Had some workers do some roofing work at my apartment complex today. So I didn’t get to sleep as much during the day as I normally do. But it was a beautiful day for that kind of work. I’m glad it was done before first snow. Maybe today will help break me of sleeping in the day and being awake at night.
Still staying awake much of the night. This has to be effecting me more than I realize. I still get sleep, it’s just when I get it that’s different from everyone else. I hope this is a phase that will pass before long. Mentally I’m still stable. I don’t have many bad days or flare ups. I still don’t like venturing out on the streets and driving much. It’s kind of tough just wanting to stay home all the time. I didn’t use to be this way. I was always going somewhere as a kid. I preferred going to friends’ houses instead of having them come to mine. Now I have to force myself to leave my apartment every day. Don’t want to get too house bound.
I’m so glad I’m not having bad hallucinations with this current trend of fearing leaving my apartment. I sometimes hear footsteps that aren’t there in addition to the phone ringing when it’s not. At this point it’s more annoying then frightening. I’m glad I’m not dealing with all my past problems in addition to my new ones.
About the only real positive coming out of me staying home more is that I eat less fast food now. So I am eating healthier and cheaper too. I am glad I was taught how to cook when I was growing up. I guess I can find some positives in my current situation.
Been having weird sleep patterns the last couple weeks. Most nights I’m up really late, sometimes until sunrise. Then I’ll often sleep until noon and then again nap a couple hours in the late afternoons. Even though this odd sleep pattern is hurting my social life, I still feel mentally stable. It could be these sleep pattern changes are helping me cope with a traditionally tough time of year for myself. As it is I now usually do my grocery shopping and errands after sunset but no longer in the overnight hours like I used to. I prefer to stay home most nights and weekends anymore. I do most of my socializing by phone or Facebook. But I still feel like some things are missing by not meeting people in person.
Watched some baseball and opening weekend college football this weekend. Found out that my old high school live streams it’s football games on it’s Twitter account. So I got to see my old team play and I didn’t even have to leave my house. I wonder how many other high schools do that. So this was my first decent sports fix after weeks of living mainly off baseball.
I sleep well, but it’s when I sleep well that’s a problem. Anymore I tend to be my most awake when the rest of my apartment complex is asleep. I stay quiet, so much so that sometimes my neighbors never know when I’m home. But mentally I’m still stable. Physically I think I’ve lost a few pounds. This is a pleasant surprise because I haven’t been as physically active as previous summers. So I just cut back on what I eat. I usually eat two large meals a day that are rich in proteins and green vegetables like peas or green beans. I drink lots of water too. Sometimes if I’m feeling hungry I’ll have a large glass of water and wait. If I’m still hungry after about thirty minutes I’ll find a snack. But I don’t eat much sugar or bread. I do eat rice occasionally as it’s cheap, goes good with almost anything, and easy to make.
It’s been a long summer for me, but at least not a bad one. Fall is only a few weeks away and school is starting again. I’ve been feeling well this summer even if I have been real careful about what I do and who I interact with. Only a few more weeks and the nights will be longer and the weather will be cooling. I can hardly wait.
Some people think I’m strange in that I prefer cold weather to warm weather. Besides spring, winter is usually the best time of year for me. While Christmas might not mean much to me personally anymore, I do enjoy seeing the excitement and joy on my nephews and niece’s faces. I enjoy spending time with family more than I do getting gifts anymore.
The weather has certainly turned quite cold since Thanksgiving. It doesn’t really bother me as I have plenty of books to read, food in my pantry, good internet connection, and I can call up friends and family pretty much anytime. I probably would feel different if I lived in the Old West as a mountain man who had to cut his own firewood and go hunting all the time. Since the weather has turned colder and the nights are getting longer, I have been sleeping more. I’m not sleeping out of depression or sadness but I just like getting under the heavy blanket and semi hibernating.
Been reading quite a bit lately. I’m reading mostly non fiction and science books lately. Reading science and tech books, even ones that are a few years old, made me realize just how fast things are changing. And most people don’t even know these changes are happening. I currently have a several year old Play Station 3 but the next gaming consul I buy will probably have some Virtual Reality setup. I imagine the Oculus Rift is a popular Christmas gift this year. I’m probably going to wait a couple years and let the prices come down before I get one of my own.
Since it looks like it’s supposed to stay cold for the next several days I think I’m pretty much going to stay home. I have a few projects around the apartment that I want to get on top of. Been kind of lazy about some things as I was fighting bouts of depression and anxiety all fall. I’m probably going to rearrange my apartment. As I don’t have a lot of furniture this won’t take more than an hour or two at most.
One advantage to the colder weather is that I’m much less apt to go for fast food. I’ve been eating healthier the last several days and I notice an improvement already in my moods and energy level. Sometimes in the afternoons I’ll walk the hallways of my complex just to break up the routines on these cold days.
I’m back on my normal meds doses. I had to increase all my meds during the fall because of my problems with stress, depression, and anxiety. But as I’ve felt much more stable the last few weeks I was able to come down off the high doses I was on.
All in all I’m beginning to settle into my winter routines. I have plenty of books I want to get read this winter and I’m already off to a good start on those.
Started spending a little more time on Facebook and talking with friends the last couple days. I’m also starting to get out of my apartment more often. There would be times in the last several weeks when I would leave my apartment only to get something to eat. I’m cooking more of my meals now. For a couple weeks I had fallen out of the habit of cooking and got quite lazy about my diet. I’ve probably gained some weight over the last few weeks so I’m going to address that. Hopefully I can get back to eating less and making most of my own meals and get used to that before the weather gets real cold.
I still haven’t gotten out of my hometown much these last several weeks. I’ll probably go to my parents’ house within a week or two because my cousin is coming back to Nebraska for a couple weeks with her baby. Her husband is career Navy so they have to live on the coast. I don’t get to see her nearly as often as I would like. I’m also going to my aunt’s place for Thanksgiving at the end of next month.
I’ve also been lazy about exercising and dieting the last several weeks. No doubt I’ve gained weight. I haven’t gotten much physical activity so I’m starting to get more unexplainable aches and pains. I’m slowly easing back into activity. I’m spending a little more time outdoors too. It’s been nicer weather than typical late October so I’m enjoying this more.
Slowly I’m easing myself back into more normal routines. Not much has been normal for me for months. Between being in a car accident, spending the winter in chiropractic therapy, spending the summer with a bad back, and then spending the fall depressed and discouraged with how irritable people are over the election, I’m ready for some quiet and normal.
TheCertifiablyTRUERavingsOfASectionedPhilosopher: Don't be afraid to think you might be a little 'crazy'. Who isn't? Check out some of my visualized poems here: https://www.instagram.com/maxismaddened/