It’s been fairly quiet in my complex the last few days. The highlights of my week were when my cleaning person arrived for the weekly cleaning and the exterminator arrived to do his routine spraying. Got groceries too so I’m set for the rest of the month. I have been avoiding going out the last few days as school is starting back up again. My town is a college town, so the streets are crowded again with several thousand college kids. Even though I haven’t been a college student since 2005, I always enjoy when they come back. I do regret that I don’t get out to the college as much as I used to for sporting events or activities. I enjoyed going to the ‘taste of the world’ festival the college had every spring when the foreign students would make dishes from their home nations and some would even wear traditional clothing from their home nations too. Even the American kids got in on this, with one group wearing get ups from the 1950s and serving hamburgers and fries.
Overall I’m doing well. Still in a traditionally tough time of year for myself. I sometimes have minor flare ups of anxiety and irritability a few times a week. They don’t last very long and they aren’t as intense as they were in my younger years. I have found if I avoid high amounts of caffeine and carb rich foods, I do better on those days. I also avoid certain conversations and topics because some topics often make me irritable or anxious or I just feel probably too strongly about. If I seem less social the last few weeks than normal, that is why. It’s nothing personal but I just want to avoid potential problems as much as possible, especially during traditionally tough times.
So far I’ve been doing pretty well and I want to keep it that way. I can be really tough on family during my bad flare ups. I’m sorry those have happened. I think it would be better for all involved if I could just break down sobbing rather than being angry and lashing out. I don’t know how much of that is my illness, where and when I grew up, being a man, etc. But it is easier talking about my problems now than even ten years ago. And when I was first diagnosed almost twenty years ago, I was scared to tell even my college friends. So yes, progress has been made in those regards. Often doesn’t feel like it during the day to day grinds.