Been reading A LOT of articles about automation the last several weeks. ChatGPT blew me away. I read that it can now write college level essays and pass the bar exam. Maybe lawyers will get replaced by machines much like factory workers have been replaced by robotics for decades now. Saw an article just this afternoon that McDonald’s is now opening restaurants serviced completely by robots.

Naturally, some people are complaining about automation. Seems like it’s mostly older people who never worked in fast food in the first place. Personally I think it’s about high time we automate most of these things. I hated working in fast food, mainly because of the disrespect I got from the public and my bosses. The low pay didn’t help either. I used to get anxiety attacks every day before I went into work the summer I worked fast food. Used to vomit from this anxiety. Naturally my parents didn’t care. But, then, neither ever worked in fast food.

Even the Chinese are now automating and outsourcing a lot of their good paying factory jobs. Things like that tend to happen when workers start demanding higher wages and higher quality of life. Just youtube “Laying Flat.” It isn’t no longer just the Western countries with disinfranchised young people. I liked factory work even though I never could adapt to working overnight five nights a week and sleep during the day. I turned in my resignation once the powers that be at the factory refused to transfer me to day shift. I liked factory work because the pay was better, I didn’t have to deal with the public, I got more respect from friends and family, and they let me work with power tools. I probably would have never had to go on disability had I been able to keep that job, at least until the heart failure showed up. But my bosses refused to transfer me to day shift. Since we weren’t unionized, I had no one backing me up.

But, factory work has gone the way of the dinosaurs, at least for most people in the USA. Most people I know who work fast food and retail do so out of a lack of options. College is no longer affordable and a degree no longer guarantees anything besides student debt that cannot be discharged through bankruptcy. I know that the trades are being heavily pushed now, but I fear that even those wages will collapse within twenty years much like the wages of office jobs because the market will get oversaturated. It may not be the case now, but wait a few years. The trades are starting to make the same mistakes the colleges did twenty five years ago. Granted, it will take several years to play out. But, we will have a glut of plumbers and electricians if college continues to be unaffordable without debt or office jobs continue to require college degrees. I gives me hope that some tech companies no longer require college degrees. But even they are heavily automating. Why else would Google and Amazon be laying off thousands of workers even with high profits? Even McDonalds and Wal Mart are going heavy into automation. It’s the robots, stupid.

Most people I know are not happy about automation. But, then, most people I know aren’t happy already. First they complain about the “damn kids” wanting 15 bucks an hour to flip hamburgers. Now they are complaining about machines taking those jobs. Used to be a carpenter could support a family of six kids, own a house, not need a degree, or need the wife to work outside of the house. Not the kids’ fault that wages haven’t kept up with inflation for over 40 years. Not the kids’ fault that there is a shortage of affordable homes. Do you know why kids are opting out of marriage and family, they can’t afford families. It ain’t because they are lazy and stupid. You can’t manage what you don’t have to begin with. Same “damn kids” wanting 15 an hour to work fast food would have been working unionized factory jobs in large numbers with pensions and health insurance in the 1950s. The kids haven’t changed, the world around them is.

I guess I’m one of those adults who has empathy for young people. I worked hard my entire life yet I was still damned as a slacker and entitled by my elders even in grade school. I hated it. I still have bad memories from it. That is why now that I’m an elder, I refuse to complain about kids. I vowed I would never pull that kind of crap that was pulled on me if I ever made it to old age. Besides, elders and kids have hated each other for thousands of years.

Personally I welcome automation and AIs. Most people I know hate their jobs. So why be afraid when a machine can do it better? Probably because of the loss of identity and income. But that kind of crap happens when you wrap your entire identity into what you do for money and bosses outsource and automate jobs every time workers strike for higher wages. The bosses and consumers don’t respect the workers even more than the workers don’t respect the jobs. I get so damn sick and tired trying to explain this to people. I lost my career and family to mental illness through no fault of my own much like people lost jobs due to outsourcing and automation. Yet people like me are seen as a leech on society because we don’t do a dead end job that pays poverty level wages that can already be done better by a machine. Hell, I have a friend in Denver who makes over 50 grand a year and yet she can’t afford even a one bedroom house. My grandfather never made more than that yet retired a millionaire. The times changed. We adapt or become historical road kill. God knows I had to adapt to a life without work and a family and my own home. Yet I made my peace with it.

