Category Archives: Life With A Mental Illnes

You Might Be A Nerdy Redneck If….

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I’m taking a detour from my mental illness posts for this entry.  I readily admit to being a nerd.  I always have been and I always will be.  Since I grew up in a farming village in Nebraska and live in a smaller college town surrounded by corn fields and cattle ranches, I also could qualify as somewhat of a hillbilly or redneck.  Accordingly to Jeff Foxworthy a redneck is simply someone with an obvious absence of sophistication.  I admit I am not as sophisticated as my college friends from California or big foreign cities.  So I am often finding myself stradling the fence between unsophisticated country people and intellectual types.  I have both brainy and country interests.  I love reading.  I love fishing.  I have experimented with writing computer code.  I have also fired rifles.  I have watched the late summer meteor showers at my family’s acreage after days of helping my dad fix fences.  I often lift arm weights while watching Star Trek reruns.  I have gone to high school football games and art galleries on the same weekend.  But just for fun I thought I’d post a list of “You Might Be A Nerdy Redneck” in the same manner of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be A Redneck” jokes.  So here goes

You Might Be A Nerdy Redneck If……

 

Your working laptop computer sits on top on a nonworking one

You are afraid that Google’s self driving car will end NASCAR

You plan on using a 3D printer to make your next fishing pole

You have binge watched both Doctor Who and Duck Dynasty

You have a GPS on your John Deere tractor

You have both Stephen Hawking and William Faulkner on your bookshelf

You think the Gadsden Flag  and Hunter Orange look cool under a black light

You have ordered anything in camouflage on amazon

You have used a smart phone while riding a horse

You always carry a Swiss Army knife and a scientific calculator

You can write computer code and overhaul an engine

You have ever chewed tobacco in a university lecture hall

You played both Dungeons and Dragons and football in high school

You have ever sited Sun Tzu’s Art of War, plot lines from Star Trek,  country music, and Saber Metrics for baseball in the same conversation

You can easily recite Monty Python lines and George Patton quotes

You can build your own computer and do your own carpentry work

You are anxiously waiting for Tesla to build an electric pickup truck

You think ‘Smokey and The Bandit’ should be remade with a self driving 18 wheeler

You like both Japanese Anime and John Wayne

You have attended a Comic Con and a monster truck rally within two weeks of each other

You bought a piece of Ikea furniture, assembled it without reading the directions, and use left over parts in other home improvement projects

You know how to use both a slide rule and moonshine still

You want to be the first person you know to buy camping equipment and hunting supplies from Bass Pro Shops with Bitcoin

Getting Back To Stability

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It’s been almost three weeks since I threw out my back.  I can get around pretty decent for the most part.  The mornings are the only difficulty, especially the first time I stand up after waking.  In spite of my back issues I’ve been socializing more.  I went to a writers’ support group on Monday night for the first time in over a year.  Told people about my blog.  My blog is the primary writing activity I have right now.  I do occasionally write poetry but there is such a limited market for poetry.  I haven’t written any kind of fiction for almost three years.  But then I’ve always preferred reading nonfiction to fiction.

Mentally I’ve been very stable for quite awhile.  I call at least one person over the phone every day now.  Usually family or close friends.  Things have gotten a little less contentious  at my apartment complex in recent months.  We’ve had a couple problem residents I haven’t seen in weeks so I’m guessing they moved out.  After ten years in the same complex I really don’t pay much attention to who moves in and who moves out.  I just pretty much keep to myself and the handful of friends I have here.  The friend I made back in the winter moved out a month ago.  But I’m kind of used to that by now.

I rejoined my old writers support group.  I’m probably going to rejoin my mental illness support group as soon as my back clears up.  There is a second writers’ support group that meets twice monthly at the local library that I’m joining starting next week.  In short I’m beginning to put myself out there socially.

Been seriously tracking my diet for a week.  I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost.  Probably not as much as I normally would as I’m not yet very active.  I won’t be very active until my back completely heals.  The best I can do right now is put strict limits on what I eat and keep a positive mind set.

Today is also my birthday.  I am now 36 years old.  I don’t have much planned today besides going out to lunch with my family.  Can’t really do a great deal for at least the short term.  But the back has cleared immensely since two weeks ago.  I just have to keep doing things to encourage the healing process until I’m back to full speed.

