Category Archives: Physical Health and Mental Health

Finding Strength: Managing Health and Family Doubts

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Took a couple of days off this weekend. Back to the grind. The last several days I have been up most of the night and gotten my best sleep in the afternoons. I still sleep like ten hours a day, but most of it is during daylight hours.

I’m back on the Turmeric. I think it’s helping with the bad knees and ankles. I started taking Vitamin B and Vitamin D supplements a couple of weeks ago. I think I have more energy and optimism overall now.

I think I am losing weight. If the way my clothes fit is any indication I really am. Most of my shirts are quite baggy now. Might have to drop down a shirt size. It also looks like I’m carrying less fat on my abdomen. My calves are less swollen than six months ago as are my thighs. I don’t eat much anymore besides protein and vegetables. I try to avoid sugar and carbs.

Got turned down for a long term care facility. I’m not shedding any tears over it. In reality I don’t want to go to long term care. Ideally I would just stay in my current house and just widen all the doors to be wheelchair accessible. My parents aren’t on the same page as I am. They aren’t enthusiastic about making such modifications to the house.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want things to be easy. I want to struggle to get my walking ability back. I want people to doubt me. I want to be fought every inch of the way. I want even my own family to actively work against me. They originally doubted I could graduate college with schizophrenia. Proved them wrong. They originally thought I couldn’t live alone with schizophrenia and on disability pension. Proved them wrong for over seventeen years.

Most people thought I made a mistake when I went to long term care to get better. I was flat out told I would die in that facility. Well, eight months later I walked out the front door on my own two feet. I went in that facility on a hospital stretcher. I walked out on my own two feet after only eight months.

I’m facing doubts again. After this third stay in the hospital, I lost all of my mobility. Physical therapy hospital didn’t help at all. Neither did the home therapist. They all gave up on me too soon. Sure, it took a few months. But I am back to walking short distances within the same room. I can transfer into the wheelchair. It is a foldable wheelchair so I can get it through doors. I could already get everywhere in the house if the family would just break down and pay for the modifications.

As far as modifications go, all they would need is to widen all the doors, put a railing in the bathroom, and get some of the clutter out of the house. My parents have a hard time throwing anything away. I swear if I outlive them, I’m going to rent a dumpster and throw tons of Knick knacks and crap in. I refuse to deal with it after they are gone. I won’t live the life of a hoarder. Was forced to do it as a kid. Forced to do it again after being on my own for seventeen years. After my parents are gone or moved to a nursing home, never again.

Oddly I’m not feeling hurt or betrayed by my family not believing in me. In some ways they have never believed in me. I’m going to get mobile again, at least for short distances. I am going to keep losing weight. My goal is to eventually get back to the same weight I was as a freshman in college. I could easily walk three to five miles a day back then.

I might never be able to walk that far again. But, dammit, I refuse to give up. Between being severely bullied by my school mates as a kid, twenty five years of schizophrenia, three years of congestive heart failure, surviving eight months in a long term care facility, moving two states away to be closer to my brother (at least he believes in me), and seeing crazy ass tech advances in terms of AI, automation, biotech, fintech, etc.; I’ve come too far to cash out now. Give up? Not happening as long as I got breath in my lungs.

I don’t know why my parents refuse to make the modifications to the house to make it handicap accessible. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to get better and mobile in spite all the road blocks people keep throwing at me. I want to be doubted. I want to be told I am a liar and full of shit. It just makes me more determined to keep beating the odds. Beating the smart money has been the mode of operation for my entire life. Personally, I think the “smart money” ain’t as smart as it’s cracked up to be. I just keep proving them wrong because that’s what I’ve done my entire life.

Overcoming Mobility Challenges: My Journey to Independence

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STILL haven’t heard anything from my possible new place. I’m giving up on that. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m going to be living with my parents for the rest of my life. I’m tired of pretending that things are going to change in that regards.

There are worse things than living in the suburbs. It’s a safe neighborhood. I can get any restaurant within reason Door Dashed to my house. I get two day delivery on almost anything on Amazon. There isn’t much for homelessness near my house. And I live only a fifteen minute drive from my brother and his wife.

As I’m getting used to the fact that there won’t be a place coming open for me, I have decided to make the best of it. Mobility is slowly coming back. I can easily transfer from recliner to bed to wheelchair with only a little pain in my ankles. My knee pain has been completely solved. They don’t even pop and crack anymore. I’m so thankful for Turmeric.

