Been in this nursing home for over three months. They still won’t get me standing and walking even though I’ve lost over 50 pounds. I’m bed bound most days in spite my blood pressure and pain issues being solved. They do use a lift to put me in a recliner a few days per week.

I’ve noticed a lot of people, especially nurses, pulling double shifts lately. Usually that is a sign of financial issues, staffing issues, or low morale. Naturally no one listens to me when I point this out.

My parents don’t seem concerned at all about the home not getting me up and walking. Personally, I think they are too trusting. Both are in their late 70s and in poor health.

I have been here three months and lost fifty pounds. I can honestly say that, between not having to deal with nosy parents every day and having someone help me clean up after bowel movements, my life has improved very much. My blood pressure is low enough that they are talking about discontinuing a couple of my blood pressure meds.

I have one nurse who gives me all of my blood pressure meds every morning she is working. And then I spend much of the day lightheaded and sleepy.

I’m angry my home hasn’t even tried to get me to even stand up in the three months I have been here. I’m never going to get better if this continues. My parents think it’s no big deal and it’s nothing they can do anything about.

During the pandemic I was having health issues that was contributing to my having a dirty apartment. It was bad enough I was threatened with eviction until we hired a cleaning lady. Since then, I have resolved most issues other than mobility. That’s the last thing in my way.

Even when I get healthy enough to leave the nursing home, I’m not sure where I will go. Most low income housing is crime infested and ghetto. With my social security wages, I can’t afford even the utilities on my mom’s house. She lives in a nice, near crime free neighborhood with lots of young families and middle class retirees. I can’t afford a place like that. My brother still has two kids at home. Probably doesn’t have room for me. Maybe I could go back to Nebraska and live with one of my aunts. But both are elderly and live far away from even basic medical services. Farm living at my age and disability doesn’t appeal to me.

I’m not even sure social security disability will even be a thing in eight to ten years. The federal government already has a debt of almost 40 trillion dollars. Programs are being cut. But any politician who suggests tax increases is committing political suicide. My country is essentially bankrupt. But shit like that happens when your government runs deficits most years for more than 50 years. We painted ourselves into a corner. In short, it’s one massive and soggy shit sandwich and every American under the age of 60 is going to be eating it some every day for generations. It’s one of the reasons I don’t trust authority figures.

Even though I’ve had mostly setbacks for the last ten years, I refuse to give up. I flat out refuse to let my bullies and abusers get the best of me. I do find some satisfaction in seeing I outlived school bullies or abusive bosses and teachers. Sure, it’s petty. So are most American problems. 80 years of prosperity since the end of World War 2 has made us physically and intellectually lazy and immoral as a people. I fear that the troubles we have gone through the last several years are just Karma catching up to my nation. The thought fills me with dread. But Justice is eventually served, even if it takes generations to fully bloom.