Normalcy Is Within Reach

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My back is now all but completely healed.  I think I’ll sleep in the recliner another two or three nights before I try to sleep on my back again.  Cleaned my apartment over the last two days.  The place needed it as I hadn’t been able to do much for two weeks.

My mental health has remained stable for the most part during this back injury.  Other then a few bouts of irritability and a couple bouts of depression I was able to stay mentally healthy.  I have kept positive especially the last several days.  I attribute my stability and positivity to keeping in contact with friends and family.  Over the last week I spent an average of two hours a day on the phone talking with friends and family.  It’s important to stay in touch when things are rough.  Fortunately this back injury should be completely healed within a couple days.

Pushing To Get Better Physically and Mentally

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I’ve been actively working for the last two weeks to get my back into good health.  Been icing my back most of the time when I sit down and taking ibuprofen every six hours.  Last night I slept in my bed for the first time in over a week.  It doesn’t sound like much but it was nice after several days of not being able to lay down at all.  I slept for five hours last night but it apparently was all I needed.  Woke up with a little back pain but I am back to almost good after a little ice.  I’m glad to be back on the mend.

I’m also pushing myself to get back to losing weight.  I’m now on day three of tracking everything I eat.  Sure it is draconian and anal retentive but it’s the best thing that worked for me in the past.  I know I have lost weight in the past by tracking my diet and I can do it again.  In fact it may be the only way I can lose weight.  Granted that won’t make me much fun when dining out with friends but it’s the best thing I have working.  It’s looking like the old habits of tracking what I eat are starting to come back.

I’m also pushing myself to better my mental health.  I’m avoiding toxic people, toxic places, toxic ideas, and learning better coping skills for my mental illness.  I’m slowly but surely learning how to stop negative thoughts about others and myself before they become obsessions.  I’ve also started listening to inspiring videos and podcasts on youtube.  Youtube is a treasure trove of both positive and negative ideas.  You have to actively search out the positive to find it.  But that is why there are the search bars and search engines.  Use them to find positive and uplifting materials.  Anymore you can find whatever you want with a couple search engines.  I have no excuse in 2016 to not find uplifting and reenforcing information.  It’s just a matter of typing in the right information.

 

 

To The Stars With Difficulty

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The road to the life of our dreams is seldom a straight and smooth one.  I admit I don’t remind myself of that enough.  But life is mainly about how many times you get up after being knocked down.  I have been knocked down quite a bit in the last several months as my previous posts have shown.  But I have to keep getting up and moving forward.  Yes I lost a grandmother who was one of my closest confidants.  Yes my back got messed up in a car accident.  Yes I got lazy about losing weight and gained much of the weight I lost.  Yes I had difficulties and relapses with my schizophrenia.  Yes I became lazy in my social life.  Yes I developed a negative attitude about many things.  Yes I became depressed and lazy in my personal habits.  It’s all true.

But that does not define me any longer.  I won’t allow it to define me.  I do have problems I’ve been dealing with.  But I will solve them and keep moving forward.  I have solved problems in the past and I will solve my problems again.  No I may not make my goal of being at my high school weight within the time frame I set for myself two years ago.  But I won’t give up on pursuing that goal.  No I haven’t been able to exercise for two weeks because of my bad back.  Yes I made excuses not to exercise because the weather was lousy this spring.  Yes I lost a lot of my social safety net when I became paranoid and thought I could do all things on my own.  But that is changing starting here and now.  I am not going to go out without a fight.  I am not giving up on improving my health.  I lost seventy pounds in a little over a year only to gain at least forty pounds back in a year.  But I am stopping the bleeding.  I lost weight before and I will do it again.  I had good mental health before and I can gain it back even with a mental illness.  I have had good friends and lots of acquaintances before and I will have them again.  It starts here and now.  It starts today.  I am no longer going to be my past failures.  I have been through difficulties, some beyond my control and some even self inflicted.  I am going to be better all around.  And the road to the stars for me restarts here and now.

Healing From Back Pain With Mental Illness

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My back has mostly healed by now.  About the only time I feel any kind of pain is when walking longer than five minutes at a time.  Probably doesn’t sound like much but ten days ago I was getting this shooting pains that felt like electric shocks in my back almost every time I stood up.  I still haven’t gotten brave enough to try to sleep on my back.  I’ll probably sleep in the recliner for another night or two.  But today is the first day I haven’t put ice on my back at all for almost two weeks.  I have definitely been limited by this back injury.  I imagine I would have been fired for missing so much work had I still been working.  Part of the reason I don’t mind not working; I can heal at my own natural speed.

