Been real hot since Memorial Day. Got some good rain also. So at least it isn’t completely unbearable. I have slept quite a bit the last two days, mostly out of boredom.
Sunday, June 14 was my birthday. My parents came up for that. Brought in lunch from a deli in one of the local supermarkets. Pulled pork, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, and chocolate cake were excellent choices. I was glad they were able to make it up here. I was originally worried about them getting exposed to the virus while travelling. But they took precautions. I wear face masks whenever I answer my door and pick up deliveries. My dad joked that I may have been ahead of the curve when it came to getting groceries and supplies delivered to my house. Been getting groceries delivered for a few years now. Not many people did this when I first started, at least not in my town. But even in the small college community I live in here in Nebraska, it’s catching on.
Had a short breakdown a week ago. I always hate those. I feel bad that I rant and rave to my family during those. I do remember much of what I say during those breakdowns. But it’s almost like the impulse controls are no longer working. I feel sick that I take my frustrations out on family. I’ve had only one breakdown in public, that was five years ago when I yelled at a young cashier. I immediately apologized but I still felt so bad I stayed out of that store for over a month. I guess I don’t understand people who take out frustrations on customer service workers. Maybe I just have a big heart or just have more sympathy than some because I used to work in customer service. Thankfully I’ve never had a breakdown around my brother’s children. I love those kids and they are the last people I want to hurt.
Been quite hot here the last several days. We had some flooding in my town a couple weeks ago. It caused a few evacuations in the areas of town near the river. Fortunately I missed the worst of it as I live on high ground. But it was kind of scary getting flood warnings on my phone every few hours. My cleaning lady said one of her client’s entire basement flooded. I’m glad we got it easy in my part of town.
Our complex had a major inspection last week. We have those every few years, in part to make sure everything is up to speed. As far as I know we did well. We usually do. Even though I live in low income housing, our managers have traditionally been on top of things and made points of dealing with issues before they became problems. I had maintenance men in here doing some minor work a couple weeks ago. I have been staying close to home for a couple weeks when we heard inspections were coming up. Naturally, some people were a little more on edge than normal. But since things have come and gone, it’s starting to calm down here.
Overall I think people in here, and people in general, are starting to calm down some. Or maybe I’m able to deal with people easier than earlier. I still don’t leave my house for long but I can when needed. I noticed that people seem to be more civil to each other on social media than usual. Or maybe it’s just my friends and family giving each other more slack. I do love social media. It is an easy way for someone who has issues with socializing to connect to old friends and make new ones. I have a few new friends in my discussion groups, but I haven’t given out my phone number or email address. I don’t give those out to people I don’t meet in person.
Summer is in full effect. But it won’t be long before school starts again. Our schools in town usually start about the third week in August. My nephews and niece will be starting school in Oklahoma about the same time. My eldest nephew will be starting high school this autumn. I still remember the day he was born. It was the summer after I graduated from college. The days go slow but the years go fast.
Overall feeling decent most of the time. I still occasionally have minor flare ups that don’t last very long. Sometimes just stepping back and taking a few minutes to myself is enough to clear things. Summers are usually a tough time for me. But so far it’s been alright.
July has faded into August. In a few weeks school will be starting again in many places. Seems that school starts earlier every year. But now that we are into August it does seem like autumn isn’t too far away. Another four to six weeks of hot weather and we should be done for the year.
Since it has been hotter than usual and for longer stretches this summer, I have spent more time inside. Haven’t been getting as much exercise as I would like. So I have been eating less. I’m back to having usually only two meals a day. But I think I have lost a few pounds despite my lowered activity because I am eating less. Mentally I have been quite stable, especially for my summer standards. I think I’m doing well just by avoiding stressful situations and people. These certainly make my life more pleasant and quiet. I’m even getting fewer aches and pains too. Even though I don’t exercise as much as I would like, I still get out and walk around for a few minutes every day.
I really haven’t talked to anyone lately outside of family. But I can do alright alone for long periods of time. Loneliness doesn’t really bother me that much. Loneliness is easier than dealing with rude and stupid people all the time. I just enjoy my quiet and alone times.
I have so far made it through half of summer with no issues. Hopefully the second half can also go well. Once things cool off for good I am usually alright. I have usually done better in winters and springs than summers and early autumns.
It’s been a few days since I wrote so an update is in order. I haven’t left my apartment much the last few days. We’re in the middle of a heat wave and it’s really too hot to be out if you don’t need to be. I still have some groceries from when I went shopping a week ago, so there’s no need to go out yet.
Even though I’m stuck at home, I have been keeping occupied. I found a free gaming site online that carries many of the old Apple games I grew up with in the late 80s and early 90s. So I have spent quite a bit of time there the last few days. I’m still working on some old computer games as well as having bought a couple cheap games a few days ago. I’m still calling my family and friends at least once a day. So I have intelligent and fulfilling conversations even without leaving my couch. Been playing enough computer games lately that it’s keeping me occupied. I usually play games while listening to audio books or science lectures on youtube. Plowed through a few audiobooks already this month. I got through the first book of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series. It’s a good read. If you are into any kind of science fiction, I highly recommend it.
I’m also watching old Star Trek reruns on Netflix. So I’m keeping occupied, entertained, and getting my science fiction fix at the same time. It’s a shame I didn’t discover my love for good science fiction until I was in my thirties. I think I would have enjoyed those kinds of things as a teenager.
I haven’t had any bouts of depression or anxiety for weeks. I’m also no longer hallucinating. Most of my hallucinations were auditory ones that were doing commentary on everything I was doing, kind of like play by play of a ball game on the radio. I sometimes felt things on my skin, feeling like bugs crawling on my skin. When I’d go to look, there would be nothing there. Other hallucinations I’d have involved hearing foot steps outside my door, hearing my phone vibrate when no one was calling me, and sometimes I’d even hear knocking at my door that was so soft that I could barely hear it. About the only hallucination set I still have is the feeling of bugs crawling on my skin. I still get that a couple times a day.
Overall I really don’t have a lot to report. Been mentally stable for weeks and I really haven’t gone anywhere besides to the convenience store to buy soda pops a few times a week. I’m now sleeping only eight hours a night. I’ll usually sleep five hours in the middle of the night, wake up at sunrise, stay up a couple hours, then sleep another two to four hours until late morning. So far it’s working out to be a good summer routine. Fortunately have been able to avoid stressful situations and aggravating people. Hope I can keep this up for the rest of the summer.