Hermiting, Covid 19, and Schizophrenia

Been isolating and staying home for the last several days.  I do all my communication through social media and phone calls.  My cleaning lady had to have surgery so she’s out for probably a few months.  My neighbors come by and help out every few days.  Overall I’m burned out on dealing with people in person.  People actually scare me anymore.  The less I deal with them, at least in person, the better.

Currently working on audiobooks.  Recently listened to The Economic Singularity by Callum Chase.  Currently working on The Rise of The Robots by Martin Ford.  A friend of mine is trying to talk me into reading the Dune and Foundation series.  I read the first Foundation a year ago.  But I got soured on science fiction as a teenager when movies like The Terminator, Gattaca, and The Matrix were really big.  I have enough dystopia in my own life.  Why in the hell would I want to escape to that?  Recently read 21 Lessons for the 21st Century and Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harrahi.

I spend almost all of my time avoiding people.  These are real scary times for me, especially living in low income housing, being on disability, and dealing with mostly angry, irrational, and illogical people.  It seems like most people I personally know just want to fight all the time.  I’m through with that.  I’m ready to move past the anger phase.  Too bad almost no one I know is.  I am thankful I don’t live in a large city.  I am thankful I can hermit and stay home.  I am thankful I don’t have to deal with angry and stupid people anymore than I already have to.  I don’t see how most people can deal with this.  I know I couldn’t.

Quarantine Journal: April 23 2020

Woke up at 3 am.  Played some computer games until 7:30.  Went back to sleep until 11 am.  Talked to my parents and my neighbors this morning.  My cleaning lady will be arriving this afternoon.  So I guess I have my day more or less planned.

I occasionally have some knee pains, especially if I sleep too long or let my joints get too cold.  I’ve found myself keeping my legs under a blanket when I sit in my easy chair at my computer.  I think I’m more sensitive to the cold now than I was even a couple years ago.

Got my lease renewed yesterday.  I’ll be staying here for at least one more year.  I’ll find out my new rent rate within a month.  I expect it to increase some.  But then, the price on almost everything is going up.

I shop for groceries more often now.  I buy in smaller lots.  I have been having problems finding frozen meat the last few weeks.  I can still find soup mixes and non perishables alright.  I can imagine that home delivery for groceries will stay in high demand even after the outbreak ends.

I ordered some clothes through amazon a couple days ago.  They should be here early next week.  I’m still holding good on all my supplies besides frozen meat and Lysol spray.

Been listening to lots of audiobooks lately.  I listen to mostly history and finance books.  I get mine through youtube.

Mentally I’m back to mostly stable.  I do have momentary flare ups of anxiety and irritability.  Yet those usually burn out after a few minutes.  The mornings seem to be the worst time for those.

Haven’t been to the doctor since early December.  With the outbreak going like it is, I’m kind of paranoid to leave my apartment complex.  But I have a few months of medications on hand.  And I get my meds mailed to me now.  I won’t have to renew my prescriptions for months.

The NFL Draft is tonight.  I probably should watch that for some since of normalcy.  While I prefer college football to pro football, it is always fun to see what teams college stars end up going to.  And I especially love the guys from smaller schools that no one knows about who end up becoming big stars in the pros.  I am definitely going to miss the Olympics this summer.

Quarantine Journal: April 22 2020

Got my lease renewed for another year this afternoon.  The land lady knew I was paranoid to be out and about during this pandemic and was kind enough to bring the necessary paper work to my apartment.  Took about fifteen minutes to fill everything out.  I should be finding out my new rent rate by June 1st.  One of the things I like about my current apartment complex is that, since we have mostly disabled and senior citizens here, most people understand why I don’t get out as much as I used to.

My neighbors hosted a cookout yesterday.  While I didn’t attend, they were kind enough to save me some smoked chicken.  It was exactly what I needed.  Having good neighbors and understanding management at my complex has made this pandemic easier to navigate than it would have been in most places.

Bought two pairs of sweat pants through amazon yesterday.  They should be here within a few days.  Probably should order some facemasks soon.  I hope those are available.

