The Idea of the Renaissance Man and Woman and Thinking About Trying To Return To Find A Work From Home Job With Mental Illness

I’m up real late most nights. I usually sleep until late morning. Seem to do my best work in the overnight hours. It’s really hot during the days here. Still adjusting as it’s my first summer in Oklahoma. I hear from old friends almost daily, entirely over the phone and through social media. An old friend of mine is taking a break from social media for her mental health. I miss her. She’s one of the few people I ever met who had as wide a variety of interests as I do.

Since I have a wide variety of interests, it’s almost impossible to find people who have all the same interests. I guess that’s why I tend to compartmentalize my friendships. I have friends interested in history and economics, but not science and tech. I have friends interested in theology and literature, but not economics and geopolitics. I have friends interested in science and futurism, but not theology and philosophy. I’m interested in all these things. About the only things I struggle with are advanced mathematics, foreign languages, and do it yourself home improvements. I guess my goal is to be as close to a Renaissance Man as is possible in the early 21st century.

I have lots of interests. Always have. It’s why I have to have lots of friends for brainstorming. It’s odd that I have lots of friends now in my 40s when I was thought to be anti social when I was a child. I love people, especially a wide variety of people. I grew up in a town of less than 500 people, mostly in the pre internet age. I used to love the old Yahoo chatrooms. I still remember some of those conversations I had in my late teens and early 20s in those places. I try to stick to smaller groups on facebook for my interests to avoid trolls and arguments. Too many people just won’t let anyone disagree with them without trying to make it into a fight. I don’t thrive on confrontations. Never have. I don’t believe in fighting for fighting’s sake.

I was constantly accused of being anti social as a child. But, what was the point of socializing in a small town where everyone discussed the same things, dressed the same ways, believed in the same things, and looked the same. I’m not anti social. I just love variety. And I despise anyone who tries to tell me what to think. I don’t like attention from people I can’t relate to. It’s one of the good things about living in a metro area, at leas the one I live in. Most people just leave you alone when you’re out and about.

I tend to have problems with authority figures. I hate being told what to do, how to do things, what to think, how to think, how to dress, etc. I always have. I grew up in an area that valued conformity. I don’t conform to anything, at least not voluntarily. Probably why I failed in most jobs. I grew up in small enough areas that most of the jobs available where service sector jobs. Work from home was never an option, especially before the internet. It upsets me that many places are talking about doing away with work from home jobs entirely. Who benefits? Best traditional jobs I ever had involved not working with the public. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been so angry about many of the good paying manufacturing jobs in the US being outsourced for years. What about those of us who never wanted to be lawyers or retail workers?

Even though I don’t have ‘traditional employment’, I’m constantly busy. I probably spend at least 60 hours a week reading, listening to podcasts, watching educational videos, listening to seminars, listening to audiobooks, etc. And I couldn’t have done any of this had I not been on disability pension. I guess I’m an Independent Scholar/Digital Monk. Sure, I may make poverty level wages, at least by American standards. Yet I don’t feel destitute, especially now since I live in a metro area of over 1 million people. Overall, I am happier now than I have been probably since late 2014. If I ever regained my mobility, I’d be happier now than ever.

I started filing out online surveys for a few extra bucks here and there a few days ago. Will be getting my first payment direct deposit in a few days. Sure, it’s only like 5 dollars. But, at least I’m making a little money for sharing my opinions. It’s more than I ever made from doing blogs. Haven’t even made that much from traditional paperback books or ebooks.

I would love to work from home full time and try to get off disability. But my country doesn’t have Universal Healthcare. Probably never will unless there is a massive shift in peoples’ thinking and priorities. I just don’t see this happening anytime soon. It’s like some people actually want to make things tougher now than they were in the past. It’s backwards thinking. I’m not sure even how to get a work from home job as I’ve never held anything in a field that involved tech and internet. I never had the opportunity to.

I’m absolutely sure I am not the only person on disability pension who could do a work from home online job if only given the chance. I imagine many younger people on disability, the whole work from home jobs would be exactly what they need rather than a monthly pension at poverty level wages. Yet, many companies insist on doing away with work from home. Most government work programs for those on disability don’t involve work from home jobs, at least none that I have ever seen. This is short sighted and stupid.

I probably could work again given the right circumstances. But I haven’t worked for several years, at least not paid employment, because of a lack of options. I am certainly not lazy. My 60 plus hours a week of writing, reading, research, etc. should be proof of that. My research feels like all day play date instead of a traditional job. It actually feels like constant games. I even listen to audiobooks while I play computer games. Most computer games I love involve strategy and knowing some history, economics, and science. I’d even go as far as say I am convinced Independent Research and writing is what God, The Cosmos, etc. wants me to do with my life.

