might be more than my ten year old car was worth.  Early this week I was informed that the insurance company would cover the expenses.  But the repairs are going to take a minimum of three weeks once everything gets settled.  In the meantime I borrowed a car from my family rather than rent one.  I’m relieved the car will be fixed.  The car had one previous owner and only 38,000 miles so it was in as good of shape as a ten year old car could be.

For my health, I’m dealing with the changes and stresses pretty well.  While I’m not happy about what happened, events are in motion that will clean up these issues.  For my physical health I’m seeing a chiropractor to get a second opinion on my back.  Since I wasn’t at fault in this accident, the other driver’s insurance is covering the expenses.  Some chiropractors do accept Medicaid but only for some of their more basic services, from what I understand.  If the other driver did not have auto insurance I would be looking at more problems with this process but the other driver would be looking at far more serious problems.

In all of this I have been more diligent about watching and tracking what I eat.  I’ve had to be extra careful as I have been having more unexplainable pains slowing me down.  In spite of my auto accident I’ve managed to get my weight loss regiment back on track.  Overall I gained at least 25 pounds with my friend’s wedding and my grandmother’s funeral.  I’ve since lost close to 10 pounds since October 1st.  I didn’t give up on losing weight.  I just had a setback or two. I’m on track to recover from all the events of the last few months.  Hopefully this will be a quiet winter.