Tag Archives: summer

Summers and Mental Illness

Posted on by
1

We are now a couple weeks into summer.  I can notice already that the days are a little shorter than they were a few weeks ago.  I got a new air conditioner as my previous unit broke down.  It was the original unit from when my complex was built.  So I don’t have to rely on fans and cold baths anymore.

Summers are traditionally a rough time for me, especially July and August.  So far I feel stable and calm.  I haven’t had problems with depression or paranoia since I changed my medications.  And I even sleep less than I did during the winter and spring.  I still don’t socialize much outside of phone calls and internet.  But I have been enjoying the summer anyway.  I still play a lot of computer games.  I’m also listening to a lot of audiobooks on youtube.  I’m currently working on the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov.  I usually play Civilization or Medieval Total War on my PC while listening to audiobooks on my Mac.

I have beens staying up later the last several nights.  But I am still getting eight hours of sleep a night.  I still sleep in until late mornings.  I just stay up later and sleep less.  I like staying up late as I have been a night person as long as I can remember.

 

Postive Changes, Independence Day, and Diet Changes

Posted on by
2

After two weeks of a medication change, I’m beginning to notice differences already.  Normally with psych medication, it’ll take a month at least to see any real effects.  I’ve noticed that I’m sleeping less, I’m listening to more audiobooks, I’m less quick to anger and anxiety, I’m less depressed, I’m a little more active, and I think I’m eating less.  For months I would eat two really large protein rich meals a day.  I’m now eating three smaller meals per day.  I’m also taking probiotics and multivitamins.  I’m noticing fewer unexplainable aches and pains.  I still sleep in my recliner because I’m just used to it now.  My father slept in his recliner for years because of back problems.

I don’t have any plans for Independence Day at the moment.  But I’ll probably stay near my apartment and watch the night fireworks from my apartment window.  I’m probably going to keep my windows closed and my fans running during the days to block out the sounds of firecrackers.  I no longer like the booming fireworks or the ones that sound like gunfire.  There are a few Vietnam war veterans living in my complex who do the same things to try to block out the fireworks that sound too much like gunfire.  My father is a Vietnam veteran himself and he tries to avoid loud fireworks too.  I feel bad for these guys being spooked by fireworks that remind them too much of war.  I imagine there are many people of my generation and younger now coming back from the Middle East who are starting to feel the same way too.  It’s sad that in celebration of my nation’s beginnings that we often stress the ones who were in the military in the process.

I’m thinking about grilling some steaks on my electric grill that day too.  I’ve gotten to where I dine out only once a week.  I’m a decent cook and have come to the point where I prefer my own cooking over fast food.  But it’s not like I can afford to eat in restaurants every day anyway.  But I am eating my own cooking more and I think I feel better because of it.  At least my diet now is a little more balanced.  I still eat a lot of grilled meats, but I’ve also added some more vegetables and far more water.

I feel quite decent overall.  I hope that by changing my medication routine that I am able to avoid the summer problems I have had in the past.  August is usually the roughest time of year for me.  But after twenty years of mental illness, I have figured out what to avoid and what to look for.  I hope this summer goes better than previous summers.  So far it is.

Feeling Better

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been on this new medication routines for two weeks.  I’m noticing improvements.  I don’t feel very depressed or paranoid anymore.  In addition to a new medication routine, I’m also taking multivitamins and probiotics.  I’m noticing that I have less unexplainable aches and pains.  I am sleeping less than I was previously.  I now average 8 to 9 hours a night whereas during the winter and spring I got almost 12 hours a night.  Mentally I’m feeling more stable.  Physically I’m feeling more energetic and getting a little more active with each passing day.  I get out and socialize a little every day, even if it’s just when I go check my mail or go to the vending machine.  Overall I’m feeling better than my usual summer fare.

Summer came a little early this year as it got real hot in early June and stayed that way for two weeks.  Unfortunately my air conditioner broke down on me.  So I’ve been using lots of fans and a window air conditioner unit for two weeks now.  The repair man said I needed a new unit as the old one was over thirty years old.  That’s supposed to be getting done within the next day or two.