July 7 2023

Independence Day was rather uneventful for me. I did a little something different to celebrate today. Didn’t watch war movies or go to a fireworks display (my city banned private ownership of fireworks). What I did do was binge watch the old History Channel mini series ‘The Men Who Built America.’ It was about the industrial revolution that really took off after the Civil War in my country. Series paid close attention to industries like railroads, oil, steel, electrical appliances, electricity generation, early automobiles, financials, etc. The individuals they paid close attention too, the Vanderbilts, Rockefellers, Carnegies, Morgans, Teslas, Edisons, Westinghouses, Fords, etc. I think the dude they had playing JP Morgan kinda looked like Robert Downey Jr. from the Iron Man movies. Even Robert Downey playing industrialist Tony Stark said he modeled his character on a less dorky Elon Musk.

Still haven’t heard from low income housing on my place. I’ve been on the waitlist for months now. I’m believing the horror stories about how sometimes it takes years for a place to open up. We obviously have an affordable housing shortage in my country. There is a HUGE demand for affordable housing. Why won’t be build it? We already have the tech to 3D print and pre fabricate millions of housing units. Seriously, who benefits from housing being unaffordable to working class and poor people? I sure don’t. What’s the point of developing all this science and technology in my country if we as a people refuse to use it. I would find it absolutely ironic if China and India became the new world superpowers using technology originally developed here in USA. But then, Europe became the world powers of the last 500 years using technology like gunpower, deep sea navigation, compasses, printing presses, paper, and even paper money pioneered by, guess who, China. History truly has an ironic sense of humor. I wonder how you say ‘Payback is a bitch’ in Mandarin Chinese.

Enough of my ranting. Been reading audiobooks A LOT lately. I just love listening to audiobooks while playing computer games. I’ve literally finished 10-hour audiobooks over a long weekend while playing Civilization, Total War, or Railroad Tycoon. Currently working on The Demon Haunted Universe by Carl Saga, Money: Master the Game by Anthony Robbins, and The 50th Law by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson and Robert Greene. Yes I like to have multiple books going at the same time. Sure I sometimes never finish said books. But I don’t read to accomplish anything deeper than my own learning. Most of the books I own are nonfiction. Sure, a lot of great real life science was inspired by science fiction. But, growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, I was introduced to the genre of science fiction by The Terminator, The Matrix, Alien, Predator, Judge Dredd, etc. All of which present lousy futures that no one wants. I am convinced these shows are why most people are so fearful of technology and hate scientists and intellect so much. Being bombarded with these dystopian visions of the future REALLY soured me on science fiction but not science fact.

People think I’m insane for preferring non fiction to science fiction. Same people think I’m insane for liking economics, finance, and investing even though my math skills are average at best and awful in advanced math like calculus and statistics. Math and foreign languages have always been my blind spot as far as my academic pursuits go. Everything else I loved. My favorite subjects as a child were history and literature. I also liked biology and chemistry, but not as much as history and literature. Didn’t find out I loved economics, finance, investing, writing, etc. until I was in college. Even though college education prices are out of control, I found huge value in getting a bachelor’s degree. I got kicked out of the Masters in Business program because I couldn’t hack the advanced math. But I never wanted to be an accountant or a data analyst. Such subjects never interested me. Besides, AI can do most of that better than most humans already. AIs are getting really creepy good at stock picking too. I think that almost anything that has to do with massive amounts of math and information will probably get automated within the next ten to twenty years. I could even see medical diagnosing and researching being aided greatly by AI, thus reducing the need for doctors and researchers. I wouldn’t be surprised that the jobs that involve the human touch and individuality will be much larger in demand than they are now. I see the trades are already getting big again. I see lots of manufacturing is starting to move back to the USA, but even a good chunk of this will be automated. Even China is having problems finding work for their younger generations.

As far as my audiobooks go, I absolutely love the book Money: Master The Game. That is one finance book I would recommend to anyone just starting out in their career or anyone who wants to get their finances back under control. It’s also one of the first financial books I ever read that devotes an entire section to science, medicine, and tech advances. I guess the point of including a section on near future tech advances in a finance book is unique. It also combines my love of both economics and technology. Economics, technology, science, futurism, philosophy, history, and a little theology are all subjects I love to study. I know I don’t get paid any money from my studies, but it certainly satisfies my love of knowledge and wisdom. Being cured of schizophrenia and being able to use my variety of knowledge to benefit others and make myself and my family wealthy in the process, would be beyond my wildest dreams come true. Even if it doesn’t happen, I guess I have my knowledge and my blogs.

