Category Archives: Life With A Mental Illnes

Self Quarantine and Mental Illness

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It is March 23, 2020 as I write this.  I have been on voluntary self quarantine for a week.  The last time I left my apartment was March 16 so maintenance could spray for bugs.  I had to be out for an afternoon.  So far I’m holding up.  Found myself sleeping more than usual.  But I haven’t been as anxious or irritable as I thought I would.  One thing I think is helping me is that I gave up most caffeine.  I’ve had maybe three cups of coffee in the last three weeks.  I know that too much caffeine can make it irritable and twitchy.  I still lift weights three times a week.  I call family at least once a day to check in on them.  A man in my parents’ church tested positive to covid 19 a few days ago.  My brother and his wife have been working from home for the last couple weeks.

Overall I’m doing alright.  I had some groceries delivered this afternoon.  I’m good enough I don’t have to leave my apartment for awhile unless absolutely necessary.  I haven’t had any visitors for the last two weeks besides my cleaning lady who arrives once a week and my neighbor who helps me with my laundry once a week.  I know I wouldn’t be weathering this crisis nearly as well if I didn’t have the aid of friends, family, and neighbors.  So glad that I stayed on good terms with friends and family.

March 19 2020

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I’ve been staying home for the last several days.  So far the isolation hasn’t gotten to me yet.  I call my family every morning and talk to at least one friend every day.  Been watching some movies I’ve always wanted to see.  Saw a couple Monty Python movies this week.  Saw some George Carlin and Bill Hicks specials too.  I also sleep more.  I try to sleep 10 hours per day now.  I still lift weights three times a week.  I don’t drink much caffeine these days.  Had only two cups of coffee in the last two weeks.  Maybe that’s why I’m not as irritable or restless as I could be.

Mentally I’m holding up so far.  I make a point of avoiding news articles and shows for most of the day.  I use social media mainly to talk to family and friends anymore.  I haven’t participated in my groups since this pandemic started.  And I try to do breathing exercises and meditation at least twice a day.  And I wash my hands every couple hours whether they need it or not.

So far I’m holding up.  But this could be a long ordeal.

March 18 2020

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Been back home for a week now.  Got all the necessary things in the remodel done.  Haven’t left my apartment in two days.  So far I’m doing alright.  Renewed my Netflix subscription and watching some movies and comedy shows I had always wanted to see.  Saw some Monty Python this morning.  Watched some George Carlin skits on St. Patrick’s Day.  I try not to watch the news much.  Sometimes it can get too discouraging.  The best I can do right now is keep my hands washed and avoid large crowds.

I talk to my family at least once a day.  Contact friends on a near daily basis too.  I keep hydrated and take a vitamin C pill every morning.  I started lifting weights again.  I took the previous two weeks off while the remodel was in progress.  I am so glad I got that done when I did.

Overall I’m just preparing to settle in and bunker down for the time being.  Have some money saved up for emergencies.  Hopefully won’t have to go anywhere anytime soon.  Sounds like things are getting crazy out there.  Stay safe and stay calm.

Emergency Preparation and Disability

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A few years ago I wrote a couple articles about emergency preparations.  Now that COVID 19 has been officially declared a pandemic, now is a good time to review this.

Some musts people must have include several days worth of emergency food, mainly non perishables that require little to no preparation.  Things like beans, rice, canned foods, jerky, peanut butter (if you are not allergic), honey, several days worth of bottled water in case the water goes out are a good place to start.  The best are things that don’t need to be kept cold and or won’t spoil for a long time.

Other things that will be needed are extra over the counter medications like pain pills, cold medicines, flu medicines, nasal spray, and a first aid kit.  With as overwhelmed as hospitals could become, you may have to rely on yourself, family, and neighbors for anything that isn’t life threatening.

Prescription medications are a problem.  Most places won’t allow you to fill several months worth of medications at once.  It’s simply against the law.  Prescription meds are a tough call.  As for me, I have a set up where I get my meds filled for 90 days at a time.  I also had some samples from doctor’s appointments.  Do not go off your meds, especially anti psych meds.  We’re all already under stress as is.  Going off psych meds during a crisis like we are facing will make things even worse.

Having cash on you may be a good idea, especially if the power goes down or there are bank runs or ATMs run out of cash.  Always be aware of your surroundings, especially when away from home.

Get on good terms with neighbors and family if you aren’t already.  If things get really bad, like survival type situations, you will be glad you have a close by network of neighbors, friends, and family to fall back on.  I am limited mobility now, but I am on good terms with most of my neighbors and my land lady.  It helps that I helped out lots of people when I was still healthy and very mobile.

Also, wash your hands with soap and water.  I can’t stress this enough.  Avoid going out in public if you feel like you have a fever or are getting sick.  Stay home if you have to.  Wearing a face mask is not going to keep you from getting sick.  What it can do is, if you are sick, reduce the spread of germs from you to everyone else.