I saw the chiropractor on Tuesday.  She was happy that I was making good progress.  She seems to think I’m recovering faster than normal.  I don’t go back in for at least another month but that should just be basic maintenance.  I’m glad I was able to get my back mostly cleared after only three visits.

The worst part about this back injury was I couldn’t exercise and I got lazy about my dieting.  I’m sure I gained several pounds over the last two weeks.  Today is the first day in awhile I’m tracking everything I’m eating again.  It’s worked in the past.  It’s the biggest thing that worked in the past.  No reason it can’t work again.

The days have been kind of boring these last two weeks as I healed from my back problems.  I played more Civilization 5 and Skyrim in the last two weeks than the previous three months.  As much as I like computer games, even a geek like myself knows there’s far more to life than just sitting in front of a computer.  I have been getting outside more the last three days.  I make it a point to stand up every two or three hours and walk around for a few minutes.  Ran some errands yesterday and bought a few shirts.  Since I’m not fashion obsessed I can get by pretty cheap on clothing.  Most of the stuff I get is pretty plain.  I wear mainly t-shirts and occasionally polo shirts.  I don’t have much for dress clothes since I worked mainly manual labor jobs most of my adulthood.  I think I look like one of the hired thugs from ‘The Sopranos’ when dressed up anyway.  Regardless my wardrobe was due for a few updates.

The back is almost completely healed.  I probably have another few days of nagging pains.  So I may be taking it a little easier until the weekend.  Since I started tracking what I eat again (I had been lazy about that for several weeks), I’m ready to get back on track with the weight loss.

Keeping A Positive Mental Outlook

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Been on the mend from a bad back for a week and a half.  Today was a good day.  I was able to get outside a few times today and get a little sunshine.  I’m still doing the ibuprofen and ice.  I walk short distances every few hours to break up the boredom.  My back is much better than this time a week ago.  But it will probably be another few days of ice and rest before I’m back to normal.

Fortunately I’ve managed to keep from slipping into prolonged depression during these last several days.  Haven’t had hallucinations or delusions either.  Been playing more computer games and watching more youtube in the last week than I really wanted.  I had to get outside a few times today.  I needed to rework my legs a little.  My back has healed enough that I can walk short distances with no problem.  I can’t do my serious walking and exercise routines yet.  But I do what I can.  I have another chiropractic appointment tomorrow afternoon.  Hopefully won’t need much more.  I can tell the back is much better now.  I see that a return to normal is within sight.

Back Pains and Missing Out on Summer

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I’m still healing from my back pain.  I’m able to walk short distances again.  I was able to run some errands three days ago so I don’t really have to leave my apartment for the next several days.  But since my back is clearing up I really think I should be back to normal within a few days.  I’ve been sleeping in a recliner the last few nights to rest my back.  The last time I try to sleep on my back I could barely get out of bed.  My routine has definitely been thrown off since I hurt my back.  And the worst part is I don’t know what I did to cause my back pain.

The weather has gotten much warmer just about the time I hurt my back.  Haven’t been able to get out and enjoy it at all.  I usually go to the park several times a week during the summer.  Haven’t been able to do this for almost two weeks.  Makes me feel like I’m missing out.  But I can’t rush this recovery.  I tried to rush things a few days ago and it set me back at least a day.

Been holding up mentally during most of this process.  I’ve had a few moments of depression and irritability during those times of weakness.  When I first hurt my back I thought I’d need two or three days of ibuprofen and ice and I’d be back to normal.  Didn’t turn out that way.  I haven’t had crushing bouts of depression during the last week and a half I’ve been mending from this injury.  I’ve had more boredom than anything.  But even with the boredom I haven’t called friends much during this injury.  I just haven’t had much to talk about with my friends during the last several days.  That’s probably the most depressing part of the whole deal.  Being on the mend has made me really feel like I’ve lost connection to my neighbors, my community, and my friends.  I haven’t done anything socially since I hurt my back.  It really has been boring.  Fortunately I haven’t had any relapse of the psychiatric problems in these last days.