I should wrap this up. Until next time

June 26 2023

Been talking to social security and social services a lot the last few weeks. Found out that I am getting a decent amount of my social security pension reinstated, my Medicaid is going to cover more than normal, and I have been approved for someone, once I get my own place, to come in and help me with laundry and cleaning once a week. Feels like I got quite a bit done over the last couple of weeks.

My knees have been acting up again. I found my knees get real aching in hot and humid weather. We are now in early summer here in Oklahoma. But Tylenol and forcing myself to move around seems to be the best treatment for the knees.

Supposed to get real hot this week. I mean like over 100 Fahrenheit, which I’m guessing is quite a bit over 40 Celsius. Sounds like typical Oklahoma summer. I think we are near the end of bad storm season down here. We’ve had lots of good rain lately. One thing I like about living in my parents house in the suburbs is all the birds and plants in the backyard. Since my parents don’t usually spray for bugs or weeds, we draw a lot of birds, butterflies, and bees. We even have a couple geckos. Since my parents are elderly, a couple guys come take care of the yard usually a few times a month.

I have been approved for low income housing. I am still waiting on a place that has easy wheelchair access. Since grocery delivery is now bigger than even 5 years ago, most places have some kind of delivery service. Now that I live in a suburb of a large city, I see Amazon trucks almost every day. Also see electric cars every time I travel around the city. Kind of feels like I officially joined the 2020s once I move to Oklahoma.

June 19 2023

Been a couple weeks since I last wrote. I’m still waiting to hear from the city housing authority as to when I can move into my new place. I’ve already been approved for the program months ago. A place suitable for my needs just hasn’t come open yet. I imagine since I have mobility problems, they are looking for places with wheelchair access and ideally on ground floor. I hope the place I end up in has grocery delivery available and easier access to public transit. Uber and Lyft can get expensive and most of these drivers can’t handle even fold up wheelchairs easily. Last I heard from the city housing authority was one month ago. Could be another few months. Could be a couple weeks. I already have my new medicaid and food stamps. There are issues with my disability payments. I have those under review. Talked to social security about it several weeks ago. I’m not exactly sure when a decision will be made. But if the social security man is right I could easily get a 50 percent raise in my pension if they find in my favor. I just haven’t heard from him since early April.

I’m still living in the suburbs with my parents. Weather has been hot and humid here in Oklahoma the last several days. Typical early summer in Oklahoma. I did have a setback in my weight loss as I gained almost 20 pounds the first three months I was here. Changed up my diet a couple weeks ago. I’m eating mostly proteins and vegetables these days. I haven’t weighed myself in a few weeks. But I notice I’m getting around easier and my clothing is starting to feel looser. I usually stay up late most nights and sleep until late morning. It’s usually easier to get ahold of people in the afternoons and evenings than mornings anyway.

Had to replace a couple parts on my computer the other day. I was afraid I would have to buy an entirely new computer at first. But my natural paranoia kicked in and I ordered $15 worth of parts as a last resort. Sure enough, my $15 of new parts solved all of my problems. My dad offered to buy me a new laptop, which would have cost over $1000, but I solved the problem. He chuckled when he said it was appropriate that I solved the problem on my own and saved him $1000 on Fathers’ Day.

I don’t go out socially very often. But I make it a point to socialize online and over the phone at least once a day. Got back in touch with a few college friends in the last several weeks. Also more active in my interest groups on facebook and youtube. Gotten mostly positive and encouraging feedback. But I’ve probably written and read more in the four and a half months since I moved to Oklahoma City area than the previous two years back in Nebraska.

Thoughts On Being A Middle Aged Man

I’ll be turning 43 next week. That more than makes me middle aged. And it feels weird, but not bad weird in many ways. My mental illness is far more manageable now than in my 20s and 30s. I’ve gotten more respect for my brains and thoughts since I turned 40 than I ever did the previous 40 years of my life. I’m no longer governed by my hormones. One less thing to worry about I guess. Finally feel like I’m getting something done now that I’m no longer want to chase women. I also have a lot more confidence in my own abilities, especially as a writer and thinker.

I’m starting to see people my age complain about the ‘lousy kids.’ It honestly amuses and annoys me at the same time. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids of my own that I find it comically hypocritical and ironic. I find it odd that the parents who want to ban library books and complain about 2020s culture and music, these are the same people who grew up in broken homes on self made microwaved meals, R.L. Stine books, the X-Files, South Park, Kevin Smith movies, dystopic science fiction like Terminator and The Matrix, Chuck Palahniuk novels, softcore porn on cable most nights, massive amounts of drugs, insane quantities of premarital sex, and the music of NWA, 2 Live Crew, Madonna, and Marilyn Manson back in the 90s. We turned out alright, apparently, since the Latch Key kids of the 80s and 90s now dominate almost everything but politics. We didn’t leave high school at 18 and magically wake up as 40-year-olds the next day. I can see why the teenagers lump my age bracket in with the ‘ok boomer’ trope. I may be a jaded middle-aged Gen Xer, but I’ll be cursed before I start taking my frustrations out on young people.