Been having a hard time finding frozen meat lately.  I’m glad I can still find soup mixes, oatmeal, peanut butter, etc.  I’ll be real happy when this pandemic burns out.  Talked to an old friend last night.  I think the quarantine is starting to get to him.  I understand.  It got to me and I had a short lived breakdown last week.  So glad it got over quickly.  It is annoying I can’t be out and about.  But, as I’m immune compromised with my mental illness and weight problems already, I have to leave that to a different time and place.  I understand the quarantine recommendations.  I just hope this mess passes soon.  It is encouraging that places hit hard early in the winter like China are starting to reopen.  I think most places here in USA are right in the middle of it right now.  Could be rough sailing for another couple months.

Saw on the news feeds this afternoon that human trials of a covid 19 vaccine are supposed to start in a few days over in Germany.  Sure hope it works.  It is good to know there are already a few possible candidates for a vaccine even after only a few months of this outbreak.  If I heard the term covid 19 a year ago, I would have guessed it was the name of some obscure punk rock band.  I wouldn’t have guessed it was a new virus that would infect a few million people by April 2020.

So far I haven’t shown any of the symptoms.  I did have a bad cold back in December that made me feel rough and sluggish for a few days.  So far, staying home, washing my hands several times a day, avoiding touching my face, and doing what I can to boost my immune system seem to be working.  We’ve had at least a few dozen cases in my hometown already.  But I think Nebraska is going to hit it’s peak later than most cases.

I’ve been on quarantine for almost six weeks already.  I have lost track of the days.  I don’t usually socialize in person much besides my neighbors.  I still talk to family and friends almost every day.  This pandemic is easier to bear as I have easy access to communication and internet.

Easter Sunday, Self Quarantine, and Mental Illness

It is Easter Sunday as I write this entry.  Happy Easter to all my Christian friends and readers!  Even though I haven’t been a regular attender of church services for several years, it just felt odd this year that attending Easter services and then going to my aunt and uncle’s farmstead for dinner and having my cousins’ kids hunt for Easter eggs and candy in my uncles large back yard wasn’t an option this year.  I heard even the Pope delivered his Easter Mass to an empty Vatican this morning.  But we are living in trying times that people will still be talking about even a century from now, much like we talk about the Spanish Flu outbreak of one hundred years ago.

We had a bad ice storm this morning.  The power went down for over three hours.  Luckily, the water still worked.  I wrapped in blankets and read some while I waited for the power to return.  Did some Skype with my mom and dad this afternoon.  Their church hosted Easter services online.  I heard that one of their church’s members died from coronavirus earlier this month.  I called a college friend of mine today too.  He said they had over twelve inches of snow in his hometown in South Dakota.  Both he and his wife are teachers at the local high school.  They are always busy with teaching their students online and taking care of their very active two year old daughter now.  He and I are both missing baseball right now.

With the exception of today, the weather has been pretty decent and typical of early spring in Nebraska.  It’s sunny during the days but still kind of chilly at night.  I usually have my windows open during the daylight hours.  Even though I don’t leave my apartment much besides picking up deliveries, I still get some sunshine through my open windows most days.

My neighbors made Easter dinner for me and a few other tenants this evening.  Had ham and cheese.  I don’t usually cook anything extravagant as I mostly cook only for myself.  I am still good on non perishables like soup mix, peanut butter, honey, ramen noodles, and canned vegetables.  I broke down and ordered some frozen meat through my supermarket.  That’s supposed to arrive Monday afternoon.

My cleaning lady arrived on Thursday.  She was wearing a mask and surgical gloves while she worked.  I wore a facemask while she was at my place.  I wear masks when I have guests or when I pick up deliveries.  So far, I’m holding good on supplies even after a month of self quarantine.  Back in early February, I was talking with my best friend and she mentioned that she was doing early preps in case things got bad.  She lives in Denver and works in an essential industry.  She’s out in this mess most days.  But she keeps a constant supply of hand sanitizer on her person.  A friend of mine who works in a pharmacy had to take a leave of absence from work because she was fighting sicknesses and has preexisting conditions that would have made coronavirus even worse.

