Little by little I’m getting into spring. I’m starting to spend more time outdoors and I have had my windows open every night for the last several days. I’m starting to feel like I have more energy. I’m also sleeping less. I’m staying awake later now but still keeping occupied. I’m beginning to socialize more in person again.
Mentally I occasionally have had flare ups the last couple weeks. Usually these don’t last very long. Fortunately I don’t act out on these feelings of frustration and paranoia. I have gotten to where I can feel bad and have bad days but not have complete breakdowns. It has been this way for the last two months. It is a confidence boost knowing that I can have a bad day and yet not act out on it.
Things are greening up in my hometown. The weather is getting nicer with each passing day. I’ll probably start going to the park again in a few days. I’m getting to where I want to be outside again. I have spent a little time outside everyday for the last few days.
Even though I occasionally have feelings of irritability and frustration and paranoia, I have learned to better cope with them. If at all possible I just let them pass. I no longer feel guilt for having feelings like this. One of the things that helps me live better with mental illness is that I don’t have to feel bad for having rough patches. I really don’t have to feel bad unless I act out in public or become destructive. It took me a long time to come to this realization. I don’t have to feel bad for having bad days. I don’t have to feel bad to have moments of weakness. I can’t always be at the top of everything at all times. And neither can any nuerotypical person. And I no longer feel guilt about having moments of weaknesses. That has helped considerably as I have worked with the mental illness over the course of my life.
I am still at a place where I feel weak if I had a bad day, but you’re right, I can’t think this way. I shouldn’t feel guilt, it isn’t my fault it happens.
That’s a very important lesson, thank you!