Been staying home most days lately. I have started sleeping less overall. I do most of my socializing online and over the phone. Most of my friends are struggling during the pandemic. Two of my friends had to apply for rent assistance and are relying on food pantries. And this is while working full time jobs. Another friend of mine has had several nervous breakdowns, has stress induced migraines almost every day, and is afraid her company will start layoffs. Another friend of mine isn’t taking the pandemic very serious and thinks all the protesters are complaining over nothing and that we should lift all restrictions on everything and let the virus take it’s course. I have been avoiding him for the last few weeks. I had a major falling out with one of my best friends because he had become very nasty about his political and anti science beliefs. I haven’t talked to him in over three years.
I keep my social interactions very limited now. I find it frightening how hateful, spiteful, short sighted, and hopeless most people I know have become. About the only hopeful person I know is my own mother. Even my father is very pessimistic and depressing, but at least he isn’t hateful. I don’t talk to my brother and his family much because they are so busy with their careers. But then my brother and I never had a relationship. We just have nothing in common. Never did.
I’m in that part of my depression where I’m lonely but I fear socializing. I don’t want to die but I am afraid that the future will only be worse than it is now. Even though the science, tech, and medicine keep improving, the people I know keep getting angrier and spiteful. It’s draining. I hate not having much of a social network. But, what’s the point of having a social network if most people are just going to make me feel worse? I guess I swing from hopeless optimism to hopeless pessimism, often several times a day.
I’m going off subject for this article. It has been too long since I wrote a just for fun piece. For this one, I’m going to disclose some facts about myself. Some will be funny, some may be unpopular, but all of them are true. So here goes:
My three favorite hobbies are computer games, writing, and weight lifting.
I love nonfiction science books.
I can’t stand dystopic novels or movies (which, unfortunately, is most of tv in recent years).
My favorite pizza toppings are pepperoni and Italian sausage
I can’t stand most fast food. I haven’t even had a Big Mac in over two years
I get very irritated when people ask me “when are you getting married?” Sometimes I want to retort to them, especially if they are older than I am, “when are you going to die?”
I don’t like watching sports as much now as I did when I was in my teens and twenties. But I do mainly so I can have something to talk about with family and friends.
I can’t stand most cable news channels. I like some business news channels, namely Bloomberg, because they report on things like science and tech breakthroughs more than politics and disaster.
I don’t tolerate rudeness from others in my online interactions. And I never give second chances to people I don’t personally know. No exceptions.
I often go out of my way to defend younger people, especially college age and those just starting out in adulthood. I remember how bad it hurt being stereotyped as a “damn kid” even when I was in grade school. When I was a teenager I promised myself I would never put anyone else through what I was forced to endure. Certainly makes me unpopular with my elders and even people my own age.
I don’t understand why it’s popular to be dumb. Never have and never will.
I don’t understand why it’s evil to be smart. Never have and never will.
When I write, I find writing in the first person point of view far easier than third person. Always have. My best material has always been with myself serving as the narrator. Even most of my early poems and novel rough drafts were in the first person.
I once had an outline for a science fiction series of novels. It was mainly about humanity several thousand years with various human settlements declaring independence from an interstellar empire. Pretty much think Star Trek, Dune, and a touch of the American Civil War. Sadly I no longer have those notes.
I once had the goal of becoming a best selling writer where half of all my writing and speaking profits would go to philanthropy, namely mental illness research and to the college I graduated from.
High school was some of the toughest years of my life.
College was one of the few places I felt that I wasn’t a complete outcast. It was one of the only places I met people more eccentric than I am. I loved college. Kind of too bad I can’t live in a communal type setting with other researchers, academics, and eccentrics.
One of the few parts I don’t like about being an adult is how tough it is just to spend time with friends.
One thing I absolutely love about being an adult is that I don’t have to act like I care what other people think about me, at least as long as I’m not breaking the law.
I don’t understand the whole ‘Oh God It’s Monday’ and the ‘Thank God It’s Friday’ nonsense. I never thought it was funny. Never will.
I don’t understand why it’s funny to hate your in laws or argue with your spouse. My two best friends I’ve known both for over twenty years. I can count the number of major arguments I’ve had with the two combined on less than five fingers. And it certainly doesn’t make our friendships sterile or lifeless or meaningless. The only time I argue with my parents is during psychotic breakdowns, usually only a couple times per year.
I absolutely despise the phrase “man up.” I think it’s possibly the stupidest phrase in the English language. I have never heard anyone tell a woman to “woman up” or an old grandfather to “young down.” I don’t even hear adults tell kids to “grow up” very often.
I get irritated when I present facts and statistics in a discussion only to be blown off or told I am a lair.
My favorite ice cream is vanilla, simply because it goes good with most toppings and favorings. It mixes with almost anything.
I like poetry, particularly poems about war, struggle, and overcoming challenges.
I don’t understand why many people can’t see that mental health problems are real. I mean, the human brain is the most intricate and complex piece of machinery we know about. Yet, too many people act like nothing can go wrong with it. Shows a lack of critical thinking on many people’s part.
I am extremely distressed by most education systems not teaching kids how to critically think or be adaptable. We have known our schools weren’t adapting to the challenges kids would face as adults as far back as the 1980s (at least). Yet we still teach our kids in 2019 like it was 1919. I am convinced that is why so many people are anxious and depressed about their lives as adults, simply because they weren’t taught how to adapt to the current realities. In short, we train kids and teenagers for a local and stable world only to dump them out in a global and rapidly changing world in their early twenties. And then we have the gall to wonder why they are anxious and struggling in their lives. We trained them for a world that no longer exists, often to the tune of many thousands of dollars in student debts that will take most of a career to pay off. If that isn’t child abuse, then nothing is.
I am sometimes lonely. But I don’t socialize because I don’t want to hear my family and friends endlessly complain. About the only people in my life who don’t unload their problems on me are my two best friends and my mother. And it weighs on me and can cause me to be resentful.
I hate being told I’m lucky. I hate it almost as much as I do being told to “man up.”
I don’t understand why the only manliness most people respect comes out things like war and violence. Personally, I think Einstein and Newton were every bit as manly as George Patton and Napoleon. Why is being a thinker considered a sign of weakness? Hell, if it weren’t for thinkers, there would be no civilization and humanity would probably be extinct. Think about that the next time you condemn someone for resorting to their brains before their fists or guns.
I don’t understand zero sum thinking. The idea that someone has to lose for me to gain a benefit is a load of crap.
Don’t discuss politics with me. Ever.
I have never thought having lots of sex makes a man manly or a woman immoral. Some people just like sex more than others.
I have lost more jobs and friendships than I can remember because I never gave up on trying to think for myself. Found out the hard way the world doesn’t respect original thinkers, at least not before they make major breakthroughs.
I am convinced societies love their living tyrants but condemn their living benefactors only to reverse it once their children become the leaders of society. So maybe there is a sense of justice, even if it’s only in history books and the minds of future generations.
I don’t believe in most conspiracy theories. But I do believe that just enough of them have just enough truth to them to make the entire subject a dark, addictive, and dangerous one.
I believe we live in one of the coolest times in human history, at least as long as you don’t watch the news channels. News channels report only negative news precisely because that is what we are hard wired to pay attention to. Good news sites fail, not because they are “fake news”, but because no one pays attention.
I believe we as a human society can solve our problems (or at least adapt so to minimize the impact) and have a really cool future that we, even in 2019, will be jealous of.
TheCertifiablyTRUERavingsOfASectionedPhilosopher: Don't be afraid to think you might be a little 'crazy'. Who isn't? Check out some of my visualized poems here: https://www.instagram.com/maxismaddened/