June 6 2023

Been over a month since I last heard from the city housing authority. I know I’ve been accepted into the program. Just a matter of time before a place comes open. It could be next week, it could be over a year from now. We just don’t know.

Had some rough days a couple weeks ago. Stayed pretty low profile and avoided people as much as possible for several days. I guess the fact that I’m in my 40s, living with my parents temporarily after being on my own for 18 years, and don’t have a lot of privacy finally got to me.

It’s now hot and humid here in Oklahoma. Still getting used to the hotter and longer summers. I moved here in the middle of winter. The winters here don’t appear very bad. Seemed like when we got snow and ice, it was usually gone within a few days. It’s a culture shock from spending the first 40 plus years of my life in Nebraska. In Nebraska, we usually got our first snow by early November. Most years, snow stayed around well into March. We often got bad blizzards and ice storms in April, but those were usually melted within a few days.

Part of me is worried how I will adapt to my new neighbors when I get my own place. I’ve never lived in an urban area in my entire life. I grew up on horror stories about the drugs, violence, crime, poverty, and lack of community in the big cities. Heard this my entire life. Yet I saw poverty, drugs, crime, and lack of community in every small farming town I ever lived in. For many years I never considered moving to an urban area because I feared it was even worse than rural areas. I was just convinced I would never fit in anywhere. Still am to a degree. I’m excited yet afraid at the same time.

Seeking Intellectual Freedom

Few people may know this, but at one point in my life I was seriously considering a career in academia. For six months in the year 2005 I was an MBA student at the University of Nebraska at Kearney. To pay for my tuition and provide some living money, I worked as graduate assistant. I taught several seminars on computer basics, proctored exams, did some academic research, etc. I loved it. At least, I loved everything except some of the insane hoops we had to jump through. I was initially accepted into the program with the provision I had to pass calculus within the first six months. I never had to take calculus in my undergrad college. I thought it strange I had to take calculus when I had zero interest in doing statistical analysis or accounting. Even back then, I knew a lot of accounting was going to eventually be taken over by computer software and AI. Needless to say, my bosses weren’t impressed when I had to drop calculus at midterm but was doing quite well as a teacher and researcher. I eventually was fired from my grad assistant job because of my grades, namely in calculus. I was offered the chance to stay in the program but without the job. Since I had no way to pay for the program, I walked away. The thing was I had zero interest in statistical analysis. I really just wanted to teach, namely personal finance, investing, and economics.

My economics classes were my favorite classes in undergrad. Our instructor started his career working for an agricultural commodities broker firm. In short, he helped farmers find buyers for their crops and food processing facilities find farmers who were selling their crops. Agricultural commodity broker, the linking of sellers and buyers, was actually John Rockefeller’s first major break before he built his first oil refinery. His biggest customer was the Union Army during the Civil War. So my economics instructor had real world experience before he became a teacher. I had a banking and investing instructor in college who was a licensed CPA and I think a fiduciary (think financial advisor who makes money through hourly consulting fees and not sales commissions). My business law instructor taught only business law as he was a full-time lawyer as his day job. My accounting instructors were all licensed CPAs. My management instructors were all small business owners before they went into academia. As far as I could tell, every single one of them took a pay cut when they went to teach at my small college.

Since I had been inspired to learn more on my own while in college, I continued my education after I left college. Best thing college ever did was 1) Teach me how to learn for myself, 2) Teach me how to form my own conclusions, 3) Be able to find good advice from people even if I disagreed with a significant amount of their other thoughts, 4) Not kill my natural love for learning. I eventually learned how to ‘read between the lines’ on my own, but can we honestly expect 21 year old people to truly know how to spot liars and frauds with true accuracy?

Overall I value my intellectual freedom more than anything else.

Why I Prefer Wisdom and Why I Am Thankful I Was Never Attractive To Anyone

‘Pretty privilege is real says ‘invisible’ mom in her 40s’ is an article I read online just today. I guess with me being a man who always identified himself with his brain power, I have the opposite issues. I was rarely noticed, often ignored, and occasionally demonized for having a mind and trying to use it. This came from everyone, but even my own family occasionally demonized me for thinking on my own and seeking knowledge. Now that I’m in my 40s, people are only recently starting to notice me for my mind and wisdom. Might be why I don’t get nostalgic for my youth or the past. I’m in my 40s, have congestive heart failure, severe mental health issues, yet I am overall far happier and more productive in my 40s than I ever could have imagined when I was in high school. Yet, I’ve been saying the same type of things since I was in 5 years old. When I was 8 years old and figured out on my own Santa Claus didn’t exist, I immediately thought “What other lies am I being told”. I was angry, but not because Santa Claus didn’t exist. I was angry because my authority figures didn’t think I could handle the cold truth and lied to me. First crack in the wall of why I don’t trust anyone in authority. Definite breach of trust to my 8-year-old mind. When I was 10 and my mom told me where babies came from this was my first reaction.