I had this seventh grade teacher who loved to crow on about the “cold cruel world” and how much being an adult was going to be awful. Personally, I’m enjoying my adulthood a hell of a lot more than I ever enjoyed being a kid. And that is even with schizophrenia, bad knees, and heart failure. Just because she hated her job, she thought every kid was damned to be the same way. Granted most people I know hate their jobs. I can understand why with the low wages and disrespect from the public at large and the lack of loyalty from employers. In some ways, I thank God for being disabled in my twenties as opposed to later in my life. I wanted to go into pharmacy when I was a teenager. I’m glad I didn’t make it. Pharmacy is one of those jobs that will get automated before too many years. Some hospitals already have robots refilling prescriptions. And many people get their meds mailed to their houses through distribution centers I imagine are automated. In short, I think if I had to lose my career, it’s best that I did in my twenties when I was still physically healthy enough to adapt. I didn’t have a career or a family due to my schizophrenia. It was brutal going through the adaptation process. But at least I won’t be losing a job when I have kids and am too old to adapt. Not getting married and not having kids because of my illness were the best things I ever did.

We already have the technology and know how to automate millions of jobs and still give unemployed people a resonably decent standard of living. I’m living proof. I just think our politics, economics, and attitudes towards work and life balance haven’t caught up yet. I love studying economics, but I have rarely heard any economist talk about automation and AI. Captialism succeeded beyond Adam Smith’s wildest dreams. It’s succeeded so much that we can now automate a good deal of the work. Sure, some jobs in the trades and medical won’t be automated for a long time. But we simply no longer need 80 percent of workers in factories or farms like we did one hundred years ago. Our politics, economics, education, and social norms haven’t caught up to the science and tech we already have. And laws against AI research won’t work. It’s no longer just the US and Europe that have good tech. That genie left the bottle a long time ago. Isolation and turning our backs on the world will only guarantee the nations that do this will lose the future. We ignore the rest of the world at our own risk. We ignore technology at our own personal risk. People complaining about automation are historical road kill and not even delaying the inevitable by one day. And I hope machines take most jobs if it makes the cost of living lower. Besides, I’ve listened to people gripe and moan about how much they hate their jobs my entire life. Happiest people I know are children and retirees. I wonder why. Thank God I can’t work. End of rant.

Getting around without a walker for the most part. I use my wheelchair only when I leave the house. The weight loss has stalled out for the last couple of weeks. I’m not gaining or losing weight. My sleep pattern is changing too. I need less sleep and I stay up much later now. I tend to stay awake longer when the weather warms up. I had an interview with a home health nursing agency. They went over my complete medical history. It took a couple of hours. I have an interview with social security tomorrow to see if I can get my pension increased since circumstances have changed.

I’m still waiting for my own place. I’m getting around well enough I think I can live on my own now. I am on the waiting lists for over a dozen places here in the Oklahoma City area. But I have no idea how long it will take. I’ve been denied a few places already because I’m not a senior citizen.

I sometimes get bored with the wait. There’s only so many computer games and books I can read before I get burned out.

The weather turned chilly today. I decided to spend the day inside. I guess winter isn’t completely over yet. My parents ran some errands and were gone most of the afternoon. I got along just fine alone. I sometimes feel better when I am alone than when I am around people.

I’m still losing weight. Lost 10 pounds since I moved to Oklahoma. I can walk anywhere in the house now without a walker. I use my wheelchair only when I leave the house. My blood pressure is still under control and I’m starting to need less sleep. Most nights I’m asleep by 10pm and wake up in the middle of the night. Most nights I sleep part of the night in my recliner. Seems to help with knee pains.

Mentally I’ve been stable for weeks. I haven’t had any flare ups since I moved. I sometimes get bored with the wait on a place to come open. I’m ready for my own place again. I guess I never lost my independence streak even in the facility. I’m glad to be out of long term care. I’m walking alot more now. I don’t use my walker or wheelchair in the house anymore. In fact, I haven’t used my walker at all in the last few weeks.

