Have felt quite decent the last several days. I have been getting adequate sleep and leaving my apartment for longer periods of time. I’m keeping my apartment less cluttered lately. It doesn’t take my cleaning person as long to do her job these days. Maybe after several months of adjustments and regular maintenance I’m getting on top of hanging issues. I haven’t had much for flare ups or anxiety for over a week now. First time in months I can claim that.
I think I don’t feel much for anxiety or depression anymore is for a handful of reasons. For one, if I don’t feel like socializing I don’t do it. I don’t socialize unless I want to. Granted it means sometimes going entire days without talking to anyone. Which is alright with me. Some of my happiest times came when I was alone and allowed to read, write, and research answers to my questions without input from anyone else. And I no longer feel guilty for not wanting to socialize. Sometimes I will let the phone ring if I’m not in the mood to talk. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to interrupt my tasks to listen to a sales pitch, or take a phone survey, or listen to my friends complain about how much their jobs suck, or about something my retired parents heard from one of their neighbors or saw on tv.
Sometimes I just don’t want to be interrupted. And most of the time mundane crap like talking about the weather, politics, the latest episode of Game of Thrones or The Kardashians, how work is going, or how my favorite sports teams are on a losing streak doesn’t interest me much. Yet most people I know want to talk about these things. Want to talk about it, okay: The weather is cloudy and humid. Politicians can’t solve technical and social problems and aren’t the gods mass media and party members make them to be and never were. Game of Thrones really laid an egg on their farewell season and angered millions of fans all over the world, including many of my closest friends. The Kardashians are famous just for being rich, pretty, and famous. Come back when they invent nuclear fusion or safe artificial super intelligence. Most people hate their jobs and work them only for the money (which isn’t that good in most cases anyway). My Huskers have had three losing seasons in the last four years but hopefully the young hotshot we have as a coach can get us winning again and the Rockies are barely breaking even and probably won’t win the pennant. I discussed all of that in less than a minute. No need to rehash it. Let’s move on.
Of course this doesn’t make me popular with my neighbors or family. Then I’ve never been popular. Popular is lowest common denominator. Popular is mundane. Popular doesn’t change the world for the better. Popular doesn’t catch the attention. Popular isn’t thought provoking. Popular is boring. Popular sucks because it stands for nothing, has no feeling, has no courage, has no magic, and inspires no one to their highest nature and capacities. I don’t care about popular. I care about making people think. And if it makes my friends, family, readers, critics, etc. angry and uncomfortable, so be it. I’d rather be persecuted for being beneficial to people than honored for catering to the base nature of our humanity.