10 year old Me: “This is the only way babies are made, right?”

Mom: “Yes.”

10 year old Me: “Everybody knows this is how babies are made?”

Mom: “Yes.”

10 year old Me: “Then why do adults who don’t want babies have sex in the first place? Sounds stupid if you ask me.”

It was perfectly rational in my overactive 10-year-old mind that was perfectly rational for adults who don’t want children to, you know, not have sex in the first place. As the years went on and precocious teenage me discovered girls, I started asking girls out on dates. Vast majority of the time I was told no, sometimes very brutally. In my entire life I dated only three women, well two if you don’t count my female best friend from high school (who ironically is still my best friend in my 40s). I couldn’t even get a ‘yes’ for something as simple as a cup of coffee. To this day I still don’t know what I was doing wrong though I have my suspicions without any real way to prove them.

After my only long-term relationship ended in 2006, I was so beaten and discouraged by then that I just gave up. It was the same year I applied for disability and went to the mental hospital for the first time. Now, 17 years later with my chronic health issues and chronic poverty, I couldn’t get anything beyond casual friendship anymore. Besides with divorce rates hovering around 50 percent for decades, most people still don’t know how to sustain a relationship in the first place. I point blank asked lots of people for many years starting in high school, “What am I doing wrong?” I always got answers like, “Keep looking. There’s someone out there.” or “God will provide” or “Wait until college”, etc. And I was always like, “That is not what I’m asking.” Hell, I had far worse luck dating in college than I ever did in high school. Yet another lie my authority figures told me. I was always told nerds did better dating wise than jocks in college. And I wasn’t a jock in high school; I was a nerd who went to a small enough school I was on the football team for three years because there were only 35 boys on the football team in a school of less than 100 students in grades 9 thru 12. Most people don’t even realize that places that small exist. I’m a nerd even though I didn’t discover I liked Star Trek until I was in my thirties. Didn’t read Isaac Asimov’s ‘Foundation’ until the pandemic.

Now, instead of being seen as a smartass having discipline issues like I was well into my 30s, I’m now seen as a middle-aged sage. What changed? I have never gotten any kind of straight answer. I’m still unnerved and unused to this kind of power and influence even among close friends. I have never been in any kind of position of authority. I was never even on student council in my tiny high school of less than 90 students. Freshman year of high school I ran for class president and got only 3 votes. I can remember only three times in my entire life anyone told me they were proud of be before my 40th birthday. People have told me they were proud of me hundreds of times since. Where was this appreciation back in my younger years? I’m not doing anything different now than when I was in my 20s and failing at minimum wage jobs. Since I’m starting to gain appreciation from my social circles for my smarts and wisdom, I now so want to make it to a ripe very old age. I’m going to do everything I can to keep my kindness and smarts. The best people I ever knew were elderly wise people who never lost their kindness. I always loved the idea of the ‘friendly genius’. I guess while some people, namely women, had ‘pretty prestige’ in their young years, I’m starting to have ‘intelligence and wisdom prestige’ in my 40s. I’m so thankful I didn’t die from heart failure a year ago. I’m also realizing my dad was right when he said “Nerds will rule the world” when I was 13 back in 1993.

Job Loss and Regaining Meaning

Got a letter from the Oklahoma City Housing Authority a couple days ago. It stated that they would have an apartment for me as soon as one was available. It also gave no time line. It could be a couple weeks. It could be over a year. I’ve heard horror stories about people waiting for several years to get into a low income apartment. Even with social security disability insurance paying for my doctors’ appointments and treatments, I couldn’t have afforded to move out of Nebraska if I didn’t have family help.

When I first applied for social security disability insurance in 2006, it took until 2008 to get approved. I was denied several times and ultimately hired an attorney to speed up the process. For two years I was dependent on my family for almost everything. I had zero income other than what my parents gave me under the table because I couldn’t handle even a minimum wage customer service job. The factory job I held for a couple months wasn’t bad until my work suffered from sleep deprivation. I did well in work that didn’t involve working with the public. Even people who donated to the Goodwill store where I worked on the loading/unloading dock were often nasty and barbaric.

