Little by little I’m getting into spring. I’m starting to spend more time outdoors and I have had my windows open every night for the last several days. I’m starting to feel like I have more energy. I’m also sleeping less. I’m staying awake later now but still keeping occupied. I’m beginning to socialize more in person again.
Mentally I occasionally have had flare ups the last couple weeks. Usually these don’t last very long. Fortunately I don’t act out on these feelings of frustration and paranoia. I have gotten to where I can feel bad and have bad days but not have complete breakdowns. It has been this way for the last two months. It is a confidence boost knowing that I can have a bad day and yet not act out on it.
Things are greening up in my hometown. The weather is getting nicer with each passing day. I’ll probably start going to the park again in a few days. I’m getting to where I want to be outside again. I have spent a little time outside everyday for the last few days.
Even though I occasionally have feelings of irritability and frustration and paranoia, I have learned to better cope with them. If at all possible I just let them pass. I no longer feel guilt for having feelings like this. One of the things that helps me live better with mental illness is that I don’t have to feel bad for having rough patches. I really don’t have to feel bad unless I act out in public or become destructive. It took me a long time to come to this realization. I don’t have to feel bad for having bad days. I don’t have to feel bad to have moments of weakness. I can’t always be at the top of everything at all times. And neither can any nuerotypical person. And I no longer feel guilt about having moments of weaknesses. That has helped considerably as I have worked with the mental illness over the course of my life.
It’s been a month since I went to the ER and the doctor found an ulcer forming in my stomach. On Tuesday I go back to the hospital to get my stomach scoped again to see just exactly what is going on. Between going to the chiropractor three times a week, going to my psych doctor once a month, my therapist every two weeks, it seems like I’m going to appointments every time I look up. My routine for the last month has been go to appointments during the day and watch science and history programs on netflix and youtube for much of the night.
One change to my routine coming up is my car is fixed and ready to be claimed. Had been driving a borrowed car for almost three weeks. I actually got used to driving a different car. Might be a bit of a change adapting back to my old car. But it’ll be great getting back to some resemblance of routine.
I’m also getting into my late fall and winter diet and exercise routines. I’m tracking everything I eat far more diligently. I’m starting to exercise indoors. The weather is still nice enough I only need a light jacket most days but it gets below freezing most nights. Won’t be too long and we’ll be shoveling snow. In Nebraska we usually get our first snow around Thanksgiving. But we can also get several days of almost summer like warmth in mid to late November before winter finally takes over. But with the warmest days behind us I have to exercise indoors most days until at least late March or early April. I have struggled with my weight loss and health improvement routines this year. Didn’t have nearly as much success in 2015 as I did in 2014. But I’m not giving up on my health improvement routine. I’m going to learn from this year’s mistakes and shortcomings and adapting.