The weather is turning colder and the days are really short now. As a result I haven’t been leaving my apartment complex much the last several days. And I don’t feel guilty at all about it. I never did well around the crowds of shoppers during the holidays. I just don’t like fighting crowds and waiting in long lines just so I can buy a few items. I think one of these days I’m going to do most of my shopping online and see if I can just get things delivered to my door.
As a result of my quasi hibernation for the last week and a half, I am spending more time reading. I have plenty of books I bought months ago that I’m only now getting into. I have found that I am eating much less too. Most days anymore I eat two meals a day and that’s really about it. I also rarely drink coffee and I used to have a solid four to six cup a day habit. When I do drink soda pop it’s mostly diet anymore and only with meals. I find that in spite the longer nights I’m staying up later and waking up later. I usually experience only a few hours of sunlight a day. It doesn’t really bother me. I really don’t like getting out and fighting traffic and crowds during Christmas.
Christmas really doesn’t mean that much to me as I don’t have kids. I rarely go to Christmas programs and I haven’t decorated for years. I just usually go spend a couple days at my parents’ place and that’s about it anymore. My brother and his kids have their own traditions so they rarely come to Nebraska for the holiday. But Christmas really hasn’t meant much to me other than a few days of vacation and weeks of faux cheery music, too many lights, and too many bells. Now I do like a few Christmas movies like ‘A Christmas Story’ and ‘It’s A Wonderful Life.’ I can’t imagine how tough Christmas is for autistic children who have problems with sensory overload problems. It’s tough for me as an adult with schizophrenia who can voluntarily withdraw when needed.
I really don’t send out Christmas cards as I keep in regular contact with most of my old friends via Facebook. I won’t go to the complex Christmas party again this year. Seems like most people have been in a more foul mood than usual this year. And I just don’t want to experience that during the holidays. Sure it’s tough essentially spending the holidays in self imposed exile because of sensory overload and fear of crowds. But I just don’t see any other options. 2016 has been a more rough than usual year and I’m sure the holidays this year will be worse than normal. I’m just ready for things to go back to some sense of normal. I haven’t experienced normal and prolonged periods of calm for a long time.