Sadly, most jobs I ever had available to me were customer service jobs. There were a few factories in Kearney (the town I lived in from 2005 to 2022). But those jobs were tough to get because everyone wanted them. Factory work was far better than customer service, at least for me. Paid better too. But there really aren’t nearly as many factory jobs in my nation as there were in the past. The 20 something barely making a living working even 40 hours a week at a fast food place and living in his parent’s basement would have probably been working a factory job and had union protection if he was born 100 years earlier. Or he would have been a self sufficient homesteader growing his own food and eating meat from his own herds had be been young when the Homestead Act was passed. They used to tell young people who couldn’t find jobs in their hometowns “Go West young man.” There is no frontier anymore, at least not until space exploration ramps up.

People talk about how US companies are moving manufacturing out of China and back to the US (this is often referred to as near shoring). But even most of those jobs will be automated. Even fast-food drive throughs are starting to be automated. I imagine that any job that can possibly be automated will be once automation becomes cheaper and better than human labor. Our managers don’t care about the work you put in. If they did, they wouldn’t have outsourced your job decades ago. I get so frustrated when I hear someone go on about how hard they work. You do realize that your boss doesn’t care about how much work you put in. Ironically, I kind of don’t either. You just as well be a draft horse to most bosses. And draft horses eventually got replaced by tractors and automobiles. Putting in lots of work by itself doesn’t make you special, certainly not in eyes of the people paying you.

Bosses have been outsourcing jobs for decades because it was cheaper to have it done in third world countries with fewer labor laws, fewer unions, and fewer environmental regulations. Eventually third world countries will resort to automation. I totally understand why people start their own small businesses, buy rental properties, buy farmland, and do the digital nomad thing. I imagine that self-employment, subsistence farming on small homesteads, and free lancing will become very popular again. Those were the historical norm until the Industrial Revolution. In most African countries, these never truly went out of style. Maybe they are just ahead of the developed world in that regard. Even illiterate peasants grew most of their own food for most of history. The modern worker doesn’t even do that.

I lost my career to disability. It took a few years before I came to terms with the fact that my career died. I went through all the stages of grieving and death. While it wasn’t a physical death, it was the death of my career and possible family that I was grieving. My previous self who was poised to be a very productive member of society and a great father died. But the building of something new is often built upon the ashes and ruins of the old. My reborn self became a blogger and independent scholar. While I doubt I will ever make above poverty wages, I am content with what I do. I guess this blog will be the closest thing to a legacy I will ever have.

Tyrants Fear Peasants Getting Knowledge and Making Money

Been having a rough go the last several days. I think most of my friends have been too. I just know something is bugging my friends, especially my bestie out in Denver. I rarely hear from some of my friends anymore. I guess I came from one of those very rare families where cutting people off and going completely silent just wasn’t a thing. I may have to tell my family numerous times or even yell at them occasionally, but we have never let the lines of communication completely die. It wasn’t until recently that I figure out that the vast majority of families aren’t like that.

I’m in my 40s and actually have a better relationship than ever with my family. I still find it unnerving that I can do things and say things to my family as a 42 year old man that would have gotten me in severe trouble as a teenager. I grew up in one of those families in 1980s rural America where things like yelling at your kids for yelling at the parents first, regular physical discipline, which I have zero problem with until it’s used excessively or as a first resort, parents always siding with the teachers, even when it was obvious that I was in the right, and ignoring things like bullying. I think it’s one of the reasons I became self sufficient as much as possible. Even on disability and being in a wheelchair (at least for long distances) I try to be as self reliant as possible. It’s just not worth the hassle to get other people involved.

I love using computers and typing even though my typing speed never exceeding 35 words per minute. I also love economics. Yet I never took computers and economics in high school because of the only teacher who taught such things in my dinky rural school just had it out for me and a few other students. She used to call me ‘stupid’ in front of the whole class. I took her for only one class in high school, typing. Got a C+ in that class first quarter. It was the only class my freshman year I got below a B+ in. Yet, it was enough to keep me off the honor roll. But, had I never gone to college I would have never discovered my love for computers or typing. I actually far prefer typing to writing. I find it encouraging that grade schools in my country are now teaching computer and typing skills to kids. I had an inkling that I liked computers as I started taking computer classes when I was in fourth grade. We had a good computer class teacher. But that one high school teacher that I had several run ins with almost killed my interest in things that I found out I have an ability for in college.