Now that I can freely get back into a wheel chair, I’m on to my next project. That is moving about the house. The only real hang up in this house is the narrow doors. The hallways are wide enough for wheelchairs but not the doors. If anything happens to my parents where they have to move to a home and I get left behind, I’m so going to have to move my hospital bed and recliner into the living room. That’s been my plan all along. I just didn’t think that I would have to utilize it.

Finally got out under the overpayments I was paying back to social security. Looks like the timing was good. Sounds like the whole system has become a dumpster fire. While I’m all in favor of cutting government waste, I totally accept that the transition to a more efficient system is going to be tough and take years perhaps. I do have some money out of the system just in case of things like this. In social security’s case, it sounds like a modern day run on the bank.

My next goal as for my mobility is to stand up long enough to fold up my wheelchair and get it through a door. That will open up the entire house and the back yard to me. If I keep getting the run around from social services, I’m going to need to make myself as mobile as I can.

The only reason I was needing a place was because of the wheelchair, not because I am senile. I remember to take my pills daily. I can clean myself, at least with sponge baths and dry shampoo. Maybe that is why I can’t get a place. Because I’m still quite mentally sharp I’m not a high priority.

In some ways I’m glad I keep getting rejected for these places. Five months ago my ankles and knees were so bad I couldn’t even stand up on my own. I needed an ambulance crew to set me up in my own house. Spent from early October to early January learning to stand up again.

I can stand up again. Now I can walk real short distances. I’m working on cutting down the pain in my ankles. In the five plus months I have spent teaching myself how to stand and walk again, I haven’t fallen even once. And I have done it all without any help from anyone.

I had physical therapy come in back in October. But they gave up on me after 30 days because I wasn’t making “adequate progress.” As it is now, I don’t think I really need physical therapy. What I do need is wheelchair accessible doors and bathrooms. Not sure I can get that done in this house. I’m pretty sure my family could afford it if I really put the screws to my parents. Sometimes playing hardball and being a hard ass has to be done to get a point across. I swear some people are so oblivious.

In spite of my hurdles and set backs, I’m making decent progress in learning how to walk again. And I am doing it in spite of the roadblocks and hijinks and run around of social services. If anything, I enjoy the hardships.

I enjoy being told what I can and cannot do. That way I can rub it in people’s arrogant faces when I end up proving them wrong. People didn’t think I could graduate college with schizophrenia. I proved them wrong. People didn’t think I could hold a job with mental illness. I held a janitorial job for over four years. People didn’t think I could live on my own with schizophrenia. Proved them wrong for seventeen years without being even late on a rent payment. People didn’t think I could survive and recover from congestive heart failure. Definitely proved them wrong on that. People now think I’ll never walk again. That’s my next mission to prove people wrong.

Challenges in Securing Long-Term Care in Oklahoma

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Rumor had it that a long term care facility an hour from the metroplex was already to accept me with open arms. That was over a week ago. Haven’t heard anything since. Getting into a care facility is proving to be impossible here in Oklahoma.

A few weeks ago Adult Protective Services were called on my behalf. My house isn’t handicap accessible and I need wheelchair accessible housing. I can transfer from a recliner or wheelchair to a hospital bed, but I still have pain in my ankles every time I walk. I can transfer but it is painful.

After APS was called on my behalf, I was sure I would get a placement within a couple of weeks. Normally they don’t get involved unless a situation is dire and beyond redemption. Well, both are the case in my situation.

I doubt my house can be made wheelchair accessible. Even if it could, I couldn’t afford even property taxes on this place after my parents are gone.

I’m just tired of the run around. I’ve had more problems with social security, Medicaid, healthcare, social services, hospitals, case workers, etc. in the two years I’ve lived in Oklahoma than my last seventeen years in Nebraska. Apparently, service quality varies greatly from state to state.

I’m to where I’m at my wit’s end. I’m tired of fighting and getting zero for results. I’ve grown hopeless and despondent. I sleep twelve hours a day to numb the pain. I’ve told off my parents a few times in the last several weeks because of frustration. I’m becoming something I don’t like. In short, I’m becoming the whining and bitter old man I promised myself I would never become.

I just want a permanent placing in a nursing home to where I can have wheelchair access and my day-to-day medical care provided. Apparently in the richest country in the history of the world that isn’t an option.