Have dined out only once in the last week.  For awhile when I was really depressed and paranoid, I didn’t do much grocery shopping and ate fast food at least once a day.  It’s no wonder I was feeling sluggish and lethargic.    Since I quit eating out every day, I’ve noticed I don’t have nearly as many aches and pains and I have more energy and actually want to be active.  I’m also severely cutting back on sugar.  I no longer drink sugared soda pop and I haven’t had candy bars or ice cream in months.  I may not be losing weight as fast I would like, but I definitely feel better overall.  And it’s all because of a few minor changes in medication routine and diet.

Aches and Pains and Mental Illness

Posted on by
Reply

Been having knee pains again for the last several days.  It’s the same knee I hurt near Christmas.  About the only thing I can do for it is soak in a warm bath every morning and take a couple pain pills every few hours.  This has definitely slowed me down for the last week.  I can’t even run errands because I can’t stand for more than a few minutes at a time.  So I pretty much just stay home even though the weather has gotten good.

As bad as the knee pain is, it really hasn’t effected my mental health.  Mentally I have quite stable for months.  Hopefully I can keep claiming this.  Late July to early September have always been the roughest times of year for me.  It’s a pity that my body starts falling apart right about the time I’m beginning to figure things out mentally.  Maybe some elderly people are grumpy mainly because of the constant aches and pains.  I’m seeing what I get to look forward to in old age.

End of Summer

Posted on by
Reply

It’s Labor Day weekend in my country.  Many people are going to the beach or having their last party of the summer.  I decided to stay home this weekend.  I don’t like fighting crowds.  It has been a tough summer for me.  Summers are usually tough because of mental illness problems.  But this is the first summer I’ve had in several years that really wasn’t that hard in terms of mental illness.  This one was tough because I hurt my back and spent two months healing.

I’m finding it hard to believe that fall is practically here.  I do pretty well in fall.  I have most of my problems with mental illness in the summers.  There is definitely a seasonal aspect to my illness.  I’m looking forward to the cooler weather and the beauty of the fall leaves.  While I didn’t have the mental health problems this summer I’ve had in previous years, I didn’t get out to enjoy the summer much.  It was a letdown of a summer that stretched for longer than normal.  I’m not sad to see summer end.  I’m ready for cooler weather.  I’m even ready for snow again.  I’m glad that I was able to make it through this summer with fewer than usual problems.  Perhaps my problems with schizophrenia are starting to decrease with age.

A Sense of Calm with Mental Illness

Posted on by
Reply

1484336_10151803282176498_771907808_n

It’s been a quiet and calm week for me.  I can tell the weather is starting to cool and that autumn is only a few weeks away.  School has already started in my hometown.  I was at the Wal Mart on 10pm on a Friday night and the place was packed with high school and college students doing last minute back to school shopping.  Years ago when I was in school, it seemed like the place to be on the weekend before school started was parties that amounted to the last fling of summer.  Maybe the younger people today have better priorities than what previous generations had.  It was also the first time I used a self check out machine.  Just scanned my items, swiped my debit card, and bagged my purchases and left.  Sure this may put some cashiers out of work but who dreams about being a cashier working for minimum wage when they are kids?

From about early July to the first week of September has traditionally been rugged times for me.  Both times I checked myself into a mental health hospital were in early September.  Many of my major flare ups and breakdowns have come in July and August.  The first time my parents saw me break down was around Independence Day back in 2000.  I didn’t have the serious breakdown last summer besides yelling out a store clerk in early July (which I immediately apologized for).  Originally I thought I didn’t have the breakdown last summer because I had extra resiliency because of my grandmother’s death.  Besides yelling at one friend over the phone for a couple minutes and writing a nasty email to a second friend last month, I really haven’t had many problems this summer.

I still don’t go out as much as I had previously.  Anymore I’m somewhat content to just stay home, read books, write blogs, play computer games, and Facebook with friends. I call friends and family on the phone almost daily.  I am having more frequent and longer conversations with my best friend from college.  We usually call each other every Sunday night and chat.  For the first several months after he got married I kind of backed off and just gave him and his wife their space.  He’s a huge history and sports geek (just like I am) so it’s not uncommon for us to be discussing baseball statistics, the ancient Greeks, 19th century German philosophy, and American foreign policy within the same phone conversation.  I love people like that.  Tragically I don’t find many people with those kinds of interest.  My old friend Pastor Verne was one of those types.  He was fluent in both ancient Hebrew and ancient Greek from his days in seminary.  He was a brilliant man.  I’m glad I got to know him.  I hope to be that interesting and sharp if I ever make it to that age.