I’ve been self quarantine for over a month now.  I am still holding pretty well overall.  While I occasionally have moments of flare ups and irritability, I haven’t had a full psych breakdown since before this mess started.  I still take my psych meds every day.  And I meditate and sleep more these days.  I still lift weights most days.  I eat healthy and avoid sugars for the most part.  I have weathered the last thirty days well.  Looks like I can look forward to at least another thirty days of self quarantine.  Yet, I still feel hopeful overall.  So far, we haven’t had mass unrest or civil problems, at least not here in the USA.  I am also encouraged by how people are helping each other out more.  I suppose the best I can do is stay home, stay sane, and write about my experiences.  Hopefully I can be an encouragement to those not managing as well as I am.

Quarantine April 8 2020

Been warmer and sunny the last two days.  While I didn’t go outside, I did have my windows open during daylight hours.  Even though spring has officially started, we are supposed to have some chilly weather starting this weekend.  My town has even a forecast for snow on Easter Sunday.

My neighbor gave me a facemask two days ago.  I wear it whenever I answer the door.  I haven’t had any deliveries for a couple days.  I’m sitting alright in terms of supplies and food.  So glad I listened when one of my friends mentioned back in early February that this could outbreak could get rough.  Allowed me to beat the rush when it came to getting supplies.

Social distancing hasn’t been much of a problem for me.  I was isolating and not going out as much for at least the previous year.  Now I no longer have to feel guilty for it.  I haven’t had any symptoms, at least not yet.  I do take vitamin supplements every morning with breakfast.  I still wash and disinfect my hands several times a day.

Talked to my cousin this afternoon over facebook.  She is married to a career Navy man.  She’s handling it alright, even with two young children.  My hometown has at least a couple dozen cases, but then I do live in a small town of less than 40,000 people.  It is a college town, and with the college going to only online classes, there aren’t as many people in town.  It feels quiet like summer around here, granted without the warm weather.  My town always comes back to life in late August when the college students come back.  Even though it’s been 15 years since I was a college student myself, I still have many happy memories from those years.  And I am grateful that facebook allows me to keep in touch with many of my old classmates.  My dad had always said he regretted not keeping in closer contact with his college and Air Force friends.  I hope people my age and younger don’t make the same mistake.

Sleeping well overall.  Been feeling stable for the most part.  I sometimes do get a little irritable.  I guess it was only a matter of time before some of the symptoms of my schizophrenia crept back in.  I don’t feel paranoid about my neighbors, landlady, or even the coronavirus.  But I guess I do sometimes get irritable about having to stay home all the time and just being so limited.  Yet I can deal with this.  Just press through.  If my grandparents’ generation had to go to war or work in war time industries, then the least I can do is stay home and stay healthy until the pandemic burns out.

I still take my psych medications every day.  I’m not about to ration those.  I have a set up with my doctor and my pharmacy where I get 90 day supplies at a time.  And I have been able to change over to having my medications mailed to my house so I don’t have to drive out in a blizzard or anything like that.  I also had some samples saved up from my doctor’s appointments.  I explained to the doctor why I wanted to do it this way.  I was completely up front in saying in case I couldn’t get out for several days I wanted an emergency supply.  I’m grateful he agreed.  I guess growing up in a farming community and having lots of farmers and small business owners on both sides of my family, we took emergency preparation seriously.  No, we didn’t build a fallout shelter in my cellar or listen to conspiracy theories when I was growing up.  But, with the nearest Wal Mart over an hour drive away and the nearest grocery store being a 15 minute drive away, we knew very early on if we had some emergency, whether a natural disaster, etc., we would have to be on our own for at least several days.  Every farmer I knew had either a gas powered generator, solar panels for emergency electricity, or both even back in the 1980s.  Having a plan for emergencies is a good insurance policy.  I sleep better at night knowing I can weather at least some crisis.

