Got out and voted Tuesday after dinner. Since I went later in the day, I missed the crowds. I was able to get in and get out pretty quick. As I’ve been having lower back problems recently, I was able to get a chair to sit in while I worked the ballot. All I had to do was ask. Sometimes I think people in general don’t get the assistance that could make things easier just because they don’t ask for help. For years I had problems asking for help as I instead preferred to give help instead. Only within the last year or so have I gotten comfortable asking for help whenever I have a problem I can’t easily solve on my own. I guess that I, like many men, am a problem solver. And sometimes it was tough for me to admit I could use an extra set of hands or extra mind working on a problem.
In other news, my parents are in the process of moving out of state. They bought a small house in the same town my brother and his family live in. As all their grandkids are in school now they want to see them grow up and participate in activities and school functions. I think that once they get settled in permanently in their new house, I’ll look to relocate nearby. As where they are moving to is in a suburb of a metroplex, I imagine I’ll need to be careful about what kind of low income housing I move to. My brother has already told me a few neighborhoods that are rougher than others that I should avoid. As they hope to be relocated by the end of November, I will be hosting them for a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. I’ve been spending much of my day after the midterm elections straightening and decluttering my home. I had been kind of lazy about clutter for the last few weeks. But I want the place to be presentable as it will probably be our family’s last gathering in Nebraska.
I guess I have mixed emotions about leaving the small farm towns I have known as home my entire life. I am excited about the possibility of moving to a larger area where I could meet more writers and people with my interests in person. I am excited about going somewhere that is growing and not so out of the way. But I am concerned about starting over in my late 30s, especially with mental illness issues. I am also concerned about fitting in at a different social environment. I’ve had problems fitting in even among people I grew up with my entire life. So I am kind of scared of the social aspects as I have problems socializing even in my hometown.
Other than getting to see my nephews and niece more often, I hope my life doesn’t really alter that much. I do hope I can have a closer friendship with my brother and his wife. My brother and I weren’t close growing up. Part of that was traditional sibling rivalries, and another part was that we were such opposites personality and interests wise. I don’t have any animosity toward him, I just don’t have common interests. I consider not having a close relationship with my only sibling one of the few regrets I have about my life up to this point. Sure I regret becoming mentally ill but there isn’t anything I could have personally done to prevent it. As it is, I have worked around it for twenty years. I’ve been hospitalized only twice and have avoided trouble with the law. So I’m doing something alright.
Overall, the last several months of quiet monotony have come to an end. My parents are relocating and I probably will be too within the next several months. I am both excited and apprehensive at the same time. The only true constant if life is change. But with change comes the possibility of new opportunity.
A Life Of Mental Illness 