I got my insurance settlement this weekend.  I wasn’t planning on anything extra from the accident besides getting my car fixed and coverage of my medical bills.  But I am now sitting on top of a wind fall I wasn’t really expecting.  I imagine most of it is going into the emergency fund.  One of the positives of being debt free is I don’t have the pressure of having to make payments every month.  It feels good to not have debts, to have an emergency fund, and a few options.  Those are the best stress busters I have ever found.

As this is a lazy Saturday afternoon in late August I currently have a college football game on in the background as I’m writing this  Football is one of my guilty pleasures.  I’m not obsessed over it but I do like to have a game going on in the background on idle fall weekend afternoons.  I do kind of feel bad about watching young men maim themselves for my enjoyment.  But at least it’s not as violent as Roman gladiators fighting.  I can tell that summer is all but over now that I’m watching a football game.  From the Summer Olympics to fall football within a few days of each other.

 

Breaking Up Routines With Mental Illness

Posted on by
2

Went to the family acreage for two days over the weekend.  Helped the family with some odd jobs but mainly relaxed.  I was needing a couple days out of my hometown and out of my apartment complex.  Two days of a change of scenery allowed me to realize just how much I missed this summer with back problems.  I’m only now getting some of my stamina back and adjusting to the warm weather.

This has been a tough summer physically.  I hurt my back and I couldn’t do much of anything for two months.  As a result I’ve gained 15 pounds since mid May.  This definitely isn’t what I planned for this summer.  While it was boring to have to spend all my time at home it wasn’t as tough mentally as I would have thought.  Besides the one day when I had a breakdown on two friends I really haven’t had any major flare ups of the mental illness this summer.  I think that the changes in medications I made in the spring have helped in that regard.  It helps that I am intentionally avoiding stressful situations and people.  I still don’t watch much news on tv or internet.  About all I watch on tv anymore is live sports.  During the Olympics I watched more tv in two weeks than I did the last four months combined. I wouldn’t have cable if it didn’t come with my apartment.  I just don’t watch much for regular tv anymore.  Almost everything I want to watch anymore is online.

I can tell that fall is almost here.  The weather isn’t as hot and the nights are getting longer.  The nights are getting cooler and school has started.  I feel like I squandered this summer since I couldn’t do much.  But I’ll just have to make it up this fall.

 

 

Feeling Better and Memories of College

Posted on by
3

It’s the first really cool day I’ve experienced in weeks.  It’s nice enough I’ve had my windows open since last night.  It’s been a good day to run some errands and watch some Olympics.  Saw mostly swimming and cycling this afternoon.  Did a little cleaning in my apartment as the workers may be in my apartment within the next week or two.  Weather feels almost like early fall today.  But I do know we have at least four to six weeks of hot weather left.  School will start in a couple weeks again.  So the town will really come back to life again.

I’ve always enjoyed the falls and winters in a college town than the summers.  But that is what happens when a sizable portion of my town’s population is college students.  Even though I haven’t been a college student for almost a dozen years I still enjoy seeing the college kids come back.  I can’t imagine how much college has changed just since I left. Had some of my happiest memories in my college years.  I enjoyed the all night odd conversations, the trips to the all night diner for studying and conversations, spring afternoons watching baseball, snow ball fights in the winter, playing flag football in the snow and rain on the campus green, and going to Saturday night concerts to see the campus garage bands.

I’m also watching reruns of ‘The Big Bang Theory.’  I really haven’t paid much attention to that series.  But I feel a weekend of binge watching on netflix coming on.  I like the fact the characters are quirky and really smart.  I feel like I can relate to those characters even if I don’t read comic books or do calculus for fun.  I haven’t been around quirky and smart people on a regular basis since college.  I forgot how fun it could be.  What can I say, I’m a quirky dork myself.

It’s been quite a long summer for me.  But it’s cooler days like this that remind me that summer is almost over.  Since summers are usually my hardest times I’m glad for a return of a few cooler days.

