Finally got some rain. It’s been drought here for a long time. Seems like we have range fires every day somewhere in the state anymore.
Spending most of my at home these days in spite the warmer weather. I am just content to not socialize. Mentally I am still stable. Feeling less paranoid these days. I still sleep a lot. Eat usually only twice a day. Some days I eat only once. I think I’m still losing weight
I try not to pay attention to the news. Between the war, the number of covid cases going back up, and how hateful politics still are, it’s more than I can bear. I get overload so easily anymore. Makes me worry about the future. I’m glad I don’t have kids or a career as messed up as things have gotten. I just don’t see things ever improving.
As quickly as the weather turned decent, it turned back to cold, dreary, and rainy. But I actually like rainy weather. Living on the plains of Nebraska, we need good spring and summer rains for the corn crops. But now that I’m up more in the days I can spend my daylight hours drinking hot coffee, listening to jazz music on YouTube, playing computer games, and just enjoying the sights and sounds of early spring. I still force myself out of my apartment at least once a day just on principle. I didn’t used to isolate so much. In fact, I used to be rather social to people in my complex until a few years ago. I think that losing three close friends in less than six months like I did in 2014 really took more of a toll on me than I initially thought. I became rather jaded and cynical for a couple of years. But then again, many people I knew became this way right about that time. So I stopped socializing as much. I stopped going to the park several times a week. I preferred to stay home, sleep, and socialize online rather than in person.
I think I’m starting to pull out of that just wanting to be left alone all the time. I try to socialize some every day, even if it is just with the delivery lady or mail man or cashier at the store. But I really haven’t talked to my neighbors much this winter. I’m trying to break out of that. I see that my complex has had several new people move in during the last few months. I need to get out more and see who they are. I’ve been in this complex now for almost twelve years. In some ways I’m becoming one of the more tenured residents even though I’m only in my late thirties. Originally this complex was designed for senior citizens and low income disability people. I was one of the first low income disability young people to move in years ago, at least from what I understand. For most of those first several years I worked part time jobs. It was in 2012 that I became tired of office place politics and decided to devout my energies to seeing if I get blogging up and going. I had been writing poetry, mental illness essays, and a couple novels before then. It was in 2012 I came to the conclusion I would have a better audience eventually if I set up an online blog. After a few years of this I have been proven right. I have had a bigger audience than I could have imagined just six years ago. It has gotten to where I almost never have days when I don’t have any traffic anymore. And I almost always have as much outside the USA traffic as I do inside the USA. It makes sense once I looked up the numbers and found that almost 95 percent of the world’s population isn’t from the USA. Being in a more isolated area of my country I have to remind myself of that occasionally.