Been weathering so so overall. I sometimes sleep out of boredom. Sometimes I’m kind of irritated and short tempered. I haven’t had any breakdowns yet though I’ve come close a couple times. I guess I’m starting to go stale and crazy from the forced inactivity.
Haven’t been able to lose weight this winter. Been having too many depressive days of not wanting to exercise and too much comfort food. At this point I’ve come to accept that I’m probably not going to lose weight while on anti psych medications. I’ve tried to for twenty years now. No success. Any weight I do lose I gain back within months. I’m terrified of going to a general practitioner anymore. I know I’m just going to hear the whole “Lose the weight or die” b.s. Well, no kidding. You try losing weight while on psych medications. And you try to manage severe schizophrenia without psych medications. I tried the herbal remedies when I was in high school. They did nothing for me. I even tried the Kevin Tredeau ‘natural cures’ b.s. before he was exposed as a fraud. I never want to hear about natural cures and how evil science and medicine is ever again.
Science and medicine is why we no longer have half of children dying before adulthood, you idiots! I hate people who make no effort to learn anything, especially science. And since I live in a nation where learning, knowledge, and wisdom are routinely damned by even our elected leaders, I just as well be living a real life Idiotocracy. It’s frustrating, it’s so frustrating. Makes me think there is no reason to be intelligent and knowledgeable, at least not in this current time and place. I’ve seen it my entire life. And it gets worse and worse every passing year. I’ve given up on my countrymen. And don’t give me the love it or leave it b.s. We already have nine million expatriates living overseas. It ain’t just USA and two hundred “hell holes” anymore, not that it ever was. This ain’t the 1950s, no matter how bad my elders want it to be. I’m just tired of seeing nothing but stupid and belligerent people all the time. I actually fake being in a foul mood sometimes just so I don’t look like a total weirdo to my neighbors and friends. Normal people suck. I refuse to be normal.