I have pretty much spent most of my days playing computer games, watching youtube videos, and watching baseball games.  Not exactly really thrilling but there’s only so much I can do until my back returns to normal.  I have called my parents every other day to have some resemblance of a social life.  I can’t wait until my back finally clears up.  This certainly has made me appreciate my physical health more.

 

 

Dealing With Physical Pain And Mental Illness

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I’ve now been fighting severe lower back pain for a week.  I went to the chiropractor on the first to get my back worked on.  I get to go back in on Thursday for more work.  I hope I don’t have to have many more appointments.  Medicaid will cover only so many chiropractic appointments per year.  I’m working with the same place that rehabbed me after my car accident last fall.

Since I can barely walk now I’m moving from trying to lose weight to just maintaining.  As bad as my back hurts I won’t do any exercise for awhile.  I’m thinking this could be a very long process.  At first I thought two or three days of ice and ibuprofen would be all I needed.  The back isn’t healing as quickly as I hoped.

Naturally this has me slightly depressed and mildly irritated.  I was anticipating being outdoors and walking in the park everyday, just like the previous two summers.  Summers were when I lost most of my weight.  I also decided that I won’t be able to sleep in my bed anymore, at least not until my back completely heals.  I have a recliner I can sleep in.  It is so much easier to get up from sitting down than lying down.  When I was in the chiropractor’s office on Wednesday morning, the chiropractor and I had a tough time getting me off the work table after I laid down on my back.  I felt bad for the poor lady.  But I suppose she’s seen far worse than what I had.

The back pain is more bearable now that I’m not having the auditory hallucinations.  Haven’t had to deal with those for a few weeks.  I’m still not very comfortable with driving as I do tend to be more irritable in traffic than I should.  Fortunately I haven’t crossed over into road rage.  If I can tell it’s not going to be a good mental health day I avoid driving unless it’s absolutely necessary.  But the lower back pain is going to slow down my leaving the apartment and running errands.  Too bad because I need to go grocery shopping in a few days.  The store I normally shop in is a really large store.  I love walking through the isles and seeing the huge variety, especially in the overnight hours.  Since the back is hurting bad, I won’t be able to enjoy that for awhile.  I would hate to think I have to use an electric cart for my shopping.  I mean I’m not that old even if I have a birthday in two weeks.

As I’ve been out of commission for a few days I’ve been spending most of my time at home.  I usually play computer games, watch youtube videos, and check in on friends through Facebook.  I’m starting to get a little restless as I’ve been doing this for several days.  But it’s a restlessness I can do nothing about as my physical health is suffering.  I think this isn’t going to be an easy recovery.  It’s a shame I have to start falling apart physically just about the time I’m getting my mental health in order.

 

Memorial Day Weekend At Home Alone

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Memorial Day will be next Monday here in America.  For some it means having cookouts and the unofficial start of the summer season.  Others may go to Memorial Day ceremonies at the cemetery or the Veterans’ Association to remember fallen loved ones and brothers in arms.  When I was in high school I used to go to the local cemetery for the program the local American Legion post conducted.  I friend of mine would play Taps at the end of the ceremony on his trumpet.  When I worked for the courthouse I assisted with decorating the courthouse and other county government properties.  This year I’ll probably just stay home and watch a couple war movies on Netflix.  My back has been hurting pretty bad the last two days so I’m not very mobile.  I’ve been constantly icing it and it seems to help some.  Hopefully my back will clear up after a couple days of rest and ice.

I rescheduled a psych doctor appointment so I could spend a couple days out of town.  I see my doctor again at the end of June.  Last time I saw him we were talking about changing a second medication to see if I could get some kind of normal again.  I had been having problems with more frequent flare ups and being more irritable than usual.  But after changing just one medication (and this was a med my DNA tests said would be effective for me) I think I’m doing well enough I don’t have to make a second change.  I haven’t had any bad flare ups in two months.  I’m more stable now.  I’m not as irritable.  I don’t even need the anti anxiety meds much anymore.  The only real complaint I have is I sleep a little more now.  But my sleep patterns usually have me sleeping too much or too little with nothing in between.

I’m going to be spending the weekend alone and probably mostly at my apartment unless my lower back makes a fast recovery and I become mobile again.  But I have enough food and supplies to last several days if the back doesn’t recover quickly.  I’m not too worried about my mental health now.  And I haven’t been able to say that for a long time.