Navigating Accessibility Challenges This Spring

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It’s officially the start of spring here in Oklahoma. Been feeling more spring like the last couple of weeks. Been really dry and windy too. Been having wildfires all over the state. Too early for this. Not a good sign.

Finally over a cold that has dogged me for weeks. Some days my nose was so runny and plugged I couldn’t breathe. It’s good that my sneezing fits are over.

Still haven’t received any word on a placement for a wheelchair accessible place. The main hangup is corporate has to make the decision. In short, if some suit in the office says no, than everything my doctors, caseworkers, and nurses have been saying for months is null and void. Burns me.

Personally I would love to stay in my current house in the suburbs and just make this house wheelchair accessible. Not sure it can be done. Even if it could, I couldn’t afford the property taxes and utilities.

The Impact of AI on Jobs and Relationships

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The rapid rise of automation and artificial intelligence (AI) is reshaping the world in ways that were once relegated to science fiction. As machines become smarter and more capable of performing tasks traditionally done by humans, it’s crucial to explore the far-reaching implications of this technological revolution. This essay will examine the effect of automation and AI on the job market, personal relationships, government interventions, the possibilities of Universal Basic Income (UBI), finding meaning after employment, and what parents can teach their children to prepare them for a future dominated by AI and automation.

The Job Market: Displacement and Transformation

One of the most immediate effects of automation and AI will be felt in the job market. According to various studies, millions of jobs across industries—ranging from manufacturing to service-oriented roles—are likely to be displaced by automation. Tasks that are repetitive, manual, or require basic decision-making are especially susceptible. In the automotive industry, for example, robots already perform much of the assembly work. Likewise, AI-driven technologies such as chatbots and algorithms are beginning to replace customer service representatives and data analysts.

However, it’s important to note that while some jobs will be lost, new ones will emerge. The creation of new industries and roles—such as AI specialists, data scientists, and automation engineers—will require a shift in the workforce. People may need to acquire new skills and adapt to a rapidly changing landscape. The future of work might be more focused on tasks requiring emotional intelligence, creativity, and complex problem-solving, which AI cannot easily replicate.

This transformation in the job market presents both challenges and opportunities. While some workers may face difficulties transitioning to new roles, others will benefit from the advancements in technology, particularly in the tech sector and industries that harness AI to drive innovation.

Personal Relationships in the Age of AI

The rise of AI and automation will inevitably influence personal relationships in complex ways. On one hand, automation could free people from the burden of repetitive and time-consuming tasks, allowing them more leisure time to spend with family and friends. The possibility of a more leisurely existence could foster deeper relationships, as individuals are able to focus on personal connections rather than the grind of work.

On the other hand, the increasing prevalence of AI in personal spaces, such as in the form of virtual assistants, autonomous vehicles, and AI-powered therapy bots, could alter the dynamics of human interaction. As AI systems become more adept at mimicking human behavior, there is a risk that people may start to rely on machines for emotional support and companionship. This could lead to feelings of isolation or a diminished sense of authentic human connection.

Furthermore, with a rapidly changing economy, some families may experience stress and disconnection as the roles of breadwinners and caregivers evolve. This change may also place additional pressure on individuals to maintain emotional resilience and adaptability in a world that is increasingly shaped by automation.

Government Intervention: Policy and Regulation

As the workforce changes and the effects of automation on society become more pronounced, governments will be faced with critical decisions on how to manage these transitions. Policymakers will need to enact policies that support workers displaced by automation, such as retraining programs and social safety nets. Governments may also be required to regulate AI technology to prevent monopolistic practices and ensure that its benefits are widely shared.

In particular, there is growing interest in the idea of Universal Basic Income (UBI), a policy proposal where the government provides all citizens with a regular, unconditional payment to cover basic living expenses. The argument for UBI is that as AI and automation reduce the need for human labor, UBI could provide a financial cushion for individuals who lose their jobs. By ensuring a stable income, UBI could also promote creativity, entrepreneurship, and personal growth, as people would no longer be beholden to traditional employment for survival.

Despite the potential benefits of UBI, implementing such a program presents challenges. Funding UBI could require significant taxation and a rethinking of current social welfare systems. Moreover, there are concerns about whether UBI would encourage or discourage work, and whether it would address the underlying issues of wealth inequality.

Finding Meaning After Employment

As automation takes over many of the tasks that once provided individuals with a sense of purpose, the question of what gives life meaning will become more pronounced. For centuries, employment has been central to people’s identity. A person’s job often dictates their social status, financial security, and sense of contribution to society. With AI and automation taking over many roles, people will be forced to grapple with the idea of meaning beyond work.