Finally, we are living in a time and place where history is being made on a daily basis.  Our descendants will be talking about these days years after all of us are gone.  Stay calm and avoid large crowds as much as possible.  Don’t be touching other people unless necessary.  We are living during stressful times.  But most will make it through.

March 8 2020

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The remodel of my apartment started yesterday.  We have the carpet torn out.  Today we will probably do some painting.  The work on the new floor will start tomorrow morning.  I’ll have to stay in a hotel for a few days.  Fortunately my family is in town to help with this project.  I can stand a few days of upheaval for a solution that will probably last the next 15 years.  I’m glad this has gotten started.  I will be glad when it is accomplished.

Late Winter Updates

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Been doing alright the last few days.  Staying close to home except to meet delivery people on ground floor of my complex.  It gives me a reason to leave the house.  I usually get a few deliveries per week, whether it’s groceries, items I order through Amazon, or the pizza guy.

I’m getting new flooring next week.  My parents are visiting for the weekend too.  I’m also getting my walls repainted and having some work done in my bathroom.  I’m actually happy about getting a new toilet.  Yes I am middle aged.  I’m looking forward to having my place remodeled, but I am not really looking forward to having be out of my nest for a few days.  But I can put up with it to have the problem solved for 15 years.

The weather is starting to warm up.  The last few days it hasn’t been below freezing except at night.  The snow we had over the winter is melted.  The tree outside my window is starting to bud.  And the migratory birds are coming back.  I often hear geese flying overhead and my town is a big spot for cranes returning this time of year.  When I still had a car, I’d drive around out on the county roads near the river and just look for cranes.  They would just be sitting in the fields and be so thick you couldn’t see the grass.

Baseball season starts in a few weeks.  My fantasy league draft is in a week and a half.  I haven’t done very well the last couple years.  My best finish was a second place finish in a league of twelve a couple years ago.  Hopefully the Rockies can do better this year.  Regardless, I am ready for some spring.

It has been a long winter for me even though I haven’t had breakdowns since before Christmas.  I did a lot of reading over the last few months.  I usually pass my days with reading, computer games, staying in contact with family and friends, and keeping up with my neighbors.  I usually see my neighbors once or twice a day.  They usually make dinner for me once a week.  They make some excellent Mexican dishes.

I usually do most of my own cooking.  I think it’s been two years since I ate at McDonalds.  I just don’t really like fast food that much anymore.  Makes my stomach unsettled.  And I’m a pretty decent cook, at least for myself.  I can make some pretty good bratwursts and barbecue chicken on my electric grill.  I don’t do much baking as I don’t eat much bread or carbs anymore.  I eat a lot of grilled meats, vegetables, and soups.  Pretty simple tastes I suppose.

I don’t drink as much caffeine anymore.  I usually have a cup of coffee with breakfast and that is often it.  I sometimes get jittery and irritable on days I have too much coffee.  Plus I am convinced it makes my muscles tight and makes me breathe harder.  An uncle of mine rarely drank anything with caffeine because he said it “cuts your wind”, meaning it made him breathe hard.

Don’t use social media much except to keep in contact with close friends and family.  I had to cut down my friends list and change some of the settings because it was getting too overwhelming to manage.  It’s not that I am upset with people, it’s that I can still contact them if needed.  The good thing about facebook is that it’s easy to drop in on old classmates.  I do my best to avoid being part of arguments.  I already have too much chaos running around my mind to intentionally add to it.  Sadly, mental illness has put limits on my ability to socialize.

March 1 2020 Part 2

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Now that I got the last rant out of my system, I’m feeling better overall.  I actually feel almost energetic on top of feeling restless.  Maybe it’s the sunshine and fresh air we’ve got the last few days.  Even though I haven’t left my complex in a few days, I have had my windows open for much of the weekend.  I think the fresh air is making me feel better and more energetic.  Hopefully the last rant I wrote is enough to cure me of my irritability for awhile.  I’m glad spring will be here soon.  April, May, and June are my favorite times of year.

Push for Spring

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Today is Mardi Gras for my Catholic friends.  The start of Lent season was always a sign for me that winter was almost over.  I have weathered the winter alright so far.  I haven’t had any breakdowns since before Christmas.  I started reading a book that was over 1200 pages at New Years and I’m barely over half done.  But I try to chip away a little every day.  I try to contact family and friends at least once a day.  The last few days my best friend and I have been having a running dialog over facebook messaging.  She works a job where she occasionally has down time and can chat for a few minutes even if she does have to be on her feet all day.

I got some real good news several days ago.  I’m getting new flooring in my apartment.  I’m getting my walls repainted to and some work in the bathroom done too.  I never thought I’d ever see the day I’d get excited over getting a new toilet.  But I guess that happens once I hit middle age.  I’m supposed to be getting this in a couple weeks.  The only drawback is I have to be out of my apartment for several days.  I’ll probably be staying at a hotel here in a town for the duration.  I imagine I’ll be doing lots of sleeping and internet research for that time.  But I can accept a week of inconvenience in order to have my apartment updated for the next fifteen years.  I guess this is my end of winter good news.