 

April 5 2020 Quarantine

Slept quite late this morning.  Made some ramen noodles for lunch.  Broke into an old computer game I hadn’t played in months.  Currently working on Rome Total War.  Been listening to more music too.  Playing some blues classics on my spotify account.  Lifted weights this morning.  Thinking about redecorating my apartment.  Taking some vitamin supplements as my diet has gotten pretty basic the last couple weeks.  I don’t buy a lot of things, like fresh vegetables, that can spoil quickly anymore.

Haven’t talked to my friends this weekend.  Talked to mom and dad for a long time last night.  I haven’t had visitors to my apartment since my neighbors helped with my laundry a few days ago.  I have some more groceries coming tomorrow morning.  I usually make smaller orders more often.  Sometimes things I order aren’t in stock.  I guess it was only a matter of time before supply chains became disrupted.

April 3 2020 Self Quarantine

It’s been a good start to the day so far.  Went to bed at sunset last night.  Woke for a few hours in the middle of the night.  Slept a few more hours until 8am.  Talked to my mom for awhile.  She and Dad went to Lowe’s to curb side pick up some supplies.  I wasn’t on social media much yesterday.  Read a lot yesterday.  Picked up a couple classics I had been working on but took a several day break from.

Got some medications refilled yesterday.  My laundry is done for another week.  And I’m just waiting out the coronavirus, like most of the world.  Sleep and meditation helps me stay calm.

April 2 2020

Went to bed right after sunset last night.  Must have slept for over 10 hours.  I had some groceries and medications delivered yesterday.  I have some more groceries coming on Friday morning.  So far I haven’t had a problem getting food.  Cleaning supplies, especially Lysol spray is a different story.

There are now at least a few cases in my town.  Don’t know much else about details.  As far as I know, no one in my complex has gotten ill.  I still haven’t gone out in public since mid March.  I check in on my neighbors every day.  I usually just call them or knock on their door and chat for a minute or two.  I still lift weights.  I can feel the old strength starting to come back.

Been watching an ancient history series on Netflix the last couple days.  Halfway through the series right now.  I think I’m going to watch The Men Who Built America this weekend.  History Channel put out some pretty good series about 8 to 10 years ago.

I have my cleaner coming this afternoon.  Even during a crisis, the place has to stay cleaned up.  I usually just sit in my recliner just to stay out of her way.  She seems to enjoy chatting while she works.

I still talk to my mom and dad every day, usually in the mornings.  My brother and his wife often work from home now.  A friend of mine and her husband are both working from home now in Omaha.

I saw that like six million people in the US alone have filed for unemployment.  Certainly tough times for lots of families.  None of my friends have had to file yet.  A friend of mine in Lincoln has been having coughing and fever for a few days now.  Since she works at a pharmacy she has been taking sick leave.  She was wearing face masks and gloves in public weeks before it became a thing here in the US, especially as she takes public transit to work.

One of my neighbors is planning on planting a vegetable garden once the weather warms up for good.  My mom has already put in a vegetable and flower garden at her house in Oklahoma City.  Most homeowners I personally know are doing this.

Been kind of lazy about reading traditional books this week.  I am reading a lot of online articles even though I try to avoid the news.  Not much I can do besides stay home and wash my hands several times a day.  Been buying groceries more often but in smaller batches.  I don’t buy for two weeks at a time anymore.  I have plenty of non perishables already.  About all I need to buy any more is fresh meat and vegetables.

I saw that the feds approved a stimulus check for most US citizens.  I don’t know if I’ll get a check.  But as I’m debt free and can do alright on my disability pension, I have no clue what I’m doing with it.  Won’t get much letting it sit in a savings account.

April 1 2020 Social Distancing

Got my social security payment this morning.  I ordered a few groceries and supplies.  Mostly meat and cleaning agents.  I should have those delivered this afternoon.  I have to drop off my rent check and do laundry today.  I do my laundry at least once a week.

Still doing well mentally.  I haven’t had a breakdown in over a month now.  I’m pleasantly surprised that I’m holding it together in spite the stressful time we’re in.  I think it helped that I got prepared earlier than most people.  I haven’t even had to leave my apartment complex in over two weeks.  I sleep a lot now.  I usually sleep at least ten hours a day.  I’ve heard sleep helps boost immune defenses and, for me, reduces stress.  I was doing breathing exercises in bed yesterday and was relaxed enough I fell asleep for over three hours.