In this new world, individuals will need to find meaning through non-work-related pursuits. This could mean investing more time in family, hobbies, and community-building. People may seek personal fulfillment through creative expression, education, or spiritual growth. Philosophical questions surrounding the purpose of life and the role of human beings in an increasingly automated world will likely gain prominence.

The challenge will be to create a society where people are not defined solely by their economic productivity. To this end, fostering a culture that celebrates human creativity, emotional intelligence, and community engagement will be essential to finding fulfillment in a post-work society.

Preparing Children for a World of AI and Automation

As the world shifts toward automation and AI, it’s essential for parents to prepare their children for this new reality. In many ways, the skills that will be most valuable in the future are those that cannot easily be replicated by machines. Critical thinking, emotional intelligence, creativity, and the ability to adapt to new challenges will be crucial.

Parents can emphasize the importance of learning how to learn, encouraging curiosity and a growth mindset. While traditional academic skills will still be important, fostering a love for problem-solving, collaboration, and innovation will ensure that children are well-equipped to navigate a rapidly changing world.

Moreover, exposure to technology from an early age will be critical. Children who grow up understanding the basics of programming, artificial intelligence, and data science will have a competitive edge in a future that revolves around these technologies. It is equally important for parents to teach children about the ethical implications of AI and automation, ensuring they develop a strong sense of responsibility and empathy in their interactions with machines and fellow humans.

Conclusion

The coming of automation and AI represents both an exciting and challenging shift in society. As machines increasingly perform tasks once reserved for humans, individuals, families, and governments will face new questions about work, meaning, and identity. While the changes in the job market and personal relationships will be significant, they also present opportunities for greater creativity, fulfillment, and innovation.

By preparing future generations to thrive in a world shaped by AI, teaching them to adapt, think critically, and work collaboratively, we can ensure that the coming era of automation is one in which humanity flourishes—not just survives. The future is uncertain, but with thoughtful planning and a focus on human-centered values, we can shape a world where technology empowers rather than diminishes the human experience.

Finding Wheelchair Accessible Housing: My Journey

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I might be moving within the next few weeks or so. It’s tough to tell. My doctors and caseworkers agree with me that I need to be in a place that’s wheelchair accessible. My parents house sadly isn’t friendly to wheelchairs. The doors are too narrow, no sidewalk, and the driveway is too steep.

My doctors and caseworkers have already recommended me to a place about an hour drive from my parents’ house. I would still be in Oklahoma, but no longer in the Oklahoma City metro area. Right now, the only thing that hasn’t gone through is corporate approval at the facility.

Been fighting to get into a wheelchair accessible facility for months. It’s pretty obvious I can’t live on my own. My parents are elderly, slowing down a lot, and sometimes forgetful. It would be a burden off them if I did get into this new place.

Corporate is still the hangup. Previous places have denied me because of my age, my weight, my mental illness, etc. Even though I know I need to be in a care facility, if for no other reason than my lack of mobility, I dread losing my financial freedom.

Long term care facilities are expensive. They have already said they would take over 90 percent of my disability pension to cover expenses. That’s the way it was when I lived in a long term care back in Nebraska a few years ago.

My parents supposedly can’t afford a handicap acessible house. Even if they could, I couldn’t afford even the property taxes and ultilities on such a house. I make slightly less than 1000 a month from disability pension. Really pisses me off that so little help is available.

I’m not senile. I’m not forgetful. I take my meds on my own every day. I don’t need a nursing home because I am senile. I need it because I have no mobility. I can transfer from a wheelchair to a recliner and to a bed. But my current living arrangement isn’t set up for wheelchairs. And my parents supposedly can’t afford to widen all the doors in the house for me to do much of anything in my house. Hell, I haven’t even been outdoors in five months.

I’m frustrated by the lack of help and communication. I’m not damn senile. I’m wheelchair bound. Most places are not conducive to wheelchairs, certainly not wide ones like mine. And yet I will probably end up going to a long term care facility and treated like I’m brain dead because I am wheelchair bound. Burns my ass.

The Future of Home Care: Robots and Independence

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My caseworker and my parents are trying to get me into a long-term care facility. I really don’t want to go back to one of those. I despise the idea of losing my freedom and finances. I just as well be sent to prison as far as I’m concerned.