Boredom can get to be a problem. I used to remedy this by going to bed early. But that is not an option anymore as I no longer sleep alot. Most nights I sleep eight hours a night. I usually sleep five hours in my bed and three hours in my recliner. I still have knee pain from laying in bed for too long.

Mornings are always the roughest. They have gotten easier as the knee pain has decreased. I used to hurt so bad in the mornings I had to stretch for several minutes to get going. Now it’s only a couple of minutes. Sleeping in the recliner helps alleviate the knee pains. I probably should sleep in the recliner on a regular basis rather than just half of the night.

I guess the more mobile I get, the more I want to do. I don’t like just sitting down and watching tv for hours on end. I need to keep my mind occupied. Computer games help with this. But even I get burned out on computer games occasionally. I still read audiobooks. I still watch youtube videos, especially educational ones.

I have no idea how long it will take for a low income apartment to come open. I’ve been on waiting lists for months now. Hopefully I’m moving up the list. I’m just anxious to get my own place and get back out on my own again. I miss my freedom and privacy.

It’s been a good last few days here in Oklahoma City. The sun is out and I got to spend most of the morning outside. I’m sleeping more in my recliner lately. Seems to be easier on my knees. I’m still losing weight. Lost almost 10 pounds since I moved here. I get up and walk some every day. I can walk anywhere in the house now. I use my wheelchair only when I’m not in the house. My knees hurt less and less with each passing week. I don’t breathe as hard when I walk as I did when I first moved here. Sometimes I get bored and restless. I’m getting to where I want to do more than just play computer games and listen to audiobooks all day. I’m glad the weather is changing for the better. I’m ready to be done with winter.

I’m still waiting on low income housing to come open. Probably will be waiting on that for another few months. I know I can live on my own given the right circumstances. I can walk anywhere inside the house now. I can get in and out of the pickup without problems. I still have knee pain in the morning when I get out of bed. But even that is starting to clear up some.

I’m still losing weight. Currently the lightest I’ve been since 2014. My mobility is starting to come back. I can walk anywhere in the house without much problems. I can get in my dad’s pickup without issues. I get outside a couple times a week. Other than some bad storms on Sunday, it’s been nice down here for the last week. The city blew the storm sirens on Sunday as there were a few tornadoes in the Oklahoma City metro area. We saw mostly bad winds and lightning.

Got to go sight seeing a couple of days ago. Saw the house where my brother lives, got to see where my nephews and niece go to school and have their soccer practices. Ate at a Chick fil A, it’s pretty good. First time I ever ate Chick fil A. And got to visit some of the stores were my parents shop. Haven’t really been much of anywhere besides church until that morning outing.

My knees hurt less and less all the time. The only real problem is still in the morning. My knees get stiff and sore if I go too long without standing. And since I can’t sleep standing up, I guess the only way to remedy this is to keep losing weight.

The meals I’m eating now are slightly bigger than what I got at the facility. I’m still used to eating small meals. Some days I’ll skip lunch or supper because I’m still full from the previous meal.

I’ve gotten to where I can walk to the pickup without a walker or wheelchair. I have less pain now than usual. It’s weird being able to walk short distances without a walker again. Makes me realize what I missed out on during the times I was homebound.

I’m still reading audiobooks. Currently working on The Foundation by Isaac Asimov as well as a couple of finance books. Reading regular books too. Currently working on Democracy in America by Alexis de Touchaville. It’s a classic. If anyone wants to truly understand the politics, culture, and development of America, I highly recommend it even though it’s a long read at over 900 pages.

Some days I’ll put on an audiobook while playing computer games. Next thing I know three hours have passed and I’m halfway through an audiobook. It gets me my gaming and knowledge fixes at the same time I guess.

Listening to more music too. Sometimes listening to some of the material I liked back in the 90s and 2000s is cheap therapy. I forgot how good some of that music really was. Either that or it’s my nostalgia talking. I refuse to degrade any music listened to by young people. Maybe I just took the criticism I took in my younger years too personally. But I promised myself if I ever became an elder, I wouldn’t complain about the kids. Now that I’m middle aged, I have a chance to fulfil my promise.

In September 2021 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. That explained why my feet and knees always hurt, why I was always short of breath, why my feet and ankles were swollen, why I had to urinate frequently, and why my blood pressure was so bad. I am saddened I wasn’t diagnosed sooner, but then covid was going full swing for almost two years before hand.