February 21 2020

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Overall I’m feeling pretty decent.  I usually make a point of leaving my apartment at least once a day or host guests.  Whenever I have delivery people come, I usually meet them on the ground floor lobby instead of wait in my apartment.  Been doing this for a week.  It gets me out of the apartment and forces me to socialize more.

Started reading more again.  Had been lazy about that for almost two weeks.  I usually go to bed around 9pm and wake in the middle of the night.  I stay up for usually two to three hours and then go back to sleep, usually until 7am.

I have been fighting a minor cold for a few days.  Just taking vitamin C pills and drinking hot fluids until this clears.  Second cold I’ve had this winter as I had one around New Year’s.

Spring is a few weeks away.  This winter hasn’t seemed as long as some previous winters.  I’m looking forward to warmer weather again and not having to sit under a blanket most of the time.

Mentally I feel pretty decent for the most part.  I sometimes have moments of anxiousness and irritability.  Fortunately I can break out of it usually after a few minutes.  I’m glad I haven’t had problems in front of neighbors or family lately.  Sometimes breathing exercises and just disconnecting for several minutes is enough to let it pass by.

I still talk to my parents two to three times per week.  I call my brother two to three times a month.  He’s usually pretty busy with work and taking kids to sports practices or school activities.  My oldest nephew is a freshman in high school.

Talk to my friends more often.  I have a couple I try to reach out to at least once a day on facebook.  I don’t do much with my groups other than just read posted articles.  I just no longer have the energy or desire to engage in long discussions online except with friends and family.  I see my neighbors a few times a week.  They were kind enough to make dinner for me earlier in the week.

Don’t have much planned for the weekend.  Probably just go outdoors for awhile if the weather isn’t too bad.  Might sleep in too.

Adapting to Changes of Middle Age

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Been sleeping more the last few days.  I think I’m trying to fight off a cold, again.  Been hitting the fluids and vitamin C.  Hopefully this passes quickly.  I haven’t been socializing as much the last few days either.  I have been to tired to be much for decent conversation.  I have gone easier on reading the last few days too.  I essentially want to sleep as often as possible.

I getting to where I’m ready for spring.  Spring is usually my happiest time of year, especially in May and June.  For some reason I just don’t well in the heat of late summer.  August is traditionally a tough time for me.  I think I’ve gotten my fill of winter.  Fortunately it hasn’t been as tough of a winter this year as last.  We haven’t had much snow in my town since the first of the year.  The air hasn’t felt dry, it just hasn’t snowed or rained much in my town the last several weeks.

A lot of sickness has been going around my complex and my town this winter.  Other than a bad cold around the first of the year, I have avoided it.  Even though I still don’t socialize much in person, I’ve been making a point of leaving my apartment at least once a day the last few days.  I think I’m just wanting to be out and about more.  Even when I have deliveries to my place, I now meet them in the lobby rather than wait for them at home.  I usually have a decent idea of what time my delivery guys will arrive, so I usually go to the lobby a few minutes before they arrive.  It gives me an extra reason to move around more and gets me out of the apartment, at least for several minutes.

My mother’s birthday was yesterday.  She’s now in her seventies.  I was talking to her yesterday and she said her age doesn’t get her as much as having her youngest son (me) going to be forty this summer.  I guess being forty doesn’t traumatize me as much as I thought it would.  I do regularly shave now as I was noticing a few gray hairs in my beard.  That I spent much of my thirties with a beard.  I haven’t been losing hair but I’ve noticed my hair doesn’t grow as fast as it once did.  The only real part of being middle aged that bothers me is that I just don’t have the endurance I did even a few years ago.  I used to walk 3 miles a day all the way until my mid 30s with no problems.  Most of the jobs I ever had required me to be on my feet most of the time.  I now understand why people look for desk jobs once they hit their late 30s.  My mind is as strong as ever, but the body just isn’t keeping up anymore.  I’m still adapting to this.

I have now accepted that there isn’t any embarrassment in asking for help, especially with physical tasks.  It took me awhile to adapt to this.  For as long as I can remember until a couple years ago, I was the one who was doing physical tasks for others on a daily basis.  When I worked retail, I didn’t mind lifting heavy items or stocking shelves.  I didn’t mind the lifting and walking involved in factory work.  I enjoyed being on my feet when I worked as a janitor for a few years.  But that kind of endurance has faded over the last few years.  I was so used to helping others I didn’t bother to keep track of what I did to help others.  I didn’t mind living on the top floor of an apartment complex and parking as far away as possible from the front door just because I was quite mobile.  Not anymore, at least the mobility part.  I still try to help people, even if it’s as simple as keeping clutter off the floor so my cleaning lady can get her work done quicker.  For years I helped others and didn’t think of doing otherwise.  But I guess now I can ask for help as needed.  See, it does pay to help others.