I live in a house with no stairs. But the doors aren’t wide enough for a wheelchair. Any suggestions I make to widen the doors fall on deaf ears. It burns me that I still have all of my intelligence but might still have to go to a long-term care facility because of lack of handicap access.

I would like to get a home health aide that comes in once a day to help with things. I had to fire my cleaning lady a few months because she wanted me to sign off on her billing her company for time she didn’t work. Can you say disability fraud? Glad I got rid of her.

I watch a lot of videos and news programs talking about the possibility of humanoid robot assistants becoming available to the public within a few years. Yet about the only people who don’t think I’m totally full of crap when I talk about this are some friends online and my older brother.

My thinking is that I hold on for a few more years and get a home health robot to help around the house since none seem to be available for me. Hell, it took a miracle for me to get onto a service where a doctor comes to see me in my house every six weeks. We found out about this, not through my case workers, but from a friend in my mom’s church.

I’m afraid that I will get sent off to a nursing home due to lack of mobility, lose my freedom, lose my money, and lose the family house just right before EVERYTHING changes with home robots, automation, AI, improved personalized healthcare, and possibly even Medicare for All.

One thing I despise about being on disability is that my earnings are limited before I’m totally thrown out of the system. And since the USA refuses to act like a civilized nation and institute Universal Healthcare, I’m stuck in poverty just so I can get my treatments. And I’m damn sick of it.

I lived in a long-term care facility once for eight months. Hated damn near every second of it. Had no freedom. Had no privacy. I was chastised for not socializing with the other residents even though most were senile and or nearly deaf. The only thing worse would have being in prison.

I don’t really tell my parents how much I despise the idea of going to a home. In the first damn place, I don’t think I would need one if the house was more wheelchair accessible. But they won’t entertain the thoughts of making the house more wheelchair accessible. All they would have to do is widen the doors to my bedroom, the bathroom, the front door, and the back door.

As far as transportation goes, that is being solved already in spite of the run around I get from social services. My brother bought a Tesla with self-driving capabilities back in the spring. Just the other day he and my niece had to go to Kansas City (which is about six hours from our town). During the trip up and trip back, the car did over 98 percent of the driving on autopilot. I was calling this almost ten years ago. Now it’s pretty well mainstream.

I had a car accident in late 2015 that really screwed up my back and knees. I was talking about how nice self-driving cars would be when they become available. I remember one of my Facebook “friends” said, and I quote, “It will be a cold day in Hell before self-driving becomes a thing.” That was less than 10 years ago. Bust out the parka and long johns, because it’s getting awful damn chilly these days.

I’m seeing the same attitude towards robotics that I saw against driverless cars about 7 to 9 years ago. I have given up on trying to convince people that humanoid robot assistants will be a bigger game changer than even smart phones, military drones, or even the internet itself. Most people don’t want to listen, let alone people of my parents’ generation.

Once during the pandemic, I joked in one of my futurists’ groups on Facebook about having a goal of riding in a self-driving electric car with a robot friend, smoking a marijuana cigar, while driving past a police station before June 14, 2030 (my 50th birthday). If I can hold out for long enough to get a home help robot and I don’t get sent to a home before then, I’m going to make that dream come true, so help me God.

Even if my parents go get too impatient and send me to a nursing home before I can make my dream of robot assisted independence come true, I’m going to do everything within my power to get well enough that I can leave. If my parents don’t want to make our house wheelchair accessible, well that’s their hangups. Sucks to be elderly and not see the possibilities that probably will come by the end of the decade.

Hell, I want them to fight me on this. I want people to tell me what can and can’t be done/ I want people to throw up roadblocks. I want to be told I’m a liar and I’m full of shit. I have made an entire life of coming back from setbacks and proving people wrong. Their hatred and nay saying will just make my story telling even more interesting than it already is.

After surviving 25 years of schizophrenia, 16 years of Section 8 Housing, 3 years of congestive heart failure and being wheelchair bound, I’ve lost most of my fears. I don’t want things to be fair or easy for me. Life isn’t fair. I figured that out when that I was six years old. I figured out that life isn’t fair before I figured out Santa Claus was fake. I’ve been fighting my entire life. Why should the next few years before some major breakthroughs be any different? I have nowhere to go but up. And I’ll be damned to let even family stand in the way of my freedom and independence.

Reflections on My Recent Hospital Nightmare

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For the official record, I didn’t give up on my writing. I just took a much overdue vacation.