I have made my peace with the fact that I might die from this. Part of helping me make my peace with a possible early death came with going back to church services again. I am so thankful for online church as it’s sometimes tough for me to leave the house because of the heart failure and resulting limited mobility. I still have problems walking short distances without a walker. It is a bitter pill to swallow thinking I won’t live long enough to see cool things like colonies on the moon, people on Mars, really smart AI, green energy becoming a major part of the power grid, etc. But I guess it doesn’t matter the years of life if you had lots of life in your years.

I don’t have much for regrets about my life. I read many of the famous classics that most people only mention by name. I saw my Rockies play in the World Series. Got to see my Huskers have dominating football teams in my younger years. I fell in love a few times. I’m still best friends with my best friend from high school even though we’ve seen each other in person only a handful of times since age 18. I thank social media for that, first with myspace, and then later with facebook. I graduated from college even with a serious mental illness. I had some of my writing published. I actually made some money from my writing. I was even interviewed by local media for my writings a few times. I lived on my own for seventeen years even with schizophrenia.

Most of the things I do regret came from the mental illness, not from a lack of trying. I do regret not getting married and having kids, but the mental illness would have made this impossible, especially since I can’t hold a full time job.

I have come to accept that yes, I probably will die younger than normal with my heart failure. But I believe in the after life and am grateful I lived a good life with the life I have. It could be several years before I die, I don’t know. But I am grateful for having the opportunity to chase my dreams, even if I did come up short. Most of the coming up short was due to my various chronic illnesses.

There are worse things than an early death. I’ve been fighting mental illness for over twenty years. Been fighting heart failure for a few years now. Not sure if I have enough left in the tank to go another twenty years with mental illness, let alone mental illness with congestive heart failure. But it’s all right. I don’t have many regrets.

I’ve been in Oklahoma for almost two weeks. I can now walk anywhere in the house. I use my wheelchair only when I’m outside. I’m lifting weights three times a week. I make it a point to stand up at least once an hour. I usually sleep in my recliner as it’s easier on my back and knees. I’m staying up to at least 930 most nights. I’m still not used to staying up late. Some of my meds make me sleepy.

I qualified for food stamps. I’m getting an Oklahoma bank account sometime this week. I’m also going to the park when we have a warm weather day. I shower with the help of a shower chair. My medicaid is in the process of transferring to Oklahoma. I’m on the waiting list for several low income housing units. I specifically requested handicap accessible. I don’t use my wheelchair in the house partly because the halls are too narrow to easily navigate and I’m trying to rebuild my walking endurance. I didn’t walk many places in my nursing home as things were far enough apart to use a wheelchair. But I get up and walk several times a day now, mostly short distances. I’m having less pains in my knees. I still walk kind of stiff but even that is coming back.

Attended church each of the last two weeks. It feels good to be going back and socializing regularly again. I usually weigh myself only twice per week. I’m still losing weight. Granted the progress doesn’t seem to be very fast when I’m lost in the day to day grinds. But last May I couldn’t stand up for longer than 5 seconds without the pain being unbearable.

Hard to believe we are halfway done with February. My medications have been filled here in Oklahoma. My Nebraska Medicaid has been shut down, so I can now get Oklahoma Medicaid. I sent off an application for food stamps. I submitted applications for several low income housing units in the Oklahoma City area. I’m getting up and walking more than I did in the nursing home. I went to church on Sunday. And I got my mailing address transferred to Oklahoma.

I’m still losing weight. Watching my diet close. Still on fluid restrictions. The only time I have problems with incontenece is when I’m asleep. Woke up with some knee pain this morning that quickly cleared up. Most of my meds are only once a day, and usually in the morning. I’m almost out of the meds sent by my old pharmacy in Nebraska. But I got replacements ordered and delivered already.

Saw some of the Super Bowl the other day. Since the Broncos didn’t make playoffs I really didn’t follow them this year. I watched mainly for my mom’s cheese and meat dip. I still go to bed quite early, sometimes when it’s still light out. I still sleep like 10 to 12 hours a night, more than I would like. I still limit my caffeine intake. Haven’t had coffee in over a week.