I cringe every time I hear someone say ‘college is worthless.’ In reality, being able to learn and relearn new skills even into old age is now more important than ever. It’s only going to get even more important in the future. The era of being able to specialize is dying, as many white-collar workers are figuring out with automation and AI. And it’s not just rich countries like USA, EU, and Japan that are automating. China is starting to automate much of it’s workforce. Probably why 1 in 5 Chinese recent college graduates are unemployed. Youth unemployment is no longer an American issue. It’s actually worse in China and EU. Multi generational homes are becoming more normal now. In the Renaissance, most rich families had as many as four generations living in the same house or on the same estate. The kids usually inherited the property and houses after mom and dad died. These estates and fortunes stayed in the family, and even grew larger, over the course of the centuries. The idea of children leaving home without support at age 18 and then getting sent to nursing homes as elders is quite recent. In fact, the age of adulthood even in the US was 21, not 18 for most of our history. The voting age used to be 21 until the 1960s. Even I wouldn’t have been able to vote for at least the first 50 years of my nation’s existence as I’m not a property owner. With as much as some politicians are trying to make voting harder to “counter voter fraud”, I imagine that someday some politician will propose changing the voting laws to allow only property owners and income tax payers the right to vote. As if the peasants, like me, who have to rent don’t have a stake in this country succeeding. I’ve read bloggers proposing this exact same thing as far back as 2013. I swear that we now have a society that actively wants to make things tougher than they used to be. Any wonder why there’s more hatred between the generations than there has been in recent history.

And it’s not just the different generations that hate each other. Workers and bosses hate each other too. It seems like that most people I know just can’t wrap their minds around the fact that no one can make it on minimum wage anymore. And any time workers try to unionize anymore, they are dealt with by firings, outsourcing, and automation. I wonder how long it will be before striking workers are getting shot and killed, like at the Homestead Steel Mill strike in the late 1800s. And that is just one example of strikers getting killed. Small business owners often complain “no one wants to work anymore” when in actuality people don’t want to work for unlivable wages dealing with unreasonable customers and stupid work policies that actually destroy productivity and morale. These kids you complain about “not wanting to work anymore”, many of them are working in gig jobs, starting their own side hustles, starting their own small businesses, and even becoming “digital nomads” by being able to work from anywhere in the world that has wireless internet service (i.e. everywhere on Earth anymore). I myself would have become a digital nomad if not for my mental illness. So I did the next best thing, I became a digital monk. Even one of my college friends recently suggested I would have made it as a monk. But, the church I grew up in didn’t have monasteries. I mean, a life of study, prayer, contemplation, isolation, and making money from selling anything from baked goods to theology books sounds like it would been good for me. Certainly better than trying to survive on minimum wage with retail jobs while waiting for disability to come through.

Many employers are downright ungrateful of the workers. And the customers are even worse. One of my best friends from college was laid off from an IT job in a major urban center even though he had been there for almost ten years, had two teenage children, and a wife with terminal cancer. And he was classified as an ‘essential worker’ during the pandemic. Caught covid at least three times. Still got laid off. I’ve already talked about my work experience in previous entries. What I got was mild compared to most people. And people, mostly under the age of 45, are using social media to talk about such problems. Since we are sharing our stories, and finding out that we aren’t alone, is probably why those in power want to shut down and regulate social media sites like reddit and tiktok. It has nothing to do with foreign nations spying on citizens. Every nation spies on their own citizens and everyone else. Besides, all of our online information has been public knowledge for many years. How do you think Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube remain free and their companies remain massively profitable. Pity they don’t share a pittance of that profit and pay us for said information. Even mining and oil companies in the early 1900s had the decency to pay land owners for the use of their land and mineral rights. We are truly living in Gilded Age, version 2.0.

I don’t see things getting better for workers and renters anytime soon unless we can elect some politicians who will actually get legislation passed to reel in the worst abuses of big business and landlords. We used to have such politicians even in the early 1900s like Theodore Roosevelt and William Jennings Bryan. We don’t even bother to enforce anti trust laws, which have been on the books since the 1890s). That’s precisely why we have ‘Too Big To Fail.’ Greed is every bit as bad now as it was back then. We are essentially living Upton Sinclair’s ‘The Jungle’ except we have computers and gas powered automobiles. I swear some people will fight against progress no matter what. The same people who complain about ‘no one wants to work’ were the exact same people who fought against labor laws. People in the early 1900s were worried about big businesses cannibalizing the world and killing democracy and capitalism. Changes in attitudes by a younger cohort of politicians and younger industrialists like Henry Ford and Milton Hershey might have saved capitalism from it’s own abuses, and thus saved democracy.

Unfortunately, even in the early 1900s positive changes didn’t start happening until elder cohorts of politicians and business managers started retiring and or dying off in large numbers. I see the same problems in the early 2020s. I say this in fear of sounding like a conspiracy theorist, but it looks like just enough people in places of power and prestige want the current state of things. It like some people actually want civilization to fail. It’s like those in power don’t want the masses to learn for themselves. I think would be tyrants fear the thought of a few billion people all over the world figuring out how things can be a lot better than they are. People aren’t angry because they don’t have electricity and running water. This ain’t 1900 no matter how bad some want it to be.