With that out of the way, I feel the need to update my appreciated readers on what I’ve been up to in the last several weeks since I last posted.

In early September, my parents had to call an ambulance on my behalf to take me to the hospital as I was having problems breathing. At first the doctors thought I had pneumonia, but even ten days of anti-biotics didn’t do anything other than screw up my stomach and bowel movements.

With the anti-biotics not working, one of the doctors had the gall to suggest that I might have early stages leukemia. This was in spite not having extremely elevated white blood cell counts or even so much as a fever.

In short, I spent ten days in the hospital on bedrest and the hospital didn’t even figure out what was wrong with me. I am now a believer in medical misdiagnoses being a very serious problem in modern medicine.

It turns out it was merely a virus infection in my lungs. I was also having problems with retaining water due to my congestive heart failure. My swelling took place mostly in my crotch and hips. The swelling was bad enough I couldn’t wear pants the whole time I was in the hospital.

I was put on diuretics, and I must have lost over one hundred pounds of fluids when I was in the hospital. Since I was on bedrest and having serious pain in my knees from my being forcefully taken off my three times a day Tylenol routine, I had to call a nurse every time I needed to urinate.

This annoyed some of the nurses. Sometimes they didn’t get to me in time, and I ended up peeing my hospital bed. Yeah, I’m a 44-year-old man talking about wetting the bed. Major blow to my pride and ego I tell you.

After my ten days in the hospital for my not pneumonia, I was sent to physical rehab for two weeks. My God in Heaven, that was an experience.

For starters, I wasn’t able to do much of rehab because my knees were hurting so bad I couldn’t even stand for more than ten seconds at a time. I was taken off my three times a day Tylenol regiment that had worked extremely well for almost two years while in the hospital.

Due to the forced bedrest, lack of a walker or a walking cane, I couldn’t walk the whole two weeks I was at physical rehab. After being back home for a couple of weeks, I can walk in my office with a walker. I still can’t walk well enough to get to the bathroom on my own. I feel so ashamed.

I feel like I spent three weeks in the hospital, most of it probably needlessly. I did get a new c-pap machine and got off a couple blood pressure meds.

I now take only two blood pressure meds and a couple meds for congestive heart failure. Half of the time my blood pressure is still too low, I’m talking like 110 over 55. But at least I’m not in the hospital anymore. September was a damn nightmare.

Looking Forward to Autumn, Friends and their Mid Life Crises, Dealing with Extreme Weather, and Refusing To Tolerate Stupid and Rude People Anymore

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Saw my general practitioner a few days ago. My blood pressure is stable and good. Everything else seems to be going alright. School started here in Oklahoma City last week. My parents will probably be going to school activities again once the weather cools down. With as hot as it’s been the last several days, it’s hard to believe that autumn is only a few weeks away. First college football games start next week. I guess I’ve lost interest in most sports besides the Olympics and World Cup. My interests have changed as I aged.

Haven’t had much contact with most of my friends all summer. Seems like most of them are going through midlife crises and are very angry and upset all the time. I’m grateful I went through my worst trials in my twenties. I don’t think I could start over at this point in my life, certainly not while fighting schizophrenia and heart failure. I still get depressed and despondent a few times per week. I definitely don’t like socializing in person. Most people are too obnoxious, rude, and angry anymore. My parents went to visit my brother and his family a few days ago. I made the point of not going to see them. I just hate socializing with people who refuse to back down and try to make everything a battle. I have enough inner battles of my own.

My best friend is suffering really bad right now. She’s always depressed and irritated. Has been for a couple of years. But this is worse than normal. I reach out to her when she goes on about no one reaching out, but she goes almost silent when I do try to get her to open up. It’s depressing to watch my friend of 30 years on the downward spiral. I try to tell her family that this isn’t normal. Naturally, no one is listening. It has always angered me when people ignore obvious facts. I never understood the line of thinking that a problem will go away if it’s ignored long enough. I swear, no one learns from the mistakes of the past or even their own. It’s really aggravating. It’s like some people want to self-destruct.

I sleep a lot in the afternoons lately. Helps me to avoid the worst of this summer heat wave. We knew climate change was coming for decades. We didn’t do enough to prevent it, let alone adapt to it. I am encouraged that renewables and next generation nuclear is being rapidly adopted. It still angers me that my nation pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord.