Been in my new hometown for a few days now. The transfer of all my medicaid and social security from Nebraska to Oklahoma seems to be going smoothly. Haven’t had any real hiccups yet. Been on the phone alot the last few days. I also want to go back to church again. I’ve found a renewed enthusiasm for God and religion in the last several months. I guess having a near death experience can do that to a person. I’ve found myself praying several times a day now. Mainly being thankful for my progress and praying my health problems can be solved. I haven’t been out and about since I moved here. Had a nice visit with my brother and two of his sons the other night. I’m excited about developing a deeper relationship with my brother and his family. My brother and I weren’t close as kids, but I think the fact we no longer live together has helped the relationship in adulthood. I also think me having health problems and him having a family and a career forced us both to grow up.

I’m also wanting to go back to church. Even at my worst, I never lost respect for God or the good work done by religious organizations in general. I may not have believed in divine intervention for a long time, but that was mainly a defense mechanism to explain to myself why God shouldn’t favor me over millions of other people even more deserving of good things. I guess justice is when we get what we deserve. Mercy is when we don’t get what we deserve. Grace, I guess, is when God gives us what we haven’t earned or deserved. It also helps that my life was saved by doctors and nurses at a Catholic hospital, even though I myself isn’t Catholic. I grew up in the Church of Christ. Some churches can be kind of strict about somethings, but one will get a good education in what the Bible does and doesn’t say after a few years of attending the CofC. Even at my worst, I never lost respect for God or the Bible. At least not enough to close that part of life off permanently.

I’m continuing to lose weight. I cook some of our meals as a family, granted I’m still trying to get the hang of a gas stove. I have memorized my parents’ address. I found a new pharmacy and a potential new bank. I’ve started the process of canceling my Nebraska Medicaid in favor of my Oklahoma Medicaid. Qualified for food stamp benefits. Also found out from a really helpful social security agent that, since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 20, I might be able to requalify for social security disability payments based on my parents’ salary. Since my family was, more or less, upper middle class, I could be getting a substantial raise in my disability pension within the next few months.

I walk everywhere in my parents house. I still occasionally have issues with incontentience. To remedy this, I use pull up disposable briefs. While I am not proud of wearing adult diapers, it serves the purpose. Somedays I can go without issues. I certainly don’t have the problems I had previously. But if I continue to lose weight, the incontentience issues should resolve themselves.

Weight wise, I’m the lightest I’ve been since 2014. If I lose another 20 pounds, I’ll be lighter than I have been since 2010. I’m continuing to lose weight even outside of the nursing home. I was on a calorie restriction diet that helped me lose 90 pounds in seven months. My goal is to eventually get back to my old high school weight. Probably take a year or two, but I am making progress with every passing day. I’m not where I want to be just yet, but I am on the right track.

I’m still working on the process of setting up residency in Oklahoma. First have to transfer my social security disability and Medicaid over from Nebraska. That process is started. Once I establish residency, I’ll look into low income housing. I think I’ll qualify for section 8 housing, which will help me with my rent. It could take a few months to qualify. I’ve also decided to register to vote once my residency is established. I probably won’t join either political party as I feel both parties have valid points on various issues. I have both conservative and liberal friends, both of whom make valid arguments for their positions. It just breaks my heart to see congress fight among themselves so much. I guarantee that both China and Russia love seeing our politicians fight among themselves and not try to pass good legislation.

I’m also eventually thinking of finding a part time job. Either that or trying to make my writings as profitable as a part time job. Made some royalties from some of my ebooks I had published several years ago. I think there may be a market for my writings. I’ve also decided to republish my mental illness book, which was the original inspiration for this blog. I will find out if my promotions of my books bear fruit in a few months. The royalty payments are usually several months behind.

Overall things are getting easier with each passing day. I’m adapting to life in Oklahoma nicely. I’m getting things done. Maybe in a few months I can establish residency and qualify for my own place. Hopefully that’s part of the plan.

I relocated to Oklahoma a few days ago. I’m still in the process of getting things transferred from Nebraska to Oklahoma. I’m still adhering to the diet and still losing weight. I sleep better and usually stay up later now. Overall the process is going smoothly but slowly. It’s a lot of work to do to move from one state to another while on disability.