I actually don’t have much problems with aches and pains except for when I wake up in the mornings.  I make a point of standing up at least once an hour no matter what I’m doing.  I haven’t read much other than online articles this week.  I still watch some youtube videos.  Much of what I watch are videos on the line of what positives will come from this pandemic and what tech will advance faster because of covid 19.  One thing I do see happening is that more companies will allow more work from home options.  Another is that grocery and medication home delivery services will become real popular.  I also see that fewer people will harass others via social media interactions.  I was starting to see this already.  It isn’t as bad now as it was three to five years ago.

I started lifting weights every day.  I just don’t work the same muscles two days in a row.  When I was seriously lifting in high school and college, I usually lifted five to six days a week but worked individual muscles no more than three times a week.

The days are starting to go quicker now.  For the first week of the self quarantine, the days felt like weeks.  It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t leaving my apartment complex, it was that even that option went away.  But, like many things, I adapted within several days.  I do still have some minor maintenance issues in my place that could be taken care of quickly.  But, for now, only vitally necessary maintenance is getting done.  So glad I got my new floor and paint before all this mess hit.

Self Quarantine: March 31 2020

Last day of March as I write this.  I haven’t been outside in two weeks.  The only time I leave my apartment is to pick up deliveries.  Had a pizza delivery this afternoon.  I was ready for a day without cooking.

I been reading more online articles.  Been watching some youtube videos.  Some of my favorite channels are the best of reddit videos.  Haven’t been binge watching amazon prime yet.  I may start that in a few days.

I slept most of yesterday afternoon.  So I was awake most of last night.  It was eerie how quiet everything was in the overnight hours.  Things are much quieter now than normal even in daylight hours.

Oddly I haven’t been feeling much stress or anxiety lately.  Maybe that was from getting my supplies earlier than most people.  It helps I don’t have to run out to the stores every time I need something.  Been getting home delivery for groceries and medications for three years.  I was used to it before it became vital.  And since my paranoia sometimes made me isolate for days at a time, being on self quarantine hasn’t been overly disruptive for me.

As of right now, I’m not running short on anything.  I did have problems getting Lysol spray.  I was lucky enough to find I had a spare can I forgot about under my sink.  I didn’t horde hand sanitizer as I don’t normally go out in public for long periods of time.  I definitely didn’t horde toilet paper.

Started drinking tea and coffee again.  I usually have a cup of coffee with breakfast and a cup of tea in the afternoons.  I have found that drinking just a plain cup of hot water often settles my guts.  My grandma did this for years.  Said it helped settle her stomach.

I talk to friends at least once a day.  I call my neighbors every afternoon.  I call my parents every morning.  Some of the videos I watch on youtube are along the theme of tech advances that will come due to coronavirus.  I also watch comedy shows too.  Saw a couple Monty Python movies last week.  Saw a couple George Carlin and Bill Hicks shows too.  I’m thinking trying to find some old Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor later this week.  Thinking of finding some old Jeff Foxworthy too.

Been dressing pretty comfortable too.  Most days I just were t-shirts and sweat pants.  I do wear sandals when I have to venture out to pick up deliveries.  I still take hot baths every morning.  Those help loosen my joints and I think the humid air helps too.  I don’t have any visitors other than my neighbor helping me with my laundry every Wednesday and my cleaner arriving every Thursday.  Since I got my new hard flooring, I no longer need to have it vacuumed.  I did buy a new broom and lots of Pine Sol.  Seems to be less dust in my place now that I don’t have carpet for it to get caught in.

The days are getting longer and the weather is starting to warm.  I usually run my furnace only in the overnight hours.  I usually run the fan during the days.  I’ve had my windows open a few times to let some breeze in.  We’ve had quite a bit of rain the last several days.  But the trees are starting to bud and the grass is starting to green.  Spring is here.