People are starting to realize how far below our potential we are living. It’s why younger workers want more work life balance. They’ve seen their parents and elders work for decades at the same place, often to be laid off and outsourced due to management’s short sighted greed. They’ve also seen their parents pensions getting cut and their parents 401(k)s become near worthless. One of my best friend’s fathers worked as a travelling repair man for a tech company his entire career. He lost a significant chunk of his retirement when his company went bankrupt. Now he’s working as a museum tour guide to supplement his social security. These managers are intentionally killing the gooses who lay golden eggs. The younger workers know this. And they are very angry, especially since they found they could be just as productive working from home, get their work tasks completed in only two or three hours (rather than the minimum eight in an office), have time for their children, and have time to cook healthy, better tasting, meals. Heck, even I lost over 180 pounds in the last three years on a disability pension while not being able to exercise much due to heart failure. I did far better on my own and in long term care during the pandemic than I ever did with nutritionists and Weight Watchers. Now some companies are trying to get rid of the work from home option entirely. I’m glad the workers are fighting back. I think the managers know work from home is productive, they just don’t want to give up their power. Some of these companies should just remodel their office buildings into cheap apartments. The futurist Buckminster Fuller (pioneer of the geodesic dome and prefabricated housing among numerous other innovations) predicted work from home, downtown offices going vacant, and said offices being refurbished as low income apartments for displaced workers as far back as at least 50 years ago.

I’ve read some news articles about work from home people are sometimes able to work more than one full time job just from their home laptops and collect multiple full time paychecks. I see zero problems with this because we don’t stop people from owning more than one rental property or business. It’s the same principle except it’s the working class getting in on some of the action. Online investing platforms like Robinhood and Stash allow poor and working-class people to invest on their own. Pity these weren’t available ten years earlier. I’ve seen plenty of articles about students being able to pay of hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans by investing their stimulus checks or start small businesses off their earnings. Most of my friends invested their stimulus checks. I invested most of mine too, still have most of it in the market, and had over a ten percent year on year return, which is better than the whole market did. Half of hedge fund managers and financial planners can’t beat the market most years.

Some of my friends did better than even I did. Some more than doubled their money but still left it in the market. Before you dismiss that as the exception and not the norm, the Fortune 500s started out of garages are not the norm either. Besides, many successful business men like Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, etc. got started by borrowing some money from their own families. Elon Musk came from a wealthy family in South Africa. Mark Zuckerberg was a college dropout, but even he dropped out of Harvard, not University of Alabama. The original modern business magnate, John Rockefeller, borrowed $1000 dollars in 1860s money from his own father to buy his first oil refinery. Even my dad had to borrow some money from his father in law to start his dental office in rural Nebraska because the banks wouldn’t lend him money. And he stayed in the same practice for 30 years, sold out to a young dentist, and that dentist is still practicing in the same office. The banks were too short sighted to see that our rural county needed another dentist. Sometimes the people with the most money aren’t the smart money. Even Warren Buffet missed out on the computer and internet revolutions. And his company is making the exact same mistake with AI. I’d invest even more in the market but social security won’t allow anyone on disability to have more than $4000 in savings at any time. Otherwise I’d get kicked out of the program and lose my medicaid. In short, I stay poor so I can keep my necessary treatments. That provision not only chaps my hide, it’s making me less prosperous and self-reliant. God forbid poor people be able to make a little more money and be a little self reliant. Used to be the US government encouraged self reliance and even enabled it through things like the Homestead Act and GI Bill. Those days are long gone.

Investing isn’t that risky, especially if one were to buy into dividend paying stable mutual funds like the Dow Jones or S&P 500 and just put in a little every time you get paid. ‘Pay yourself first’ is the advice I got from every business instructor I ever had in college. It’s a crime against humanity that money isn’t taught in most grade schools and high schools. It’s why guys like Robert Kiyosaki and Dave Ramsey are worth millions, they are merely filling in the knowledge gaps that our schools won’t. They recognized that the public at large didn’t know much about money. Their advice has freed millions of people from debts, allowed others to get out of dead end jobs and start their own businesses, and taught the poor and middle class how to make money work in their favor instead of against them. I applaud such people. I wasn’t required even a year of personal finance in high school. I hope that’s changing. Lack of knowledge about how money works can be just as destructive as unrestricted greed. Even poverty stricken people on disability are learning these lessons. I am far from the only person on disability who has had some financial education. Amazing what one can learn from a few books, youtube channels, and a few years. It’s why tyrants fear peasants with knowledge. Heck, tyrants might fear peasants with knowledge as much as they do peasants with guns.