Haven’t been writing much lately but that is mainly because I haven’t had much to report. I have been quite stable for weeks. Haven’t had any real bouts of delusion or paranoia. The excessive anger doesn’t come up very often. The hallucinations have subsided for the most part. The ones I do have are more annoying than fear or anger inducing.
I don’t leave my apartment as much as I would like, mainly from the holiday crowds all over the place. It doesn’t help any that many people I know seem to be in perpetual foul moods all the time. It seems the older I get, the less tolerance I have for irritable people. At this point, there is no way I could go back into working in customer service. I can no longer stomach rude and angry people, even if I get paid for it. Money is poor compensation for having to deal with uncivilized behavior all the time.
Even though I spend most of my time alone and at home, I still keep occupied. Been reading a lot of science journals online and watching science programs on youtube and curiosity stream. It’s too bad that more people aren’t interested in science and tech. Both fields are fascinating, especially the last few years with as fast as these fields have been advancing. The sad thing is I wouldn’t know about any of these advances if I didn’t specifically make a point of seeking this information out. The media, at least easily accessible media, really does a poor job informing people to the current state of science and technology. As much as people use these things, I would think people would be interested in hearing about these things. I get that people are naturally drawn to bad news, it’s how we are wired. I must be weird in that I just got tired of hearing about bad news and tragedy all the time and started seeking out what was going right and well. I get enough bad news and negativity just from being mentally ill, I just don’t need outside sources adding to this.
In other news, Christmas is only two weeks away. I readily admit to being tough to shop for as I am a practicing minimalist. I really don’t require that much to keep me occupied and entertained. I’m sure my family doesn’t find it very thrilling that I ask for things like clothes and home decorations. I like electronics, but there are only so many I need as my computers do most of what I need. I don’t need music CDs as I get most of my music through youtube and spotify anymore. I don’t need movie DVDs as I can get everything through amazon and netflix. I have got to say, having a high speed wireless internet connection has really decluttered much of my life. Besides spending money on food, I just don’t spend as much money on miscellaneous things anymore. Maybe the Star Trek economy where money doesn’t really matter that much isn’t three hundred years away. We could be witnessing the early stages of it already.
I may not make much money but I still live what I consider a fulfilled life. I know that many people of my generation and younger lament that many of us don’t have as much money or material possessions as our parents’ generations, but with much of living being digitalized, do we really need the whole four bedroom house with the picket fence and two automobiles in the garage? What my computer and smart phone can do would have been worth millions back in the 1970s. I probably wouldn’t even own a car except for occasional road trips. As it is, I may not have a lot (not by American standards anyway), but I don’t feel lacking or poor. It was just a matter of realizing what’s really important and adjusting accordingly. It’s a pity that it took for myself becoming mentally ill and losing a career to realize all of this.