I’m at my wits end. I can’t stand living with my elderly parents anymore. I’m tired of their complaining and irritability. My dad is almost deaf but he still tries to talk to people in different rooms even he’s almost deaf. Even hearing aids don’t help. He talks real loud and groans real loud when in pain, which is almost all the time anymore. I’m tired of his complaining. I’m tired of him not being able to hear me.

My mom isn’t much better. She can barely see yet refuses to wear glasses. She can’t even read a recipe card now. At least she doesn’t drive much. I don’t know why she won’t swallow her foolish pride and get glasses. She’s being really stubborn about this even though it’s obvious she needs glasses.

Physically I can stand up, transfer to the bed and wheelchair. But it’s pointless as all the doors in the house are too narrow for wheelchairs. I can’t even get into the bathroom. I’m maxed out on over the counter pain medications, force myself to do exercises even when sitting down, but I still have lots of pain when I try to stand up and walk.

I’ve given up on my family making the house wheelchair accessible. I just want to go to a home that is wheelchair accessible. I don’t care if it is assisted living or long term care. I keep getting turned down for homes. Some homes say I am too young. Others won’t take mentally ill people. Some say I’m too heavy. I mean, what nursing home doesn’t have lifts? And I don’t need any damn lifts. I just need a place that’s wheelchair accessible. Why is this so tough to understand.

At this point I don’t really care about losing most of my funding to go to a home. It’s gotten unbearable here in my parents’ house. My dad has lost patience with me and is making unrealistic demands. My mom isn’t as helpful and more irritated than she was even three months ago.

In short, I decided I want to go to a home. I want to have wheelchair accessible doors and hallways again. I want to have conversations with people who aren’t senile, stubborn, and bitchy even if it is just staff members and not residents. I’m tired of this shit. I never should have left Nebraska when I already had wheelchair accessible housing. Burns me that most houses and public places aren’t really wheelchair accessible.

And the worst part is my parents are starting to act like it’s all my doing that I ended up in a wheelchair, especially my dad. Can’t even rely on family anymore. And placement hasn’t come through even though we’ve been looking since last September.