It also angers me that many of my countrymen (including most of my family) actively fight against the rebuilding and reinforcing of our nation’s infrastructure. I get that maintaining water systems, power plants, and highways aren’t as sexy as spending taxpayer money on defense and advanced research, but seriously, who doesn’t need clean running water or highway bridges that won’t collapse. We in the US have known our roads, railways, power grids, etc. weren’t keeping up with demand for many years. Only now are we truly addressing it. We’re also starting to bring back much of our manufacturing (granted it’s primarily done by machines). Interest rates are finally going back up, which they were artificially low for at least 20 years. I heard people complain about low interest rates. And now those same people are complaining about rates going up. Make up your minds already.

This level of insanity and cognitive dissonance are two big reasons I refuse to attend social functions anymore. It’s absolutely painful to listen to people howl on about things they know nothing about. I know nothing about quantum physics or marathon running, but I won’t comment on either one. Neurotypical people are absolutely frustrating. They aren’t even worth the trouble anymore, at least not as far as I can tell.

It’s one of the reasons I’m actually kind of glad a new place hasn’t opened up for me. At least here in the suburbs I don’t have to socialize if I don’t want to. At least I have some privacy, even if I do live in my mom’s guest room. Yes, I am a 43-year-old schizophrenic man living with his mom and dad. Never mind that I lived on my own with this diagnosis for over 18 years. I should be ashamed to live with my parents because so many people tell me I should be. But I’m not. Most people have zero clue with mental illness means. It’s one of those things no one will understand until it affects them personally or someone they care about. But cases of mental health problems are increasing. And they will continue to increase until we stop shaming people for the so-called weakness. I am glad that mental illness is easier to talk about publicly now than 20 years ago. I just hope the younger people struggling with mental health problems don’t have to suffer alone like I did in my teens and twenties. It is not weak to talk about problems. Never has been.

In some ways I’m not really looking forward to moving out on my own again. It’s actually nice to have some help around the house now that my mobility is gone. Not having easy access to interpersonal assistance is the biggest regret I have about not getting married. Yet, the mental illness would probably have made me impossible to live with. That, and I think people give up on marriages, friendships, employees, jobs, etc. too easily anymore. I just didn’t trust anyone enough to believe they wouldn’t abandon me when things got bad. I never will trust anyone enough to believe they won’t abandon me when things get tough. Everything is conditional and negotiable as far as I’ve seen. That’s pretty much the story of civilization. Nothing lasts forever. Sadly, neither do friendships and marriages. And I certainly don’t trust my neighbors anymore. I’m really not looking forward to returning to public life.

If I had my way, I’d just stay in my parents’ house and take over after they die. I know social security disability will allow disabled people to own their own house. But I’m not sure I could afford the property taxes in the suburbs. There are lots of Uber drivers and public transit available even in the suburbs. My brother and his family probably aren’t moving, barring anything major. Electricity is quite cheap down here, probably be even more so if we got solar panels and backup batteries installed on the house. Some of my neighbors have those. Every time I go out on the town, I see at least one Tesla. It feels good to finally live somewhere that seems to actually want to be part of the 21st century. I’m loving it. Wished I would have moved here years ago.

June 26 2023

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Been talking to social security and social services a lot the last few weeks. Found out that I am getting a decent amount of my social security pension reinstated, my Medicaid is going to cover more than normal, and I have been approved for someone, once I get my own place, to come in and help me with laundry and cleaning once a week. Feels like I got quite a bit done over the last couple of weeks.

My knees have been acting up again. I found my knees get real aching in hot and humid weather. We are now in early summer here in Oklahoma. But Tylenol and forcing myself to move around seems to be the best treatment for the knees.

Supposed to get real hot this week. I mean like over 100 Fahrenheit, which I’m guessing is quite a bit over 40 Celsius. Sounds like typical Oklahoma summer. I think we are near the end of bad storm season down here. We’ve had lots of good rain lately. One thing I like about living in my parents house in the suburbs is all the birds and plants in the backyard. Since my parents don’t usually spray for bugs or weeds, we draw a lot of birds, butterflies, and bees. We even have a couple geckos. Since my parents are elderly, a couple guys come take care of the yard usually a few times a month.

I have been approved for low income housing. I am still waiting on a place that has easy wheelchair access. Since grocery delivery is now bigger than even 5 years ago, most places have some kind of delivery service. Now that I live in a suburb of a large city, I see Amazon trucks almost every day. Also see electric cars every time I travel around the city. Kind of feels like I officially joined the 2020s once I move to Oklahoma.