 

Visiting Family and Finding Normal

Posted on by
1

Saw my nephews and niece yesterday.  We had a picnic lunch and we went to a museum.  It was an pioneer trails museum as most of the old pioneer trails like the Oregon and Mormon trails ran through what is now my hometown.  It was also were the first transcontinental railroad and first Atlantic to Pacific highway ran through.  It was a good way to spend an afternoon and I got to keep the leftovers from the picnic.  It was a good way to break the boredom  that had been my life for the previous two months.

I talked to my best friend from college this afternoon.  He has a few more weeks before he has to be back at teacher inservice for the fall term.  I was invited to his place in the Black Hills of South Dakota for a few days during the middle of the month.  Ideally I’d like to go after the motorcycle rally in Sturgis is over as I really don’t look forward to dodging thousands of motorcyclists.  But this is probably the only time I get to see him again until at least next year.  So I’m thinking I may have to go really cheap for the next two months or break into my savings and make that trip a reality.  My back is fully healed so I won’t have to sleep in a recliner anymore.  I haven’t slept in a recliner for over a week now.  I’m still slower than I would like to be in the morning from stiffness in my lower back.  But it clears up after a couple minutes in a hot bath.  I suppose I am now in my mid 30s, so maybe things are starting to fall apart on my body.  I’m no longer growing a beard as I have found some grays.  It just didn’t look good with a few grays.  I have a friend who’s the same age I am and she already has arthritis.  I’ll probably get arthritis as my grandmother had it bad and my dad now has it bad.  But as bad as chronic aches and being slower to recover from injuries is, I prefer being an adult to begin a teenager.  I especially like the fact that I’m old enough now that I’m not as ruled by my hormones and emotions anymore.  I’d have skipped my teens and twenties had I known my thirties were going to be more settled.

Overall things are looking much better now than they were a month or two ago.  I’m feeling better mentally and physically.  I’m getting more activity.  And I’m getting more socializing.  Things are looking better all the time.

 

Finally Some Routine

Posted on by
3

I have not had my typical summer experience this year.  After hurting my back I couldn’t exercise for six weeks.  I couldn’t even sleep in a regular bed for almost two months.  I didn’t travel anywhere for the first month of summer because I’d get back pain even from driving.  I still haven’t been outside of my hometown much this summer.  I plan on spending a weekend in the middle of August at the family acreage so I can watch the late summer meteor showers.  That has become kind of a tradition for me for the last several years.  I really haven’t done much in terms of fun activities and socializing this summer.  And it was mainly due to hurting my back at the start of the season.

I finally built up enough stamina to get a good exercise in the park done.  I went on one of the hiking trails for awhile.  Hopefully I can get some good exercise in so I can build back my stamina by the time the weather cools off for autumn.  I am so far behind and I’m sure I gained weight during this six weeks of forced inactivity.

Had my twice monthly therapy session this morning.  It doesn’t really feel like stereotypical therapy as I’m not lying on a couch and confessing my darkest fears and thoughts to a Sigmund Freud look alike.  It kind of feels like I’m talking to an old friend as far as therapy goes.  I know it’s his job to listen and offer feedback as necessary so I know he’s not a traditional friend.  But I do consider him a rent a friend.  I haven’t been feeling really depressed or agitated for over two weeks.  I think it helps that I’m not drinking as much caffeine anymore and I have somewhat of a more healthy diet.  Forcing myself to get out of the apartment and get even twenty minutes of sunshine and a few minutes of walking isn’t hurting either.

Talked to my landlady this afternoon.  The request for my new carpet has been approved.  She also wants to repaint my walls and even replace my stove.  So I’ll probably have to vacate my apartment for a few days just to let them work without me being in the way.  Kind of tough to believe I’ve lived in the same apartment for ten years.  I lived in the same house for the first nineteen years of my life, but I changed bedrooms a couple times in that span.  I have lived in this apartment longer than anywhere besides my childhood house.  Barring any major holdups I’ll have new carpet, new wall paint, and a new stove by the end of the month.

I’m back to exercising again.  I’m back to feeling less depressed and aggravated.  I’m getting my apartment remodeled.  My insurance case from last year’s auto accident is all but settled.  I’m even losing my slight phobia of driving.  It’s as if a bunch of unresolved issues in my life are begin resolved all at once.  And it couldn’t have come at a better time.